/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.54068536]

>enter your manager's office
>"Anon, thanks for coming at short notice. I wanted to talk to you about the forward looking presentation you gave to the Director yesterday. I know that your projections were based on accurate data. But I had to talk to the Director after the meeting and calm her down about the conclusions of your analysis. She was really upset that we can't pursue our long-term strategy that she wrote on the digital whiteboard... you know, the one with the emojis that she references during every week's All Hands Pointless Meeting. Now she's going to have to present this to her managers and they'll be so disappointed after hearing about the strategic strategy our division had.

>"I know that you were providing the facts but I've told you before that it's not just what you say, it's how you say it. You have to show emotional intelligence and consider the other person's feelings, tell them a story, take them on a journey. Due to the fact that you haven't shown a growth mindset since I last told you this and took the feedback on board as a key learning, I'm going to have to put you on a Performance Improvement Plan for the next 2 months. Please fill in this 1000 word template with the targets I'll email you and submit a weekly report of your work to me by every Thursday afternoon.

>"You will not be receiving a bonus. Or a pay rise. And you won't be eligible to move divisions. And you'll have to work from the office 100% of the time until after your PIP ends. Now please email everybody you work with, with me copied in, to ask for feedback about your most recent presentation.

>"Oh, and you're still coming to the weekly work drinks this Tuesday, right? Susan got promoted to Head of Paperclip sales!"

[Anonymous No.54068743]

>>54068536
Imma keep it a buck fifty with you….I didn’t read any of that lmao

[Anonymous No.54068830]

>>54068536
anon, wait, you didn't receive the latest memo with an update on TPS reporting? Don't forget to update the cover page, anon

[Anonymous No.54068843]

>>54068536
uhuh... uhuh?... uhuh...
>*unzips cock and discreetly masturbates under the table*

[Anonymous No.54068919]

>>54068536
>LOL
>I've got your PIP right here sweetheart.

[Anonymous No.54068976]

I'm a plumber I check my work emails once a week

[Anonymous No.54069096]

>>54068536
>"oh hey anon, I know you're super busy and look exhausted. That really sucks. Just a quick one for you, can you please drop everything you're doing for this trivial as fuck as task I can work out myself? Remember though we are not trying to reinvent the wheel here so if we can circle back on this later today that would be great."

[Anonymous No.54069133]

>>54068976
when i was a software engineer i didn't check them unless i was prompted

my coworkers didn't like that, but i'm not sure what the point of email is when everyone's on slack

[Anonymous No.54069275]

>>54068536
>ok

leave and find another job immediately because i'm in high demand

>wonder how long they'd keep paying me before realizing i wasnt coming back?

[Anonymous No.54069565]

This shit is why I'm looking for a new job.

[Anonymous No.54069749]

>>54069565
It's why I abandoned corporate cuckery and went back to waging. At least actual work gets done.

[Anonymous No.54069811]

Would rather starve and be homeless than have to deal with roastie's bullshit desu

[Anonymous No.54069915]

>>54068536
>how cute, she's playing executive on her lunch break
>I'll have mustard on my sandwich when you're done please, doll

[Anonymous No.54069933]

>>54069133
what are you now? I am also a software engineer but I rather kill myself than going back to the office world

[Anonymous No.54070008]

>>54069749
Good for you. The point of an occupation is to occupy you. Corporate work is a way to mentally DDoS the brightest or most influential members of our society so that scams do not become interrupted.