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/biz/ - Business & Finance

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53402009 No.53402009 [Reply] [Original]

>you're working from home
>opening up an empty word document near end of working day, feeling lazy
>suddenly picrelated pops up on screen
>"Hi, are you Anon? I'm Stacey from Global People Operations! Are you free for a quick chat?"
>You wonder if you have a choice and mumble yes as you realise your camera automatically switched on while you had your feet up.
>"I'll get straight to the point. Unfortunately we are going to terminate your contract effective immediately due to disturbing behaviour. I will list them as follows before asking for your response."
>"We noticed a severe lack of keyboard activity within the past 3 days. Our algorithms detected mouse movement patterns consistent with an attempt to feign activity in order to deceive the Microsoft Teams status icon. Your keyboard activity is currently being analysed manually to confirm this but there is a 97% certainty that your level of effort has been improperly low."
>"But more disturbingly, we played back your laptop screen and noticed a persistent pattern of maximising the video screen of another employee in your division, Jane Plain, even as other people were speaking. We cross-referenced workplace CCTV footage and saw this started after she held a door open for you and made eye contact. Your work Apple Watch showed that you had an elevated heart rate, consistent with police force data of sex offenders that reoffend while wearing tracking tags."
>"Jane has been moved to a secure location and is receiving counselling. We have disabled your pass and a police psychologist is on their way to your house within the next 2-6 hours for a post-firing therapy and sex offender prevention session. Although you are not bound by law to take part, your lack of cooperation would be usable as evidence in future employment tribunals or during the reference we would give to future employees."
>"Do you have anything to say before I end the call?"
>You make a reasoned objection that she brushes off without giving an answer to.

>> No.53402047

Flash my flaccid penis
wait for reaction

>> No.53402063

>>53402009
Put sharpie in pooper and tell her she can suck on the chocolatey end

>> No.53402071

>>53402009
I know this pasta is schizo rambling but couple days ago this chick kept making eye contact with me but I was too nervous to even reciprocate attention

>> No.53402105

>>53402009
please stephanie my wifes son needs new shoes and we have a $8000 mortgage to pay

>> No.53402383
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53402383

>>53402009
>we played back your laptop screen and noticed a persistent pattern of maximising the video screen of another employee in your division
Can they really see if you do this?

>> No.53402638

>>53402383
u about to get Stacied anon

>> No.53403008

Was actually wondering the other day if people would be able to tell if I maximized their view.

>> No.53403280

>>53402383
No, not really. The data to keep is too huge to not notice.

>> No.53403305

>>53402009
this will be reality with AI productivity monitoring software

>> No.53403369

>>53403305
You don't even need an AI, simple stats can do this.