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/biz/ - Business & Finance

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52987642 No.52987642 [Reply] [Original]

Well /biz/? How do you market your product: Water.

>> No.52987654

>>52987642
Give it away for free with paid car washes by topless women

>> No.52987661

>>52987642
Carbonate it.

>> No.52987669
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52987669

>>52987642
>>52987654
>>52987661
Big Shortman invested in it

>> No.52987795

Give it a brand name like Aqua Fine so people think it's better than normal water.

>> No.52987814

>>52987642
Add essential minerals to it. Then write on packaging that it has essential minerals.

>> No.52987826

>>52987795
Is there anything special about smart water other than the name?

>> No.52987849

Make it taste like Evian

>> No.52987855

>>52987849
What's evian spelled backwards chud? Exactly

>> No.52987871

>>52987826
Yes. A very jewish man is heavily invested in it and he makes lots of money off it.

>> No.52987875

>>52987642
Water is a strange looking word

>> No.52987898

>>52987642
Monopolize it.

>> No.52987977

>>52987642
FUD sodas and alcohol

>> No.52988017

>>52987642
Welcome to the world of pure, refreshing bottled water! Our water is sourced from a pristine mountain spring and bottled at the source to retain its natural minerals and nutrients. Choose bottled water for its convenience, purity, and environmental friendliness. It is rigorously tested and meets the highest standards of quality. Enjoy a refreshing drink that is good for your body, taste buds, and the planet.

>> No.52988055

Put nicotine in it

>> No.52988067
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52988067

>Dehydration lowers testosterone and can even cause impotence.

>> No.52988109

Put heroin in it

>> No.52988133

>>52987642
>Water. Fish fuck in it.

>> No.52988177

Step 1: Buy land upstream, close to a major source of drinkable water.
Step 2: Bottle the water at a rate that exceeds the reservoir's rate of refill.
Step 3: Toss wild animal shit and rancid meat into all other water sources so they get shut down or impractical to use.
Step 4a: Start selling my pristine bottled water, locally sourced.
Step 4b: Slightly undercut imported water bottles and call myself a local business so even the bleeding heart vegan hippies buy it.
Step 5: Lobby right-wing politicians for land ownership rights so nobody can claim my land or water, or my rights to exploit them at my leisure.

>> No.52988184

>>52987642
I would hire a photographer to take photos of me pissing into one of the water bottles and start an advertising campaign where I claim to personally fill every bottle with my piss, giving it it's tangy flavour. I would also change the name from"water" to "piss" with something cool for the kids like a love kiss emoji

>> No.52988194
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52988194

>> No.52988339
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52988339

>>52988194
whites only water (tm)

>> No.52988490

booba

>> No.52988717

Run it through filters and say its plastic free. Bottle it in expensive bamboo or gourd or glass.

>> No.52988980

>>52987642
the water on the right looks more appealing
but if i think about it, that means it has extra bells and whistles if you know what i mean
alex jones said that would make me gay, so while most would think the water on the right is the best, they would be absolutely wrong and subsequently gay (which is totally fine)
but personally, anon, i have to say the left did a much better job marketing their water. it is a brand i would trust

>> No.52988991
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52988991

No such thing as canned water on the market yet.

I'll take my billion dollar royalties wired to me, thanks.

>> No.52989081
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52989081

rolling

>> No.52989147

>>52987642
Mix it with sugar

>> No.52989185
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52989185

>>52987642
For me, it’s Eternal. 2.5 or 1.5; but I really want to transcend to the next level which is glass bottles encrypted with sigils that actively buff all traits

>> No.52989214

Humanize the product and rename it to Walter

>> No.52989236

>>52988067
Do you have a source on that?

>> No.52989715

in this form: water / big water
anyway I don't like the idea of marketing, I'm too lazy to think about it, although I would like crypto to be more popular just to make my sora bags go up a bit, you know the usual stuff

>> No.52989757

>>52989715
> blockchained water
> each drop a token