My life is a fucking mess please help

[Anonymous No.52804571]

Background: I grew up with very anti-social and narcissistic / controlling parents who made six figures each. Especially my dad, who I think is autistic.

11 years old, puberty hits, and I am an insta outcast for numerous reasons - I had seizures, my parents didn’t dress me well for school, and any attempts to try to become my own person and grow with my peers was shut down by my parents - “no we won’t let you get new clothes you have clothes”, “no you can’t get rid of your glasses, that costs money”, “no you can’t get an iPod, that costs money”. This led to fights and my parents yelling at me and shutting me down. And I also had a few episodes where I lashed out at my peers who genuinely loved me and wanted me to socialize. Parents were also hyper religious, like “if you have sex before marriage we will disown you as a child”

So I just shut down socially. Permanently. I was too afraid to improve myself and discover the person who I wanted to be out of fear of rejection or getting hurt, and my parents still micromanaged my life. I had a few friends here and there, but nobody I really liked. Teachers always thought I was a good kid.

High school and college flew by me, had no real meaningful experiences. So I just stayed in my room, studied, played video games, didn’t give a fuck. I had a haircut from 4th grade that I maintained at age 22 and still wore graphic t-shirts. Zits, no DO, and I got fat. Of course parents didn’t give two fucks about my well-being, despite being socially aware.

Took out 60k in loans to pay for living expenses.

[Anonymous No.52804620]

I managed to get a full ride to a law school, and I felt I had enough independence to finally improve myself and put myself out there. I cleaned up myself, lost 60 pounds, eventually lost my virginity, made some real good normal friends, and became closer to who I wanted to always be at 11 years old. Unfortunately Covid hit and took away year 2 of law school, meaning I only had like a year and a half of law school.

This put me in a horrifically dark place in my life, hiring process got screwed up, grades dropped, I graduated bottom 30 of my class. Passed the bar.

I lost my friends because they are getting married and don’t like the spergy virgin weirdo in their life.

I got a clerkship that pays 50k a year in the middle of Bumblefucks nowhere finally free of my parents, but quite frankly I want to move back to where my law school was, and will make at least 80k next year, but I’m 25 going on 26 and I have 0 friends, 60k of debt, never had a girlfriend, no social media, no real connections to anyone, whereas everyone of my peers thinks I’m weird just by virtue of this fact. I constantly put myself out there to try to meet new people, but all my efforts fail as soon as people can tell I have 0 life and then view me as a child.

I recently this last week looked myself in the mirror and cried, because I saw my 11 year old self for the first time in 15 or so years. And I’m 11 years old stuck in a 25 year old body.

[Anonymous No.52804629]

>>52804571

It sounds like you have been through a lot and have faced some difficult challenges in your life. It's important to remember that you are not a loser, and that you have the ability to change your situation if you want to. It may not be easy, but it is possible.

One thing you could try is reaching out to a therapist or counselor who can help you work through some of the issues you have faced in your life. They can provide you with support and guidance as you learn to overcome the challenges you have faced and develop the skills you need to become more confident and independent.

In addition to seeking professional help, there are also some things you can do on your own to improve your situation. For example, you could try to break out of your social isolation by reaching out to others and building new relationships. This can be difficult, but it is an important step in developing a more fulfilling and rewarding life.

Another thing you can do is focus on your physical health. Eating well, exercising regularly, and taking care of your physical health can all have a positive impact on your mental and emotional well-being. This can help you feel more confident and in control of your life.

Finally, try to set goals for yourself and work towards achieving them. This can give you a sense of purpose and direction, and can help you feel more fulfilled and satisfied with your life.

Overall, the most important thing is to remember that you are not a loser, and that you have the ability to change your situation if you are willing to put in the effort. With the right support and guidance, you can overcome the challenges you have faced and build a better life for yourself.

[Anonymous No.52804637]

So what the fuck do I do. It’s just nothing but sadness and pain.

Don’t give me “Christ” either - I wasted my college experience doing that shit. It was slavery to me.

[Anonymous No.52804639]

>>52804629
by the way all i did was i feed your blogpost into chatgpt and asked it how to stop being a fag

[Anonymous No.52804641]

Buy ICP or die unhappy and alone

[Anonymous No.52804656]

>>52804571
This is /biz/.
Being rejected early on by people on whom you are dependent is a wound that you carry with you for life, or if not the wound, then at least the scars in the form of secondary effects. This is just me speculating, of course, but what you might be afraid of is letting yourself experience your own emotions, since you weren't allowed to do so when you should have been able to. Especially children often construct this sort of mental prison for themselves. At 20 or 30, the adult might not even notice it anymore and just think that he's "weird".
That sort of fear that someone imprinted on you of "doing something wrong" cuts to the bone, but you can't try to unlearn it. It boils down to accepting that you're good enough as you are, not in the sense that you can't improve or don't have flaws, but in that that you are not a bad thing and that it is okay for you to feel what you feel. And not what narcissists bullshitted into you about you existing solely to feed their personality disorder.

[Anonymous No.52804667]

>>52804641
How much to make it

[Anonymous No.52804677]

>>52804639
based

[Anonymous No.52804678]

>>52804639
kek

[Anonymous No.52804683]

>>52804571
are you white? i know your problem

[Anonymous No.52804697]

>>52804639
Absolutely, unequivocally basado.
You’re gonna make it.
In fact anon, you already have.

[Anonymous No.52804705]

>>52804656
I made another thead but this was the reply I needed. Thanks.

[Anonymous No.52804717]

>>52804705
You're welcome, anon.

[Anonymous No.52804799]

>Waaah waah I'm young, healthy, have passed the BAR and will be making okay money
>pity me
Go fuck yourself. Whiney fucking faggot. My life is 10000 times more difficult than yours and suicidal thoughts are my only constant companion. I would trade with you in a heartbeat. Fuck off.

[Anonymous No.52804817]

>>52804667
I am financially and sexually ruined

[Anonymous No.52804983]

yeah bro just LeARn tO CoDE

[Anonymous No.52805005]

Sounds like ur the autistic one, take meds, get a job

[Anonymous No.52805206]

>>52804571
Just like
>>52804629
Says this negative part of you, the stuff you resent about yourself or feel helpless to stop. Will always be with you. The demon on your shoulder will always be there.

But the whitepill is that you can stop listening to the demon. It takes time but its worth it. Nothing i say will "fix" you because its the way your brain is set up. Negative thought loops that have been reinforced since the day you were born cannot simply be broken just by hearing an inspirational speech. This betrayal may only be healed with training and being true to ourselves as often as possible.

Because we break promises to ourselves every day, I can be reviled by all but the thing that hurts the most is when I betray myself. And i think you know that feeling too.

It's a long path but even one step on that path is worth it, in your teens or on your deathbed. Take my hand and we'll walk, not be dragged, into an uncertain tommorow.

[Anonymous No.52805486]

>>52805206
see >>52804639

[Anonymous No.52805533]

>>52804571
So I was in your position.
Maybe even worse.
One thing that helped, is every time I found myself in a negative loop about feeling I was “bad, weird, or unworthy of love” was to simply say “I love my life and everything is great”. Oftentimes I felt the opposite but the beautiful thing about our brain is it is a perceiving thing based on data inputted, you just have to drown out the perceived truth with the reality and your brain will match that pattern in kind. Truth is, everything is good, it just doesn’t feel that way.
When your thought pattern changes reality tries to catch up too.

[Anonymous No.52805691]

There was a famous inventor. He built many marvelous things and was the envy of many of his peers. His mind worked in ways no one could fathom, he became famous, yet he was quite lonely despite all his glamour.
One day he met his hero. Another inventor. A brilliant man who he had always looked up to and aspired to be like. He felt unworthy in his presence. The old master could recognise this and he asked the man what is wrong. You are a brilliant inventor and everyone loves you.
The man explained, he had been raised in a poor family. His youth was spent in a poor school, his clothes in tatters, the other children didn't like him and everything he had done in his life had been to simply make those around him like him more. But no matter the success he always felt inadequate. He didn't belong in the prestigious circles and even to be speaking to such a master inventor about his troubles, he felt so unworthy.
The master said, my friend, you have described my own youth to a tee. I too had no friends. I grew up in the poorest slums of this country. I know very well the troubles you speak.
The inventor realised, it was his perception of himself that was his problem all along.

[Anonymous No.52805778]

>>52804637
You drink your urine.

https://www.indiatoday.in/amp/trending-news/story/british-man-drink-own-urine-cure-depression-look-younger-1944153-2022-05-01

[Anonymous No.52805915]

>>52804571
yeah I had my growth stunted as well by a weird overbearing push pull relationships between me and my mother.

being in college, on my own, helped me grow dramatically. unfortunately the rest is up to you.

I'm gonna give you the best advice you'll find in this thread, and I'm not being egotistical when I say it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-AzgjYQrzo

^This is a hypnosis track and it changed my life. Like overnight. Take it seriously, and let this guy guide you. It's a hypnosis track. If you've done meditation in the past, that will help, but visualize what he tells you to, listen with INTENT, and I swear to god it will change you.

He has other very good hypnosis tracks as well, but this one changed my life and for the better. Hypnotherapy is the closest thing to a magic pill you're going to find.

And to be honest with you, what I get from the way you write, is that you just need to accept who you are. Love yourself and the rest starts falling into place.

[Anonymous No.52805925]

Your life is a mess. Welcome back to the world. Enjoy your visit

[Sage No.52805935]

Business and finance kike

[Anonymous No.52805938]

>>52805915
>between me and my mother.
between me, my father, and my mother.

sorry ma, love ya

[Anonymous No.52805944]

>>52804571
The true realization will be when you find out that you don't need others to be happy.
Happiness comes from inside and from being you, unconditional love for existing.
Once you can remain alone in silence and just feel happiness flowing into you for being alive you will be healthy.
Recovering the link to your inner child is a key for this wand will be one of your most important tasks in the future.
Remember who you were in the past and remember the joy of being a child by watching happy children and young people play.

Change your past memories to change your mindset and beliefs.
Revisit the past traumatic events to release the negative emotions and then imagine solving then with your current knowledge to make them neutral or positive experiences which will serve as a reference for your future actions and mindset.

Use the law of power 10 to change your life and let positive people affect you positively:
>INFECTION: AVOID THE UNHAPPY AND UNLUCKY
>JUDGMENT
>You can die from someone else's misery-emotional states are as infectious as diseases. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own dis aster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.

>The other side of infection is equally valid, and perhaps more readily understood: There are people who attract happiness to themselves by their good cheer, natural buoyancy, and intelligence. They are a source of pleasure, and you must associate with them to share in the prosperity they draw upon themselves.
>This applies to more than good cheer and success: All positive qualities can infect us.

[Anonymous No.52805969]

>>52804571
>Use the positive side of this emotional osmosis to advantage. If, for example, you are miserly by nature, you will never go beyond a certain limit; only generous souls attain greatness. Associate with the generous, then, and they will infect you, opening up everything that is tight and restricted in you. If you are gloomy, gravitate to the cheerful. If you are prone to isolation, force yourself to befriend the gregarious. Never associate with those who share your defects-they will reinforce everything that holds you back. Only create associations with positive affinities. Make this a rule of life and you will benefit more than from all the therapy in the world.

Another important task to change your beliefs about your parents and your world view and to heal your inner child will be to read the book Toxic Parents by Susan Forward.

You need to become your own parent and to mourn the death of your ideal of having had parents.
Once you are your own parent you can give yourself infinite unconditional love with no conditions and will be happy without outside dependence.
This will make you really free and allow you to become who you were meant to be.

[Anonymous No.52806019]

>>52804571
You can then switch to a master mentality instead of a slave morality by choosing to take ownership for your life.
You had no power as a child over your life, but you have the power to change everything about your beliefs, memories and mindset in order to become the happy person you desire to be and recover the lost happiness.

Life will balance things out and the suffering you endured until now will open you a new path in life towards extreme success and happiness if you have the courage to never give up.


Read the book unscripted to understand what it means to be free from society and to not live as a slave.

Good Luck!
No matter what happens remember this: Your future self is full of gratitude towards the current you and the efforts you are undertaking to change your life.

[Anonymous No.52806035]

>>52804799
>mimimimimimi I'm the bigger victim than you
>fuck you for having a better life but also strugge
and that's exactly why youre miserable and have no friends. narcissistic piece of shit.

[Anonymous No.52806042]

Drns

[Anonymous No.52806098]

>>52804637