/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.51524185]

I have a forced job interview tomorrow what can I do to not get the job ?
I still have to show up and talk to the fucking interviewer
I'm still secretly collecting unemployment and I don't want this fucking job
should I just tell them about my job history and how I get laid off or quit almost 3-4 months later ?
what the fuck do I do ? I can't flatout refuse the job offer if I'm accepted what can I do to get out of getting hired ?
I'm getting recommended by a relative
FUCK
How do I make my self unhire able ?

[Anonymous No.51524211]

Are you white? Focus on that.

[Anonymous No.51524227]

go in there with a can of tuna fish, bread, mayo and a can opener

make yourself a sandwich and eat it during the interview

[Anonymous No.51524255]

>>51524227
thats actually a good idea
any more ? can I just be so sloppa that there horrified ?
what are some more subtle things though ?
I was arrested one time for shop lifting should I mention that ?
and I was laid off or quit every job I ever had
and I have no resume

[Anonymous No.51524271]

>>51524185
give her a lot of compliments on her looks and even be so bold as to ask her on a date

[Anonymous No.51524276]

Ask how much they pay right off the bat, try to stay hyper focused on the pay as much as possible, ask how much the interviewer makes, ask how much the other employees make ask how many raises you get per year

[Anonymous No.51524285]

>>51524271
>>51524276
taking these into careful consideration
ask about pay alot ask everyone else how much they pay

[Anonymous No.51524292]

get dressed and smoke an eitgth of weed before the interview and blow the smoke directly onto your clothes when you exhale

[Anonymous No.51524304]

>>51524255
Damn… that should about for it anon

[Anonymous No.51524311]

>>51524276
This, except turn your nose up in disgust and walk out.
Can also urinate in corner for alpha points.
On her tits as well, to establish dominance.

[Anonymous No.51524322]

>>51524185
Tell them you didn't like your old job because your boss was a nigger

[Anonymous No.51524329]

>>51524185
Omg

Just be yourself you fucking faggot, you don't seem hireable.

How are you recommended by a relative? How would the government know? Does your relative work for the government? Did you tell welfare about this interview? Did welfare ask your dad to get you a job? Something doesn't add up.

> I got covid really bad and couldn't make it, it's against the companies policy.

[Anonymous No.51524330]

>>51524227
>Just assert your dominance during an interview
lol OP said he didn't want the job

[Anonymous No.51524341]

>>51524227
Genuine kekkles

Vry gud me likey

[Anonymous No.51524345]

Everything listed plus
>text and take selfies with sound on while they’re talking, then laugh and nod like you agree with what they said
>Stand up and walkout halfway through (preferably when they’re mid-sentence) and tell them you’ll catch up with them later, then walk back in like it didn’t happen. Or say “psych!” really loud

[Anonymous No.51524346]

>>51524304
well thats good because I'm the verge of getting neet bux I have multiple suicide attempts on record and I need to got to the general hospital for 3 days to legitimize it and get on ssdi
I should just be truthful
I've been fired or laid off or just walked off every job I had in the past
I generally don't care about anything
I'm very suicidal at times
I fuck random women without protection and cum inside them
I've committed so many undocumented crimes it will make their head spin
I simply don't give a fuck but I have to be polite kek

[Anonymous No.51524349]

>>51524185
>Walk in without shoes and just bare feet.
>Smell like shit
>Messy hair
>Hold alcohol
They'll think you're homeless, homeless people are really unemployable nobody ever hires them, which is why being homeless is a catch 22 sometimes.
Also hit on the person and eat food during the interview aswell, just freak them out

[Anonymous No.51524351]

>>51524185
you do not want to make it clear you don't want the job. I've seen people offer jobs to people who clearly don't want it just so they lose their unemployment or have to deal with parole/probation if they don't show up. Hiring managers can be vindictive fucks if they find out you're wasting their time purposefully.

Avoid eye contact, act nervous, be slow on responses, say "i don't know" when asked questions about yourself or why you want to work there. Just act like a sheepish twitchy faggot that gets beat up in high school and it will elicit a primal disgust response from them and make them not want to hire you. Don't show up late, do be groomed for it, just don't give away that you don't actually want it. Asking for pay nervously like >>51524276
said can also be effective.

[Anonymous No.51524355]

>>51524185
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OwDmg74rhCw&ab_channel=VitalyYegorov

[Anonymous No.51524368]

Just say you lost your last job for getting into a fist fight with an employee

[Anonymous No.51524377]

>>51524368
Oooo nice then follow it up with
>but he started it!

[Anonymous No.51524385]

>>51524185
Holdup, so you're pretending to be broke to take advantage of family and get a free ride

Fucking based. Youre no longer a faggot. Fuck family

[Anonymous No.51524386]

>>51524377
checked

[Anonymous No.51524402]

>>51524368
>>51524377
>>51524351
can I just play this lightly during the interview ?
I've died a couple of times yesterday night OD and XANAX and VODKA and thanks the the magic of qauntum immortality I still have to show up for this interview

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZLTMC-BMCI

[Anonymous No.51524405]

>>51524346
Hold up again. That's not so based my guy. I think you lost your soul.

[Anonymous No.51524423]

>>51524185
just ask for a rescpectable, reasonable, fair payment for the expected amount of work with expectations of being payed the hours that you are being expected to work

[Anonymous No.51524433]

>>51524368
Or similarly: rip your shirt before you go in and apologize for your appearance but got in a fight on the bus on the way here. If they ask any questions about it, just say “don’t worry about it” and refuse to elaborate.

[Anonymous No.51524450]

>>51524433
too blatant I'm trying to be subtle here
maybe I should ask to be paid in crypto currency

[Anonymous No.51524455]

>>51524227
If the interview was for sales and someone did this I would hire them on the spot. The audacity to dunk on normie cattle fucking based.

[Anonymous No.51524456]

>>51524433
>don't worry about it
kekkekek

[Anonymous No.51524478]

>>51524423
Holy fucking kek this is 100% the best advice
Guarenteed “we’ll be in touch”

[pls help No.51524505]

>>51524185
piss your pants. faggot

[Anonymous No.51524512]

>>51524185
Just don't go, is that easy

[Anonymous No.51524523]

>>51524512
I have to at least show up and get rejected by the interviewer for the job......

I wish it was that ez
fuck
but I wanna have some fun tomorrow at 11am

[Anonymous No.51524589]

>>51524523
showing up late should be a good start.

[Anonymous No.51524617]

>>51524185
Let the interview know that you hate niggers.
Tell them how the Holocaust didn't happen.
Don't shower for a week, leading up to the interview.
Wear a stained, sleeveless white t-shirt, sweatpants, and Crocks.
Slouch
Play games and watch videos on your cell phone, during the interview.
Alternate between avoiding eye contact, and intense, prolonged, uncomfortable staring.
Eat gassy food a few hours before the interview.
Don't brush your teeth.
Tell them how you have trouble being on time.

[Anonymous No.51524793]

Tell them you are a Satanist and you hope that it won't be a problem. Make it clear that you absolutely will not tolerate any kind of religious discrimination and that you have had issues with previous employers disrespecting your constitutional, legal right to worship.
I have used this tactic myself very effectively when I was milking my own paid unemployment vacation.

[Anonymous No.51524798]

>>51524185

these >>51524351
>>51524276
>>51524423

these are 100% doable
also if you have the chance if the conversation suits it, make it clear you don't like to attend normie faggot meetings like "birthday parties" "dancing hours" "tik tok challenges" and so on..


at the end of the day , remember Mr sheckelberg doesn't like wagies that can't be contained in the cage..
they want sheeps and slaves..

also i don't understand Why OP is such a faggot
like 90%of job interviews doesn't land you any jobs

[Anonymous No.51524812]

>>51524185
>forced job interview
awwww
bitty baby have to leave his house to keep his bennies?
bitty baby have to shave and wear a clean shirt for once instead of playing Splatoon?
bitty baby mad?
Suck it up faggot

[Anonymous No.51524861]

I think I'm gonna show them this thread tomorrow and I will post pics of their faces and results

[Anonymous No.51524897]

Just be yourself. No one wants to hire an autistic faggot

[Anonymous No.51524954]

>>51524897
I think I'm just going to write the wrong telephone number and email address to them

[Anonymous No.51524979]

>>51524227
Im definitely never trying this. Its not based at all.

[Anonymous No.51524984]

I'm on a panel for an interview tomorrow actually for a coordinator position. If it's you, anon, drop a hint during the interview. (maybe subtly drop the word "wagie")

[Anonymous No.51524996]

>>51524185
Why does it matter how you do in the interview? If they call back to offer, can't you just ghost them?

[Anonymous No.51525017]

>>51524812
Lol wagie is mad.

[Anonymous No.51525020]

>>51524996
do I just block there number ahead of time ?
or just give them the wrong number I think I should just block them ahead of time

[Anonymous No.51525029]

Ask them about their vax policy and in the past and inform them that you're never getting vaxxed

[Anonymous No.51525031]

Do you have sexual harassment policy here too ? what part of women body is ok for touchy ?

if not enough, i was asking for white women obviously i don t want to touch a black one

[Anonymous No.51525038]

>>51524996
they will cut your gubbernant gibbs (depending on country), if you are the one actively not wanting to work. thatswhy alot of people try to not get employed
>>51524984
>w-wagie-ee *sneezes*

[Anonymous No.51525077]

>Pee on the desk
>fart very loud
>insert finger inside anus for 2 minutes
>scratch it gently
>recover poop essence,
> smell your fingers for 5 minutes
>Interrupt every attempt to retake normal communication by sticking your tongue out and making motor noises
>clean your finger on your shirt and proceed to finish interview

[Anonymous No.51525104]

>>51524185
are you white? if so, problem solved
if not, be openly racist against non-whites

[Anonymous No.51525130]

>>51525017
I'm not the one pissing and shitting himself at having to pretend to want to work because I'm terrified of interacting with other people in meatspace
>this is my safe space to be a child forever!
hahahahahaNo

[Anonymous No.51525134]

You're so lazy you're asking others for advice on how to be lazy.

Open with that, that'll make you entirely undesirable

[Anonymous No.51525194]

>>51525130
Lol ok. Back to work wagie.

[Anonymous No.51525221]

Say I don’t know, um, can you repeat the question a LOT. Look down at the floor. Say their name wrong over and over again.

[Anonymous No.51525257]

>>51525194
You aren't OP, go back to your tranny discord

[Anonymous No.51525280]

[Anonymous No.51525286]

>>51524185
no need to be a faggot autist, literally show up and tell them you dont want the job youd rather have unemployment. nobody is going to hire somebody who doesnt want to be there, the last thing they want is a spiteful faggot slowing down their operations or fucking shit up

[Anonymous No.51525338]

>>51525286
the thing is I can't openly say that theres a relative that works there and I have to at least play ball somehow
go though the interview process and hope I do not get fucking hired
what would be the quickest most painless way ? keep asking upfront about the pay ? say idk to everything ? its a customer service job at some japanese car brand auto shop center in NY
I rather just secretly do uber ears and shit dash and have my own fucking schedule
should I say I can only work part time ?

[Anonymous No.51525341]

you did not put an adress on your application anon ? Ah yes i live in sewer.....they will not call back

[Anonymous No.51525360]

>>51524185
Tell him that you are the reincarnation of Adolf Hitler come here to bring about the age of chaos, the Kali Yuga, but that in the meantime you're looking for a job. Throw in lots of esoteric references

[Anonymous No.51525374]

good thread. you really see where biz shine

[Anonymous No.51525378]

>>51525360
I think that might be true to a certain extent... I have some pics of myself that are literally demonic in nature
unedited something off about the lighting that makes me look like a demon

[Anonymous No.51525443]

>>51525378
Perfect, you can smoothly transition into telling the interviewer that while others partied and wasted their years getting wasted, you studied the blade. Make sure your hair is greasy but that you're otherwise washed

[Anonymous No.51525448]

>>51525338
you sound really dumb. if you have a relative that works there already you will more likely than not get hired. doing any of the retarded shit mentioned above to make yourself look like a stinky asshole is going to be far more embarrassing for you and your relative than if you just curtly explained upfront in the beginning of the interview that you dont want to be there and are only satisfying the unemployment gibbs requirement. after dismissing you they probably would never even think of you again, youd be forgotten in 5 minutes.

or you can act like the faggot you are and try to come in smelling like shit and open tuna and make a sandwich and say NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER im sure that will be far less memorable

[Anonymous No.51525608]

>>51525448
my relative is the only that got me the fucking interview.... I can't up front refuse the job offer I half to coyly slyly fucking not get hired

[Anonymous No.51525697]

>>51525608
Have you considered, you might, you just maybe might would work for a fair pay? Consider it two Months of your Life as 'Experience', you can get fired later anyway if you want to. Getting reasonably more money than Government Gibsmedat is nice. And maybe you find enjoyment in socializing with other Coworkers (not everybody is retarded). Having a Relative helps alot. Soo Just be Yourself, kek and see how it turns out? If the Job doesn't completely suck, people somewhat also find Enjoyment in having something to do.

[Anonymous No.51525745]

>>51525697
heres the thing my wife wants the money to be direct deposited into her and her moms bank account and they will give me like 100-200$ a week after they take there share.... and heres another fucking thing I don't live with them anymore why should I fucking work at a fucking job where 90% of the pay is already gone ?
does this shit sound fucking fair to you ? sounds like fucking slavery and I'm not a NIGGER

[Anonymous No.51525876]

>>51525608
are you retarded or what dude. if your relative got you the interview that means you will get hired. so you can either do some stupid outrageous faggotry that will forever sully your relatives reputation there or you can just be normal and explain you are an ungrateful faggot who doesnt want to work there. there is no "sly" or "coy" way to not get hired in this situation.

i guess you could always just ace the interview then when they give you the job tell them you already accepted another job and be very polite and thankful to them. the govt has no way of knowing

[Anonymous No.51525881]

>>51525608
just tell them how much you hate niggers kikes and trannies and if they still give you the job after that then its probably a decent place to work

[Anonymous No.51525892]

>>51525745
just work for cash like an illegal beaner. youll have to change your expectations a bit but you can manage. learn construction and landscaping, typical beaner manual labor from people who will pay you cash each day

[Anonymous No.51526143]

>>51524276
This. Ask about pay first question. and
>>51524351
This. Tell them how creative you are and you like to come up with tons of ideas all the time. Guaranteed to not get hired.

[Anonymous No.51526273]

>>51525745
wut
why are is your wifes mum and your wife taking your money lel

[Anonymous No.51526367]

>>51524185
>secretly
im pretty sure your gov is aware

[Anonymous No.51528241]

I had to take an interview for a job I didn't want once. I legitimately went in there and talked about how Hitler wasn't that bad of a guy. I didn't get a call back.

[Anonymous No.51528919]

>>51524185
talk about how much you love heroin and meth

[Anonymous No.51530669]

>>51524185
>How do I make my self unhire able ?
Just be yourself

[Anonymous No.51530939]

>>51524185
There's literally a peep show scene of this
https://youtu.be/DkYHNO2vNG4

[Anonymous No.51532311]

>>51524255
It's impossible anon. George tried that. Anything you do will be perceived as eccentricity out of ingenuity and you'll get hired with numerous bonuses. The only chance you might have is the hardest to get the job. They will smell the desperation and either offer something you'd be reasonable to reject or outright not hire you at all.

[Anonymous No.51532324]

Turns out the application was pre filled out and I was pre interview without my knowledge time to fail the mandatory drug test and questionaire

[Anonymous No.51532357]

>>51524185
Anon, if you don’t want the job just go in there and be yourself.

[Anonymous No.51532392]

>>51524979
Be quite amanojaku

[Anonymous No.51532417]

>>51524185
Arrive late first of all
And if you smell like pot and have red eyes it’s even better

[Anonymous No.51532425]

>>51525374
kek pic related

[Anonymous No.51532623]

>>51525697
>maybe you find enjoyment in socializing with other Coworkers
I know this post is bait, but I hear this too much. A LOT OF ANONS; including myself, just don't like interacting with other people. We have a short circuit in our brain, we are truly schizoid.
As far as having things to do goes it's not hard to find things to do. Get into a new genre of video games, read a novel, learn something new skill, just have fun in general.
Being a NEET is all about actualizing yourself be it into a filthy animal like Diogenes, or raising yourself above the normie masses like the nobility and landed gentry of old.

[Anonymous No.51532729]

>>51524185
Just start talking about reality being a matrix and the central banking system and your interests in guns. Also subtly drop how you were declined from the police academy gor mental health reasons

If that fails then just bring up how there were wooden doors on the gas chambers of the Holocaust.

The holocaust didnt happen, but it should have

[Anonymous No.51535292]

>>51524185
Go in with your ballsack hanging out of your zipper. Or fart/shart loud af at the interview. Or throw up.

[Anonymous No.51535391]

>>51532311
I hate how in this show George and Jerry always are banging girls way out of their league. Same for Larry in Curb. What’s up with these fools? They all objectively look like shit besides Jerry.

[Anonymous No.51537173]

>>51524185
Just negotiate way too much when it comes to pay