/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.51494221]

>lets touch base next week
>i'll put it in your calendar

[Anonymous No.51494693]

>>51494221
tick tock wagie

[Anonymous No.51494706]

>>51494221
https://youtu.be/EvZki4iIuqk

[Anonymous No.51494780]

>touch base
I hate this fucking buzz phrase so much. Talk. You want to talk. We aren't playing baseball.

[Anonymous No.51495156]

>>51494221
>You've been scheduled for a group workshop on "Bias in the Workplace"
>Attendance mandatory

[Anonymous No.51495242]

>mandatory DE&I workshop
>followed by 'optional' after hours mixer with hr

[Anonymous No.51495274]

>we will circle back to that later

[Anonymous No.51495295]

>lets take this offline

[Anonymous No.51495305]

>let's book in a weekly project catch up to touch base

[Anonymous No.51495307]

>>51495242
all of this HR mumbo is literally meant for people like you. You incels are so fucking incapable of normal human interaction, so they're forced to hold your hand to keep the gears rolling. People who despise workshops etc. are the people who need it the most.

[Anonymous No.51495355]

>>51494221

>anon you keep missing the deadlines
>so I put you on a time management workshop
>2 days
>mandatory
>anon you missed the deadlines for this week

[Anonymous No.51495367]

>>51494780
Let's touch tips.

[Anonymous No.51495379]

>we'll circle back to that base at crunch time in the next stand-up

[Anonymous No.51495798]

https://youtu.be/cZZY1jU7Lk0

[Anonymous No.51495823]

When I first started working I thought a stand-up was a meeting where you literally had to be standing

[Anonymous No.51495889]

>>51494221
>>51494693
>>51495274
>>51495295
>>51495305
>>51495379
HOW THE FUCK DO I ESCAPE THIS SHIT, SOMEONE TELL ME

[Anonymous No.51495903]

I unironically find that this kind of shit is easy and for some reason I come by it naturally. Maybe because I'm a reasonable people person, but the ability to just play the game and use corporate speak has helped me with promotions and moving upwards in the corporate ladder. I mean, ffs, I literally just email people all day with variations of
>can I get a follow up on this?
>i'll follow up by eod
>let's circle back
>i'll take a look at your calendar and set up a Teams meeting for next week
and it fucking works, i keep getting promoted.

[Anonymous No.51495910]

>Let's circle back to that item later, it seems out of scope
>I added Brad's team to the weekly meeting, I'm hoping to leverage some synergy between groups if we focus on our core competencies
>We can touch base during tomorrow's stand-up, give you some time to get the lay of the land
>I want to highlight our value add and show that this is a win-win
>I'm feeling out of the loop here, when was the last time Frank ran the numbers?
>Brandon is going to do a deep dive into the data and perform a drill down into our key customer segments
>This initiative is really going to move the needle on our top KPI's
>We can already make this a game changer by taking care of some low hanging fruit
>Let's take that off-line, ping me when you know you'll be available
>We're not trying to boil the ocean here, our north star hasn't changed

[Anonymous No.51495923]

>>51495903
me too, but it kills me inside and is unnatural and cringe.

[Anonymous No.51495940]

>>51495823
It was.
The point of a stand up is everyone gets sick of standing up so meetings are nice and quick.

[Anonymous No.51495948]

>>51495910
>morning folks, it's Monday! Let's get after it and make it a good one! Here's something that will hopefully light that fire in you!

[Anonymous No.51495963]

>>51495923
same. i die a bit inside with every motivational quote and buzz word, but god damn do I love seeing that pay check every week. I used to be an EMT and got paid 1/5th of what I am getting paid now deal.

[Anonymous No.51495970]

>>51495903
Based. Once you master corporate speka you can move up pretty quickly

[Anonymous No.51495984]

>>51495963
based.
sometimes you do indeed have to 'do the needful' and sell your soul a bit.
i semi-made it last bull run, and need these paychecks to accumulate over the next 2-3 years, then I'm done

[Anonymous No.51495987]

>>51494221
Sounds gay, no thanks.

[Anonymous No.51495997]

>>51495910
this is advanced... impressive

[Anonymous No.51496083]

>>51495379
>New manager arrives
>First decision is to get rid of the daily standup
>All of the wagies complain incessantly until the manager lets them make a new standup
>Of course it's the Reddity manchild with a lego collection and half a dozen streaming subscriptions who organises the new one
>Most of the time they're only on Skype (yes, we still use Skype) even when a lot of us are in the office sitting right next to each other
I hate these fucking people so much.

>>51495940
>Everyone hates standing
>So let's give them all standing desks

[Anonymous No.51496087]

>>51495910
> i want to give a warm welcome our new CTO Ranjeesh, he comes to us from Bank of America and has been in leadership positions at Citi and Blackrock

[Anonymous No.51496198]

>Great work, amazing job everyone I'm super proud of you, you're all so fantastic job well done

Shut the fuck up we stare at spreadsheets all day what the fuck is there to be proud of. And it's always from some skeltal peon twerp, who the fuck are you to be treating us like we're at a little league game. Tell me how you're gonna make my job easier or fuck off.

[Anonymous No.51496254]

>>51496198
It's just a verbal pat on the back to make the wagies think they're super important.

[Anonymous No.51496255]

>>51496198
>Anon, you're a great worker, but you have poor team spirit. I'd like to put you on a pip with a focus on inter team cooperation.
>We'll be going to the zip line park as part of a team building exercise
Please bring your laptop so we can get some work done during lunch.

[Anonymous No.51496271]

>>51495156
no thank you

[Anonymous No.51496283]

>>51495242
no. how about, fuck you

[Anonymous No.51496284]

>I'm not your boss, Anon. I'm your colleague

[Anonymous No.51496292]

>>51494221
you csn send me an invite bud only my secretary can put things in my calendar.

[Anonymous No.51496305]

>>51496292
based

[Anonymous No.51496323]

>>51496254
It works though. People like being treated like actual real human beans if you genuinely mean it and aren't just being a pussy.

[Anonymous No.51496358]

>>51495984
>>51495970
>being a corpo wagie slave is based
Holy fuck biz is truly dead

[Anonymous No.51496392]

>>51496198
>Great work, amazing job everyone I'm super proud of you, you're all so fantastic job well done
Followed by a 3% raise and no promotion at annual review

[Anonymous No.51496417]

>>51495910
Every time I see this pasta it fills me with rage.
I want to commit atrocities.

[Anonymous No.51496421]

>Keep me honest here

[Anonymous No.51496467]

Why do fags sperg out over basic requests for communication between people in the office?

[Anonymous No.51496493]

>>51496467
because we're autistic and dont enjoy these drawn out upbeat converstations that are mostly pointless

[Anonymous No.51496500]

>>51494780
I fucking hate office talk so fucking much

[Anonymous No.51496506]

Kek I had a manager once who told me he would get flagged if he turned in my review without any demerits, so he basically made something up and said I had issues getting along with people.
I told him that was fucking complete bullshit and he should be ashamed of himself - which he then used to justify it - "See? You're not getting along with me right now!"
Needless to say, I don't work there anymore. Some places will just suck the soul and will to live right out of you.

[Anonymous No.51496519]

>>51496467
95% of the things I am asked to do are either pointless or only necessary to make someone else's pointless task easier

[Anonymous No.51496538]

>>51496519
Look on the bright side: your company is probably actively researching how to replace your job with an algorithm anyway

[Anonymous No.51496588]

>start in 2 weeks in a team lead position
can you give me some pointers to avoid being a total fuckup?

[Anonymous No.51496629]

>>51496392
>Followed by a 3% raise

[Anonymous No.51496664]

>>51496358
no, but beating the game using its own rules certainly is.

[Anonymous No.51496674]

I hate HR roasties and I hate corporate newspeak. I hate corporate culture and I hate too many women in the workplace. Modern day work is indebted servitude.

>Let's put a pin in this and circle back after we draft some project initiation documentation with feedback and input from the wider team.
>We care about our people and celebrate our success. These are our core corporate values.
>We're not just coworkers, we're a family!
>Hey anon, good work on getting that project done before the deadline! I know it was tough due to personnel and organisation constraints, but I'm just touching base because I noticed you took a sick day after all that? Did you have a doctor's certificate by chance? Do you consent to us writing to your doctor? We just want to make sure we're not having a negative impact on your health and wellbeing.
>We look forward to seeing you at this week's POC/LGBTQIA2S+/Women/Minority event. There will be a fun quiz to learn more about the challenges these marginalised people face! Please respond to this meeting invite so we can ebsure compliance with Covid requirements. Attendance isn't compulsory but we hope you will show your support for this community and learn how to be a better ally by participating.

Fucking kill yourselves.

[Anonymous No.51496675]

>>51496506
he is 100% right. he recognized that it's just a fucking game and he has to play his part. if you had thought about you, you definitely play that game too. this is literally a "one hand washes the other" scenario and you blew it.

[Anonymous No.51496693]

>>51496588
Your job is mostly just trying to keep apace of what your team members are doing. It's a balance between trusting your team enough to let them do their work, while keeping enough tabs on them to ensure that you catch them starting to go off the rails early. Which obviously varies based on your team and your industry. There's very few set in stone rules about it because you have to be aware of how many of your team members are fuckups and to what degree. Being a manager is all about being a people person.

[Anonymous No.51496698]

>>51494221
ey guys, I know I am seeing a lot of back-and-forth on this topic, but I really need to push back and raise some red flags here. Having an on-site office presence foundational to our ability to drive efficiencies in a corporate landscape. It is in our DNA. Sure, there is no 'one size fits all' or silver bullet and some are just boilerplate solutions, leveraged to the hilt and really only keeping us at a 30,000-foot-view of things. Being on-site, however, really allow us to get better granularity, find better directional-indicators, or loop back and dive deep into some critical issues on a go-forward basis.
I think if you all start spending more time in the office gain, you'll find yourself trending toward the positive, but you'll have to keep an eye on the puck. Gut through it, reduce thrash, and let's stay in lock-step on this. Yes, we will synergize!
What's the root cause of the hatred of Corporate office spaces? I'll put my layman's hat on and guess that it comes from movies such as Office Space and Dilbert cartoons. But we all know that these are fictional spaces, and real office spaces allow us to touch base in a much more efficient manner.
I have to time-box this comment, as I have a hard-stop in a moment when I will have to jump onto a call. So, just one more point that I want to cover-off on: let's socialize the idea of having more office presence and loop back to see whether we're being more impactful. From a management standpoint, I think that we can get the traction to do it.
So, net/net, ignore the naysayers, sidebar the folks that are stuck in the weeds, and don't waste cycles or bandwidth on folks that don't align strongly with this mission. Try it out, and we'll have another touch point in a little while to see if we've moved the needle. Remember, our north star hasn't changed. We're still championing our core values remotely and we will only do it better in person.
If you need me, I will be online again in a bit.

[Anonymous No.51496701]

>>51496588
i know im going to sound like a total wagie drone, but read some books on leadership and realize that your job is now to be a force multiplier, and the best way to do that is to motivate and inspire people to do what you ask because they genuinely want to follow your directives, not because you flexing your power.
>The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership
>Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win
>The Phoenix Project (even if you're not in tech, a devops oriented mindset is a huge asset to any company)
Overall, just remember that you're a leader now, which means your tools and strategies are going to be different.
Good luck, and remember to treat them like real human beans. Because they are. Go to bat for your employees and they will absolutely go to bat for you when you need them.

[Anonymous No.51496724]

>>51496698
i want to kms reading that fuck off

[Anonymous No.51496838]

>>51496674
We had the most awkward teams meeting this year during (((pride month))).
It was the software devs/i.t consultants and one girl from P&C hosting a mandatory "pride quiz" event.
She threw us a bunch of questions like "what is the stonewall riots" or some shit and reprimanded us at the end for not knowing the answers to ANY of the questions.
Literally the gayest and most pointless shit I've had to be a part of.

Captcha, and I'm not kidding I swear to god:
GAAAY

[Anonymous No.51496863]

>>51496675
You are a fag; please kill yourself

[Anonymous No.51496976]

>>51496693
>>51496701
thanks frens
reading your replys got me some small enlightment
i havent had yet picked up a book about leadership since i expect corp training in the first few weeks at the job about such topics. i will add the recomendations to my wishlist
but makes me realise i should certainly pick up at least one since i never read a book about leadership

[Anonymous No.51497032]

>>51494221
i am at work in my cubicle right now and want to kill myself.
i wonder what would happen if i just stood up and let out a primal scream and then just left

[Anonymous No.51497058]

>>51495910
holy shit this post physically harmed me

[Anonymous No.51497109]

>>51494221
>time for a quick call?
>hop on a call?
>Can you join this meeting? my team is waiting
fuck bros....Then you get on a call and its an indian garbling some horrid broken english and cutting you off everytime you try to speak. So you pretend the connection is bad and drop the call....Rinse and repeat

[Anonymous No.51497337]

>>51496976
Leadership is hard and doesn't come naturally for most people. Best advice is to remember everything you hated about bosses you've had in the past and try not to do that. But at the same time sometimes those bosses you hated did some of that shit for a reason. For example, the quick tag-up meetings itt that everyone's bitching about are your boss trying to figure out what exactly it is you're doing and the status of your project. He doesn't want to generate like a 15 email-long chain of email tag to have the kind of discussion that could take only like 30 minutes in person. That's going to be you in the very near future. You're going to be the one making the judgement call on whether your team members are trustworthy enough to get shit done mostly on their own, or if they're the kinds of retards who have to be micromanaged like children. And even if they are retards, they'll be convinced they aren't retards and will hate you for tard wrangling them. And no matter how heavily you supervise them, corporate will come down from on high and tell you to enact certain policies, and you'll have to get it done no matter how unpopular they are. It's up to you to decide how to sell it. And how to handle all the drama that inevitably comes up between office workers. That's also your job. Managing is hard.

[Anonymous No.51497377]

>>51495307
Shouldn't then the people who despise other skills, like using a PC, be forced to learn the basics so we don't have to explain every time how to restart it etc?

[Anonymous No.51497398]

>>51496863
See? You're not getting along with me right now!

[Anonymous No.51497412]

>>51497398
Based
>>51495910
>Don't boil le ocean
Hello fellow conslutant

[Anonymous No.51497439]

I know I am seeing a lot of back-and-forth on this topic, but I really need to push back and raise some red flags here. Having an on-site office presence is foundational to our ability to drive efficiencies in a corporate landscape. It's in our DNA. Sure, there is no one size fits all or silver bullet. Remote is only keeping us at a 30,000-foot-view of things. Being on-site, however, allows us to get better granularity, find better directional-indicators or loop back and dive deep into some critical issues on a go-forward basis.

I think if you all start spending more time in the office again, you'll find yourself trending toward the positive, but you'll have to keep an eye on the puck. Gut through it, reduce thrash, and let's stay in lock-step on this. Yes, we will synergize! I think given that we've been remote for so long it's easy to forget the benefits of working in the office.

What's the root cause of the hatred of corporate office spaces? Putting my layman's hat on and guess that it comes from movies such as Office Space and Dilbert cartoons. But we all know that these are fictional spaces, and real office spaces allow us to touch base in a much more efficient manner.

I have to time-box this comment, as I have a hard-stop in a moment when I will have to jump onto a call. So, just one more point that I want to cover-off on: let's socialize the idea of having more office presence and loop back to see whether we're being more impactful. From a management standpoint, I think that we can get the traction to do it.

So, net/net, ignore the naysayers, sidebar the folks that are stuck in the weeds, and don't waste cycles or bandwidth on folks that don't align strongly with this mission. Try it out, and we'll have another touch point in a little while to see if we've moved the needle. Remember, our north star hasn't changed. We're still championing our core values remotely and we will only do it better in person.

If you need me, I will be online again in a bit.

[Anonymous No.51497496]

My boomer boss ocassionaly drifts off starting with antivax (based) and how idiotic the goverment is, eventually drifting into free energy schizo stuff, pretty kino


Im well satisfied with this kind of corpotate speak

[Anonymous No.51497640]

Boomers need to fucking drop dead already.

[Anonymous No.51497693]

>>51495910
Decide how you will die

[Anonymous No.51497713]

>>51494221
If you are waging these the three steps to escape:
1. Accept you are a man.
2. Accept a man does not work for a corporation.
3. Quit immediately.
You must do all 3 to escape waging.
There is no way around it.

[Anonymous No.51497730]

>>51494706
fuck you, my heart skipped a beat

[Anonymous No.51497747]

>>51497377
The point of office work is not work, it is an energy harvest system. Whether the tard plugs in the computer or not is irrelevant; their energy has been harvested.

[Anonymous No.51497760]

>>51495910

I started a new job recently and they spent 50% of the time on D&I. "Yknow we have to think about our language and how we can be inclusive. For example I used to say 'hey guys' all the time, but didn't realise it might make people feel uncomfortable, so now I say 'hey people', it's little things like that which make a difference".

Literally adult daycare, apart from the 10% of people who actually do work.

[Anonymous No.51497769]

>>51494221
>Hey anon, hope you're looking forward to our team building exercise! Don't forget to smile and pretend you're having fun!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5-A6N8UUHg

[Anonymous No.51497806]

>>51497760
I got suckered into a presentation at work by a guest trans speaker. It was literally like pic related. This black dude with a jaw a mile wide and a wig just yelled at us and blamed everything on cis white people for an hour straight while roasties looked on and solemnly nodded.

[Anonymous No.51497891]

One day I will escape this wage slave society and I will laugh and laugh

[Anonymous No.51497905]

>>51497891
Me too anon, but for now I just play the game and try to make as much as I can without burning out. Corporate life is an absolute joke

[Anonymous No.51498358]

>>51494780
I heard you got bases and I want to touch them with my hands.

[Anonymous No.51498388]

Take the Marxism pill bros. Individuals are meant to self-actualise and have meaningful lives, not suffer in corporate homogeneity for almost their entire adult lives. Capitalism is anti individual. The ‘freedom’ to consoom and for rapacious private businesses to exploit people and extract wealth for as little expense as possible is not true freedom. Peer outside of your forcefed ideology cucks

[Anonymous No.51498392]

>>51495889
Blue collar, used to work in finance now i install home automation systems. I love it and make more money

[Anonymous No.51498404]

>>51495242
This is so accurate it hurts.

[Anonymous No.51498423]

>>51497806
My workplace HR invited one of her feminist buddies in to do "International Womens Day".
The based women in our company ripped her a new butthole. They didn't invite her the following year. It brought us even closer together, great team-building event actually!

[Anonymous No.51498480]

>>51495889
You find a way to stop relying on big bureaucratic organizations for your income, and maybe even stop doing office work, which is the work of bureaucracy, entirely. Alternatively, you just say "no". That has actually worked for me thus far.

[Anonymous No.51498484]

>>51494693
lower your tone neetcuck

[Anonymous No.51498495]

>>51498392
>works in shitty hot asbestos attics
>breaks your entire body
>better
cope

[Anonymous No.51498646]

>>51494221
I’m working today 7+ hours

[Anonymous No.51498691]

>>51496838
Lol what the fuck? I would have disconnected from the chat

[Anonymous No.51498756]

>>51495910
>slow clap

[Anonymous No.51498829]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6V_foJlTHls

[Anonymous No.51498990]

>>51495307
Nobody really despises the events, just as nobody despises the free food and booze at said events.
They despise mandatory overtime without compensation.
You want me to pretend to care about the hardships of the diversity hire?
Then do it on company time when I'm getting paid to care.
If I'm not on the clock then it's unironically not my problem.

[Anonymous No.51499159]

>>51497713
How to get money?

[Anonymous No.51499185]

>>51499159
steal

[Anonymous No.51499194]

>>51497713
Does a man work for another man? There are leaders that you want to follow

[Anonymous No.51499256]

Workshops and the like can be good for your CV. Why complain?

[Anonymous No.51499286]

>>51494221
>Good morning sir, can I,call you
>hey what is the issue?
>sir I need just one minute
>we have a support email, have you tried explaining the issue
>thank you for your highly valuable feeedback, sir, but it would be better if we could call

[Anonymous No.51499341]

>>51494780
old, dead metaphors are one of the main things that makes spoken english so poor these days

[Anonymous No.51499634]

>>51499159
rugpulls

[Anonymous No.51499696]

http://conferencecall.biz/

[Anonymous No.51499757]

>>51499159
Sell drugs.

[Anonymous No.51500648]

>>51496701
>Good luck, and remember to treat them like real human beans. Because they are. Go to bat for your employees and they will absolutely go to bat for you when you need them.

Realized this point this year. My manager is a keep-his-head-down kind of worker and merely cares about managing projects, but not people. Lo and behold, nobody really respects him and see him as a coward, negatively affecting the morale in the group.

[Anonymous No.51500684]

These words are thrown around at my job and they don't trigger me. I have worked much, much harder office jobs in the past and I can see how this would have gotten to me if I stuck around. Maybe get a different job where you have a good boss instead of a shitty one and aren't overworked, then these threads won't give you wagie PTSD.

[Anonymous No.51500854]

Some key quotes from my mandatory return to office email we all got to talk about the benefits for us all

>Block time on your calendar to give yourself time for impromptu hallway conversations with colleagues

Make the most of your commute
>Choose a book or tape or podcast (maybe business related or just for fun) and then discuss with your teammates over a lunch or coffee break
>reonnect with your transition time - listen to music - relax

[Anonymous No.51500897]

>>51496284
>don't call me boss
>I'm just [shorted version of name]
>now, I want to talk about how you undermined me in the last meeting.

[Anonymous No.51501071]

>>51500854
>Transition time
kek

[Anonymous No.51501133]

>>51494221
>>51494706
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbb-XSvX4pg&ab_channel=lindhw08

[Anonymous No.51501197]

>>51495307
director here,
i hate workshops but yes the HR babble is for all the normies on the board.
>>51495295
how would you say this faster than in one word "offline"?
>>51494780
if you expect an outcome and not just talk, the wagie will reeee
>>51495379
too bad, wagie, that's when i have time

also wtf is standup

director ama or whatever if you want

[Anonymous No.51501219]

>>51494221
>let's touch tips next week
>I'll put it in your dommy mommy (alexa)

[Anonymous No.51501421]

who's going to be the resource on point here? we need a subject matter expert

[Anonymous No.51501601]

>>51495889
Just leave

[Anonymous No.51501617]

>>51501421
again this is to either optimize communication or keep wagies' fee fees from getting hurt

[Anonymous No.51501638]

>>51496392
>he thinks the reviewer has alot if any lattitude as to what the raise will be.
>thinks he'll get a promotion at merely doing the expectations of the job
lol wagies are so dumb it's unreal

[Anonymous No.51501661]

>boss: can you setup a call with _____ and ask…
>yeah sure thing I’m just heading out to lunch tho
>boss: oh ok we can touch base when you get back
>*boss forgets about the whole thing*
>don’t remind him

I do this a lot.

[Anonymous No.51501711]

>>51501661
guaranteed because someone asked your boss to figure it out and didn't care about the result. or boss figured it out

[Anonymous No.51501883]

>>51494780
>let's table this for now
>per my last e-mail

[Anonymous No.51501972]

>>51494221
>Hi folks

[Anonymous No.51502085]

>>51496323
That seems like the opposite of being treated like a human being, seems like being treated like a pet

Guess it’s a good thing I make 75k as a high school drop out wagie kek

[Anonymous No.51502584]

>>51496500
>>51494780
Hey guys, I know I am seeing a lot of back-and-forth on this topic, but I really need to push back and raise some red flags here.

Having an on-site office presence is foundational to our ability to drive efficiencies in a corporate landscape. It is in our DNA. Sure, there is no 'one size fits all' or silver bullet and some are just boilerplate solutions, leveraged to the hilt and really only keeping us at a 30,000-foot-view of things. Being on-site, however, really allows us to get better granularity, find better directional-indicators, or loop back and dive deep into some critical issues on a go-forward basis.

I think if you all start spending more time in the office again, you'll find yourself trending toward the positive, but you'll have to keep an eye on the puck. Gut through it, reduce thrash, and let's stay in lock-step on this. Yes, we will synergize!

What's the root cause of the hatred of Corporate office spaces? I'll put my layman's hat on and guess that it comes from movies such as Office Space and Dilbert cartoons. But we all know that these are fictional spaces, and real office spaces allow us to touch base in a much more efficient manner.

I have to time-box this comment, as I have a hard-stop in a moment when I will have to jump onto a call. So, just one more point that I want to cover-off on: let's socialize the idea of having more office presence and loop back to see whether we're being more impactful. From a management standpoint, I think that we can get the traction to do it.

So, net/net, ignore the naysayers, sidebar the folks that are stuck in the weeds, and don't waste cycles or bandwidth on folks that don't align strongly with this mission. Try it out, and we'll have another touch point in a little while to see if we've moved the needle. Remember, our north star hasn't changed. We're still championing our core values remotely and we will only do it better in person.

If you need me, I will be online again in a bit.

[Anonymous No.51502788]

>we should take a look at this in a meeting together. I'm really busy this week, how about friday, 5.45PM?
>see below (email chain spans from 2016-2022, nothing makes sense, absolutely irrelevant anyway)
>URGENT
>thamks
>why does this look different???
>ok good work team, we covered a lot of ground (no questions got answered)
>ok team let's dig deep and answer this question (retarded, irrelevant und ananswarable question from executive leadership)
>202 BUDGET FINAL V3 FINAL DRAFT V7.1 FINAL PRELIMINARY (DO NOT USE THIS COPY)(OLD) FINALV2 (USE THIS).XLM.XLSX.CSV.XLX
>let's discuss this on call
>sent from my iPhone

[Anonymous No.51503340]

>>51498495
high estrogen take.
Have fun paying taxes on that 100k salary while I rack 40k in untaxed cold hard cash

[Anonymous No.51504027]

>>51501972
i crave death

[Anonymous No.51504036]

>>51501661
What the fuck does touch base mean?
Is it like touch grass but for wagies?
Unironically asking, never been a wagie

[Anonymous No.51504116]

>>51501197
>director here
>wtf is a stand up
At least try to larp effectively.
1/10

[Anonymous No.51504204]

>>51504036
It's a buzz word for following up with someone on a given task. For instance I have a weekly touch base meeting with my supervisor where she just asks me where I'm at on my work, if I need help with anything, etc.
Thankfully my boss is pretty cool but a lot of people hate touch base meetings because it's usually a form of micromanagement.

[Anonymous No.51504272]

>company gets phish'd for like 500k
>company starts sending out "test" phishing emails
>half the company fails
>company send out more phishing emails with spoofed official company letterhead/extensions
>half the company fails
>company starts sending out real emails that are weird like mandatory ladder training, harassment training, etc.
>no one acknowledges copmany emails anymore

[Anonymous No.51504523]

>>51504272
During the scamdemic they did a phishing campaign with a Christmas party and everyone fell for it because everyone was depressed about lockdowns and they got really condescending about how it's just another tactic, kek.

[Anonymous No.51504613]

>>51502788
>>202 BUDGET FINAL V3 FINAL DRAFT V7.1 FINAL PRELIMINARY (DO NOT USE THIS COPY)(OLD) FINALV2 (USE THIS).XLM.XLSX.CSV.XLX

kek

[Anonymous No.51504622]

>>51504523
i hate hr so fucking much. i dont have to deal with any of the diversity or women empowerment bullshit, but we're still just fuckin cattle to them. fuck them for ruining a christmas party. also, fuck boomers

[Anonymous No.51505002]

>>51504036
the balls don't have to actually make contact, but there must at least be tongues

[Anonymous No.51505018]

>>51503340
Make double you after tax with additional opportunities for tax breaks, while also not needing intense surgeries in my later years due to the physical damage accumulated? Yeah sure I'll take that.

[Anonymous No.51505041]

>>51495307
Some of my best working relationships were with people I couldn't remember the name of

[Anonymous No.51505052]

>>51495889
Literally be a hobo. There's more dignity.

[Anonymous No.51505072]

>>51495903
For you, it might be ok. For me, it is dishonesty.
I don't like being squeezed to maintain other peoples' delusions or forced to say shit as a flex from other people.

[Anonymous No.51505090]

>daily standup
>NO SITTING
>YOU MUST STAND

[Anonymous No.51505104]

>>51494221
>bitch starts typing
>stand up
>take her hand
>tell her firmly: put this in your calendar
>her mouth agape, eyes bulging: anon, I…gawk gawk gawk….unnnnhhhh…..ssshhhhhhhlurp!

Why yes, I own 100 btc. How did you know?

[Anonymous No.51505106]

>>51505072
count your blessings. my old company would set up multiple "meditation" or "breathing" sessions on teams EVERY week. you try deleting the recurrence in your email, and it just fuckin comes back next week. two or three days a week, it's lunch time and a big reminder pops up MEDITATION IN TWO MINUTES

[Anonymous No.51505174]

>>51498495
Unironically yes. I think I would actually prefer asbestosis to the bending and scraping and gaslighting required to be a corpo.

[Anonymous No.51505201]

>>51502584
There it is

[Anonymous No.51505309]

>>51502584
how about I loop back around your neck and drill you down and back up my flag pole?

[Anonymous No.51505842]

>>51501638
As manager I do reviews but also get to decide the raise amounts. The rub is that I have a set pool to distribute from and my high performers get most of it.

10% raises if you do work
0.5% if you don't

[Anonymous No.51505857]

>>51496284
Nah, I am your boss.

[Anonymous No.51505877]

>>51496358
If making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year + benefits is slavery I don't give a fuck bud.

Enjoy my table scraps, you need them.

[Anonymous No.51505923]

>>51502584
Our move back to mandatory office attendance has caused 50% of our key players to jump ship and the 50% remaining have demanded raises. When will we be getting backfill for those lost and raises for those that remain?

[Anonymous No.51505975]

>>51497398
Lmao btfo to the max.

[Anonymous No.51505995]

>>51505877
It is slavery and you just value you yourself higher which is respectable however you are and will always be nothing with that mentality of accepting that