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/biz/ - Business & Finance

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50335164 No.50335164 [Reply] [Original]

>OMG HONEY OUR ZESTIMATE WILL NOT DROP EVER I LOVE YOU SO MUCH NOW GO MOW THE LAWN WHILE I WATCH MY SHOWS

>> No.50335351

>>50335164
>*gets The Ick™ watching you get the mower out*

>> No.50335390

>>50335351
>she gets The Ick™, I whip out The Dick™

>> No.50335574

>>50335351
>The Ick
oh god why did i have to find out about this shit.

I can pinpoint the exact moment all my ex girlfriends got this

>> No.50335669

>>50335164
KEK

>> No.50335773
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50335773

>>50335164
I was only 39 years old
>I loved my Zestimate so much, I had all the charts of it on my wall
>I pray to my Zestimate every night before bed, thanking it for the net worth I've been given
>"Zestimate is love" I say; "Zestimate is life"
>My husband hears me and calls me a slut
>I know he was just jealous of my devotion for my Zestimate
>I called him a limp-dicked faggot
>He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep
>I'm crying now, and my face hurts
>I lay in bed and it's really cold
>Suddenly, a warmth is moving towards me
>It's my Zestimate
>I am so happy
>He whispers into my ear "Interest rates have dropped, rents are skyrocketing and there is no inventory."
>He grabs me and puts me down onto my hands and knees
>I'm ready
>I spread my myself for my Zestimate
>He penetrates me with his huge Zestimate past my cervix
>It hurts so much but I do it for my Zestimate
>I can feel my cunt tearing as my eyes start to water
>I push against his force
>I want to please my Zestimate
>As he moves faster the heat begins to build between my legs
>Soon I'm in rapture with my first orgasm
>My body quivers as he thrusts and I scream in ecstasy "double digit annual increase in home valuation"
>Only my Zestimate can satisfy me
>He roars in mighty chimes of cash registers ringing as he fills my womb with equity growth
>My husband walks in
>My naked body is doused in my Zestimate's home appreciation and my husband sees my satisfied face for the first time in our marriage
>My Zestimate looks him straight in the eyes and says "Remodel the kitchen for an even bigger Zestimate faggot."
>My husband weekly nods his head in agreement as he sobs in the corner
>Zestimate leaves through my window
>Zestimate is love. Zestimate is life.

>> No.50335867
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50335867

>OP doesn’t know the power the mower and the monster brings
>OP doesn’t get to smash regularly