HR Stories

[Anonymous No.50030158]

>Smug cunts lacking in any interpersonal skills and substantive knowledge
>Outsources practically every task or function to either poorly conceived software or third party vendor
>Main source of diversity hiring and initiatives that have nothing to do with the core business
>Demand to be involved with every aspect of the business but adds nothing to its function except to be present and exert influence
>Takes weeks to hire people while low balling every offer. Refuses raises of any kind leading to mass turnover. Then never held to account for any of it.
Any of /biz/ got some good HR stories?

[Anonymous No.50030288]

The important thing is you are now forced to acknowledge how evil "whiteness" is everytime you are hired. Systemic racism is alive and thriving in USA!

[Anonymous No.50030321]

>>50030158
They've managed to fuck up every piece of my onboarding process and I'm still paying for their mistakes

[Anonymous No.50030355]

>>50030321
Oh? What did they fuck up? They one time forgot to submit my info to Payroll. Took 6 weeks to get paid.

[Anonymous No.50030427]

>>50030158
>apply to senior accountant role at some tech company (think it was zendesk)
>HR roastie does a phone interview
>asks me retarded accounting questions that barely make sense
>"how many GL accounts do you need to track a cash bank account?"
>"can you name an accounting standard you worked with?"
>give her some bullshit answer
>think about how retarded her questions were
>google the questions
>she googled "accounting interview questions" and asked me the first 5 or 10 questions on the list

[Anonymous No.50030512]

>>50030427
btw i ended up getting a job at a fortune 10 company. 99% of the HR is outsourced to temp contract HR wagies. i almost "fell through the cracks" and wasn't hired because like 4 temp contract HR nigger retards were trying to schedule my interview with my now boss and his boss, and all of the contractors were fucking up.

now i'm on the other side of this, helping my boss hire someone to help with my work and it's a nightmare. HR roasties will sit on candidates for a week and take FOREVER to schedule interviews. they also promote diversity hire women/nigger candidates over everyone else. my boss manually reviews their first pass rejections and forces them to let him interview the good candidates.

[Anonymous No.50030594]

>>50030427
>>50030512
Modern interviewing is such pseudo science and outright bull shit. Personality tests, made up questionnaires, hiring projects, etc. Agreed on the sitting on candidates part.
I was hiring for two positions on my team years ago. After a week I hadn't heard anything. By the 2nd week I asked and HR said no one was making it through the online filter ATS. Demanded to see the settings on the filter. For an entry level job they'd set it to 10 years experience. Even though it said 0 to 3 years on the listing. Their attitude was whoops like it meant nothing.

[Anonymous No.50030716]

>>50030594
>For an entry level job they'd set it to 10 years experience. Even though it said 0 to 3 years on the listing.

Sounds like they wanted to use an immigrant to me

[Anonymous No.50030981]

>>50030716
Maybe but equally likely they DGF and are terrible at simple tasks that would normally get people fired.

[Anonymous No.50031187]

>>50030158
>be me, graduate with honors in engineering from a good school
>interview with company the semester before I graduate
>goes well, get a second round interview
>three days later a recruiter offers me a third interview at a local restaurant
>go, have a lovely dinner, "we'll be in touch"
>three days later I got offered ANOTHER dinner
>this happens for TWO MONTHS
>the recruiter is increasingly confused
>HR just keeps telling him have an informal interview with me at this restaurant
>we run out of things to talk about, eventually we become drinking buddies
>on the 19th dinner, he finally tells me what's going on
>HR outsourced their floor laborer recruitment (highest volume department) to a third party firm
>saves the company a ton of money
>HR heads have decided to spike their budget with random shit so the company doesn't think contractors are cheaper and switch over entirely
>me and my drinking buddy have now racked up $5k alone to inflate their budget
>dinners continued until I had to leave for break, then my buddy stopped contacting me
>early April I get a rejection email

[Anonymous No.50031338]

>>50031187
What a shit show dude.

[Anonymous No.50031464]

>HR roastie: "what will you do if you dont get the job?"
>me: "i will continue to freelance to pay the bills and keep applying for similar positions with other companys"
>nail every other question asked to me
>thinking im a shoo-in to get the job
>get rejection email
>HR roastie: "some constructive feedback - i found your answer to this question to be unprofessional"
...the fuck was i supposed to say???

[Anonymous No.50031759]

>>50030158
>be me
>get contacted by a company if I'd like a junior spring dev position (fresh out of college 22yr)
>say yes
>do an interview, all is well
>goto the company to do the tests
>1/2 is personality tests while the other half is java
>the only other candidate is a fat gipsy woman
>the gipsy woman is 26 year old with a 4 year "crack" of not working any job after college
>when presented with the test, she says she doesn't know java and asks the HR roastie if she can write in C#
>she doesn't know java
>applying for a spring dev position
>I on the other hand already had working experience for that exact role
>tell her that java and C# are pretty much the same thing for these types of questions, she just has to refrain from using properties and linked library
>she doesn't know what either of those things are
>she spends most of the test time talking and joking with the HR roastie
>after the test, get a mail telling me that I've been rejected and that they accepted the gipsy woman

[Anonymous No.50031818]

>>50031187
kek

[Anonymous No.50031901]

>>50030158
>Any of /biz/ got some good HR stories?
i only accept offers from male HR, if a company is pushing a female HR i just assume the company is baiting me thinking i'm sheep and i will enrich them, fuck that, i want to be part of the team and earn big bucks, not slave a way to pay the CEO for his office pussy, i would go as far as to say that any IT company that hires females is a fucking joke and will fail

[Sage No.50031978]

>>50030158
Do interview for senior management role.
Get asked competency questions about times you had a difficult customer.

[Anonymous No.50032122]

>>50031464
the problem is you're being honest, when you need to present yourself as the best wagie even though it's retarded and fake

a better answer would probably be some shit like "if I don't get the position I will followup to see if there's any areas of improvement I can work on, and continue to develop my skills so I can perhaps try re-applying in the future."

[Anonymous No.50032182]

>be me
>handsome, tall, brown
>apply for a sysadmin job in a country that is not even mine from linkedin
>i apply at 2am, got a phone call at 10am
>HR roastie is enthusiastic and talk like a robot and say "that's great" after every answer
>tell me i will be technically tested by her colleague
>incel appears in the conversation
>"what is a DNS?"
>"do you know what is Office 365?"
>"how would you troubleshoot this issue?"

got hired because i put a picture of me on my resume and roastie felt in love

google'd her name later, she is hot af

[Anonymous No.50032318]

>>50032182
>handsome, tall, brown
Stopped right there. Diversity hire.

[Anonymous No.50032332]

>>50032318
when I say brown I mean MedBVLL
there are no niggers in my country dumbmutt

[Anonymous No.50032575]

>>50032182
>>be me
>>handsome, tall, brown
>>apply for a sysadmin job

uhm why

[Anonymous No.50032604]

>>50030158
HR is bad, but nothing is worse than an IT/Software manager who doesn't know anything about IT or Software

[Anonymous No.50032612]

>>50032575
I spent my 20's wasting 20% of my father inheritance in third world countries
I'm now 29 and I have absolutely no skill, no degree, no career so I just became helpdesk and after one year chose to create a fake resume and become a sysadmin in another country

[Anonymous No.50032635]

>>50032604
This + if this manager is a woman it's hell
When I was doing helpdesk we literally putsch'ed that bitch out of the company and a coworker took her place
he was 100% more chill and the productivity rised up

[Anonymous No.50032929]

>>50032612
Very based

[Anonymous No.50033022]

>>50032604
The average time to hire in America has gone from less than 10 days 20 years ago to around 41 days. Think about that. With the assistance of modern technology, refined understandings of how to evaluate competence, litany of third party vendors to assist every task. HR has quadrupled the time it takes to hire people. I can't name a department that's gotten worse in their core function in the last 20 years than HR.

[Anonymous No.50033192]

>>50033022
That is impressive

[Anonymous No.50034187]

>>50030512
This is why you bring candidates to them, you’ve got to actively hand select the people you want.

[Anonymous No.50035358]

>>50034187
Absolutely agree. I hate the fact that they own the hiring process and they've effectively designed it to be so impossible to get through. The only way in most companies is to have someone on the inside shepherding you through it or around it.

[Anonymous No.50035519]

>>50030158
Corporate America stories general:

Story 1:
>company needs to hire peopled
>mostly mid level excel work and low level SQL queries
>lard the requirements with 5,000 hyper specific things that we aren't even looking for
>takes 6 months to hire people
>we hire two ppl for the role
>one of the people we hired is like 100 IQ and can't really do it
>I'm too low level to say that we should just fire her
>still responsible for making sure that her work is done correctly

I get paid a lot and have great benefits and only have to work like 4 hours a day, but still.

Story 2:
>work at company while in uni
>company keeps trying to recruit me via the university even though I already work there

Story 3:
>company desperate for employees for low level positions, easy wfh 17-18 bucks and hour, can do it part time
>perfect opportunity for college students
>company literally can't be bothered to even send someone from HR to uni hiring fairs, even though there are FOUR big universities in my city
>hr roasties too fat/lazy to do anything but autosend messages via uni job platform

Story 4:
>I ask for a raise as they've made me project lead on important project supposed to save millions of dollars/year
>Denied
>apply for positions at other companies, get several offers with ~40% pay increases
>use those as leverage to make my company give me a promotion and a 50% raise
>project went nowhere due to roastie territoriality on other teams

Story 5:
>working on (different) huge new project for company
>tens of millions of dollars invested
>project really not that complicated, just takign data from a database and making graphs with it on a website
>no actual progress made in months
>make some suggestions for how we handle different issues
>every time it turns into endless meetings due to managerial incompetence and micromanagement, but work is done and improvements are made
>but I hate the meetings that result from me suggesting anything
>stop suggesting anything

[Anonymous No.50035547]

>>50030158
I got a couple
>Be me 29 years old and working for 8 years in a company.
> Go to HR to get some document for my Health Insurance card
>HR Roastie looks at me and say "Hey are you the College Entry Graduate , you are scheduled to come to the training next week"
>Look at her at disbelief for a solid 5 mins tand hen say "I am the project lead "
>She says "Oh I never noticed you , you must be new"
>Say to her that I am working for 8 years
>She giggles like a brain dead crack whore and on top of that gives me the wrong document .

[Anonymous No.50035875]

>>50035519
>>company keeps trying to recruit me via the university even though I already work there
That's amusing as fuck. Had a 3rd party recruiter try to recruit one of my coworkers for a role under his current boss. Retarded m8.
>apply for positions at other companies, get several offers with ~40% pay increases
>use those as leverage to make my company give me a promotion and a 50% raise
At least they gave you raise. I've seen HR tank multi-million dollar accounts and business segments over a couple thousand bucks in raises.
>>50035547
No interpersonal skills what so ever and no shame in their incompetence.

[Anonymous No.50035933]

>>50030158
>Any of /biz/ got some good HR stories?

one time HR reached out to me for sales job
made me take:
>phone interview
>iq test (only top 1%)
>video interview
Then they flew my across the country and the hiring manager talked to me for 5 mins and said i'm not a salesman. Everyone else was ivy league and jews lol

i got free breakfast though

[Anonymous No.50036082]

>>50035875
Hr roasties are Braindead and the only thing they should be used is like a cum dumpster.

[Anonymous No.50036300]

I DOMINATE my company's HR cucks. I refuse to deal with them, I submitted a vaccine religious exemption request that was never acknowledged - nor did I get fired or reprimanded, I book expenses on the company's dime.
Sorry kid, but you're probably just not being an actual man, and you're sitting around expecting HR to tickle your balls

[Anonymous No.50036332]

>>50036082
You're human trash.
frfr, no cap.

[Anonymous No.50037033]

>>50036082
applies to all roasties, hr or otherwise is inconsequential. most likely hired to get metoo'd in the first place

[Anonymous No.50037330]

>>50030512
>HR roasties will sit on candidates for a week and take FOREVER to schedule interviews. they also promote diversity hire women/nigger candidates over everyone else
We've been having this issue for the last 2 months across all the Canadian facilities. Nobody gets any interviews and when they finally do give something it's a fucking monkey who can't speak english and doesn't understand the questions
>How did you participate in the safety culture at your previous job
>"Yes, safety"

[Anonymous No.50037892]

>>50037330
I'm fully convinced that most HR's at this point are using in the US the voluntary demographic form everyone fills out with an application to screen candidates. Even though it's a violation of the EOE I guarantee those cunts are using it to screen candidates to get more women and minorities into businesses.

[Anonymous No.50037938]

>>50037892

I always decline to answer those for this reason. I legitimately think you're right

[Anonymous No.50037973]

>>50030158
She's wearing the southern gentleman suit for a reason. She breaks down bucks like us daily.

[Anonymous No.50038072]

>>50030512
This is why I invest in LINK, it's undeniable and godlike power of HR roasties. None of this system makes any fucking sense, it doesn't even work much of the time, but there they are at the end of the day, thriving by means the profits of others, soaking it up. I need to learn their ways. Such financial refinement far surpasses anything the Jews have ever pulled off. That and one HR lady was really nice to me.

[Anonymous No.50038121]

>>50037938
The problem is damned if you do, damned if you don't. You know they're excluding applications that don't fill it out just assuming they're clearly male and not the targeted demographic. I would love to see someone bring a EOE suit to SCOTUS over the use of demographics as a determiner for employment.

[Anonymous No.50038202]

>>50036300
When my bosses started acting out of line I would just shitpost for like an hour each day from the bathroom. I'd break it up into multiple trips of course but I think they got the point eventually. Got a raise and a promotion 6 months ago. Also less responsibility.

[Anonymous No.50038465]

>>50037892
Im in Canada and we needed to fill a few positions. HR receives the resumes first then send them to us after their pre screen. We had over 100 resumes to go through and none of them had a White name. It's completely fucked

[Anonymous No.50038865]

>>50030321
wow you had an onboarding process?

[Anonymous No.50039219]

>>50031464
Lol

[Anonymous No.50039339]

The last HR lady I had used to pick me up on the way to work when she saw me walking in the rain.

[Anonymous No.50039580]

>>50039339
did you fuck her butt

[Anonymous No.50040289]

>>50032122
I mean, people appreciate an honest person, but they seem to be looking for a machine that only thinks about working instead of looking to survive, I would just say that I would stay at home waiting for my qom bags to go up a little bit so I can pay the rent and that's all

[Anonymous No.50040389]

>>50032332
>no niggers
>brown
>med calling others mutts

Uhhhh…

[Anonymous No.50040405]

>>50030158
HR demanded I uploaded my vax status to their google form and won't let me travel for work without it. Fuck HR

[Anonymous No.50040451]

>interview for mortgage loan processor
>walk into room
>literally a panel of 4 rosaries
>asking me shit like “if you were an animal what animal would you be?”
>second interview
>2 dudes and an angry middle aged lady
>middle aged lady just scowls at me and asks unreasonable questions
>other two dudes tell her to chill
>don’t get job
>fuck this bullshit
>join Marine Corps
>dude keeps complaining his back is sore
>tell him to take a Midol
>woman overhears it
>get a negative counseling

I honestly think women completely ruin the workplace. Not all of them, but all it takes is one Susan to be a bitch and now everyone has to walk on eggshells.

[Anonymous No.50040514]

>>50030158
I am in HR.

[Anonymous No.50040522]

>>50030981
We basically had to create HR departments to give women more things to do. If women have nothing to do they just bitch incessantly. In the 70s we labeled them histrionic and pumped them full of Xanax but as a society we decided to stop doing that and just let them be HR.

Kinda like how women are the “choosers” in the mating process they’re now the choosers in who gets hired or not. Never mind the fact that they have no skills other than being good at gossip.

This is contributing to our downfall as a society,

[Anonymous No.50040537]

>>50040514
How does it feel to make $40k a year posting shit on indeed all day?

[Anonymous No.50040556]

>>50040537
Lol dude I work in HR and make 85k it’s honestly the best.

[Anonymous No.50040569]

>>50040537
$65k actually. And I don't even have to post anything on indeed anymore. We have Indians and Phillipinos doing all that shit and if I'm particularly lazy that week I'll let them do the interview even though the only thing we're actually looking for is:
>how much does this guy want
>is he willing to get lowballed
>optionally, can xe be a diversity hire for the quota

[Anonymous No.50040606]

>>50040556
>>50040569

[Anonymous No.50040729]

>>50030288
lmao
boomers really fell for the interracial breeding ground memes
>DAE hate (anti-white) racism?!?!?
guffaw

[Anonymous No.50040777]

>>50030158
Yeah I asked 35k for the my current position and the HR bitch offered 26k lol. I told my manager and he’s trying to change her mind because the team is already way way understaffed.

[Anonymous No.50040955]

>>50040777
nothing worse than the HR retard that thinks they're paying salaries out of their pocket
HR tried lowballing me once and I could see her blood pressure rising in real time, ended up refusing the job offer even after they accommodated my request (in a very cunty way)
got a better position after but that interview probably kept her up that night lol

[Anonymous No.50041280]

>>50031464
>Wank to your LinkedIn pic when I get home and spam some more applications ...

[Anonymous No.50041379]

>>50032182
>handsome, tall, brown
Lmao, stopped there. I took the shit that was the same color as you.

[Anonymous No.50041439]

>>50032332
lol calling itself a
>bvll
You fucking cringy shitskin incel. The fact that you need to accentuate that you're brown and assume informed attrribuites to yourself shows how inferior and insecure you are compared to normal people, i.e. white. Nice cuckold fantasy there, medcel.

[Anonymous No.50041519]

>>50036332
You're a barely-human trash, dicknose zoomer roastoid.

[Anonymous No.50042162]

>>50031464
>If I don't get to work for your amazing unique opportunity I will become inconsolable and probably commit suicide if I'm not so melancholic that I simply collapse and weep in bed until I die of thirst because there will never be a similar opportunity ever again

[Anonymous No.50042211]

>>50030594
Anon what's your MBTI? As an ENTJ myself I can't work with INTP and be better accompanied by ENTFs or ISTPs.

How's this not astrology for social science majors?

[Anonymous No.50042301]

>>50037892
I remember years ago when I was in the UK I had to fill out some "equal opportunity" form.
Race, gender, age, etc.
Equal opportunity, my ass. They were filling in the mandatory nigger and paki quota.

[Anonymous No.50042310]

I work in HR and have never encountered any of the stereotypes 4chan has mentioned. When it comes to hiring HR answers to the hiring manager, not the other way around. Also in my country HR is incredibly universally racist and will happily choose a white/Chinese guy over anyone even slightly brown. I work in a large American MNC. Diversity quotas do not exist, and any mention of diversity besides the dumb seminars put in place for press release is a afterthought half assed excuse for a already competent chosen candidate who happened to be a woman / POC

Then again the main reason I got into HR was because I found the other female HR executives I was working with during my internship to be incompetent(but not to the point anyone on 4chan describes) and thought that I could make a difference by putting in a ounce of effort in my work, so there’s that

[Anonymous No.50042320]

>>50031187
Well, at least you can apply again and offer to inflate their budget for some free food.

[Anonymous No.50042366]

>>50030158 (OP)

I'm waiting for the required diversity fires.

[Anonymous No.50042461]

>>50040289
>people appreciate an honest person
No, they don't. Not any area of life. People want to be told what they want to hear, which includes being told that they're honest. They want you to lie, and then they want you to lie about lying.

[Anonymous No.50042487]

>>50037892
>got desperate after months of applying for jobs and getting maybe one interview a month, after which I'd get some copy paste rejection email from the interviewer 2-6 weeks later
>started lying in all of those diversity questions to say that I'm a disabled black tranny
>also added to my resume (in white text so only resume-scanning software would ever see it) all the globohomo buzzwords
>the interview requests begin to blow up my inbox
Don't play by the rules of their faggy little games, like you said being honest just fucks you over and serves (((their))) agenda. I know it can be hard to make yourself do this if you're usually a honest person but these fucking rats don't deserve to be treated decently.

[Anonymous No.50042496]

>>50042310
>I've never seen any of these HR stereotypes, honestly, guize, my company is totally racist
>Works in HR
>Uses the term 'poc'
Guess how I know you're full of shit.

[Anonymous No.50042615]

>>50037892
I've just started filling in Middle Eastern/Pakistani/African or whatever I want on them. There's nothing they can do if you're caught out lying I don't think.

[Anonymous No.50042735]

>>50031759
>gipsy woman
the second i read that, I knew it was over for you

[Anonymous No.50042800]

Sometimes i schedule interviews with roasties that i know i wont accept because i enjoy forcing them to fake a smile and niceness to my ugly face.

[Anonymous No.50042808]

>>50031759
>and linked library
you mean linq library?

[Anonymous No.50042851]

>>50042808
Yeah, autocorrect

[Anonymous No.50042980]

>>50031759
If that's their interview process, imagine the colleagues you'll work with. Dodged a bullet there, anon

[Anonymous No.50043038]

>>50039339
Big tits?

[Anonymous No.50043051]

>>50030158
is is possible to start a company without HR roasties? i remember old school Silicon valley didnt have HR departments.

[Anonymous No.50043096]

>sister's friend
>Makes $40/hr as HR
>Complaining that she had to move 3 boxes from one room to another and had a 30 min meeting
>Apparently she almost cried cause it was too much work for her

I CAN'T WAIT FOR THESE FUCKING ROASTIES TO WORK AT BURGER KING

[Anonymous No.50043107]

No stories, just general incompetence.
It's admin work, that's all.

[Anonymous No.50043317]

>>50030158
>meme flu starts
>company tries to use it as an excuse to cut everyones pay 10%
>send out letter they want us to sign accepting pay cut
>redact and edit letter, informing them that i do not accept any unilateral changes to my pay but if the company absolutely needs to cut 10% on labour i will agree to take every other friday off and take a 10% pay cut as that amounts to 10% less work for 10% less compensation
>get meeting with hr roastie as expected
>"anon this is hard for everyone, i wouldnt have just signed a mortgage if i knew we were all getting a pay cut and me and chad were going to get divorced-"
>"Roastie, im not here to talk about your problems i am here to talk about my contract"
>seethe.exe
>"anon i will not be disrespected, just pack your things up and go home"
>get laid off
>start collecting covidbucks and ei
>go on roadtrip to rocky mountains
>4 weeks into roadtrip get call from roastie
>"anon we want to have you back at your normal salary but your old department has been disolved so your new role will be this othwr thing"
>"thats alright, if my old job is gone is rather just be fired"
>"but anon noooo-"
>click
>collect my severance and NEET for 22 months because roasie HR was too proud to give me fridays off
>stay in contaxt with guys from work, whole plant apparently went to shit for months after i was gone. nobody could maintain mt spaghetti code or make sense of my automations
>never returned work laptop, now use it for anime streaming

[Anonymous No.50043405]

>>50042461
This is true and it hurts

[Anonymous No.50043542]

>>50030594
>Modern interviewing is such pseudo science
All corporations are cults.
I'm a small business and I just have a normal conversation with people and if they are smart (you can tell) I hire them.
Simple as.
Never have to fire or let go of anyone doing it this way.

[Anonymous No.50043547]

>>50043317
based anon

[Anonymous No.50043615]

>>50043317
HR really reads as only capable of wielding their emotions like a cludgel to get workers to accept shitty deals. The second that fails, you stand up to yourself and just DGAF, they sooner or later fire someone that's indispensable and fuck up their whole company.

[Anonymous No.50043616]

>>50040389
u mad

>>50041379
u mad

>>50041439
u mad

[Anonymous No.50043654]

>>50043616
u mad

[Anonymous No.50043749]

>>50040606
uh oh he posted a cartoon frog that someone else drew. sure, youre doing better than him by every objective measure, but he wins because he has a sense of moral superiority or something?

[Anonymous No.50043767]

>>50041379
> le lmao le shitskin incel le roastoid
this is a bot. it might be made of flesh, but a bot nonetheless

[Anonymous No.50043837]

>>50040522
>women are the choosers in mating
>no one is good enough to mate with according to their 177 pound asses
>birthrates to zero

[Anonymous No.50043868]

>trying to get into contact with HR
>send them an email
>no response
>later on see that they texted my phone
>text them back
>no response (it was the weekend)
>text them again during the week
>even though I know they can see the previous texts in the conversation history they send me an "?" like they have no clue what I'm talking about
This entire economy
Needs to go to zero. All these passive aggressive catty low IQ whores need to lose their jobs. End affirmative action, end tax breaks for hiring roasties. Return to monke.

[Anonymous No.50043885]

>>50040289
>people appreciate an honest person
They appreciate a patsy.

[Anonymous No.50043953]

Just got a new job
>No HR
>interview directly with the boss
>we talked for a good hour and I named my price
>tells me another candidate will interview later today and he will get back to me within three days
>tells me two days later I got the job.
>get contract to sign. wage is 15% above what I asked
>onboarding starts on friday
I might've lowballed myself but I now earn 40% more than my last job and got three workers below me who do what I ask them to do. I pretty much stumbled into middle management.

[Anonymous No.50043989]

>>50042487
No it you're white, then select multiple races.
If they give you further options put middle Eastern and pacific islander.
That'll work
Also I'm always a fag, for job apps of course I'm lgbtqabcdipg

[Anonymous No.50044034]

>>50031464
>"what will you do if you dont get the job?"
>"Well, I think that first of all I WILL FUCKING KILL MYSELF, KAREN! IF I CAN'T BE A SERVANT OF GLORIOUS COMPANY X I WILL FUCKING BLOW MY BRAINS OUT! I WILL DO IT, DON'T CHALLENGE ME, KAREN! I WILL FUCKING COVER YOU WITH MY BRAINS!"
And that's how you get hired for $7.25 per hour, noob.

[Anonymous No.50044049]

>>50043542
The only jobs I've ever been offered at large corps are not hired through HR but directly by the team
It's ALWAYS been a new team (at like a large bank or hedge fund)
Idk why, I'm a white attractive male who went to (arguably) the best school in the USA for a masters in CS
It's so confusing
And my bosses always are happy with my work

[Anonymous No.50044081]

>>50043868
kek. i once had some dumb HR roastie email me about scheduling a phone screen. i responded like 1 hour after she emails me, i think this was on a friday. tuesday comes, no response, i follow up. thursday comes, no response. i follow up again. friday comes, no response. i write it off as being ghosted.

the following wednesday i get an email from this roastie saying she's so sorry and that she was on vacation. she wants to know if i'm still interested in the phone screen. dumb bitch never once had her "out of office" email notification on. i deleted her email and that was the last i heard from her.

[Anonymous No.50044114]

>>50030594
the latest trend in HR roastie interviewing™ science is pre-recorded video interviews where an AI may or may not analyze your facial expressions, eye contact, voice inflections, etc. i did several of these when i was desperate for a new job. johnson & johnson, for instance, uses them. they're administered by a company called hirevue. apparently they dropped the AI component from hirevue, but you still respond to pre-recorded questions and send your responses off into some HR roastie black hole to be "analyzed" by a living, breathing low IQ woman in her mid to late 20s.

https://www.shrm.org/resourcesandtools/hr-topics/talent-acquisition/pages/hirevue-discontinues-facial-analysis-screening.aspx

[Anonymous No.50044184]

>>50032612
Post resume

[Anonymous No.50044373]

>>50043953
This happened to me recently. Only got one interview with one of the top guys that also doubled as a quick technical interview. They asked what price would take me off the market and offered it the next day. Only time I had to deal with HR was because they needed some details to fill the contract.

I was working in finance before and I was just blown away by how smoothly it went compared to the usual BS 4-5 rounds process.

[Anonymous No.50044400]

One of my vendors from my old job is hiring as someone is retiring, find out from my old manager who suggested to me for the job. His really eager to get me in and working for his department. I Get an email from from schedule HR roastie to schedule a quick 10 minute phone interview, I accept the time. Guess what no phone call waiting for 15 minutes so end up going back to work. Hear nothing back from HR roastie for a few days. Couldn't be bothered following up. Get a phone call from my old manager who tells me the guy that wants to hire me is pissed off I didn't get a call so his gone to his boss and got him involved. Next day HR roastie calls me......

[Anonymous No.50044693]

>>50044184
>doxx yourself

basically i just said that i was a sysadmin in small companies from 22 y/o until 28 and then I became helpdesk for Microsoft

[Anonymous No.50045417]

>>50044049
>Idk why, I'm a white male
found your answer

[Anonymous No.50045665]

>>50031187
what the actual fuck did I just read

[Anonymous No.50045769]

>>50031464
anon don't be hard on yourself, they'll come up with any bs excuse.

>>50031759
besides them hiring for diversity you also need to understand that people hire just because they feel more friendly towards someone.

after all people are stupid and will hire anyone that feels friendly or they want to fuck over someone who actually has better knowledge. dating and hiring are pretty much the same unless you work IT in some crucial part of the company.

[Anonymous No.50045838]

>>50036300
what a larp any of that shit will instantly get you fired lmao, it's not like they can't find anyone like you.

[Anonymous No.50045876]

>>50032612
morale of anon's story is if you NEETed your way through your 20's, lie on your resume?

[Anonymous No.50046169]

im not sure if this is on topic but whatever
>work at this family owned company as security guard
>work graveyard shift on weekends
>daughter of owners is texting me at 11ish pm on friday night very casually (loling, emojis etc)
>not think anything of it, because im an autist
was she trying to fuck?

[Anonymous No.50046294]

>>50046169
DUDE

[Anonymous No.50046310]

>>50040729
You can just say you've never interviewed for a job that wasn't McDonald's, leftycuck

[Anonymous No.50046358]

>>50046294
i mean it was work related but still

[Anonymous No.50046594]

>>50043317
Amazing. I'm honestly jealous

[Anonymous No.50046689]

All HR people I know a severely racist

[Anonymous No.50046708]

>>50031901
Yeah this has been my experience

[Anonymous No.50046713]

>work for small company as contract worker for months
>get hired as full time employee in beginning of December
>accrue 8 hours of PTO during that time
>try to use it because it expires on DEC 31
>they try to decline because they have some policy written in hidden "handbook" that you don't get to use PTO in your first month
>challenge them on this
>they agree to let me have it but second guess the calculations for how much j have
>bitch spends 3 full days trying to figure out the math
>calculates that I only have 7.8 hours, not 8 hours

[Anonymous No.50047031]

>>50043096
Anonymously report her to her employer for racism, talking shit about her employer and whatever else comes to mind. Get things going in the right direction.

[Anonymous No.50047213]

>>50046713
When I got my current job I was working out of state. They wanted me in the office as soon as possible. My boss told HR to give me vacation time for the move.

[Anonymous No.50047293]

>>50032182

>handsome, tall, brown

The only true part is "brown", Kumar. How is the weather in Mumbai?

[Anonymous No.50047327]

>notice HR roast put my SSN in wrong
>go to HR to get it fixed, didn't check it because naive.
>forget about it
>get W2 after the place closes down, still wrong
>company is in chinkland now

[Anonymous No.50047391]

>>50031759
A rejection email won't tell you who they have chosen instead of you. Make your stories more believable.

[Anonymous No.50047410]

>>50040289
>people appreciate an honest person,
hahahaha, what fucking reality do you live in? fit in or get out.

[Anonymous No.50047535]

>>50043616
>u mad
early 2000s are calling

[Anonymous No.50047646]

>>50045876
yes

>>50047293
seethe tiny white dick boy

[Anonymous No.50047668]

>>50047535
u mad brah?

[Anonymous No.50047715]

>>50044114
Was it because AI couldn't meet the diversity quatas?

[Anonymous No.50047755]

>>50046713
Imagine not getting 2 days a month of PTO. I pitty americans.

[Anonymous No.50048060]

>>50031901
I always deal with the person who makes the hiring decision, or the committee, starting from my first full-time job at a restaurant. I don’t accept offers from HR.
When interviewing often the people I’m meeting with try to keep me away from HR — e.g., handling the travel cost reimbursement paperwork themselves. It’s almost like they’re trying to keep me from seeing the employees who work in the sewer of the company. Sometimes I deal with HR after I’ve already started. Then you see silly stuff, like after having two decades of experience they want me to dig up a college transcript.

[Anonymous No.50048195]

>tfw I wish I could have the same job as before.
>Literally no one gives a fuck (getting late for 3-4 hours, sleeping in job, flexible lunch or coffee breaks) as long as I could produce results.

[Anonymous No.50048775]

>>50030594
My #1 tip would be to answer the questions like the perfect wagie. If you do this I guarantee you’ll get a job.
>tell us Anon about a difficult project you managed.
Make some shit up and be the best damn wagie you can be. Interviews love hearing harrowing tales of the wagie cagie and how they did there bosses commands.

[Anonymous No.50051009]

>be in bongland
>have to get some paperwork signed by HR
>decide to go to them in person out of pure boredom
>HR team is a gaggle of about ten 20-25years old muslim girls in hijabs gossiping and giggling in their corner
>it's impossible to hide my titanium boner

[Anonymous No.50052891]

>>50047646
Ok let's assume I lie on the resume, how do I not get found out? What happens after they make a google search and nothing pops up? In 2022 is impossible to have a company without phone numbers. What do you exactly lie about?

[Anonymous No.50052925]

>>50052891
>he thinks a czech HR will spend time calling a french HR to check my past

dude, I'm just a sysadmin not the CTO
even my degree is fake and i signed the "hire right" contract without blinking an eye, all these things are shit tests

[Anonymous No.50052950]

>>50048195
why did you quit then?

[Anonymous No.50053432]

>>50052925
>czech
Welp my bad I wanted to ask people in the 1st world

[Anonymous No.50054585]

>>50043051
yes, but don't hire any females