/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.25683505]

50 LINK if you can help me solve this situation

There is this person underneath me jerking off 12 hours a day shaking the apartment like crazy.

Called the lease office and they said they cant find any shaking happening.

The fuck do i do? My chair is shaking right now from this serial coomer underneath me

[Anonymous No.25683556]

>>25683505
get a nice speaker make it face the floor and keep some annoying music while you are gone

[Anonymous No.25683569]

>>25683556
then i disturb everyone.

situation: not solved

[Anonymous No.25683572]

you should get off his lap

[Anonymous No.25683604]

>>25683505
wait for link to moon and then buy a comfy house in a nice place.

[Anonymous No.25683606]

>>25683569
then go suck his dick and maybe he wont jerk off anymore. also you write like a plebbitor so you should go back and ask them what to do. i heard that now you can tip fellow plebbitors with moon tokens maybe try that

[Anonymous No.25683619]

>>25683604
that's what i was thinking but it hasnt mooned enough yet so

situation: not solved

[Anonymous No.25683625]

>>25683505
How does one jerk off for 12 hours????
Anyway if you know who it is slide a note under their door and ask if they could be more polite about their cooming habits

[Anonymous No.25683660]

>>25683505
kek are you the same guy the other day whos housemate was supposedly doing it

[Anonymous No.25683675]

Give me the address and I'll take care of your problem

[Anonymous No.25683694]

Maybe just leave a note on his door.... asking him if you can join?

[Anonymous No.25683717]

>>25683505
If you aren't a complete autist go down and tell him his dryer or speakers must be shaking your room because you can feel vibrations from the floor above. If he's not a complete retard or asshole, he will prob understand that it was his furious masturbating and either switch rooms or slow the fuck down. If this is impossible, move your computer into another area of the apartment. If this is impossible, Masturbate even harder and blare porn sounds downward every time he does it until he gets the message, literally every time you can feel it point a speaker downward, blare moaning, and shake everything in your apartment vigorously.

[Anonymous No.25683723]

Slide a note under his door saying “i know what youre doing there sexy ;)” if not a degenerate he will stop

[Anonymous No.25683728]

>>25683505
wait a minute, you were certain it was your roommate, now you're certain it's somebody living in the apartment below you?

did you already embarrass yourself by accusing your roommate?

dude, unironically, if you're in your early 20s, you should talk to a doctor about schizophrenia. serious.

[Anonymous No.25683785]

>>25683505
Why does it have to be masturbation. Maybe it's a pipe or fan

[Anonymous No.25683804]

>>25683728
it's both. its roommate and down below. sometimes at the same time. roommate does it a handful of times, the guy below does it 12 hours straight everyday

[Anonymous No.25683817]

>>25683505
sticky situation, man.

[Anonymous No.25683821]

>>25683785
cause when i stomp on the floor he/she stops for a moment and then slowly comes back to full speed.

[Anonymous No.25683838]

>>25683804
TAKE
YOUR
MEDS

[Anonymous No.25683866]

Where are my linkies reee

[Anonymous No.25683879]

>>25683505
Actual solution:

>piss on an oven sheet
>freeze it so you can carry it without piss spilling all over the place
>take the piss filled sheet and drop the piss icicles through his mailbox every time he's jerking off
>the piss icicles will melt into his floor and carpets, smelling awful
>he will be conditioned by this piss smell punishment every time he makes the building shake with his retarded behavior

You won't bother others and there's no way to trace this back to you, yet he will know exactly why this is happening to him if you time it right multiple times.

[Anonymous No.25683933]

>>25683879
thing is i dont know who it is. theres like 2 units under me and both deny it.

[Anonymous No.25683963]

>>25683933
You can locate the right unit quite easily with a little big of investigative work. Just go down and listen through the doors

[Anonymous No.25683973]

>>25683619
Bang on his door and tell him to stop jerking off so hard.

His he consists knock his door down and beat him... off

[Anonymous No.25684005]

>>25683505
>Move all your shit out
>Turn the taps on
>Leave the apartment

[Anonymous No.25684014]

>>25683821
Kek

[Anonymous No.25684020]

Just put some earplugs in.

Or , if money is no option , buy a decibal reader and find the location through the detection. Then the choice is up to you , confront him yourself , or let management take care of it.

[Anonymous No.25684037]

>>25683963
but there's no mailbox on the door anyways. its a block away in boxes

[Anonymous No.25684038]

>>25683505
>>25683804
>>25683821
>>25683933
OP, I know it's not what you want to hear, but no joke I think you're imagining it. You need to talk to a doctor. People with schizophrenia can live totally normal lives with the right meds. Please OP. Talk to a doctor. Or at least come up with some way of proving whether it's in your head or not (e.g. post a video on here of a seismograph recording your room shaking, before and after the stealth masturbator starts masturbating).

[Anonymous No.25684059]

>>25683933
Get a seismometer. You can make one easily yourself with some string sand and a pen. Measure the shaking and present your findings to the building authority

[Anonymous No.25684064]

>>25684038
dude my monitor is shaking off my desk almost falling onto the floor. i can record it and see it visibly is like a constant earthquake.

[Anonymous No.25684086]

Sorry, bro I'll try to be quieter in the future

[Anonymous No.25684088]

>>25683660
yes it is. OP needs help

[Anonymous No.25684110]

200 LINK IF YOU CAN SOLVE THIS FUCKING PROBLEM IM GOING INSANE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Anonymous No.25684165]

ill have to look to see who has the coomer arm

[Anonymous No.25684173]

>>25683505
Just ask him nicely if he's noticed the apartment vibrating? If you're autistic, then get some sound absorbing foam and lay it under your chair and whatever you want to stop vibrating.

[Anonymous No.25684174]

Give them a fleshlight

They'll be more gentle and will most likely take the hint

0x69e6a6235574ad89a7ee70fbdf458653968b7e64

Thank you

[Anonymous No.25684179]

>>25684064
someone is operating machinery in their apartment, maybe even masturbation machine. Put a camera on a long string and lower it to look through the windows of the apartments below you

[Anonymous No.25684269]

>>25684165
I didn’t expect you to pay me but u can at least thank me jerk off

[Anonymous No.25684274]

>>25683879
fucking genius

[Anonymous No.25684291]

>>25684110
Anti-Vibration pads akin to this. It should happen the shaking, I imagine it's not that much, how much can a coomer really shake an apartment?

[Anonymous No.25684329]

>>25683505
Go over with a knife and half a dozen of homies, threaten him for real.

[Anonymous No.25684355]

how the fuck does someone wank hard enough to shake a whole apartment building?
why is jerking off the first thing you think of when your room starts shaking?
why - and I mean this - the FUCK would you think it's a good idea to accuse your flatmate and two of your neighbours of cooming too much?
you ain't living in the real world dude

[Anonymous No.25684372]

>>25684355
>how the fuck does someone wank hard enough to shake a whole apartment building?

Americans.

[Anonymous No.25684381]

>>25684355
what else could it be? it's not a fucking treadmill for 12 hours a day. its some sort of dildo action or genital masturbation addict

[Anonymous No.25684392]

>>25683505
knock on his door and hold out a bottle of lube to him. say something like "yo, I've been hearing ya have to really hammer it while you spank the money. It's no biggy, I just wanted to do a homie a favor and give you some of this shit. Makes it nice and easy. You have a good day now." He'll be fucking mortified, and he can't be spiteful because you were so nice, so he'll shut up.

[Anonymous No.25684402]

>>25684381
It could be a slightly broken washing machine

[Anonymous No.25684421]

>>25684392
but if i get the wrong neighbor...

[Anonymous No.25684446]

>>25684402
no washing machine runs for 4-5 times a day 7 days a week. this has been going on for like 2 weeks. also washing machines dont stop when you stomp on the floor above hem

[Anonymous No.25684449]

>>25684421
do both, it will have the desired reaction either way

[Anonymous No.25684479]

>>25684449
seems like the plan has holes in it. need something more solid

[Anonymous No.25684508]

>>25684479
Blanket punishment

Buy little sachets of lube and post them to every resident who you suspect it may be.

[Anonymous No.25684523]

>>25684446
Well then keep stomping on the floor then, seems to work.

[Anonymous No.25684530]

>>25684479
Nah, you use the exact same strategy on both neighbors. The one who isn't doing it will correct you. The one who is may correct you, but regardless of whether he takes the lube he'll be embarrassed about it.

[Anonymous No.25684588]

>>25684446
How the fuck do you people live in apartments and shared units. Im in a suburb and my neighbours are a pain in the ass being a house away. Cant imagine just a floor or a wall being the only thing between me and the faggot next door.

[Anonymous No.25684604]

>>25684588
idk honestly. i wont make this mistake again. i can literally hear their conversations

[Anonymous No.25684657]

>>25684604
Yeah i dated a girl who lived in apartment.

>Chinks and Indians cooking stinks the entire place up
>Can hear conversations of people next door either through the wall or the verandas.
>Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights are noisy. People get drunk, play music and yell till 5am.

Fuck that.

[Anonymous No.25684658]

>>25684381
>what else could it be? it's not a fucking treadmill for 12 hours a day. its some sort of dildo action or genital masturbation addict
You are seriously nuts bro, sorry. The fact that you immediately jumped to masturbation is entirely a projection of yourself. The fact that you genuinely ask "WHAT ELSE CAN IT BE" shows you are not grounded in reality, have not experienced much of the real world, and have spent WAAAYYY too much time on the internet. No amount of jacking off or masturbation machines are going to shake your apartment to the point that your monitor is falling over, that would take heavy machinery and you would hear it. Are you a third worlder with an apartment made out of cardboard?

[Anonymous No.25684691]

>>25684658
it sounds like masturbation though. i can hear moans sometimes

[Anonymous No.25684738]

>>25683505
You ain't giving away no links for that. If someone is able to masturbate 12 hours a day they are probably on meth. Go complain to your apartment manager of the meth user downstairs and they send someone to investigate.

Solved your problem for free. If you still want to give away links I'd be happy to take them. Lmk if I should post an address.

[Anonymous No.25684795]

I've been in your situation before, I confronted them about it and they found a solution. Try confronting them

0x7494d47b9C46BD60C64dcCbf7b552Bf7770fa8c8

[Anonymous No.25684844]

>>25683505
you probably don’t want to do this but just knock on his door and tell him you can feel the shaking. he’ll be so embarrassed that he’ll knock it off. if he isn’t a psychopath that is.

[Anonymous No.25684845]

>>25684795
This is the dumbest reply itt. What if the guy is reasonable and happy to work out some deal? You know the first thing he will do is try to shake hands right away.

[Anonymous No.25685015]

Loud death metal and scream along. Deposit here please 0x34D511654F872470431D6150eB74D3D01D8D343c

[Anonymous No.25685087]

>>25683505
Meme stealer