/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.252493]

> sitting in my privately-owned police cruiser, shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead".
> a call comes in from the chief
> “We got a situation. Somebody just stole 474 million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”
> heroin needle practically falls out of my arm
> “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government!”
> rage
> I take on the case
> ten minutes later, on the scene: a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks
> hop over them and go inside.
> flash them my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul.
> “Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?”
> no one speaks up
> almost seems like they don't care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

> just then a man in glasses makes a break for it
> he is faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. We need a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

> “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yell. “I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold!”

> he turns.
> he fires at me and misses
> pull my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fire back.

> “All right, all right! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”
> “I was afraid.”
> "Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers"
>“I’m a central banker.”

>“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I say.
>“No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

> he nods, because he knows I am right
> he swipes his credit card to pay me for arresting him

[Anonymous No.252496]

TL;DR. Could tell it was going to be a shit tier story the first two sentences in. Consider suicide OP, you are truly a faggot.

[Anonymous No.252499]

>>252493
You should probably see about writing, this was bretty gud. 8/10, not grammatically shit.

[Anonymous No.252500]

> whats all this racket son

>>252496
Someone give a hand to this useful contributing poster for this kind bump.

[Anonymous No.252511]

>>252493
not funny

[Anonymous No.252516]

I thought it was fairly amusing.

[Anonymous No.252513]

> I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks.

[Anonymous No.252519]

>>252511
>samefag
holy shit

[Anonymous No.252760]

>>252493
9/10
would lel again

[Anonymous No.252768]

Not funny and the situation you describe fits better with anarcho-capitalism than big-L libertarianism.
You should probably go back to /pol/ and learn the difference.

[Anonymous No.252790]

>I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks
>He swipes his credit card to pay me for arresting him

I was about to say how retarded this is until I got to these two lines

First time I've actually lol'd from /biz/

[Anonymous No.252796]

>>252768
>getting upset over something like this

You should pray to Ron Paul for forgiveness.

[Anonymous No.252799]

>>252493

top lel

[Anonymous No.252810]

>>252493
> pull my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fire back.

[Anonymous No.252822]

>>252493
>he swipes his credit card to pay me for arresting him

>mfw in the future, bio electrics allows credicard readers to be integrated into the body.

>mfw the officer drops his pants to allow him to "swipe" his credit card.
>mfw this is how we will regularly pay for hookers and stippers in the future

[Anonymous No.252837]

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/shouts/2014/03/libertarian-police-department.html