Why can’t I fix my life?

[Anonymous No.24394739]

No matter how hard I try it never gets better, almost always worse.

I’ve been trying and trying for years to learn to socialize with others, no matter what my face goes red and I can’t come up with anything to say. I’m a grown man, I’m not a fucking teenager or college kid and I can’t perform this basic task. When I go into a grocery store my heart starts pounding in my chest and I feel dizzy.

I’ve tried lifting, running, meditating, eating healthier, I’ve tried everything and I only ever get worse. I can’t fall asleep at night. I wake up every morning with a low grade headache. I am greasy, pale, I have big droopy eyes and big bags under my eyes.

I can’t do anything right. I’m starting to think I will never, ever IMPROVE, let alone be normal, let alone be successful. Life is pure torture for me, nothing I do works. I am a complete fucking loser.

[Anonymous No.24394762]

age?

[Anonymous No.24394777]

>>24394762
25

[Anonymous No.24394782]

you're a big baldy no comber that's why

[Anonymous No.24394834]

sounds like you have avoidant personality disorder

go see a therapist

[Anonymous No.24394837]

>>24394777
you will stop caring soon enough. just remember people don't care as much about the things that you think they do. you have to learn to not give a fuck. I know it sounds cliche but its that easy. I learned by realizing when I was angry I didn't give 2 fucks what people thought so I got into my angry mindset without appearing angry, kind of hard to explain but if you get the concept you will overcome it.

[Anonymous No.24394840]

Never give up, try to find meetups / events with people who share similar hobbies as you do, can be an easy way to meet people and provides an obvious topic of conversation where both parties are interested. If you don't have hobbies, try different things you think might interest you until something clicks. If you keep trying and don't give up, I can guarantee you things will change. It may not be quick, not easy, but if you keep at it there will be a change. Good luck

[Anonymous No.24394857]

Socializing is easier if you drink and do drugs. Maybe that will help?

[Anonymous No.24394858]

In situations like these I think more drastic approaches are necessary, something like completely discarding your old life and getting yourself into a dangerous territory where you can't ever run back to your parents if you ever get scared. Would recommend taking advantage of social supports and young adult programs available to you where you live to help you

Worked for me at least, I might still be shy and avoidant and stumble on my words but independence has permanently shifted my overall self-image to someone that resembles more of a man than a scared little boy

[Anonymous No.24394876]

>>24394739
I feel you brother. come hang in /xsg/ anons post tons of based shit all the time. you must find purpose through responsibility. I believe in you anon!!! love you.

[Anonymous No.24394946]

>>24394739
You are the person you are. There is only so much you can change about yourself that isn't rooted biologically in how your brain works. Some of us were simply not made to function in how human society operates. It is what it is.

[Anonymous No.24394955]

>>24394739
I am praying for you fren. Have you been to a shrink? Medication might help.

[Anonymous No.24395015]

Sounds like anxiety

[Anonymous No.24395028]

>>24394739
It may be a problem caused by your subconscious rules and beliefs inherited from your childhood and the treatment you got from your parents.
They did not give you unconditional love and you fear losing stranger's love and acceptation if you are not perfect because of this.
You have to go back to the root of your problem and change your beliefs.
Rewrite your past into the ideal past you wish have had and it will magically change your perception of the world and solve most of your problems.

Did you get a trauma from a past event when something bad happened and you are reminded of it each time you interact with it?
In that case you have to relive that trauma and find a solution of how you could have reacted or slightly change the event to make it a good memory instead using your current knowledge.
Your memory of your past event is used as a reference to decide how you act in your present.
Thus by rewriting your past memories and finding good solutions to past problems you can solve the past issue and its result in your present.

[Anonymous No.24395051]

>>24394739
take the plunge. do something drastic that doesn't involve hurting yourself. maybe like >>24394858

same boat with the redness. i have a few conditions that make my cheeks run blood red over nothing. so i tell the truth and tell others to fuck off when they make fun of it.

i believe in you, anon

[Anonymous No.24395056]

>>24394739
You're thoughts make up who you are. Care less about others and change you're thoughts

[Anonymous No.24395078]

You are unhealthy, Mood and Anxiety are symptoms of leaky gut and dysbiosis. Go google on how to fix your leaky gut and replenish your good bacteria with a spore biotic. There have been scientific studies showing probioitics has improve social interactions of kids with autism.

Fix your gut op you are severely unhealthy. Go a strict keto diet.

[Anonymous No.24395142]

I know that feel, bro. I ended up taking a teaching job for a few years. Obviously I was awkward af in the beginning, but I got a lot more comfortable the more I did it. I'm less anxious now, but I still get that feeling that everyone is staring at me waiting for me to do something embarrassing. But putting yourself in uncomfortable experiences can help.

[Anonymous No.24395278]

I was like this for most of my life but in the past couple years, starting around 22, I stopped caring what people think. Stopped getting so nervous placing phone calls to order food and don't get panicky in the grocery store like I used to.

But now that I overcame the massive social anxiety, my brain is in the firm grip of OCD where I always return to the same negative thoughts in any moment where my mind is not completely occupied.

[Anonymous No.24395314]

>>24395028
is this book good?

[Anonymous No.24395355]

At least you tried perhaps you would be far worse if not, idk

[Anonymous No.24395489]

>>24395314
It changed my life.
Most of us grew up in a toxic family without a strong father figure.
This book helps you recognize different forms of problems in your family and help you change your mind which was warped as a child to keep your beliefs that your parents were gods.
For example you may feel you are responsible for your parent's happiness, that you don't deserve happiness if they are unhappy or that they will withdraw their love if you don't behave the way they want.
All this is a result of being a powerless child who had to survive with all powerful parents who were the equivalents of gods.
This warps your subconscious mind to keep the illusion alive that your parents were good and perfect people until you decide to go back and change your perspective on your past.
Until you recognize that your parents are not perfect gods and only limited human beings who can make mistakes you will not be able to take charge of your life and will continuously sabotage your attempts at happiness.

[Anonymous No.24395514]

>>24394739
Sounds like you have social anxiety. I feel you. A huge step for me was realizing I had social anxiety. Then I accepted it. Once you do its easier to detach and observe your reactions from a 3rd person point of view and understand the world is not ending, you are just experiencing social anxiety. Once you can see yourself in this 3rd person pov it is much easier to deal with your condition, because you are braking the egoic identification with it. It goes from "this is who I AM" to "this is what is happening at this moment".

Also, smoking weed helped me a lot AT FIRST. It was a fantastic tool in breaking the terror that came from being in certain social situations. However, after a while it reversed and actually made it worse, so I no longer smoke around people or in most social settings.

>
I’ve tried lifting, running, meditating, eating healthier, I’ve tried everything and I only ever get worse

You have tried the right things but you probably havent adressed the underlying issue which is identification with your mind and thoughts. You probably think too much,live inside your head, and let your thoughts dictate emotional responses which by this point have a set pattern so that when you go into a public place you are bombarded by all sorts of negative thoughts, interpret things the wrong way (everyone is looking at me and judging me!), and trigger negativ3 emotional responses designed to keep you in that loop (Im a loser, weird, Im not worthy, I hate mywelf for feeling like this, Im weak) etc.

[Anonymous No.24395540]

Social anxiety. Take meds for it.

[Anonymous No.24395747]

Start taking more risks
See a therapist or get help in the form of cognitive behaviour therapy to fix your negative thoughts that contribute to anxiety
Spend a lot of time trying to reach the goals you have in life and achieve these goals so you gain confidence
Do things that you enjoy, stop doing the things you don’t enjoy doing and try and break patterns of behaviour that contribute to you doing these bad things

There you go, these are all the things I did at age 25 to reduce my own social anxiety

[Anonymous No.24395889]

>>24394739
You should also watch some of Peterson's video:
https://youtu.be/NX2ep5fCJZ8
https://youtu.be/wLvd_ZbX1w0
https://youtu.be/AVMJNEA6GDY
https://youtu.be/wqEsTPaUZF0
https://youtu.be/dJyz6iK8VXE

He was the first real father figure a lot of men in the western world had.

[Anonymous No.24396112]

>>24394834
>go see a therapist
that's right anon, go talk to a normie who has no fucking idea what it's like to be you, and to get prescribed some pills he has never taken

[Anonymous No.24396513]

>>24394739
Smoke weed or something, you fucking sperg.

[Anonymous No.24396587]

>>24394739
Amor fati, gayboy

[Anonymous No.24396696]

I'm 33 and still like this. Sorry anon, I know exactly what you're going through, been like this since grade school. Only thing that's helped me is alcohol and drugs. Lifting does help somewhat.

[Anonymous No.24396797]

>>24394739
You say you have tried meditation, but have you really? It *can* help you. I was in the same predicament as you and I'm now much better.

>Was NEET
>Lived with parents into my fucking 30s
>Heart racing as soon as I stepped foot outdoors
>Couldn't talk with anybody
>Reached a point in life where I broke down completely
>Every time something went well for me I started getting conscious about the fact that it went well and I no longer could focus and it ruined everything
>Started making me literally go insane
>Asked online for advice, like you OP but in some place meant for mental help
>Some guy said he understood what I was going through completely and knew that meditation supposedly fixed just that
>Made me very hopeful
>Started researching
>Meditation, mindfulness, went into a deep rabbit hole
>Downloaded headspace
>Started meditating
>After a few days at one point my head actually became totally clear, void of anything, just pure emptiness, no emotions, no nothing
>I was bliss. After the fact I started reading more books and stuff and Sam Harris talked about this moment a lot. First time it happens you just become happy as fuck and just joyfully, mindfully present, doing things, and you're just happy at the fact that everything, FINALLY, is just fucking quiet in your head
>Had never felt anything like this before. I was finally fucking happy for once
>Lasted a few days (Sam Harris reinforced that it indeed lasts for a few days)
>Came soon to realize that this literally fucked me pretty hard
>No idea what to say to people I had relationships with
>I became a totally new person
>No idea what I felt before towards my dad, my mother, brother
>Brother would say something and I would have no idea what to literally say or do, I was just empty in the head
>Clean slate
>Stopped meditating as it started freaking me the fuck out
>Built a new personality and ego from this clean slate
>31yo
>Apply for a job for the hell of it
cont

[Anonymous No.24396958]

>>24396797
>Get it
>Simultaneously start working on a hobby project I always had an idea of
>No distractions in my head anymore, so much fucking time to do so many different things, so fucking productive
>Project actually takes off
>Start making a bit of money. Main job + side things
>Start going out instead of just staying in
>Rather drive my car outside for 10 hours straight than sit at home with my parents. Feel so much better being outside, alone rather than at home
>Start look at flats because I can afford and don't want to live with parents anymore
>Find a great flat
>Buy it
>Start noticing all the things that were actually holding me back all this time
>Deal with all of them. Relationships etc
>House in a different city although still nearby where I used to live
>Get gymcard because I always wanted to work out but never had the balls to even leave the house
Fast forward 8 more months here I am anon
This entire transformation in 2 years. Currently in my flat just had a meal shitposting on /biz/ a little
Gonna work out tomorrow after work
Life is good and I've never felt better

All started from meditation
Hope this wall of text might help you. Thought I'd share because it literally transformed my life and I can't recommend this enough
Wanted to kill myself so many times and actually prayed for a crash in the freeway many times in the past (drove very fast hoping to some day crash or have an accident just very STUPID and retarded behavior hoping to end myself but too scared to do it)

All changed with meditation so I wanted to share
There is light at the end of the tunnel anon. If I could be redeemed (and everyone around me thought I was hopeless. Everyone. Even people I'd spent 2 minutes with and people I knew from before). If I could be saved, everyone can

[Anonymous No.24396987]

>>24394739
Focus on cooming

[Anonymous No.24397044]

>>24394739
“Tried running, tried lifting” you don’t have to try these things faggot you do them, for years. Get out in the sun too, 45 mins to an hour every single day it’s no wonder your pale ass is depressed. Nobody cares about you dude, meaning that even if you fuckup in public nobody truly cares or remembers, they’re too busy with their own issues, you can improve.

[Anonymous No.24397064]

>>24396797
Welcome to ego death anon, cool story

[Anonymous No.24397106]

>>24394739
Do not become a normie. Become something the normie fears. Train to crush the normie. Our time will soon come.

[Anonymous No.24397253]

>>24396958
That's a nice story anon. Hope you keep the momentum going because sometimes after a huge transformation you can still relapse into your old life as improbable as that seems now

[Anonymous No.24397283]

Had social anxiety for years and many other probs only Jesus helped.
Watch https://youtu.be/2fXLoavy-ww

[Anonymous No.24397287]

>>24396958
>Find a great flat
>Buy it
and this is when i knew it was a larp
you can't just buy a flat on autistic babbie's first gainful employment+side hustle

[Anonymous No.24397448]

>>24397287
You're right chronology's just a bit off
Had one hell of a task to get a loan as I had to wait a year to have income to show for it
Wasn't creditworthy at all
Tried applying with my brother as co-signer but the bank no longer accepted that (because regulatory reasons)
As soon as I had declared my taxes and everything was final I gave the bank everything they wanted and got the loan
Chronology's a bit off in the story but after rebuilding myself a bit I applied for a job just on a whim, didn't think much about it and when I got it I continued not thinking much about it, one thing at a time "I'll just go there and whatever happens happens"-kind of an attitude
"I'll just contact this realtor about this flat and whatever happens happens"
>Get a response
>Send them a follow-up
>End up getting the flat
>Apply for a loan for the hell of it
Etc etc one thing leading to another but to get the loan it indeed was a challenge but after waiting a year to finally file for my income I finally got the loan

[Anonymous No.24397581]

>>24397283
“I don’t wanna take responsibility for my life, actions or decisions”

[Anonymous No.24397912]

>>24396797
Do you have some form of communication with your subconscious?
Do you get memorable dreams with an important message or get some music in your head randomly with impacting lyrics?
Do you get ideas during your meditation that you try to understand and follow?

For me this was a bit of a different process.
I watched this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=968yNvFiVH0
And tried to understand why I couldn't do this.
I focused on the question for 1 hour with a strong will to understand and tried to think and understand my thoughts in what would be similar to meditation.
Then after fighting my subconscious trying to make me do something different I felt a very strong fear from my inner child which was afraid of dying if it was not allowed to exist.
At that moment I repeated multiple times that he deserved to exist, had no reason to fear anything, and that I would support him no matter what happened even if the complete world was against us.
After repeating this for a few minutes the emotion became that of absolute pure light and happiness.
This was also the birth of my ego as I only followed a programing based on outside expectation without knowing what I wanted before and who I was.
I also have a strange result of not remembering well my older memories as if they were not mine and I was reborn as a real being that day.

Could you detail what you did in your meditation?
Did you feel a stronger connection to your inner self and allowed the ideas to flow through you without outside disturbance?
Did you meet your subconscious personalities?

[Anonymous No.24397938]

>>24394739
I'm rooting for you OP. Am there right now, though you might have it worse in intensity. I don't really know what happened, but I just got insane anxiety in my teens which lead to avoidance and then depression. Changed my life a bit recently by holding a fulltime job for 2 years now. Things are better but I still feel off trying to communicate with people, like I don't know what to say. I feel like I'm trying to say the right things instead of just reacting naturally, but my natural reaction feels like i really don't give a damn, but I don't want to be rude.

And then I just have all these thoughts running through my mind all the time. Ah shit, hope you find the answer.

[Anonymous No.24398124]

>>24397912
Why you couldn’t have a party and wear glasses anon?

[Anonymous No.24398214]

>>24397448
good for you anon, i believe you. coping with the same issue myself, but for my employment situation i've had to wait two years to be able to get a loan. sorry for the doubt.
heres to having a good independent life

[Anonymous No.24398221]

>>24396797
The joy of being free from your mind is indescribable, especially if you have social anxiety or are addicted to thinking. For any anons here I thoroughly recommend Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now". There's mountains of self help books but few or none as straightforward or important as that one. I wish I had read that book when I was 10 (I was a precocious reader). My life would have been incredibly different if I had had that knowledge going through middle and highschool.

[Anonymous No.24398284]

>>24398124
Extremely narcissistic family...
I never stood a chance.
My current situation is a miracle caused by the strong emotions that surviving multiple deadly experiences caused in me.

Joking aside, what I wanted to understand is why I could not behave the same way as this cool guy who didn't care what the journalist behaving as a toxic mother wanted to hear or that a big audience was seeing his reaction.
This is the biggest issue for most of us. We need social acceptance for our actions, but can't have any freedom because of it.
Becoming alpha in your mind means you don't need social acceptation and are happy to be alive independently of others.

[Anonymous No.24398355]

>>24395489
Recognising the shit parts of childhood and my parents is the easy part, how do actually make the change and not remain bitter over their cruelty?

[Anonymous No.24398416]

>>24394739
Everyone is just a person anon. Realize that a lot of those feelings come from vanity. You don’t want anyone to shatter your image of yourself or to see you in a negative way. Try focusing on other people and try to genuinely take an interest in others and whenever you start thinking about yourself turn your thoughts outside of yourself again

[Anonymous No.24398592]

>>24394739
Did you get a hobby? I think like you kinda miss something that is important to you, that makes you confident and Happy. You see I kinda know what you mean. Unironically I think what you need is love from someone close(not ina sexual manner). You experience sometimes like a Tunnel vision if it gets really bad in social situations? its preobably a reaction because you probably have been treated horrible when you are smaller, and now your Hippoocampus reacts to strangers as if they will abuse you like when you were younger, regardles of it is the case or not. This Fight or flight, or freeze response, is basically your Neurons firing up in your brain, and you are no longer capable of having a nomral conversation, because your brain is busy assessing the possible threads and dangers. It's as if you'd try to render 10 videos at once on a shitty PC. What can you do about it? thats a good question. I'd guess the best answer to it would be to break out of it. To Intentionally get you in awkward situations, and then try out new responses in the situations to your anxiousness that blocks your thoughts. Even if people are creeped out, laugh at you or sth like that. This way you get more comfortable with your anxiousness, and might be able to conquer it.
Besides that also get a hobby, not just working out. Like a fucking hobby, a skill. Be it martial arts, painting, Instruments, learning a new language. The more you occupy yourself the less time you have to contemplate your situation, which boosts your self esteem which might help you in anxiousness situations.

[Anonymous No.24398939]

>>24394739
You don't have to nail those things you tried. The smallest improvement is improvement. Just go for small, daily changes.

[Anonymous No.24399504]

>>24398355
First you have to acknowledge that they made a mistake and that you were powerless as a child.
This means you have to understand in the deepest part of your subconscious that you deserved better.
You don't have to ask your parents for excuses because they will most certainly never give excuses for their past actions, as they acted this way because they inherited the same problems from their own parents.
Once you get this part you won't care for their excuses as much as for your own perception of their behavior. Never go back on your perception of their bad actions as this would make you lose all your progress. What they did was cruel, but now that you understand that you deserved better you will act in a different way, be in charge of your own life and this will force them to chose if they want to continue their relationship with you and acknowledge this change or continue to be toxic and then you will reduce your connection to them to the minimum.
This process is explained in the second part of the Toxic Parents book.
You have to feel emotionally that you deserved better.
A way to do this is by going back to a past traumatic memory connected to this subconscious trauma and change the event by adding the adult you in it as a healthy help to your past child self. Your adult self can talk back to your parent and tell your past child self he deserves better. If you do this right you will feel a strong emotion. Then you have to keep imagining this until the emotion disappears.
Another way to do this is by imagining there is a small child near you who is mourning the death of his parents.
Imagine he went through similar experiences, and then what you would tell him as if you became the replacement for his dead parents.
It's easier to help others than yourself and this exercise uses this.

[Anonymous No.24399551]

>>24394739
Too many fucks given

[Anonymous No.24399583]

>>24396797
>>24396958
Based as fuck
Did you buy the headspace subscription? Would you recommend?

[Anonymous No.24399768]

>>24394739
“Come to me,all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

[Anonymous No.24399845]

>>24399768
Based and ultimate-truth pilled