/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.24266456]

>WE'RE LOOKING FOR A TEAM PLAYER

[Anonymous No.24266537]

>$50k office job
>You must be motivated to work hard, and come in on weekends when asked

[Anonymous No.24266568]

Jobs are just a means to your goal of becoming your own boss.

[Anonymous No.24267132]

>>24266456
>bubbly personality is a must
>self starter quick learner
>good with custoomers
yep OP need not apply

[Anonymous No.24267163]

>we're looking for people who literally can't function or complete tasks on their own
Why is it always like this?

[Anonymous No.24267200]

>>24266456
>we want someone to hang out with in the office after our daily 37 min of actual work is completed

[Anonymous No.24267228]

>Diverse work enviroment
>making customers happy everyday

[Anonymous No.24267256]

Winklevoss twin need not apply

[Anonymous No.24267257]

>>24266568
for humans. for NPCs, wage life is high school 2.0

[Anonymous No.24267260]

No need to be a teamplayer, just be financially independent.
Just go ballsdeep Curio and never work a day in your life again

Curio (CUR) will be the first crypto project to make staking/passive income possible with real-world assets as collateral (Ferrari, Real-estate etc).
They are building something similar like MakerDAO, and their own CapitalDEX based on a uniswap fork, as a regulated security-token DEX.

It will be the ultimate form of DeFi

[Anonymous No.24267285]

>>24267228
Sounds like a brothel.

[Anonymous No.24267315]

>>24267163
They don't want intelligent people because the intelligent ones who aren't already running their own businesses are lazy

[Anonymous No.24267457]

>>24267163
It's like the military except slightly less gay and more shekels.

[Anonymous No.24267493]

>>24267256
Look at their stupid long faces. I could kill them both with a single punch.

[Anonymous No.24267529]

>>24266537

[Anonymous No.24267632]

>It is important that we practice communication

[Anonymous No.24267669]

>>24267632
literally had a talk like this when I started

[Anonymous No.24267722]

>>24267669
it's hilarious when they read some LARP books about leading and shit then trying to practice it on me fuck of nigger

[Anonymous No.24267862]

>>24267722
I actually read all the good leadership books and the biggest factor in good leadership is intelligence. If you're stupid, you simply can't do it.

[Anonymous No.24268108]

>>24267862
Idk, it might improve it but imo you gotta be natural for it or otherwise

[Anonymous No.24268193]

>>24266456
>we're looking for someone who can roll up their sleeves and wear many hats

[Anonymous No.24268379]

>We are a work FAMILY. Not just a company.

[Anonymous No.24268432]

>>24266456
>BOOM BOOM CLAP
>BOOM BOOM CLAP
>BOOM BOOM CLAP
>BOOM BOOM CLAP
>BOOM BOOM CLAP
>BOOM BOOM CLAP

[Anonymous No.24268434]

>>24268379
>if you have problem with someone come to me, everything can be resolved

[Anonymous No.24268459]

>>24266537
>must have a master's degree and 4 years of experience in the field

[Anonymous No.24268609]

>>24268108
Nah there's no such thing as a natural. You can learn it at a very early age, but nobody is a natural born leader. I sure as fuck wasn't, but I learned quick because I read a lot of books, analyzed the leaders around me, and I'm intelligent. Within a couple months I was outperforming people with decades of experience and formal education.

[Anonymous No.24268687]

Work for Disney. Must be able to do the work of six normal people to keep job

[Anonymous No.24268929]

>are you taco-tastic?

[Anonymous No.24269273]

>>24266456
>ANOTHER DAY ANOTHER DOLLAR

[Anonymous No.24269335]

>>24269273
Uh oh someone's got a case of the Mondays

[Anonymous No.24269388]

>entry level software dev role
>have to have 5+ years experience with a tech stak that's barely even a year old

[Anonymous No.24269427]

>>24269273
>>24269335

>another day in paradise!

[Anonymous No.24269480]

>Entry level position
>MUST have 30 years relevant experience
>BACHELOR'S DEGREE REQUIRED
>starting pay is 13$/hr

why is this allowed

[Anonymous No.24269517]

Be honest. Is this you?

[Anonymous No.24269520]

>Teamwork makes the dream work

[Anonymous No.24269531]

Sell me this pen, /biz/.

[Anonymous No.24269640]

>>24268609
Wrong. Just because you aren’t a natural leader doesn’t mean there aren’t people who are meant to do it. You’re coping buddy.
>t. born leader

[Anonymous No.24269687]

>>24266456
>Must hate niggers.

[Anonymous No.24269734]

>>24269531

[Anonymous No.24269885]

>>24269480
So they can outsource to some poo

[Anonymous No.24269972]

>>24269640
Oh yeah? Lead me that pen >>24269531

[Anonymous No.24270292]

>>24268379
the worst.

Used to have a job at Chipotle, and they made me recite some poem chant.

[Anonymous No.24271084]

>Anon, it shows on your application no form of social media whatsoever, and when we searched your name online, we found nothing. Care to explain this?

[Anonymous No.24271134]

>We're looking for a racist mic-spammer solo queuer who quits after pistol round

[Anonymous No.24271697]

>>24269531
No, Im keeping the pen, get yourself a new pen. This is my pen. If you want it back pay me.

[Anonymous No.24272701]

>>24269531
If you dont buy this pen I'll kill you

[Anonymous No.24272713]

>after hours 'teambuilding'

[Anonymous No.24272759]

>were looking for a player to be apart of the team

[Anonymous No.24272762]

>>24270292
>WE ARE WE ARE WALMART

[Anonymous No.24272801]

>>24266456
>translation
slave

[Anonymous No.24273104]

>Wagecuck Industries has a fantastic new opportunity for the right candidate!
I fucking hate how these places call jobs "opportunities"

[Anonymous No.24273128]

>>24266456
>salary: competitive
>salary: DOE
>salary: market rate
>salary: (blank)

it's hard to tell which jobs are even worth applying to. i can generally guess, but still.

[Anonymous No.24273226]

>>24271134
Based

[Anonymous No.24273236]

>>24269531
It's perfect for shoving up your fucking ass.

[Anonymous No.24273478]

>>24266456
> We work hard, but play harder

[Anonymous No.24273545]

>essential worker during covid
>hear "hey at least we're lucky to still have jobs right?" at least 3 times per day

[Anonymous No.24273618]

Just learn a trade for fuck sake... Learn plumbing or welding some shit that actually adds value to society and go the fuck to work.

[Anonymous No.24273662]

>>24266456
>Per my last email
>Let's circle back
>Moving forward
>Win-win
>Our Vision
>Our ethos

[Anonymous No.24273674]

>>24266456
Every single job application ever. Don't you know that you're supposed to lie on these things, OP?

[Anonymous No.24273686]

>>24269531
this pen will go 2000$ EOY and also it just joined the intel AI team

[Anonymous No.24273760]

>>24270292
Wagie here. This thread makes me want to kill myself. How do I escape this hell.

[Anonymous No.24273764]

>>24269531
tell me about your pens usage first

[Anonymous No.24273821]

>>24273760
Got my first job this week, being a wagie is still better than being a NEET

[Anonymous No.24273836]

>great social skills

[Anonymous No.24273857]

>>24271084
>2020
>not having a fake social media account specifically to fool the regards considering hiring you that you're not an autistic socially retarded sick fuck wierdo.

[Anonymous No.24273876]

>>24271084
>Yes Mr.Goldstein did you check my 4channel account?

[Anonymous No.24273932]

>>24266456
We're looking for a white fit family minded male with national socialist sympathies.

Our corporate culture is action before words. All our managers have technical background and we work in small full stack teams.

If you work hard you will get noticed and promoted.

We want the best so we pay above average industry salaries.

[Anonymous No.24273962]

>>24269517
Pretty much. Will have an A.S in electrical engineering in 8 months. Please tell me that's enough to get a real job somewhere. I don't know how much more humiliation I can take.

[Anonymous No.24273964]

The absolute state of wagies by wednesday

[Anonymous No.24274017]

>>24269531
this pen is very scarce. you see, there is a maximum supply of 100,000,000,000 units for this pen, therefore it must be worth 1000$ one day.

[Anonymous No.24274168]

>>24273662
>Industry Leading
>We envision
>Gamer Changer
>Internet of Things
>Our systems utilize AI and Deep Learning

I fucking despise industry jargon

[Anonymous No.24274253]

>>24274168
Same here
My girlfriend is totally cool with it. Good for her. We can't both be doomers about corporations. lol

[Anonymous No.24274276]

>>24266456
>Competitive salary
>Wages discussed in the interview

[Anonymous No.24274343]

>>24269531
It changes it's color when a nigger is close.

[Anonymous No.24274502]

>>24266456
>anon, you know how Jeff quit last week? Well we need you to take on his responsibilities.
>No, there's no pay increase, but when a management position opens up you can mention this in your interview.
>of course you won't get it, because we already have 5 people lined up for those positions
>so basically this is of no benefit to you and we're only asking you to do this because the rest of our staff are incompetent, eat shit.
>any questions, don't hesitate to ask (don't ask or I'll get annoyed and talk about you behind your back)
I can't wait to make it so I can put all of this shit i my rear view mirror

[Anonymous No.24274555]

>how’s it going?
>oh it’s going

>how’s it going
>living in paradise

>how’s it going
>oh you know

[Anonymous No.24274646]

>>24274502
How do wage cucks deal with this degrading shit? Are they THAT unself aware?

[Anonymous No.24274705]

>>24266456
>What are your strengths and weaknesses?

[Anonymous No.24274718]

>>24274555
>smashing it

[Anonymous No.24274727]

>>24269531
I am sorry but it's not for sale.
This pen has been used to sign my first smart contract and it brought me extreme luck.
You can say this pen is the reason I made it.
It brings luck to its owner.

[Anonymous No.24274739]

>>24274555
>oh you know
I say shit like this because the person asking the question doesn't actually want a genuine answer. Etiquette dictates that tour answer must be short and vague.

[Anonymous No.24274759]

>>24274502
Anon if you're not comfortable just saying no, your stacks aren't big enough. You need to get you some fuck you money.

[Anonymous No.24274769]

>>24274502
I quickly learned it's better to be the incompetent employee rather than the competent one

[Anonymous No.24274773]

>>24274555
> Are you winning?

[Anonymous No.24274786]

>>24274502
i had this happen to me. luckily i'm efficient and good at automating certain things, so it's not a huge increase in workload, just an annoying change from my usual pace.

they're promoting me in 2021 or i'm leaving for a promotion and a 20-30% raise.

[Anonymous No.24274828]

>>24274646
Well when they ask you do do shit they'll do it in double speek. Its not exactly like you're in a position to tell them to fuck off anyway.

[Anonymous No.24274902]

>>24269531
for 5$ im going to put this pen in my pooper

[Anonymous No.24274912]

>>24273962
>A.S.
No

[Anonymous No.24274929]

>>24274646
They have to copy their incompetent staff's behavior.
You are not able to do more than one work after all and they should not know or expect you to work more than your standard work. You should never advertise your competence and speed and pretend to be slower and have more difficulty than the reality. Make things look more difficult than they look to you and say less than necessary to make them imagine what you did and add complexity to it in their head.
Just let the extra work pile up and ignore it until the management finds out you can't make it and explain that you have a time constraint because this is the work of 2 persons.
It's not like they can fire you if you are more competent than the rest and are still doing your original work.

https://www.ribbonfarm.com/2009/10/07/the-gervais-principle-or-the-office-according-to-the-office/

[Anonymous No.24275159]

>>24274759
>Anon if you're not comfortable just saying no, your stacks aren't big enough.
I'm well aware of this. Im close, though. I plan on taking on more responsibilities before I leave, and I won't hand in my notice. Fuck em', they can explain to the client why they had the whole project resting one one person's shoulders.
>>24274769
I realise this now. There is a balance to this, though. They stated laying people off due to downsizing. The bottom performers went first.
>>24274786
Just be careful. Things seem fine now, but the moment they aren't and something goes wrong, you'll need a scapegoat. Start planning now.

[Anonymous No.24275188]

What kind of place can I apply to if I don't want to be a team player, where I can shit down my coworkers throats and be rewarded for it?

[Anonymous No.24275273]

>>24267315
Unironically true.

[Anonymous No.24275294]

>>24275188
>where I can shit down my coworkers throats and be rewarded for it?
don't be that guy anon. It doesn't get you anywhere and people just won't trust you. There are no jobs that don't expect you to be a team player, unless you're self employed.

[Anonymous No.24275509]

>>24274912
Surly I can get something less shitty than $12 per hour at mcburger mart.

[Anonymous No.24275539]

>>24275188
In my experience, warehouse work.

[Anonymous No.24275648]

>>24266456
i do 007 stuff with BOND, interested?

[Anonymous No.24275977]

>>24273821
>this week
It won't take long anon. If you're in retail then expect to hate it after this Friday.

[Anonymous No.24276051]

>>24275977
What's so bad about retail

[Anonymous No.24276077]

>>24276051
Do you think the NPC thing is just a meme?

[Anonymous No.24276336]

>>24275188
Pretty sure that's the sales department at any major corporations. Do you like preying on idiots? Sales might be for you!

[Anonymous No.24276476]

>>24275188
Be a bouncer at a club. They get paid to be jerks to the customers.

[Anonymous No.24276610]

>>24276051
Had a customer take a leak on the floor once and we had to clean it. We also got robbed and I'd probably be dead right now, had they been more serious armed criminals (they just tore a bunch of smart watches off the display and ran). Get screamed at by customers and harrased by my boss all the time. It's hellish, and physical labor is unironically better.

[Anonymous No.24276826]

>>24275509
Only after 5 years experience in the industry and a masters or three.

You fell for the college meme.

The key is to know people who know people. Oligarchy means social networking. Autistics like you have to transition and become trannies to join the club so we can keep you around as office entertainment.

[Anonymous No.24276880]

>>24273686
Based oily autist

[Anonymous No.24276889]

>>24267493
Aren't they Olympians or some shit?

[Anonymous No.24276985]

>>24271084
Nigger

[Anonymous No.24277034]

>>24274502
>I can't wait to make it so I can put all of this shit i my rear view mirror
this sentenced is based
remember to act like evil spiderman while leaving the office

[Anonymous No.24277083]

>>24268687
and people happily do it due to the weird archetype hijacking disney brainwash that occurs to a lot of people in childhood

[Anonymous No.24277291]

>>24274929
>It's not like they can fire you if you are more competent than the rest and are still doing your original work
you'd be surprised

[Anonymous No.24277389]

>>24276476
Have fun working until 4am and getting into fights. You also work with 95% niggers

[Anonymous No.24277623]

>>24277291
Only a narcissist would do this, at the cost of his own position...

Well if that happens that's a sign telling you to go look for a more decent place.
You will have the satisfaction of knowing they will self destruct themselves without you and cause a lot of problems they could have prevented due to their ego and their hatred for your competence.

The key is to pretend you are doing your best and use the management for your own advantage.
If you use the 48 laws of power properly, you shouldn't run into this problem.

[Anonymous No.24277915]

>it's a co-workers love to talk but have literally nothing interesting to say environment
I feel like such an antisocial dick sometimes, but they are genuinely fucking boring. They're like bootleg normies.

[Anonymous No.24277982]

>>24277034
>remember to act like evil spiderman while leaving the office
Kek this gave me a cring flashback

[Anonymous No.24278084]

>>24266456
>We are NOT looking for a team player.

[Anonymous No.24278301]

>>24267163
Manager chad here, I can answer that; if you're an intelligent, creative person with lots of ideas and insight, you're also very likely to produce a never ending stream of terrible opinions. Now, some of those ideas from some people are game changing, and absolutely vital to the success of a business. But that's the exception, not the rule.

If your job requires the rote performance of a simple physical or mental operation, or even a rather sophisticated set for that matter, we know that you're going to get bored.

So, we want arrogant morons who are just intellectually capable enough to do their jobs and nothing else.

[Anonymous No.24278429]

>>24278301
kek I work in a factory and there's a definite hierarchy of intelligence here

>machine operators
literal braindeads who stand in one spot all day with their eyes glazed over
>shipping
simple blue collar guys, not dumb but not educated
>office workers
people who seem to have at least graduated high school, average intelligence. some of them might have degrees
>engineers
smart people, obviously college educated, intelligent and well paid

If you took one of the engineers and put them on a machine all day, they would probably quit that day due to boredom.

[Anonymous No.24278546]

>>24269531
If you had any brains you'd want this pen without me even explaining why

[Anonymous No.24278598]

>>24278429

>engineers
>smart people

whew I'm laughin m8

[Anonymous No.24278620]

>>24278301
>manager chad here
>we want arrogant morons
>we
I hate managers who think they're hot shit. You realise you're just the company's bottom bitch right? Of course you don't want arrogant morons working for you...why would you say that? Its just a fucking lie. The truth is, arrogant morons get into the hiring process and write stupid shit like "we're looking for a team player" because they haven't got an original thought in their heads. Please, don't give them credit they don't deserve.

[Anonymous No.24278635]

>>24278598
Engineers are definitionally more intelligent than the average person, your post is less than worthless. It's only purpose is to allow me to explain to any lurkers why someone like you should be spat on.

You'll speak when spoken to, you fucking moron.

[Anonymous No.24278655]

>>24278620
Bro I'm just hitting you with the facts.

[Anonymous No.24278657]

>>24266456
>WE ARE COMING
>AND WE ARE COMING IN WAVES

[Anonymous No.24278680]

>>24266456
>How do you react to hostile customers

[Anonymous No.24278689]

> Hi, how are you?
> Not too bad, how are you?
> Yeah, all good.

[Anonymous No.24278701]

>>24278598
To be fair, nobody who works at a place like this is really that high-tier. I lack perspective I suppose. I'm sure the people at some high-tier firm would make them all look like retards. They seem very well put together compared to most of the employees here. I am often tasked with training people who can't do basic math WITH A CALCULATOR, or who struggle to write legibly or follow any basic instructions. I don't remember anybody who I went to school with being so retarded. I just don't understand how they function, or where they come from.

[Anonymous No.24278755]

>>24278635
Funnily enough, I attended a university well known for it's eng programs and the most average intelligence people there were the engineers. Sorry to shatter your fantasy, an engineering degree is just an over-priced trade school degree for drones just smart enough to follow orders lmao

[Anonymous No.24278793]

>>24278755
Why don't you go and talk to a psychometrician and ask them what the average intelligence is and means?

Oh wait, here I am.

Retard.

[Anonymous No.24278860]

>>24268609
Wrong. Thats like saying you can learn to like sucking dick. But hate to break it to you but you were born to suck dick.

[Anonymous No.24278954]

>>24278755
sounds like someone dropped out of engineering school due to difficulty, don't worry, they TRY to cull 50% of the 1st years. You just weren't smart enough, least their is crypto now to save you.

[Anonymous No.24278980]

>>24267493
>t. virgin

[Anonymous No.24279097]

>>24266456
>must have minimum 40 years experience with JavaScript

[Anonymous No.24279378]

>>24278655
>Bro I'm just hitting you with the facts.
Whatever, Gavin. You keep thinking that. But just remember this post when your workforce of retards caves under the slightest pressure, becomes completely unreliable and eventually fails you. It's your own doing because you think you're the 4D chess master for intentionally hiring, in your own words, arrogant morons.

[Anonymous No.24279403]

>>24274769
Bingo.
I spend most of my days fucking up on purpose so everyone is afraid to ask me to help for anything now. Comfy.

[Anonymous No.24279539]

>>24266456
Lol this takes me back to when I just got out of college and tried to get a white collar job. Ended up in construction instead, which isn’t fun, but it pays the bills

> seminar interview with 8 other people
> selling life insurance
> interview
> guy literally explains that he makes money off of what I sell, and what his team sells
> draws a triangle to explain this

“You sure this isn’t a pyramid scheme?” I ask

> he looks down, chuckles, then tries to get back on track
> offers me the job on the spot

Man what a train wreck

[Anonymous No.24279602]

>>24266456
>WE'RE LOOKING FOR AN ANTI SOCIAL 20 SOMETHING YEAR OLD WHITE MALE

[Anonymous No.24279654]

>>24269531
based oldfag

[Anonymous No.24279788]

>>24278689
Are you me?

[Anonymous No.24279808]

>>24278680
>How do you react to hostile customers
>I ask you, DO YOU WANT TOTAL WAR!?