Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for gathering here today. What I intend to present to you now will rock the foundations of our shared reality. The world as we know it will never be the same again. And as this news filters out around the planet over the next 24 hours, know that you have been chosen, for some divine reason I cannot fathom, for a reason only God himself knows, to hear this before anyone else.
Without further adieu, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the architect of Bitcoin. The architect of XRP. The man who has, after decades of tireless work, single-handedly solved the global debt crisis and prevented the impending financial and societal collapse.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Today, I present to you... Satoshi Nakamoto.