Autism at the Office

[Anonymous No.21327720]

Getting my first job soon. What’re some of the unwritten social rules about working in an office? Tips? Examples? Stories? Plz help.

[Anonymous No.21327797]

just take a spicy shit on the bosses call 911 and claim neetbux after being sucidial

[Anonymous No.21327914]

>>21327720
Don’t jerk off in front of coworkers.

[Anonymous No.21327956]

Dont divulge any personal info about your relationships. Ever.

[Anonymous No.21327976]

>>21327720
just b urself

[Anonymous No.21328067]

Meetings are the worst if you need to speak at one don’t be afraid to talk slow not retard slow but don’t run out of breath. Office small talk is bullshit and the worst moments of your day will be trying to find the best way to leave a conversation.

[Anonymous No.21328394]

>>21328067
What about “optional” Meetings? As in not mandatory? Are those still technically mandatory?

[Anonymous No.21328431]

>>21328394
yes, usually you are expected to go

[Anonymous No.21328464]

be professional visually(yes normies care a lot) and verbally and don't drink with your coworkers

[Anonymous No.21328466]

>>21328431
Any other bull shit like that I should look out for?

[Anonymous No.21328490]

>>21327720
In no particular order:

1) Never reveal you powerlevel. If your main hobby is vidya or you like anime or any of that nerd shit, keep it to yourself. You'll either A) make your coworkers think you're weird or (worse) B) you'll actually have some coworkers that share your hobbies and want to talk to you about them.

2) Always, always keep your cool. Even if you get frustrated at some person, coworker, whatever, don't let any anger leak out whatsoever. You'd be surprised how far you can get ahead just by being someone with a reputation of being "cool and collected."

3) Unless it's a throwaway minwage job (which may be the case if it's your first), don't stick your pp in anyone there, especially before knowing your coworkers for at least a year or two. Don't do it. It'll either end up terribly and make working awkward or you'll find yourself in the hotseat of the HR department when Stacy decides she might take her chances with getting some harassment-bux.

4) Try to make "friends" in the sense of being on good terms with people. Don't go out of your way to piss anyone off if you dislike them; all it takes is one of them to be promoted above you for your work situation to become a nightmare.

[Anonymous No.21328491]

>>21327956
yeah dont let them know you have family
dont tell them anything, give out some bullshit about the vidya you play and tell them nothing else personal. they will likely be intimidated by anyone competent so just remember you're coming into their zone where they make their ends meet financially and most people do not take kindly to new hires out of fear. so basically, just be autistic and let them underestimate you

[Anonymous No.21328494]

>>21327720
Don't shit where you eat.

[Anonymous No.21328511]

>>21327720
Rape are the girls there

[Anonymous No.21328549]

HR fucking sucks

[Anonymous No.21328576]

>>21327720
Even if you can squeeze it out silently, everyone's still gonna smell it. They aren't gonna say anything but if you do it regularly one day you'll walk over and they won't see you and they'll call you farter behind your back.

[Anonymous No.21328654]

>>21328576
Don't be a farter!

[Anonymous No.21328671]

>>21328466
I don’t know what type of work you do but I’ve found the universal keys to success at any job is just being punctual, don’t ever be late and leave earlier than needed, and just having a good attitude will get you by.

[Anonymous No.21328778]

>>21328466
In a similar vein, don't miss too many (horrific) company social events, even when you don't want to go to any of them.
Have a good excuse when you don't go.
Be nice, keep everything you say neatly within the overton window, avoid politics as much as you possibly can.
reveal as little actual personal true info about yourself as possible (provided you're a moderately strange guy, which you probably are if you're here), lie if you have to.
basically, pretend to be a normalfag.

[Anonymous No.21328993]

>be really productive the first year or so
>then coast the next 5 doing the absolute minimum
>working only 2h a week, use time and disposable income to invest and learn new skill
>after 5 years get better job with new skill and begin new cycle
>also don't get involved with anybody, be friendy and helpful to establish competence but don't share private info
>they are not your friends, i overplay my autism just so nobody fucking tries to smalltalk me

[Anonymous No.21329198]

>>21328464
I disagree with the drinking part. You should go out for Happy Hours. But don't be the asshole who gets drunk. Have two then call it a night. Just showing your face out there even if you don't say much leaves a good impression.

[Anonymous No.21329537]

>>21328464
>don't drink with coworkers
how will they ever learn about the jews, anon?

[Anonymous No.21329781]

>>21328490
All good advice

[Anonymous No.21329814]

>>21328549
Why

>>21328491
>>21328490
Based

[Anonymous No.21329866]

>>21328778
Fuck. Ok. Good to know.

[Anonymous No.21329876]

>>21327720
Don't gossip, even if you end up standing around a circle of folk who ARE gossiping go "ah, I don't talk about other people when they're not around"
Gossip and negativity are an easy way to connect with people, you just end up connecting with bad people.

[Anonymous No.21329938]

>>21329814
>Why
mostly women and faggots

[Anonymous No.21329968]

>>21329876
>ah, I don't talk about other people when they're not around
don't even say that, just dip out and go back to work.

[Anonymous No.21329969]

>>21329876
I don’t gossip. It’s for normies and it’s just bait manipulative people cast out to reel in retards to use as leverage. Good advice though.

[Anonymous No.21329987]

>>21328464
>don't drink with your coworkers
This X 1000 you will let power levels slip one day

[Anonymous No.21330035]

>>21329876
>ah, I don't talk about other people when they're not around
that is very gay. never say shit like this. just laugh along and shut the fuck up and leave conversation as soon as possible

[Anonymous No.21330036]

>>21329968
This; if they think that you think that you're better than them, it's a lot worse than just joining into the gossip in the first place.

[Anonymous No.21330059]

>>21327720
Never microwave your leftover seafood. Holy fuck, people still do this sometimes and it is like #1 on my list of unwritten rules.

[Anonymous No.21330154]

Keep your emotions to yourself. Dont get buthurt or offended by anything. As soon as you reveal yourself to be emotional (aka. irrational) you lose a lot of street cred with the sociopathic upper rungs. Stay cool, calm ,collected always.

Dont trust anybody in a corporate structure because most people play power games and will fuck you if its opportune. Make yourself valuable to the people who carry weight. Instead of focusing on working hard, focus on making yourself valuable, and appear important to higher management.

t. Work in an office hell for 8 years

[Anonymous No.21330161]

>>21330035
>>21329968
Fair enough, I don't think me declining has stuck with anyone
>>21329969
This is true, someone can just turn around and say you talked shit about someone else in another converstation

Don't talk to women generally.

[Anonymous No.21330169]

>>21330059
I came to work when it was rainy af, socks were soaked. I microwaved my socks for like 3 minutes and the room smelled like nasty feet the whole morning.

[Anonymous No.21330308]

>>21330059
This is excellent advice. Also while we're on the topic of food, don't eat like you're a fucking neanderthal. People in my office despise two of the Chinese nationals because they chew with their mouths open and smack their lips, which sucks because they are genuinely pleasant at any time other than lunch.

[Anonymous No.21330324]

>>21330036
Bingo.

>>21330154
Based.

>>21330169
Jesus.

[Anonymous No.21330383]

>>21327720
Pants are optional on Fridays.

[Anonymous No.21330460]

>>21328490
Pretty much this sums it up. In other words dont be a complete spaz and you will be fine. Most modern offices are not the corporate backstabbing hells movies make them out to be.

Another point ill throw out there is knowing your worth. If your productive you will be given allowances and management will be more lenient. Do not ever betray this trust as you will never get it back once you lose it once.

[Anonymous No.21330542]

>>21329814
also, don't kiss the managers ass, make him kiss your ass. you're doing the work, the manager is working to make sure you're working. if you prove youre fine, then the company is now at your mercy. if you want to stick with it, make yourself UNREPLACABLE but slowly and subtly. put yourself in a position where if you walk out they're fucked for at least a month
business is cold, you'll be great anon

[Anonymous No.21330622]

>>21330542
Any advice on how to do this? Great idea.

[Anonymous No.21330635]

The real name of the game is covering your ass, don't give people ammunition against you, and don't get yourself caught up in any drama. You also can't be the weird guy who doesn't talk to anyone either, since that is a form of ammunition against you, and you will be first on the chopping block.
Basically, do your work and don't give them any reason to fire you.
>>21330169
based
>>21330460
>>21330542
>If your productive you will be given allowances and management will be more lenient.
100% this, make it painful for them to fire you. That's the best way to keep a job, you will be at liberty to express yourself much more if it would put an extreme burden on them to find a replacement for you.

[Anonymous No.21330784]

>>21329814
HR is there to protect management not you in spite of anything they say. Anything you say to them can and will be used against you

[Anonymous No.21330891]

>>21330635
Depends on the position but this can quickly back fire. If your in a lower entry or middle position you can easily be replaced. Trying to swing your dick will let management know that you need to be replaced. Mutual respect is always key.

[Anonymous No.21331017]

THese stories are horrible. Aren't there any offices were you dont have to worry about this bullshit and can just do some assignments and go home and have a nice dinner and play some vidya?
THis shit is rediculous guys, it sounds like a living hell. Whenever I am going to work at an office I wont follow any of this advice and will just chill and do my assignments.
And if I encounter problems because of that Ill just quit. Because fuck this bullshit man, its not worth it.

[Anonymous No.21331084]

>>21329198

Agreed with this.

Maybe turn it down at first to make em know you got a life n then agree to the second to just chill n shoot the shit.

[Anonymous No.21331135]

>>21330891
well I didn't mean to be arrogant about it, I mean to make it clear that you are productive and able to contribute something unique that most others would not be able to.
basically, just work harder than everyone around you, but don't be a dick about it.

But yeah it really depends on what you're doing, I'm an engineer personally, and the way I've always made myself seem more valuable is by creating automated software tools on the side to speed up monotonous stuff, both for myself and others.
It works really well, the trick is to make other's lives easier while simultaneously making yourself look more valuable. Of course, you've gotta find something you're relatively good at compared to others you're working with.

[Anonymous No.21331196]

Do a completely average job. Doing a poor job means you won't be able to ask for a good raise or may get fired. Doing a good job means your manager will immediately recognize this and give you more work than anyone else.

[Anonymous No.21331248]

>>21331017
If you’re paying attention these sorts of little bullshit games are everywhere. As someone earlier pointed out, try to keep your emotions in check, try not to get sucked into drama or gossip and just try and get your job done. Unfortunately this is much easier said than done, and yes, wage slavery is a living hell

[Anonymous No.21331315]

>>21331017

Gets easy with time. You'll learn someday.

[Anonymous No.21331373]

>>21327720
Dont be a stupid fucking nigger

[Anonymous No.21331380]

>>21331017
>Aren't there any offices were you dont have to worry about this bullshit and can just do some assignments and go home and have a nice dinner and play some vidya?
I wish fren, I want to be a curmudgeon in peace, but normalfags won't allow it.
Eventually you'll get used to it. The working world was not designed for our kind.

[Anonymous No.21331417]

You know when you meeer someone and you just capital-K Know within a minute of meeting them that they’re the opposite of an autist and pure evil?
Just find a new job and GTFO as soon as possible. Even rock-solid allies that outrank them can only keep you safe for a year or two.

[Anonymous No.21331430]

>>21330169
epic, might do this even though I have no job just to piss off the wagies in my local office

[Anonymous No.21331467]

>>21327720
there all going to like to drink and be social and expect you to not only do the same but enjoy doing the same and give you dirty looks when you dont want to play fucking softball and take shots after hours with them that you have other fucking hobbies and interests than them and no you dont want to be their fucking friend

I hate lawyers so fucking much

[Anonymous No.21331662]

Update your resume every 3 months. Apply for other jobs once a year. As soon as another job offers you a cunthair more money, give your two weeks notice and walk out.

[Anonymous No.21331733]

So what do you say when the inevitable "what do you like to do?" or "anything fun going on this weekend?" comes up when all I really do is post on 4chan and don't have any remarkable hobbies

[Anonymous No.21331919]

>>21331417
have only met one person like this, fuck these people. Luckily it was during an internship and I didn't have to interact with them for long.
>>21331733
Some combination of "go on a hike" (or similar), "hang out with friends", "x family member is coming into town" or to mix it up occasionally say something like "not much this week, going to catch up on some work".
none of these things are ever true, I've gotten quite good at lying desu. Wageslavery makes monsters of us all.