/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.20135555]

I refuse to believe that at least 50% of this board is not all in pic related by now

[Anonymous No.20135581]

They were all in years ago

[Anonymous No.20136007]

>>20135555
I'm not. I hold BTC as well.

[Anonymous No.20136058]

i'm waiting for my main hodl to pump to another ath then ill switch to link for it's last pump after it dumps again
it has no future outside that
eth is an unscalable mess which makes link a scam

[Anonymous No.20136065]

>>20135555
Checked
Last night Ari Juels appeared to me in a dream. I told him how cool it was that he could appear before me like this but he just said "oh like you're forgot 216" I was taken aback and could only try and say "it means fourness right?" But he kept cutting me off by saying "fourness right? Fourness right?" and closing his hand shut in my face. My autism got the better of me and spaghetti started shooting from my hands, ears, and mouth as I tried to explain the connection between fictional stories and real life. He just chuckled to himself and walked away. I woke up drenched in sweat and pee pee poo poo.

[Anonymous No.20136067]

>>20136058
>eth is an unscalable mess which makes link a scam
he doesn't know

[Anonymous No.20136098]

I saw Sergey Nazarov while visiting Auschwitz yesterday. Every time the tour guide started to talk about the camp he would interrupt by yawning really loudly and shout "Boring! Get to the good parts!" - I don't think he was even tired. When we got to the gas chamber he screamed "Fake, there were no gas chambers! The Soviets built this after the war" and then started mimicking a Jew suffocating on Zyklon B.

After the tour he walked straight up to me and said "they deserved it anyway", and praised the Nazis for their "decentralized" camp system, but they could have used an oracle to "improve the process." He then stood on a podium and informed everyone that Jews were "vermin" and that he had made it his mission to destroy the "Judeo-Bolshevic World Order."

Later that day the staff found pictures of the Chainlink logo stapled everywhere.

Even later they realized he stole most of shoes and striped pyjamas left by the gassing victims from the display. CCTV caught him walking around Salesforce HQ in the pyjamas pretending to be a ghost.

I can't believe anyone would buy a coin made by this guy.

[Anonymous No.20136111]

I was at eth denver the other day and I went to the bathroom to take a dump. Midway through this guy starts talking to me about smart contracts from the next stall. At first I didn't respond because I thought he was on the phone but then he knocked on my stall and repeated the question. I said "umm not really" but he just kept talking about psd2 and sibos and iso20022. I said okay thanks for the information (trying to be polite). Then he asked if I wanted a t-shirt and pushed it under the stall. I said umm no thanks but he kept insisting. When I tried to flush and got up to leave he was pounding at the door yelling something about big macs and 1k eoy. I couldn't leave and had to call the police before I could leave the stall. After the police dragged this official member of the Chainlink team away I opened the stall door and saw feces spread all over the door. There were massive hand and foot prints of shit everywhere. About a dozen shitty chainlink shirts were on the ground and I had to step over them to leave. Wtf guys is this normal for chainlink?

[Anonymous No.20136140]

I was at the fireside chat this week. At one point Tom called Sergey a sandwich fucker. He even accused Sergey of eating the sandwiches after busting loads into them. There was an intense bit of silence while Sergey glared. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead immediately, and his face was flush. He forced a chuckle into the microphone. Then he walked off stage and just out of the room where there was a magazine rack. He was still in full view of everyone through a window. He starts taking these magazines, two and three at a time, and just tearing them to shreds. Sometimes he would pick one up, and try to twist and tear the whole thing at once, but fail, so then he would start ripping out individual pages. He was facing away from everyone, so we couldn't see his facial expressions. This went on for two minutes at least. At this point I thought he was totally screwed, and that he had just ruined the reputation of chainlink in one fell swoop. However, he turned around and walked back into the room. He looked completely rejuvinated and full of vigor again. He proceeded to completely btfo Tom in every way, acting as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Afterwards, he even did a little q&a session after Tom left due to being frustrated from the btfo. Janitorial services were picking up the mess of shredded magazines at this point, and the only acknowledgement Sergey ever made to the mess was when one of the older janitors fell over while leaning to pick up the pieces. He sort of covered his hand with his mouth, clearly holding back laughter. It was bizarre, but with genius comes inevitable personality quirks.

[Anonymous No.20136156]

Coffee standard is Sergey's gift to the world. Swift were looking for a quick pump and dump to sell their bags but Sergey is always five or even six steps ahead. During meetings with swift executives Sergey often has to speak for a predetermined amount of time regardless of the material he is giving over. When he runs out of time he repeatedly says coffee standard over and over again. Adelyn has suggested hiring lackies to nod whenever Sergey mentions coffee standard. So now there are four people in the meeting Sergey pays to be yes men (only one is a woman and one is a diversity hire). Swift executives are not sure what to make of this but word around the water cooler is they're liking the general feelings of positivity that coffee standard brings to each meeting

[Anonymous No.20136158]

>>20136098
Mein sides

[Anonymous No.20136160]

Do you guys think 1000$ is really realistic eoy. I could see 500 but 1000 seems like a lot

[Anonymous No.20136169]

>>20136058
yeah, Sergey should've made chainlink blockchain agnostic or something lol

[Anonymous No.20136176]

> Sergey waddles up on stage
> Bigger than ever before
> Umm yeah errr fundamentally smart contracts can umm connect to decentralized APIs and when you have Uber it's a few different parts but umm I don't remember them
> Yeah so umm like we just acquired clause but we're not sure what to ummm do with it.....
> Sergey stares into space for a solid minute
> So if anyone knows about this apply to career.chain.link
> I'd fundamentally like to err thank umm everyone fundamentally

[Anonymous No.20136195]

Seriously though I did some work for chainlink/sc in 2018. It wasn't much back then just a few rooms behind a nail salon. They had good internet and the latest in Apple Macs for the time. Apparently the daughter of the nail salon owner worked marketing part time for them and had insisted that only iMacs were to be used because the name sounded like Sergey's favorite food and every time someone said "lets use those macs to work" he would get really excited and write another blogpost but wouldn't publish it. I think the blogposts they're putting out now were from that time.
Anyways he gets me in the office first meeting after the initial email and phone chitchat and does pic related and says "I'm satoshi and you work for me now understand". I just nodded speechless because of his intense eyes. The marketing girl adelyn came into the office to break up the meeting; by this time sergey was just rambling vaguely about NDAs and she said "time to fire up those macs!" (Thomas later told me this was a regular thing every day like clockwork) and Sergey looked at me and just nodded and started typing and typing. Even when my shift was over and they were locking up and turning off the lights Sergey just kept typing he was relentless.
I felt sad for the guy but the team said not to worry about it because the back of a nail salon was the best place for him due to the "stinky linky" smell.

[Anonymous No.20136205]

>>20135555
Chainlink?
Thanks bro, but it is 2020...

[Anonymous No.20136276]

> Be me
> Live in Oakland
> Apply for Chainlin role
> They respond within two days and invite me for an interview
> Have some trouble finding the place
> It’s behind a little Asian Nail Salon in Chinatown
> See a cardboard sign with Chainlink Enterprises written on it hastily with sharpie marker in the window of the Nail Salon.
> Must be the place
> I go in and an older Asian woman looks at me strangely
> I tell her I’m her for an interview with Smart Contracts.com / Chainlink / Sergey Nazarov
> “You wanta special service I give you young man no problem”
> Umm no thanks ma’am just here for the interview
> She seems to curse in moon runes and bellows into the back of the shop
> Adelyn appears smiling and takes me back
> The back room is cramped and all of the furniture looks rotten
> The tech gear is top of the range, Apple though.

[Anonymous No.20136286]

too late to invest in chainlink. lets be honest maybe this does another 2 or 3x. but with other coins I can do 10-20x in the same time

[Anonymous No.20136313]

After Adelyn failed the spelling bee she was disowned by her family for committing a grave Chinese sin. Her father told her that he no longer had a daughter and the entire family turned their back on her. Distraught with nowhere to turn she headed back to campus her place of shame. It began raining then, silver streaks that hid her tears as she struggled to stay warm.
Sergey found her there at the library clutching a wet dictionary just trying to keep warm while memorizing the words. Sergey spoke to her in soft words that warmed her heart. Although Adelyn didn't know Sergey very well. He didn't look like a scammer; he just looked like a thin nerd that meant no harm.
Sergey saved her that day and brought her to a place where spelling doesn't matter. A place where people do as they please without worrying about knowing anything about the problems of the world.
And that place, frens, is ChainlInk, a new land of opportunity where problems that really don't exist are being solved. Adelyn says Sergey is a modern day Wittgenstein and orcales are his problem. Adelyn is not sure what an oracle is or why it's needed or even if it's needed but she still keeps that same dictionary on her bookshelf to remind her of that faithful first encounter with Sergey. The dictionary is faded and torn and really isn't much help but it still brings her warmth and that's what's most important.

[Anonymous No.20136316]

>>20136140
classic

[Anonymous No.20136331]

Ok here's the chainlink blackpill. There's a reason the chainlink logo is a hexagon. Sirgay is unironically Richard Heart. Chainlink as a middleware was just the first step, the incentive to drive greedy people to start making ever more powerful APIs, big macs and powerpoint slides.. these things Sirgay needs to survive. Once entrenched fully, Sirgay would be able to slowly take over literally everything.

Ari Juels stumbled into creating Sirgay after he stepped away from RSA Laboratories in 2013 and started working with his TownCrier supercomputer, running simulations of toilet flushes running in a trusted SGX secure enclave. He would ‘evolve’ Sirgay by making him attend thousands of conferences, repeating the same presentation. Sirgay needs bigger and bigger partnerships for more and more 700k LINK dumps.

The shadow fork (owned by Jason Parser) was created to take over and stop Sirgay (they have their own competing oracles in the works). They needed to do everything they could to stop or slow down Sirgay. They started by limiting nodes to KYC and removing critical features like staking. A price feed bug on Synthetix was the final nail in the coffin, which destroyed Sirgay (Synthetix uses chainlink XAU/XAG feeds). THIS is why Pivotal was private, and this is why Ari Juels was so intent on writing Tetrakyts, restoring the original sybil resistance, and locking down the god protocol.

Back to smart contracts – Ari Juels has developed a breakthrough new algorithm (called Mixicles), and is mixing payments in secret for the sole purpose of dumping 700k LINK on binance every day.

PS - there were SWIFT PoC's running on chainlink. THEY DIED

[Anonymous No.20136357]

No more games, I'm a change what you call pink rage
Tear this motherfuckin' roof off like two wagies caged
I was shitpostin' in the beginnin', the mood all changed
I been chewed up and spit out and booed off the SIBOS stage
But I kept lying and stepwritin' the next white paper
Best believe somebody's payin' the smart contract
All the pain inside amplified by the
Fact that I can't get by with my nine to
Five and I can't provide the right type of
Life for my neet fantasies cause man, these God damn tokens don't buy Big Macs
And its no movie, there's no Jason Parser
This is my life and these times are so hard
And it's getting even harder tryin' to feed and water my sneed, plus
See dishonor caught up between bein' a fat neet and a prima-wagie-donna
Momma drama screamin' on about me getting a job and too much
For me to want to say in one spot, another partnership fake or not
Has gotten me to the point, I'm like a snail I've got
To formulate a plot fore I end up in McDonalds or Wallmart
Success is my only motherfuckin' option, failures not
Mom, I love you, but this shitcoin has got to moon, I cannot grow old in your basement lot
So here I go it's my shot
Chainlink fail me not 'cause maybe the only opportunity that I got

You better lose yourself in the mixicles, the moment
You own it, you better never hodl
You only get one shot at $4.50, do not miss your chance to dump
This pump comes once in a lifetime you better
You better lose yourself in the mixicles, the moment
You own it, you better never hodl
You only get one shot at $4.50, do not miss your chance to dump
This pump comes once in a lifetime you better
You can do anything you set your mind to, man

[Anonymous No.20136392]

Attention wagie wojak this is your decentralized alarm clock. This alarm will now repeat on all your smart Chain link IOT devices.
Please turn off each alarm manually or as we like to say at Smart Contract "decentralized".

[Anonymous No.20136407]

>>20135555
$4.85 best i can do

[Anonymous No.20136424]

Sergey Sergers, burger eating extraordinaire, had just finished polishing off his fourteenth Big Mac, beating fellow competitors Weasely Stevie and Thomie Two Toes under the table, when Spelling Bee Adelyn made an announcement.
"Mr Sergers, you have a call from Swift; it seems to be one of the Executives".
"I'll take it in my 'Speaking Room' and bring me my hat and apples"
"Is that the meeting room or your office, Mr Sergers?"
Sergey Sergers scoffed at this question and remarked, "Philosophers have a particular way of understanding the world. My speaking room is what you non-philosophers call an 'office' but I no longer enjoy the connotations after watching the AMERICAN version of The Office".
"Certainly Mr. Sergers I'll prepare it for you right away".
"Clean up this mess and get these losers back to work, I'm in charge here and don't you forget it".

[Anonymous No.20136466]

Even before he let himself get obese and balloon up to over 350 lb., his eating habits were legendary. The SmartContracts.com CTO Steve Ellis claimed Nazarov's diet circa 2015 consisted "mainly of junk food, usually take-out Chinese or peanut butter, which he consumed by the jarful". By 2016, he was renowned for eating boxes of Mallomars and cinnamon buns, washing them down with a quart of milk. Close friend Tom Gonser wrote that in the late 2000s and early 2010s, Sergey went on crash diets before his projects commenced development, but when he lost his willpower he would eat huge breakfasts consisting of corn flakes, sausages, eggs, bananas and cream, and a huge stack of pancakes drenched in syrup. rory claimed that, during the testnet of chainlink (2017), Sergey would have "two steaks, potatoes, two apple pies a la mode and a quart of milk" for dinner, necessitating constant altering of his Lucky shirt. During a birthday party for Sergey --the SWIFT director -- gave him a belt with a card reading, "Hope it fits." A sign was placed below the birthday cake saying, "Don't feed the Sergey." He reportedly ate at least four pieces of cake that day.

[Anonymous No.20136485]

Sergey has written the blog post but has lost the encrypted usb (Sergey is very cautious!) And he brought the whole team in to do overtime including the cuck who made the tweet.
Rory and the community managers continue to delete posts related to the real story but it's obvious that it's over unless they find Sergey's usb.
Sergey has gotten into multiple shouting matches with the team (he calls them "team bonding session" in memory of the swift poc happier times) when asked to just rewrite it because it "wouldn't be the same".

[Anonymous No.20136688]

Bump anons pasta bro here just serving up another. Loved the memories and these stories always give me a chuckle

[Anonymous No.20136726]

>>20136160
This eoy with how development is going, I don't see those numbers any way in hell, not even 100.
But long term, 1000$ is inevitable.

[Anonymous No.20136849]

Comp sci here
Bing bing wahoo
Not the Linkerinos
Don’t buy those linkerinis
It’s a fucking scam look at my pulsating perspiring semitic forehead
Last night I ironically filmed Deshaun penetrating my wife’s anus with a police baton haha
Hey Morty my wife’s ass looks like a Jewish vaudevillian clown’s pocket it’s art
My wife’s fucking rectum is a post modern commentary on colonialism farting cum all over our heckin wedding photorino
Decentralised smart contract oracles? This year for our anniversarino I filmed my wife farting pepperoni over a Wiccan effigy of Ruth Bader Ginsburg I’m a male feminist
Link is a nazi token Sergei is a NAZI
Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger! Just watched my wife get pozzed by a viral African load it’s so beautiful when I think of the birth scene tribal African drums played at ear shattering volume vomit pouring down my lederhosen as my wife’s vagina blooms from the pozzed negroid seed ITS ENOUGH TO MAKE A MAN SICK HAHA
I asked doctor Shabbo about Link and he said it’s a scam and to buy XRP before delivering twin brown baby boys from my wife’s prolapsed assgina haha thanks for le gold don’t buy link

[Anonymous No.20136919]

>>20136140
this one is my favorite

[Anonymous No.20136958]

>>20136098
Truly the second coming of our Lord and Savior Jesus of Nazareth