My Turn: Come get your Kettlecoins

[Anonymous No.19845036]

>They can be created only by my granddaughter on her Easy-Bake Oven
I finished an article in Forbes magazine recently, in which the cover headline read, “Bitcoin has spawned a $100 billion cryptocurrency mania. How smart people are making money off greedy fools.”

I also noticed recently that our state Legislature has made cryptocurrencies acceptable in New Hampshire.

I am beside myself with joy. Apparently new cryptocurrencies are being formed daily (so far at least 900 exist). They have names like “ether,” “ripple,” “dogecoin” and “wave.”

According to Forbes, if you start up a new cryptocurrency, you can make hundreds of millions of dollars the first day. And the real beauty is you don’t have to physically distribute any real coins, there is no government regulation, and you don’t have to pay any taxes on your millions of profits.

I am starting a new cryptocurrency today. I am calling it “Kettlecoin.” You will get an Internet message and a serial number for each “Kettlecoin” that you purchase by sending me $10,000 through either PayPal, credit card or cash. These “Kettlecoins” will be very limited and rare. They can be created only by my granddaughter on her Easy-Bake Oven, and then are immediately secured in an Internet safe that can only be accessed by your special serial number.

[Anonymous No.19845048]

People should purchase their “Kettlecoins” quickly, because no more will be issued after the first 1,000,000 coins are created. (She is a fast little worker.) We expect the value of these coins to appreciate somewhere between 260 percent and 8,000 percent in the first year, as this has been the historical appreciation for other similar crypto coins.

I am so happy that the Legislature has assured the public of the legitimacy of these kinds of coins, and has allowed New Hampshire to participate in this great investment opportunity. Our “intelligent investors” can load up on “Kettlecoins” and then resell them to “greedy fools” for huge profits.

As a one-week promotion of my new “Kettlecoins,” I am offering a special bonus. For each new coin that you purchase, I will provide, absolutely free of charge, an antique tulip bulb, which someday might be worth as much or even more than your new “Kettlecoin.”

(Glenn K. Currie lives in Concord.)