/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.19686951]

I was sipping coffee and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I pushed an XPR into the radio’s system to activate it. It was the chief.
“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”
“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of Proton XPR.”
The coffee cup nearly spilled into my lap. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Proton is the ultimate currency: virtual, secure, instantaneous. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”
“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”
He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Johnson. Now you get out there and find that Proton.”
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”
I deposited a fraction of an XPR into the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.
“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Marshall Hayner. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.
“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.
“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

[Anonymous No.19686963]

It didn’t seem like they did.
“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in Proton XPR or autographed Elon Musk posters.”
Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to circumvent central banks was missing.
I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.
“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.
Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.
“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.
I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of a Proton transferred directly to your @name to stop!”

[Anonymous No.19686998]

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, verified the contents of it using my @name, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.
“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the Proton.”
“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.
“Because I was afraid.”
“Afraid?”
“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”
I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.
“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many Proton you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped verified the push transaction on his phone to pay me Proton for arresting him.

[Anonymous No.19687176]

I can't wait for true economic freedom.

[Anonymous No.19688260]

creative, but there's a conumdrum in pushing a pajeet shitcoin with a wall of text that will fly over said pajeets. know your audience anon

[Anonymous No.19689134]

i like this, but you should develop it into a comicbook instead of wasting the potential here

[Anonymous No.19689207]

>>19686951
Wasn't the original version just bitcoin?

[Anonymous No.19689319]

>>19687176
nice blog, cabron