/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.18754182]

>we're looking for a rockstar developer

[Anonymous No.18754214]

Checkin in

[Anonymous No.18754234]

>high emotional intelligence is what we value most

[Anonymous No.18754280]

>dynamic work environment

[Anonymous No.18754318]

>>18754182
>a JavaScript Guru
>a React Ninja
>a dynamo dev
>a superstar team player
>a wordpress whiz
>a vue virtuoso

I hope every HR person defaults on their mortgage and gets addicted to heroin. All they do is spend my money and hire people with blue hair

[Anonymous No.18754321]

>>18754182
>rockstar
'm here for the job interview

[Anonymous No.18754433]

>>18754182
>boss unironically uses the phrase rockstar developer

[Anonymous No.18754461]

>>18754234
The phrase emotional intelligence fills me with rage

[Anonymous No.18754794]

>>18754182
>must have a Masters in Comp. Sci
>must have 6-8 yr continuous development experience (no employment gaps)
>must be willing to work in a diverse, supportive team working environment
>salary is 45k, plus free snacks!

[Anonymous No.18754889]

>>18754182
10x developer here

[Anonymous No.18755111]

>>18754461
You have anger mgmt issues due to low emotional intelligence, it checks out

[Anonymous No.18755133]

>>18754182


>Do you know java, react, mongo, COBOL, javascript, windows 95-10, linux,mac, templeOS, PHP, have a diamond rank in SFV, a girlfriend (bonus for side Hoe), and soft skills in customer service?

[Anonymous No.18755192]

>>18755133
Replace SFV with Tekken, remove everything else, and that's ironically me. Where do I apply.

[Anonymous No.18755260]

>>18754182
Are most developers autistic? Everyone we have brought in for an interview was fucked. I thought other electrical engineers were bad, but these guys take the cake.

[Anonymous No.18755285]

>>18755133
$20,000 starting salary

[Anonymous No.18755320]

>>18754318
kekekekekekekkekeekkekekekdddddd

[Anonymous No.18755340]

>>18754794
>>must be willing to work in a diverse, supportive team working environment

Will be doing all the work because we have too many quota hires. Office filled with pajeets, trannys, women, and blacks.

[Anonymous No.18755618]

rockstar and ninja are code words that mean, "we want you to carry this project, but can't pay you a fair market rate."

[Anonymous No.18756037]

>>18755340
this. why must it all be true

[Anonymous No.18756065]

>teamplayer

[Anonymous No.18756101]

>>18754318
So dye your hair blue for the interview

[Anonymous No.18756187]

>we’re looking for the bosses nephew

[Anonymous No.18756191]

>>18755618
Also means you'll get paid the same as your glue sniffing coworkers

[Anonymous No.18756288]

>SYNERGY!!!

[Anonymous No.18756322]

We have a ping pong table and beer in the fridge!!!!*

>Ping Pong table is under surveillance 24/7, any attempts to utilize said table comes with a verbal warning, followed by a written, and then you're fired.

[Anonymous No.18756427]

>Able to work to open ended goals in a results driven manner, and always keep the customers needs in mind.

>We have a product manager but they have no idea what the fuck they are doing so can't plan 4 weeks ahead. As a result of this, the success or failure of the business rest on your ability to invent a product from behind your desk. If you listen to what we say, you'll get the blame when the business goes under. If you ignore what we say and build good product, we'll take the credit and reinforce our bad behaviour. We also don't know how to say no to customers as our CEO is high on the prestige of actually having customers. We advise that you get the fuck out after 1 yr as this is when all the hacks will come back in a tsunami and wash the sinners away. Be sure to hire an inexperienced dev to fill your shoes right before you leave.

[Anonymous No.18756518]

>>18756322
what I hear when companies talk about all the cool stuff they have at the office
>we have tried to make it comfy here because you will be expected to work a lot. don't think of it as an office, think of it as your second home.

[Anonymous No.18756795]

>we're moving to an open office concept, to allow better synergy between different team members
-results in a big loud office where it's impossible to concentrate without hearing buffoon coworkers guffawing over bullshit

[Anonymous No.18756963]

I am a data rock star
Where's my $400K a year?

[Anonymous No.18757281]

>>18756288

>LETS CIRCLE BACK TO UNPACK THAT

[Anonymous No.18757298]

>You have anger mgmt issues due to low emotional intelligence, it checks out

[Anonymous No.18757325]

>>18754234
>yes I have a strong emotional intelligence
>get hired, work remotely drinking beer and smoking weed and no pants is mandatory dress code

[Anonymous No.18757365]

>>18755340
Not if you bring soï milk with you

[Anonymous No.18757368]

>>18754182
> we're looking for a rockstar developer
> we only want to pay pajeet tier wages

[Anonymous No.18757563]

>you will be working with the latest technology in a fast paced environment

[Anonymous No.18758180]

>>18756187
kek

[Anonymous No.18758368]

Coding tools get easier, the industry becomes normified. What did you expect? Among a group of OG autistic programmers, one will have idealistic/sociopathic goals about spreading knowledge to regular people so everyone can get a 50k salary and he becomes a manager

[Anonymous No.18758456]

>"We're looking for a real go getter. First person in, last one out mentality. A true team player."

[Anonymous No.18758539]

I was an agency recruiter for 5 years. We did whatever we could, occasionally illegal things, to get the actual technical manager's contact info, so we could cut hr out of the hiring process.

If you autists can actually do a job (ie your already done the exact job somewhere else), find a recruiter to put you on the phone directly with the guy who will hire you.

Added bonus, you may or may not be present on the phone when the technical managers treat the hr girls, you all live in fear of, like 1950's secretaries. Wouldn't be surprised to hear the sound of an ads getting slapped after the managers tell he to get the paperwork together.