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/biz/ - Business & Finance

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17299830 No.17299830 [Reply] [Original]

Guys, I'm /r/ing all the Sergey pasta and the fud pasta that you have. I wanna make a folder with it.

>> No.17299849
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>> No.17299886
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But when Hodges joined the dev team, he witnessed “one of the legendary crypto disasters of all time”, describing it as a “$32m train wreck”.
He was shocked to discover that Sergey – who he claims arrived on location “weighing about 300 pounds” – would not recite words written for the SIBOS presentation: “He wanted to improvise it all.” And Sergey would rarely emerge from his trailer: “They were flying in these hapless [SWIFT] executives to try to beg him to come out of his damned trailer.

“Sergey was only answering the door when the pizza man came. This was the best news that the pizza-makers of San Francisco, this big town, had ever had because Sergey was consuming industrial quantities of pizza while ruminating on what the hell he was going to do when he had to face the investors. I think there might have been an existential terror there.”

>> No.17299906
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I saw Sergey Nazarov while visiting Auschwitz yesterday. Every time the tour guide started to talk about the camp he would interrupt by yawning really loudly and shout "Boring! Get to the good parts!" - I don't think he was even tired. When we got to the gas chamber he screamed "Fake, there were no gas chambers! The Soviets built this after the war" and then started mimicking a Jew suffocating on Zyklon B.

After the tour he walked straight up to me and said "they deserved it anyway", and praised the Nazis for their "decentralized" camp system, but they could have used an oracle to "improve the process." He then stood on a podium and informed everyone that Jews were "vermin" and that he had made it his mission to destroy the "Judeo-Bolshevic World Order."

Later that day the staff found pictures of the Chainlink logo stapled everywhere.

Even later they realized he stole most of shoes and striped pyjamas left by the gassing victims from the display. CCTV caught him walking around Salesforce HQ in the pyjamas pretending to be a ghost.

I can't believe anyone would buy a coin made by this guy.

>> No.17299918
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By all accounts, making the project ‘Chainlink’ was a disaster; according to CTO Steve Ellis, he arrived on set to be greeted by Nazarov, who told him “Go home Steve, this is not a good project to work on. It’s cursed.” Nazarov, playing the reclusive philosophy major, went method with his madness: outlandish requests, including his costume – an XXL plaid shirt, three separate beard trimmers, and a 1942 pair of Levi's worn by John Wayne himself – were all granted, and he angered his investors and crew by staying in his air-conditioned trailer while everyone else sweltered in the California heat. According to reports, Nazarov became obsessed with community manager Rory Piant, the world’s smallest man, and made replacement Advisor Ari Juels take Big Macs from other developers to give to him. Ellis also recalls that during conferences, Nazarov had his pages read aloud to him line by line via an earpiece during the infamous SIBOS presentation. Sometimes the signal would be drowned out by a local police scanner, and Ellis would later reminisce about Sergey shouting in the middle of the Presentation: “There’s a robbery at Woolworths”.

>> No.17299940
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>Sergey is sitting in the board room of Exxon Mobil
>Ready to sign a contract which lets Exxon operate a node, and utilize LINK for smart contracts relating to the sale of oil
>Sergey twitches slightly to the side to pick up the pen
>He's ready to sign the document. This is it
>One of the two lower buttons on his shirt shoots out at Mach-4 speeds and hits the chairman of the board in the eye
>It shoots straight through his skull and ricochet through the room for what seems like an eternity
>After 40 seconds the button stops
>Sergey looks around, and his button killed nearly half the board of directors
>He quickly signs the documents and runs the fuck out of there
>Always prepared. Always sneakers

>> No.17299958
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I'm a Muslim man but I have to admit that pregnant Sergey really turns me on. I keep fantasizing about putting my seed inside him and watching new life grow... We get married, he gives birth, and we raise that baby under the blessings of Allah. I want to hold hands with Sergey, and looking into his eyes say 'I love you.' I think of myself taking our son to his first day at school, watching that strong and masculine boy develop amazing computer skills like his dad.

Yes... I can't hide this anymore. It's coming from deep inside of me... this desire to shout...

I'M GAY AND I HOLD CHAINLINK! Yes, and I am not the only one. I was attracted to this community because of the feeling of brotherhood that it creates. Together we are one. We are above gender divisions and categories. Chainlink, as you know, is a gay sex position where men stick their dicks into each other's asses to form a link.

Today, I declare Chainlink to be the currency of the LGBT community.




>> No.17299972
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"Adelyn, what's the smallest room they have preferably near the bathroom"
"I'll find out for you Mr. Sergers, will there be anything else?"
"Gather the team for our daily burger eating competition"
"Shall we pay for this out of the ICO money?"
"*Laughs* what else?"

>> No.17299989
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>> No.17299997
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I love Chainlink. All the drama, the memes, the community surrounding it, it's really something. But what I love most about it is knowing that in couple years I will be a billionaire. It's not even a 99% chance, it is quite literally guaranteed. As a result of that knowledge, I stopped showering and brushing my teeth over a year ago. There is simply no reason for me to do it when I know I'll be rich. I will be fucking whores every night and laughing as they're throwing up from my disgusting, stinky body and mouth. As they kiss me on my rotten teeth, or suck my dirty, 2 year unwashed hog. It will be quite something. In fact I am already seeing effects of my stinky adventure. Yesterday I went to a shop to buy some cheese and make a stop at McD's for a big mac and the cashier at the store was visibly gagging at the smell of me and trying to hide it. Other customers were standing like 10 feet behind me. It was truly hilarious. And none of them have any idea of my guaranteed, future riches. They must already be so jealous of me. The stinkiest billionaire ever.

>> No.17300011

DocuSigns CEO Tom Gonser claimed that Nazarov split the seat on 52 pairs of pants during the making of the SIBOS poc, necessitating that stretch fabric be sewn into his replacement duds. He split those, too. Ice cream was the culprit: Sergey would purloin a five-gallon tub of the fattening dessert, row himself out into the lagoon of SF and indulge.


>> No.17300023
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I saw Sergey at a McDonald’s restaurant in San Francisco yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you're doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my lunch, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off.

When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like eleven big macs and two milkshakes in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter although he managed to unnoticeably stuff few big macs in his pants.

When she scanned one of the big macs and told the total sum, he stopped her and angrily told her to agree on a smart insurance contract, in case the hamburgers messes up Sergey’s belly. He said he had a few sensors up in his ass, which were giving highly reliable real-time data of his stomach’s condition and bringing that information reliably to the smart contract, which will automatically trigger the insurance payment when needed. He then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think Chainlink’s oracle network is working anyway.
After she agreed on the contracts service agreement and demanded the payment for the hamburgers, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly and said “I find Burger King fundamentally better anyway”.