at 15, 10 years ago i could cope and hope, pray, daydream about a better future with no depression, ocd and anxiety. Its going to get better i said to myself. Nothing got better, everything got worse and i run out of cope. I dont want to even see 30. My whole life feels like im set on fire and cant properly breath, only sleep is relief. I dont enjoy anything. Nothing sparks joy. I simply count the hours until im able to sleep again and the days, months, years go by. Im utterly alone.
I tried to escape. Tried traveling to escape from myself but there is no escape. Everywhere i go im with the person i share my breath with, me. I tried to cope with drugs and while it did work and i distracted myself for 2 years with cocaine and booze, of course it stopped working and im worse off. Im 6 months clean now and i do nothing but lift weight once a day and then lay in bed in misery, self hatred, boredom and regret.
Im begging you biz, i need help. What should i do?