/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.16279028]

>we're looking for a team player

[Anonymous No.16279073]

>strong communication skills

[Anonymous No.16279097]

>We need somebody who hates niggers.

[Anonymous No.16279106]

>>16279097
>we're looking for somebody who is based, and also repilled

[Anonymous No.16279111]

>>16279097
You're HIRED!

[Anonymous No.16279115]

>we're looking for a minority

[Anonymous No.16279116]

>500+ word vocabulary a plus

[Anonymous No.16279126]

>please explain why you're a good fit for the position

[Anonymous No.16279128]

>entry position
>2 years experienced (required)

[Anonymous No.16279133]

Tell me a little bit about yourself anon

[Anonymous No.16279135]

>>16279028
You messed up
You should have strolled into his office, looked him straight into the eye while giving him a firm handshake
Your hand feels warm, moist, he's confused, he looks at it, glistening, your squishy yet tight grip is unyielding, you look him in the straight in the eye, smiling.
Then he notices, you aren't wearing a brown suit, you're entire body is smeared in shit, then he looks around at his office, everything is brown, shit smears the walls, the desk, the leather chair, that's not leather, it's shit, everything is smeared in shit.
You shake his hand tighter, a little goo seeps out, but there's still rich juicy ass condiment between the fingers, you don't let go.
He's becoming scared, he tries to scream, but no sound comes out, it's like he's lost his tongue, but he hasn't, his tongue is now a think juicy shit writhing and slithering in his mouth.
You look at his brown eyes, slowly filling with shit, his vision, it's going dark it's going, submerged in endless shit, you still hold tight, staring into those once life filled sockets now filled with fat juicy shit, he tries to flail, shit is flying everywhere, the office is filled with shit, the door breaks, the windows shatter, the pressure of the shit is more than any simple office was designed to take.
The fountain of shit boils out of the door, out of the window, a fountain of shit fires high into the sky, casting a beatufil shitbow, it's brown, half a brown donut is seen by the astounded onlookers.
They drop what they were doing, drop their pants, and they just shit, they shit hard, cars are careening down the freeway spurting shit as they go and emitting a continuous rasping sound while they leave a spicy trail of oil and burnt shit behind them.
This is the world now.
The world.
The world is shit.

[Anonymous No.16279136]

>Don't bother applying if you are White.

[Anonymous No.16279141]

>>16279028
>MUST be able to multitask in a FAST-paced environment!

[Anonymous No.16279149]

>>16279028
>always ready to go extra mile

[Anonymous No.16279150]

>Wagecucks and NEETs discouraged from applying

[Anonymous No.16279186]

>no gaps in employment over the last 10 years

[Anonymous No.16279217]

>>16279028
>apply online for a mcdonalds job
>pick 10 mcdonalds stores that id like to work at
>get one interview
>go to the interview
>guy asks about my experience
>say i've worked at other fast food joints
>feel like the interview went well
>go home and get an email saying i was rejected

After this, I vowed to be a NEET for the rest of my life. I'll live in the family home after my parents pass and I'll be paying the bills with money taken from wagies. We're at the point where there's so many people that there aren't even enough dead end jobs.

[Anonymous No.16279227]

>>16279128
apply anyway

[Anonymous No.16279348]

>>16279136
>We uphold the priniciples of Equal Opportunity workplace

[Anonymous No.16279369]

>>16279128
>minimum wage

[Anonymous No.16279378]

>>16279217
The rejection rate for McDonald's jobs is even higher than for Google jobs.

[Anonymous No.16279386]

>>16279097
do american companies actually want this?

[Anonymous No.16279409]

>>16279386
Yes.

[Anonymous No.16280026]

>self-starter

[Anonymous No.16280227]

>>16279116
KEK

[Anonymous No.16280266]

>>16279217
Yeah it's weird I had an interview for a job that that pays less than my current job, but had way more room for growth and I thought with my 6 years of relevant experience would make me a great choice but they turned me down. Then my friend who works there said they actually already had like 5 hires lined up before my interview, like why

[Anonymous No.16280287]

>>16280266
There was the possibility that you're better than someone in the line up so far. But you blew it.

[Anonymous No.16280305]

>Must be willing to work with niggers

[Anonymous No.16280494]

>PRODUCTIVITY NINJA

[Anonymous No.16280529]

>8x6" dick minimum

[Anonymous No.16280575]

>we treat our employees like family

[Anonymous No.16280629]

>A fun, friendly, and start-up like culture!

[Anonymous No.16280659]

>>16280629
9 times out of 10 this means an open floor plan with no privacy in the work areas and mandatory "team building exercises" that the HR roasties and flamers will crucify you for skipping.

[Anonymous No.16280671]

>>16279136
illegal but somehow allowed in america

[Anonymous No.16280727]

>>16280494
This as well as
>HUNTER MINDSET

The absolute state.

[Anonymous No.16280779]

>>16279028
>Hmm it says here that you might be overqualified
>I'm sorry but we were really expecting someone dumber.

[Anonymous No.16281081]

>must have a high school diploma or ged equivalent

[Anonymous No.16281093]

>>16280287
I've heard of companies that give interviews to every applicant even if they aren't hiring but fuck that shit

[Anonymous No.16281107]

>Hiring for a new opening on my team
>tfw we just sent an offer to the less qualified person who everyone liked over the more qualified person who everyone thought was an asshole

Remember relationships are everything :^)

[Anonymous No.16281120]

>working for this company is not for everyone, do you think you have what it takes?

[Anonymous No.16281534]

tradecucking looks better every day

t. office wagie

[Anonymous No.16281607]

>boss expects me to work Christmas Eve even though I haven’t seen my family in a year
I’m not selling my soul for $9 an hour. I’m the most competent person at my job so I’m going to sit him down and tell him with I get that off or I’m walking.

[Anonymous No.16281633]

>>16281534
>tfw "light" blue collar

its pretty fuckin horrible

>>16281607
honestly dont know what im going to do this year, i worked all of christmas and new years last year and couldnt be fucked doing it again

[Anonymous No.16281677]

>>16279106
If only...

[Anonymous No.16281706]

>>16280575
That pisses me off. Had a supervisor who said she needs me there after explaining a family medical emergency. Almost quit there but I was lying to use up as much of the remaining sick hours/vacation hours(that wouldn't get paid out) I had before quitting. Had it not been for the fact I was lying I wouldve quit on the spot. Maybe even get an attorney for the slap in the face gesture albeit doubt they could do much.

[Anonymous No.16281716]

>tfw my boss would outright reject applicants he saw as too professional
>tfw my coworker spelled rough as ruff and his roommate bought a bull python
even the "skilled" blue collar professions are a fucking joke, you either work with apes or you work with somewhat talented people but for a sheisty wage slave contracting company that forces overtime and pressure on you

[Anonymous No.16281722]

>>16279186

>tfw past 10 years was one big employment gap

[Anonymous No.16281726]

>>16281607
If he denies you, just call off when the day comes. Lol he'll know you did it on purpose but what's he gonna do, fire you? Bwahahaha now he has to go through the trouble of finding someone new.

[Anonymous No.16281736]

>>16279135

tryhard and gay

[Anonymous No.16281739]

>Benefits Include: We chop your penis off and form it into a hole in your torso for free!

[Anonymous No.16281741]

>>16281726
Actually dont bother calling off or answering his calls. Block his number too. Imagine showing up as if though it's no big deal and keeping a non-chalant attitude as he tries to verate you but doesnt fire you cause he needs you.

[Anonymous No.16281762]

>>16281739
benefits include
>subsidised corporate healthcare plans (in a country where we have decent public healthcare)
>subsidised gym plans
>tfw the boss didnt even know about these until a month ago
>tfw they have been listed on every one of our job ads

[Anonymous No.16281773]

>>16279028
My company doesn't have that "hip", "startup-ish" culture. Our process is simple. We look for:
>proven capability to do top-level research with minimal supervision
>exceptional programming skills
Cuts out a lot of the nonsense.

[Anonymous No.16281817]

>>16281762
Hah some of those are actually pretty legit like free breakfasts and lunches everyday, onsite gym, full medical coverage and some intangible benefits. I've seen extremely profitable companies like Jane Street offer these benefits to ALL their employees.

[Anonymous No.16281904]

>>16279028
A few years ago I was living in Oregon and worked at Nike HQ in Beaverton. I worked in wear-test-analysis, but was in another department meeting with a guy that worked in textile/coloring - sometimes our projects overlapped and had to work with other people outside of our normal departments . Someone was there interviewing for a 'color coordinator' contract position and one of the people who was to be interviewing was sick, so they asked me if I could sit in to take the sick guys' place out of respect for the candidate. Some lady was leading the interview and was one of those people whose career was everything to her. She must have said 50 fucking times that they are all about team work and being a team player. The candidate was actually a smart dude and apparently worked at Under Armor and Puma before. It got painfully obvious this fucking lady said nothing constructive or articulate and just kept yapping about team work. The candidate finally interrupted her and said 'look I get it... you want me to be a team player as I sit in a cubicle shuffling through thousands of color samples per week, all ending in me sending an email on the top 5 each week. If you also expect me to be on a department dodgeball team I will most likely decline'. The lady got super fucking offended as the other dudes had to attempt on not laugh. After the interview the lady took 30 mins to explain to us why she thought he wasn't the right fit blah blah blah. My boss was a cool cat and I told him what happened. My boss ended up hiring that guy for a cross-functional department position for coordinating projects. He ended up wearing a shirt that said 'Team Work Wins' to his first meeting that the same lady was in of the other department. Fucking hilarious.

[Anonymous No.16281997]

>bilingual preferred
>workplace diversity
>Women and PoC strongly encouraged to apply!

[Anonymous No.16282048]

>>16281904
based

[Anonymous No.16282096]

>>16281817
oh yeah theres legit places that have great benefits, it was just a shock to me when i asked about it and no one had any idea

>tfw theres an ad for the gym programme in the lunch room
>has a website with a code for the company discount
>mfw website doesnt load
>ask the boss about it
>she has absolutely no idea what im talking about
>"i-its on the job ads you guys put out"
>oh i better send an email to HR and ask about it

fucking hell

also id expect that for jane street since they make a fortune and dont have many employees

[Anonymous No.16282106]

>>16281997
apart from the bilingual nonsense, most places have to put this on their job ads since the government requires them to do so

[Anonymous No.16282125]

>>16281107
>likable fool
vs
>competent asshole
Unless it's brain surgery, most employers want the likable fool.

[Anonymous No.16282142]

>>16279028
>if you enjoy a challenge

>>16281997
Why can't you sue for this. This is discrimination, it's almost like saying non-whites preferred

[Anonymous No.16282153]

>>16282125
no shit. you will end up working with them. would have to be absolutely retarded to hire a fuckwit then deal with them all week every week.

[Anonymous No.16282159]

>>16282096
Companies like that actually have an incentive to make sure all their people are well taken care of. My company is small (a team of around 40 people) and we have all of those benefits. Plus work from home and a whole bunch of 'intangible' benefits.

[Anonymous No.16282484]

>>16282142
Straight White males aren't a "protected class" and thus have no protection under anti-discrimination law. I'm not joking. They actually have a list of "protected classes" that it is illegal to discriminate against.

[Anonymous No.16282916]

>>16279133
>where I'll be in 5 years?
>probably fucking your daughter

[Anonymous No.16282947]

>>16282142
because we live in a clown world and white people are cucks

[Anonymous No.16282953]

>>16281736
I thought it was funny. But I have the emotional maturity of an 11 year old.

[Anonymous No.16283095]

>>16282484
You forgot old as a class. Boomers made themselves protected. Was in a hiring day of about 50 people...the hr lady looked around the room after explaining protected classes with all the subtle nuances and heiracrchy of things white males aren't allowed to do or say to you and said "alright...looks like everyone here is a protected class except *looks at my name tag* anon".

This was like a decade ago, can't imagine how much worse it is.

[Anonymous No.16283255]

>>16279227
this, worst they can do is say no

[Anonymous No.16283308]

>>16279217
>I'll live in the family home after my parents pass

Imagine having these thoughts and being this much of a sad, miserable existence

[Anonymous No.16283347]

>>16281904
>He ended up wearing a shirt that said 'Team Work Wins'
Lmao fucking based

[Anonymous No.16283351]

>>16279028
AKA "the last guy we hired is incredibly annoying and you'll be sitting next to him"

[Anonymous No.16283356]

>>16283095
>imagine the smell

[Anonymous No.16283441]

>we're looking for a team working punching bag with no self respect
>must be able to entertain office "women" aged 40+
>dynamic environment etc.