/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.16250404]

>It’s Monday. You don’t want to come into work but you must, so at least you just want to complete your work as quickly as possible and get out.
>That isn’t going to happen. You are not in the office to work. You are there to participate in social rituals and humiliate yourself.
>You arrive at the office early so that you can get a head start. You switch on your PC and immediately a screen pops-up saying you must restart in order to install essential updates. It gives you no choice to refuse.
>You click restart and wait.
>And wait and wait and wait...

>cont...

[Anonymous No.16250416]

>You are staring at a blue screen and your PC won’t turn on again.
>You call the IT helpdesk but you’re early so nobody answers.
>You go buy a coffee to kill time. The coffee queue is long with the morning rush. Your supervisor scolds you for being 3 minutes late when you return.
>You call the IT helpdesk and a heavy accent tells you that you must use your PC to log a helpdesk ticket.
>You explain you cannot open your PC so you can’t log a service ticket.
>The heavy accent says you must log a ticket.
>After 10 minutes you hang up.

>cont...

[Anonymous No.16250440]

>>16250416

>You walk physically to the IT department. Deepak & Prakash ignore you while they have a fervent conversation in Hindi. Eventually you raise your voice and ask for help. Deepak says you must raise a ticket.
>Saira from Sales arrives and asks for help. She is assisted immediately.
>You stand your ground as you have no other choice.
>Deepak asks if you have tried turning your computer on and off.
>You roll your eyes, swear under your breath, and say “yes”.
>Finally Deepak agrees to check out your PC.
>Deepak sits down at your desk. He turns the PC off and then on again.
>The PC now turns on immediately with no problem whatsoever.
>Deepak glares at you. When he’s gone you notice that one of your French chocolates have disappeared.

>cont...

[Anonymous No.16250453]

>>16250440
Keep it coming op

[Anonymous No.16250467]

>>16250404
fuck this is good

[Anonymous No.16250481]

>>16250453
>>16250467
not to cuck op too hard, but this is literally just a repost of a moldbug twitter thread

https://mobile.twitter.com/moldbugman/status/1194185331555233792

[Anonymous No.16250485]

>>16250440
>You open Outlook and wait for the folder to update. Suddenly you hear a “Hi!”. It’s Zoe from HR. She wants to thank you for the birthday cake and then proceeds to monologue about how her husband (who works in banking) plans to treat her for her birthday weekend.
>Politely - meekly - you gently tell Zoe that you have enjoyed the conversation but have work to do. She looks at you and says “Well you have a nice day.”
>Finally you open your emails. 5 minutes later you receive an email from Zoe saying she did not appreciate your tone just now.
>Zoe thinks that you could work on your workplace language and that tone “is something you can work on”.
>She thinks it will help to make the office a #greatplacetowork.
>She sends you an invite for an all-day training on “Respect” for tomorrow. She signs off with “Kind regards”.

>cont...

[Anonymous No.16250504]

>>16250485
>For a moment you sit silently pondering the meaning of the words “kind regards”.
>You receive another email that says it is a “gentle reminder” about the compulsory Family Day this weekend.
>You try to think when was the last time somebody wrote sincerely to you.
>It’s lunchtime. You buy a sandwich as all you want to do is eat at your desk and zone out watching an anime episode for 30 minutes.
>Just as you’re about to put on your headphones someone taps you on your shoulder. It’s Ian from Sales. He tells you how he is “smashing it” in Q4.
>After 20 minutes of Ian telling you how much he is “knocking it out of the park” you make your excuses and go to the toilet for some peace and quiet.
>The male toilet has disappeared overnight. Now there is an “All-Gender Toilet” and the door is decorated in rainbow hearts.
>You go through 3 stalls before you find one that hasn’t got a used tampon floating in the basin or discarded on the floor.
>You put on your headphones and watch 10 minutes of anime in the toilet. This is the best part of the day.
>In the next stall you overhear Ian crying.

>cont...

[Anonymous No.16250513]

>>16250504
>Ian starts to mumble to himself between his sobbing.
>“You’re a corporate tiger, Ian! You’ve got this! Q4 is gonna be your quarter!”
>You wonder how much Ian is really “knocking it out of the park” and leave. A woman glares at you as you leave the all-gender toilet.
>You get back to your desk and you can’t enter your PC again because you’re 30-day password has expired and you must create a new one.
>You try the name of your first dog, mother’s date of birth, primary school address... all are rejected for not being strong enough.
>You try them all again with added capital letters and symbols but they still fail. Eventually you give up and input a string of 20 random letters and numbers.
>You’ll never remember it so you write it down on Post-It and stick it to your desk for future reference.

>cont...

[Anonymous No.16250526]

>>16250513
>An email arrives from Jane in Finance. They won’t process your invoice because there is a new procedure and you failed to follow it correctly.
>You ask where this new process was announced. She tells you it’s on the intranet’s Finance page.
>You never knew you had an intranet.
>You go onto the intranet page and it tells you that all invoices must now be submitted through a new Oracle system.
>Sighing, you click the link to download the Oracle system.
>A pop-up springs open and says you don’t have administrative permission to download new software.
>You call IT to ask them to download the new invoice platform.
>They tell you to raise a service ticket.
>You raise the ticket.
>It’s now 5pm and nobody has replied to you.
>You call IT again but they’ve all left for the day.
>Desperately, you search the office for someone who can potentially help. You bribe the autistic guy in the corner office to help you get round the IT permissions.
>Finally you submit your invoice on the new system. A pop-up tells you that the deadline for invoices was yesterday.

>cont...

[Anonymous No.16250539]

>>16250526
>Most of the office has gone home.
>A few people that you hate stop by your desk to tell you not to work too late.
>“I can’t work late like you,” chuckles Jane from Finance. “I have a family to look after.”
>You don’t even have a girlfriend.
>Jane thinks you should “get one”.
>The office lights dim around you and the A/C shuts down. They are all automated to power down after 7pm to help the company achieve its Sustainability Goals.
>You know this cos you attended a meeting on the firm’s sustainability goals presented by 2 McKinsey consultants in suits.
>Sweltering in a dark office, alone and hungry, only the light from your PC illuminates your surroundings.

>You have achieved absolutely nothing once again.

>Luckily, there is always time tomorrow to complete the unfinished tasks. Wednesday is a new day.
>As you switch off Outlook, a “gentle reminder” from Zoe in HR pings in reminding you that you have an all-day training session tomorrow.
>She signs off: “Kind regards”.

[Anonymous No.16250614]

Tl:Dr

But from reading the first few, this workplace sounds great. Quit whining you spoilt soi boy

[Anonymous No.16250646]

>>16250539
>You have achieved absolutely nothing once again.
and I got paid?
based

[Anonymous No.16250709]

I dont think I can do it anymore boys. what are some professions that dont crush your soul?

[Anonymous No.16250740]

>>16250539
This whole post puts "1984" to shame.
God bless you OP. I too will be commiting suicide soon after I spend my meager savings on watered down drugs and a revolver that likely has dud bullets

[Anonymous No.16250942]

OP here, I got some more stories from the office and I'll be posting them here in a few minutes. Not sure if anyone sees them, not sure if anyone cares, I'll just post them anyway

[Anonymous No.16250950]

>You awake from a terrible dream.
>No. That’s wrong. You awoke into a terrible dream.
>It’s Wednesday. It’s halfway through the working week.
>You’re 35. You’re halfway through your life.
>Neither is looking bright right now.

>cont...

[Anonymous No.16250966]

>>16250950
>On the train to work you spot an advert for a job site. It’s a multicoloured garish image of happy people with bright teeth and sharp suits.
>You look around at your fellow commuters. Everybody looks like shit.
>You wonder where these great jobs are and return to your phone.
>Today is an all-day training, so you arrive early to clear your emails before it starts but once again you’re locked out of your PC.
>You succeed in grabbing Kumar from IT. He tells you that security saw your post-it note with your password written on it so blocked your access.
>You get angry. You explain that you really need to access your PC.
>Kumar replies that you were locked out for your own safety and security.
>You ask how long you will be locked out for. Kumar says 24 hours. You decide to watch anime in the toilet until the training starts.
>You go to the pantry to make a tea before the hell begins.
>It’s impossible not to notice that someone has placed a photo of Greta Thunberg in the pantry and removed all the plastic cups.
>You use a paper cup. It collapses as soon as you pour the tea in.
>Now you have wet pants.

[Anonymous No.16250979]

>>16250966

>cont...

>Susan from Legal walks past and sees your wet pants. Susan is 63 and entitled to a final salary pension.
>You’re not.
>She doesn’t give a fuck.
>“You should bring your own cup,” she says. “Gotta go green!”
>She shows you her cup. She thinks it’s really funny.
>You don’t.

>cont...

[Anonymous No.16250994]

>>16250979
>You enter the training. The room is full of desperate-looking men staring downwards and women holding pens.
>“Welcome!” shouts HR Zoe. “Looks like someone had an accident!” She points to your pants and everyone laughs.
>This is a respect seminar. It doesn’t matter. You’re a man.
>Everyone is asked to introduce by stating 3 funny facts about themselves.
>Janet: “I have 2 adorable kids, make a mean lasagne, and I loooooove my coffee!”
>Everyone laughs.
>John: “I’m from Ohio, visited Trinidad twice, and I loooooove my coffee!”
>Everyone laughs.
>It’s your turn. You say: “I think Nietzsche was overly optimistic. I once shared a beer with Mel Gibson. I enjoy hot toddies made with real Martinique rum on a toasty cozy evening.”
>Nobody laughs.

>cont...

[Anonymous No.16251022]

>>16250440
Holy fuck you made me read "raise a ticket" in a pajert accent in my head kek

[Anonymous No.16251029]

>>16250994
>“Does he have a drinking problem?” you hear one woman whisper to another.
>The training begins and Zoe turns on a PowerPoint presentation.
>The first slide is a 500 word intro entitled “What is Respect?”
>Zoe proceeds to read out every single word even though it is right there on the screen.
>You internally sigh. Everyone else nods their heads sagely.
>After reading out Slide 1 she says: “We are gonna work hard today but we’re also gonna have a lot of fun!”
>She clicks to the next slide.
>It’s a photo of a cat in a tree with the words “Hang in there!”
>Everybody laughs.

>cont...
>

[Anonymous No.16251058]

>>16251029
>You are asked to get into groups and create something called a “mind map” about a topic that is important to the company and helps build respect within the group.
>Your group chooses “Equity”.
>Out comes a flipchart and you are given a marker pen. You will see a lot of both today
>Janet takes the lead and asks the group to say words related to Equity. You reel off 12 in an instant.
>That was wrong.
>The point of the exercise isn’t to just give correct answers. It’s to discuss and share.
>Over the next 20 minutes the group slowly repeats your 12 words.
>You begin to wonder if you just got a bad group. You look over to the other groups.
>One is whooping & hollering. You don’t understand why.
>The other is taking it very very seriously. You don’t understand why.
>You look outside the window. The autumn leaves are beginning to fall

>cont...

[Anonymous No.16251084]

>>16250404
>Work in retail
>Small store so it's just you and owner
>He's kinda bro and rarely visits anyway
>Customers are rare so you spend your working days shitposting on 4chan
>No hobbies, no friends, no gf, nothing to waste your money on
>Shitpost on 4chan and buy crypto
I'm okay

[Anonymous No.16251089]

>>16251058
>You look back to your group’s board.
>It is now covered in meaningless statements like “Carpe Diem”, “Be there” and “Fair + Equal”.
>You vaguely recall being forced to do similar activities in Primary School and speculate silently how this is meant to train you on anything.

>cont...

[Anonymous No.16251115]

>>16251089
>Once completed, every group has to volunteer one person to read out their words to the rest of the group.
>You are volunteered.
>You read out all of the words written on the flipchart even though everyone in the room is capable of reading.
>Actually, you’re not sure on that.
>You break for lunch. Since it is a training day you must go with the group for a team lunch.
>Nobody likes Pizza Express, but everybody is afraid to state a strong opinion so the easiest option wins out.
>The group orders a Hawaiian pizza. You hate Hawaiian.
>You smile anyway.

>cont...

[Anonymous No.16251129]

>>16251115
>The bill arrives and it is declared that everyone should pay an equal share.
>That sounds simple.
>Janet says she only had a starter so should only pay half.
>John is gluten-intolerant so only had a coke and doesn’t want to split.
>So you all agree to cover their share.
>The waiter comes. Nobody has cash. The waiter says they can’t split the bill across different cards.
>Everyone looks down and goes silent.
>Eventually you volunteer to pay the bill. Zoe says you can claim it on expenses. It will take you 3 months to clear it through expenses.

>cont...

[Anonymous No.16251140]

>>16251129
>You head back into the training room.
>For the next hour you are asked to perform role plays.
>Dutifully, you act out a fake situation that would never be resolved in real life as it is resolved in the role play.
>Every role play receives applause no matter how bad it was.
>Everyone is told they’re doing great.
>Everyone is told that they are so lucky to work somewhere with such passionate, intelligent and dedicated people. Best of the best.
>As you’re told this you glance over to Janet. She is picking wax out of her ear with a ballpoint pen.
>Zoe makes a special announcement.

[Anonymous No.16251161]

>>16251140
>cont...

>She has managed to pull some strings and you are about to receive training on something that is guaranteed to bring you up to the next level.
>You wonder what it is.
>A 50-year-old lesbian walks in and declares you’re about to do Laughter Yoga.
>For the next hour you are all instructed to roll on the floor and laugh hysterically.
>You join in because it feels awkward to walk out. You’re worried of the consequences if you leave.
>The old lesbian instructs you all to bark like dogs.
>Apparently it helps your chakras.
>Finally... finally it comes to an end.

>cont...

[Anonymous No.16251185]

>>16251161
>Before you can go home you are asked to fill in a feedback form about how useful the training was.
>You know that Zoe from HR will read every form.
>You give the training 5-stars and sign off your enthusiasm with 17 exclamation marks.
>You don’t even bother to check your PC on the way out. You just want to go home.
>You just want this nightmare to end.
>But it won’t end.
>Tomorrow is Thursday and you’re only 35.
>There will be many many more Thursdays.

I'll do one more. If there's no interest I'll call it a day. My feels will be dumped and I will feel okay. I guess.

[Anonymous No.16251211]

>The alarm rings. Every single BEEP drilling it’s way into your skull. You reach out for the SNOOZE button. Just 10 more minutes, please. 10 more minutes wrapped in the blanket not having to think about work.
>You hear the PINGS of a dozen Whatsapp messages flooding in. It’s over.
>You check the WhatsApp messages, bleary-eyed. You have 57 messages.
>
It’s your team Whatsapp group. 8 of the messages are your 8 teammates saying they are feeling sick today. The other 49 messages are everybody wishing everyone else “Take care sweetie” or “Get well soon babe”.
>You wonder why there is so much sickness amongst your team today. Perhaps food poisoning from yesterday’s pizza? But you’re fine...
>... Then you remember. The big boss is visiting from HQ today.

>cont...

[Anonymous No.16251277]

Keep it going OP I love this

[Anonymous No.16251324]

>>16251211
>Another Whatsapp message. Someone is asking if you can help complete their report.
>You arrive at the office. Jack from IT accosts you at the entrance.
>He is holding a Sponsorship Form.
>Will you donate money for his current cause?
>You ask what it is.
>Jack says it’s to raise funds to help trans Somalian kids undergo gender realignment surgery.
>You don’t think it’s a good cause, but a group of colleagues stop by and all slap Jack on the back and say what a great cause it is.
>They look at you. They say they’re hoping for 100% participation.
>You donate $20.
>They tell you the minimum donation is $50.
>You donate $50.

[Anonymous No.16251335]

>>16251324

>cont...

>You approach your PC, warily.
>Miraculously... it works. You open Outlook with no issues.
>Due to being mostly offline for the last 2 days you have 2,407 unread emails.
>Many have red exclamation marks in the subject title. Others are written in CAPITAL LETTERS.
>You settle in to confront the email tsunami.
>A bell rings. Someone shouts “Can I have your attention please?”
>The big boss walks into the office surrounded by a gaggle of excited looking marketing girls in their twenties.
>You know this isn’t going to be good.

>cont...

[Anonymous No.16251354]

>>16251335
>The boss explains that she feels the office energy isn’t high enough. Something needs to be done to help increase output.
>So she has a fun new initiative that will be “rolled out” immediately.
>Everyone must stand up for the rest of the day. No more sitting down.
>She says she learnt this during her MBA at Wharton.
>The marketing girls scatter and drag everyone’s chairs away.
>You try to hold onto your chair but the marketing girl stares you down.
>“It’s better for your health anyway,” she says. “Sitting is the new smoking.”
>“It’s better for your health anyway,” she says. “Sitting is the new smoking.”
>You stand at your desk. Your hands cannot reach the keyboard so you hunch over to type.
>It hurts, but they told you that it’s healthy, so you don’t complain.
>You haven’t eaten alone all week.
>You promise yourself that today you will treat yourself to a nice burger... alone.

>cont...

[Anonymous No.16251419]

I too wAS touched by this tweet, OP
PLEASE DON'T CLAIM AS YOUR OWN IN DIDN'T WRITE IT.

link - https://twitter.com/moldbugman/status/1194185331555233792?s=19

[Anonymous No.16251472]

>>16251211
This is one shitty story
Office air conditioned job, 9 to 5. 45 to 100k a year. Kys unironically

[Anonymous No.16251473]

>>16250994
>It’s your turn. You say: “I think Nietzsche was overly optimistic."

fucking christ

[Anonymous No.16251481]

>>16251354
>alone.
i can't even afford to live in 1 bedroom apartment.

[Anonymous No.16251487]

>>16251473

[Anonymous No.16251633]

best thread on 4chan in ages

[Anonymous No.16251642]

Horrifying and funny. Good stuff OP.

[Anonymous No.16251710]

>>16250404
fuck capitalism in the mouth, cunt and asshole.
i want off this fucking ride

[Anonymous No.16251753]

>>16251419
>https://twitter.com/moldbugman/status/1194185331555233792?s=19

link? yes very good sirs buy it

[Anonymous No.16251787]

guys i'm in uni its not actually this bad is it?
I feel its because you're in shit tier positions, if you're payed 200k a year i doubt its efficient to spend a day with hr fun time.

if you work in tech as a SE or something would this still be the case?

[Anonymous No.16251829]

>>16250513
>>“You’re a corporate tiger, Ian! You’ve got this! Q4 is gonna be your quarter!”

[Anonymous No.16251831]

>>16251787
>i'm in uni its not actually this bad is it?
By the time you graduate it'll be even worse

[Anonymous No.16251847]

>>16251472
>Office air conditioned job
legit lold, advertising aircon as the primary feature of your job

[Anonymous No.16251876]

>>16251787

How are you in university when you don't even know the difference between paid and payed? like wtf

[Anonymous No.16251878]

Bumping for more, OP

[Anonymous No.16251888]

>>16251473
is moldbug is so low on funds that he needs to wageslave?

[Anonymous No.16251895]

>>16251876
I almost lost a grade in a final studying math because of bad grammar. Perfect math scores otherwise but utter shit in language. You don't know the powerlvl of some autists. Tbh semi proud of that achievement too - takes skill too fuck up that much.

[Anonymous No.16251902]

>>16251787
Dont even have a job yet and you're already coping lol

[Anonymous No.16251932]

Didn't bother reading this shill kike shit

Why is it on all boards at the same time

Fuck off

[Anonymous No.16251937]

Keep going OP

[Anonymous No.16251943]

>>16251472
man was made to hunt kill and survive
this petty pace today is a form of self-inflicted torture, nothing more or less

[Anonymous No.16252026]

>>16250539
>>16250526
>>16250513
>>16250504
>>16250485
This was my experience working in a typical suburban office as a financial analyst at an insurance firm. I couldn't possibly describe it better. This was it.

My takeaway was actually that the fucking IT guys seemed to be having a great time and easily the best job.

[Anonymous No.16252050]

>>16250966
>He tells you that security saw your post-it note with your password written on it so blocked your access.
kek I have had this exact fear when writing down my work password and putting it in my desk. I hide it in a notebook on my desk with no label precisely to prevent this.

[Anonymous No.16252080]

>>16251473
I was going to post this almost exactly

[Anonymous No.16252115]

>>16252026

I’m a pajeet who’s worked 2 yrs in IT. It’s a fkn shitshow mate, it’s a unique type of miserable.

[Anonymous No.16252121]

>>16251084
>tfw part of me wants to do this but part of me would want to kill myself for doing this
From the words of one of my coworkers, I'm "just the kind of person who needs to be locked in a room working on math problems all day, alone."

[Anonymous No.16252147]

>>16251787
I thoroughly enjoyed this thread because it's what I feel like a stereotypical American big firm is like. A lot of the stuff does ring true for me as well, but not as bad as OP makes it out to be. It's entirely depended on where you work and how much of a normie you are. The better you can blend in with normies the easier it will be. I like going out for drinks with my coworkers for example, and we joke around a lot. Makes wage slaving a lot easier.

[Anonymous No.16252151]

>>16251473
Thats fucking based tho

[Anonymous No.16252161]

>>16251472
>45 to 100k a year
That's a pretty big gap there holy hell.

[Anonymous No.16252200]

>>16252115
Everyone knows the typical corporate american IT department is pajeet-central. The fact that you haven't managed to take advantage of this ethnic racket and get under the good favor of a higher-caste Indian is on you, rajesh

[Anonymous No.16252201]

>>16251787
If you're in your 20s working with an entire office of 35+ year old people, exactly half of whom are women, it's exactly like OP is describing.

[Anonymous No.16252208]

>You are not in the office to work. You are there to participate in social rituals and humiliate yourself.
Too real bro

[Anonymous No.16252218]

OP here, seeing how some of you guys projected your anger and the ones who knew me from twitter immediately started attacking me for copypasta (of my own work lmao) I decided to wrap everything from start to finish on /pol/. They were generally nicer

>>233139328

Anyhow, if you are interested in Friday events tune there tomorrow on later back on /pol/
xoxo

[Anonymous No.16252220]

>>16251787
Lol the only hope you have is to eventually become self employed
I was working in a large Fortune 500 company as an engineer for 5 years and it is as bad as it’s written here.
Luckily I look good and am good at socializing and I knew a lot so I was lucky. A lot of the office women either did sleep with me or wanted to.
But seeing some of the scorn that the other men received, particularly from women, did remind me of grade school.
I left and started my own consulting firm. Never looked back. Large corporations are pathological and will abuse good workers not reward them

[Anonymous No.16252222]

>>16252026
Can confirm as the IT guy, worked three years in the firm and every time i set a foot out of our office it was a reminder how good my place was (partially because of a sane boss and collegues)

[Anonymous No.16252224]

>>16252115
But honestly, I don't understand what the IT department has to do other than they're the only ones with the administrator passwords, Windows ISOs for emergencies, etc. so I have to call them for stupid shit like in the OP. I'm not talking about a tech company, just old fashioned life insurance.

[Anonymous No.16252229]

I really hate you OP. I really do.

[Anonymous No.16252233]

>>16252218
You could have just said it was you, but alright.

[Anonymous No.16252265]

>>16252233
nah, people should just learn to listen sometimes. When you listen, things open themselves for you regardless of everything. If you can't bring yourself to listen maybe you should take a moment to think about your life so far.

[Anonymous No.16252291]

>>16251324
>raise funds to help trans Somalian kids undergo gender realignment surgery.
>You don’t think it’s a good cause
It prevents more niggaz from being born. There is no greater cause than this.

[Anonymous No.16252305]

>>16251324
AAAAHHHHHHHHHH

[Anonymous No.16252319]

>>16250966
>>16252050
Just save the password to your phone

[Anonymous No.16252379]

>thread is over
:/ thanks

[Anonymous No.16252438]

OP you should write a book. Or at least mirror these stories somewhere more normie friendly so I can share them with colleagues.

[Anonymous No.16252444]

>>16251324
>trans Somalian kids

is this really a thing

[Anonymous No.16252466]

>>16252438

You have my twitter. It's been violently posted here numerous times.

[Anonymous No.16252481]

Office Space 2: A Society

[Anonymous No.16252506]

>>16252466
Mendecius that you?

[Anonymous No.16252624]

>>16251115

Fuck getting food or an office in particular. It's fine when someone makes a decision and just buys shit but if it's a group decision it's always fucking pizza

[Anonymous No.16252658]

Good stories.
Seems like the only job is to pretend to work

[MR. OH NO NO NO No.16252684]

>wagies coping this hard

Thank GOD I was born lucky

[Anonymous No.16252693]

>>16252200

I'm on-site in the land of pajeets rn and my mind boggles at the amount of heirarchy theyve created. Pretty sure their freezing this one dude on the team out bc they don't like his caste. Also ping pong starts at 12pm and doesn't end by the time I leave. Everyone has custom ping pong paddles bc if they can't leave the building they might as well pong pong.

[Anonymous No.16252899]

>>16252026
>My takeaway was actually that the fucking IT guys seemed to be having a great time and easily the best job.
bullshit. they are usually understaffed and have to do all kinds of shit under enormous time stress and all kinds of pressure/dumb questions from everyone.
>>16250416
>>16250440
>>16250485
>>16250504
>>16250513
>>16250526
>>16250539
a bit extreme but all in all true.
>>16250646
this. other people work twice as hard and ruin their bodies for half the salary. office drones have it relatively easy lol.

[Anonymous No.16252917]

Why are we trying to scam each other?

[Anonymous No.16252946]

Fuck, I haven't even gone to work and this thread already ruined my day.

[Anonymous No.16252976]

>>16250966
>>It’s impossible not to notice that someone has placed a photo of Greta Thunberg in the pantry and removed all the plastic cups.
keked hard.

[Anonymous No.16253163]

>snarky cunts in the open office constantly talking retarded shit and have to listen to all their conversations
>the computer is outdated and the programs are slooooooow
>every click = wait 10 seconds
>chair is not comfortable and ass is sweating because sun shines right at your back
>still tired from not enough sleep and eyes are drying up, vision getting blurry
>open up window
>5 seconds later some roastie closes it again because it is too cold despite being 30 degrees outside and 40 inside
>desk is too small for all the papershit
>one roastie brings her loud autistic kid to work that yells at the top of his lungs and runs around the desk
>look at clock
>still 7 hours left and its monday

[Anonymous No.16253266]

>>16250481
And not to cuck you too had but I don't think moldbugman is Moldbug, just a fan.

[Anonymous No.16253284]

>>16251058
>The autumn leaves are beginning to fall

Are we in hell anon?
Do we deserve this?

[Anonymous No.16253306]

this makes me want to kms

[Anonymous No.16253308]

>>16252917
The real scam was the friends we scammed along the way
Oh, wait

[Anonymous No.16253315]

>>16251354
reads like Office Space 2

[Anonymous No.16253332]

Did Moldbug hire himself in a typical office job to write this office safari report?

It's very well written

[Anonymous No.16253450]

>>16251787
OP stories are ruthlessly accurate and I will put a bullet in my brain before I go back in an office environment

After working in environments like OP describes for 25 years, I want to holocaust women

[Anonymous No.16253489]

>>16253315
if someone put together an office space 2 based on silicon valley memes and doomer culture they would probably make an easy 5000x

>>16253450
also this, if your team is majority female just quit and save yourself a decade of trauma resolution. i'm not your typical 4chan incel but holy shit women need to socialize themselves in the workplace, or more accurately men need to stand together for once and force them to. they're abusive as all hell.

[Anonymous No.16253498]

>>16253163
>>snarky cunts in the open office constantly talking retarded shit and have to listen to all their conversations
My office is like this and I'm one of the snarky cunts. Feels good shooting the shit with the lads and getting paid for it

[Anonymous No.16253511]

>>16253163
>5 seconds later some roastie closes it again because it is too cold despite being 30 degrees outside and 40 inside

This.

[Anonymous No.16253528]

>>16253498
god you're an insufferable faggot, but you know that already. like the most milquetoast sociopath build available

[Anonymous No.16253555]

>>16253489
agreed. I started out bluepilled on women, always cutting them slack. Now, I jump for joy when they get raped and murdered

[Anonymous No.16253629]

>>16253498
dont worry you get the bullet too

[Anonymous No.16253668]

>open office
>one of the retards starts eating
>he eats like a pig, with open mouth and you can hear it across the room
>roastie sitting across me sneezing all the time
>one of the roasties turns on the radio which plays the same 3 shitty annoying songs in a loop over and over and over again
>window is closed while sun is shining right at my back heating me up
>urge to kill rising

[Anonymous No.16253742]

>wake up at 10.15am
>refresh Delta
>LINK is back above $3.00
>Check my calendar
>3 calls with prospects today
>If I close 2 of them that's $1k
>More than I was earning a week as a wage slave
>Go for a 5km run, enjoying the peace and quiet as the slaves are already grinding
>Get back home and jump onto the laptop
>Do some client work and tweak the website
>Refresh Delta again
>Nice. Dopamine. $3.10.
>Jump on the first call
>Close him easily as his business has a perfect use case for my services
>Time to hit the gym
>Leisurely 2 hour session browsing 4chan in between sets
>Refresh Delta
>Dopamine
>$3.13
>Stumble across a thread about wageslave suffering
>Got another call in 5 minutes
>May as well type this out while I wait
>Dopamine.

[Anonymous No.16253745]

>>16251787
If only you knew how bad things really are

[Anonymous No.16253801]

>>16253742
I changed over to this lifestyle after quitting, way comfier, clients treat me with respect

[Anonymous No.16254058]

>>16253742
What do you do? Sales?

[Anonymous No.16254469]

>>16250994
>I think Nietzsche was overly optimistic.
I fucking love you OP holy shit

[Anonymous No.16254958]

>>16250994
>I think Nietzsche was overly optimistic.

[Anonymous No.16254993]

Holy shit, this fucking thread
10/10

[Anonymous No.16255166]

>>16251787
>guys i'm in uni
>payed
Tell me your major right now

[Anonymous No.16255283]

>>16251787
SE is a bit easier because there will be a few other nerds there for you to connect with. The situation OP is describing is more common in offices that have a nearly 100% normie population.

[Anonymous No.16255524]

>>16251787
It really can be that bad.

I work at a large financial company. Between the fratbros and the women and other corporate office shit, it really can be like that.

[Anonymous No.16255836]

>>16250404
To avoid all those sadness, I invested in UOS
I believe within 2 years, I will be able to live financially free

[Anonymous No.16256007]

>>16254058

Kneepads

[Anonymous No.16256303]

>>16251895
Fellow math autists here, how do you not picture language as a sequence? Lmao

[Anonymous No.16256790]

>>16253742
spill the beans, whats your at home business.

[Anonymous No.16256828]

>>16251787
Army fag here
Even the military is getting this woke
I want to get out but corporate america is the same shit
End my suffering

[Anonymous No.16257407]

[Anonymous No.16257420]

>>16250539
Lost it at McKinsey, pls somebody screencab this, its HR in its pure essence. I hate modern HR bulshit so goddamn much.

[Anonymous No.16257451]

Same here lads, I relate way too hard with this.

[Anonymous No.16257556]

>>16251787
It can be worse:

>Mandatory team-bonding vacations. You may not bring your own family members!

[Anonymous No.16257649]

>>16251058
>Janet takes the lead and asks the group to say words related to Equity. You reel off 12 in an instant.
>>That was wrong.
>>The point of the exercise isn’t to just give correct answers. It’s to discuss and share.
>>Over the next 20 minutes the group slowly repeats your 12 words.
OP IT HURTS PLEASE MAKE IT STOP HURTING

[Anonymous No.16257784]

>>16252444
They're largely hardcore Sunnis so I'm gonna say no. Just Moldbug being hyperbolic.

[Anonymous No.16258179]

>>16251161
>Laughter Yoga
I pity anyone working in that environment

[Anonymous No.16258420]

yeah im thinking based

[Anonymous No.16258757]

>>16251089
'Consistancy'
They don't even know English, rofl

[Anonymous No.16258964]

>>16251029
>The first slide is a 500 word intro
I fucking hate when people do that. Just make a document out of that, you don't need to waste people's time like that

[Anonymous No.16259076]

>>16256828
corporate America is better then the military wtf are you talking about

[Anonymous No.16259089]

>>16257407
oh my god please tell me this is fake

[Anonymous No.16259125]

Everyone on my team are literal reddit faggots. They are the living meme. Constantly talking about gaming, nintendo switches, two guys on my team have openly talked about getting a vasectomy. Boss is a literal jew who told me he got a vasectomy. They all love reddit and with the new rick and morty season that just came out they have been talking about it all the time.

[Anonymous No.16259196]

>>16259125
Clearly there too high iq for you

[Anonymous No.16259541]

>>16251710
you think this is capitalism? lol

[Anonymous No.16259589]

>>16252233
I dont look at Twitter because I'm not an insufferable faggot. would've been nice to read the rest here. oh well.

[Anonymous No.16259716]

>>16250966
>It’s impossible not to notice that someone has placed a photo of Greta Thunberg in the pantry and removed all the plastic cups.
Top fucking Kek

[Anonymous No.16259723]

Don't worry, most of these office non-jobs will be obsoleted by automation in 10-20 years

So you can enjoy being unemployed instead

[Anonymous No.16259737]

Enough
I have to repeat this story tomorrow as a wagie.

[Anonymous No.16259858]

>>16250404
>Gold ID
Checks out, great thread

[Anonymous No.16260195]

>>16251419
#greatplacetowork

[Anonymous No.16260402]

>work at SAAS start up
>just me and 4 other programmers in a small open office in downtown core
>we go the whole day without saying a word to eachother, sometimes for days at a time
>one time someone got a stern talking to for sipping his tea too loudly
>ive been reprimanded for chewing too loud
>5pm sharp, we grab out things, close the lights and head out

not sure where i was going with this but yeah office work is weird guys

[Anonymous No.16260530]

>>16260402
>startup
>no management/investors hassling you nonstop
Sounds like a larp

[Anonymous No.16260602]

OP I work in IT and have to support chuckleheads and believe me I get a fair amount of fucking around but there are plenty of times I’m swamped and hounded by roastie middle management stronk independence career womyn who think being a bitch makes them corporate wiz material breathing down my kneck nitpicking and nagging looking for things to get me in trouble for because they are angry at their husband and I look like he did when he was younger or some dumb shit. I’m going NEET in a week and a half and I cannot fucking wait.

[Anonymous No.16260683]

>>16259723
>he thinks his corporate overlords will let machines replace their slave class of consumers whose spirits and energy are sucked dry via wage cuckoldry
Keep dreaming my man, our best bet is this Epstein shit cracks and the cabal is exposed and normies realize what kind of world we are living in. If not who’s gonna buy all the products (((they))) produce if no one is working?

[Anonymous No.16260813]

>>16251022
Raiz uh teeket

[Anonymous No.16260918]

>>16252265
I really enjoyed this OP. As I was reading this at my desk, I got an email from my boss reminding me about Group Audit requirements. Apparently they want a monthly report saved separately for each month, even though the report is the same except for the month selected in cell A2 of the first tab.

I unironically just typed out my resignation letter, meeting my boss in 2 hours.

[Anonymous No.16261747]

>>16251324
>>They look at you. They say they’re hoping for 100% participation.
"Hmm, that's a tough goal to meet." Walk off.

Not that hard.

[Anonymous No.16261799]

>>16257407
I'd ignore the message until I saw my boss in person.
Always deal with bad news in person.

[Anonymous No.16262028]

>>16255283
"Nerds"usually have such a low power level that you can't connect to them anyway.