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/biz/ - Business & Finance

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1600081 No.1600081 [Reply] [Original]

Here's how to get any job:

Sending "decoy" applications/resumes. That's it. Basically apps or resumes with fake names from fake people who are perfectly qualified for the job. Put phone numbers that link to one of your phones. So then the hiring manager has it narrowed down to a few candidates, hopefully yourself if you lie well enough on your resume, and hopefully the fake decoy resumes you sent, thus beating out any real competition. Then when he calls one of the decoy numbers, go ahead and set up an interview. None of those fake people are will show up for the interview because they don't exist. And then you get the job by default.

>> No.1600095

this is so fucking retarded.

If you're the only real person to make it into the short list, you're already the best candidate.

If not, the plan doesn't work.

Shit like this is why you don't have a job.

>> No.1600099

>>1600095
You sound like a bitch

>> No.1600102

>>1600095
Yeah fuck off you dumbass nigger. You still got a lot of dicks to go before you've made your million dollars.

>> No.1600105

>>1600081
Its stupid like this that makes coming to this turd board worthwhile. Thanks for the kek

>> No.1600109

>>1600081

>Put phone numbers that link to one of your phones

So, are you going to put on a different voice each time a hiring manager calls one of your decoy resumes? This is the plan of a 15 year old who thinks they're smart.

Go buy some kneepads you stupid fuck.

>> No.1600195

>>1600109
I've been practicing my deep voice and I must say I do believe I have perfected it.

>> No.1600202
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1600202

Wtf do I do guys, I'm depressed over my GPA and I'm doubtful It'll go any higher. I just want to hang myself.

>> No.1600205

>>1600202
Thanks for making me feel better about my 3.24.

>> No.1600211
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1600211

>>1600205
>mfw everyone I know with a GPA of >= 3.10 has cheated
>mfw I didn't cheat because I thought to be "noble" mattered
>mfwI didn't cheat because I wasn't social enough

The one thing I learned is to cheat and lie and be social. That's how you make it.

>> No.1600227

>>1600202
Don't include it on your resume

>> No.1600233

>>1600202
What the fuck are you doing with your arrangement of projects and activities? List everything in sequential order.

>> No.1600238

>>1600195

Go practice your deep throat instead, you'll most likely need that more.

>> No.1600239

>>1600233
I listed it by what I thought was most important for people to see first.

>> No.1600485

>>1600238
haha le ds meme, gud 1 m80

kys

>> No.1601157

>>1600202

this resume is an assault on the eyes