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15624637 No.15624637 [Reply] [Original] [archived.moe]

>”WE’RE LOOKING FOR A TEAM PLAYER!!”

>> No.15624644

>>15624637
>Keked

>> No.15624681
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15624681

Are "Rockstars" still sought after?

>> No.15624687
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15624687

>Entry-level job
>"Minimum of four years woth of relevant work experience REQUIRED!"
>"Must be willing to work days, nights and weekends"

>> No.15624693
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15624693

>”OH MY GOD THATS SERGEY. COME OVER AND WATCH THE GAME WITH US SERGEY, I GOT A SIX PACK IN THE FRIDGE. OH MY GOD HES A FUCKIN BEAST, MY WIFE IS GOING TO MAKE US BAGLE BITES WHILE WE WATCH THE GAME AND YOU CAN FUCK HER LATER IF YOU WANT, I GOT YOUR POSTER UP IN MY ROOM”

>> No.15624804
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15624804

>"must be willing to do end of shift dance with customers."

>> No.15625553

>>15624637
We want you to join the:
family
tribe
[insert something from book they read]

>> No.15625578
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15625578

>>15624637
>We are looking for a team player to help our company create a atmosphere that promotes employee beatings,cheap slave labor and sexual harassment towards male and female workers. We hope you will help us.

>> No.15625592
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15625592

>>15624637
I've heard that phrase many times actually...after starting working in those places I didn't realize I'd be the Tom Brady or LeBron of that team after just a few days, surrounded by lifers...no fucking thank you I quit

>> No.15625604
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15625604

>>15624637
At this company, we aren't employees. We're family.

>> No.15625607

>we like to think of ourselves as a family

>> No.15625608
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15625608

>Wanted:
>printer cartridge refill S U P E R S T A R

>> No.15625625
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15625625

>we're looking for someone who lives in a nearby tube so they can get to their cage on short notice

>> No.15625667

>>15624637
Translation : we are fucken hopeless inept fucks that don't work together but karen bakes cupcakes every 2nd week

>> No.15625813

>NOW HIRING SUPERSTARS

>> No.15625844

>MOBILE SOLUTIONS NINJA

>> No.15625896
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15625896

>Looking for highly motivated team-players looking to make an impact.
> must be comfortable with a fast-paced startup environment.
> 2-4 years relevant work experience
> bachelor’s degree
> love dogs

Also my favorite:
>”So anon, let me tell you a bit about how we do things around here.”
>”Think of the office like a human body, every part is equally important and has to pull its weight, but also sometimes parts need to do some heavy lifting when other parts can’t do it. We’re a big office with a small office feel haha”
> “haha so what are the women, the appendix?”
> “Anon, um that’s really offensive, I don’t think you’re the right fit anymore”
Turned out the interviewer was a resistance facebook posting soiboi white knight. The look on his face when I said it was priceless, it was a mix of fury and fear, like what kind of creature could say a joke like that.

>> No.15625912
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15625912

LOOKING FOR A GOOD FIT FOR THE TEAM MUST HAVE EXPERIENCE AND BACHELORS DEGREE
MINIMUM WAGE PLUS TIPS

>> No.15625924

You millienals are so fucking entitled why don't you just fucking grow up and get a $100,000 student loan if you want to be competitive in the entry level job market for minimum wage

>> No.15625944

>>15624804
My boss makes us do this exact dance every morning
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZljiGl72JE

>> No.15625957

>>15625944
>see the title
Lmao

>> No.15625958

This is what happens when they took away the power of the location manager to hire whoever the hell shows up with even the slightest amount of enthusiasm for the job and leave it all to HR workers who aren't even within 50 miles of the worksite or know what the hell the actual job requires

>> No.15625967

>>15625958
this is the correct response. HR is a joke and should be purged.

>> No.15625986

>>15625896
LMAO did you actually do this?

>> No.15626006

>>15624637
>>”WE’RE LOOKING FOR A RACIST, MENTALLY ILL GAMBLING ADDICT FOR A HIGH PAYING POSITION WITH BENEFITS AND NO RESPONSIBILITIES!!”

>> No.15626028

>>15625944
haha

>> No.15626059
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15626059

>>15625896
> “haha so what are the women, the appendix?”

>> No.15626071

>>15624681

TEAM PLAYER - Female
ROCKSTAR - White
NINJA - Asian
ALLSTAR - Black

>> No.15626088
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15626088

>we believe in diversity and the value of inclusion. Anon, do you believe in these values.

"Yes, I love other people from different cultures. It's interesting to gather their perspectives and incorporate them into my own schema."

Mfw after I said that. Mfw when I got offered the job and a company car package.

>> No.15626166

>>15626006
Oh shit I was practically BORN for a position like this.

>> No.15626411

>>15626071
F U C K

>> No.15626418

>>15626006
KEK

>> No.15626471

>>15625896
extremely based

>> No.15626478

>>15626006
my time has come

>> No.15626504
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15626504

>Uh, I'm sorry but this position is leaning toward skills associated with diversity and inclusivity. Our team is very interested in community outreach and giving back. We're looking for a hard working minority for this position
>"Then you'll be looking a long time"
>BASED, welcome aboard!

>> No.15626609
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15626609

>>15626006
>raises hand while tipping fedora
>heh, you rang?

>> No.15626843

>>15626006

haha

None of those here!

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