All Of Area Man's Hard Work Finally Pays Off For Employer

[Anonymous No.15169400]

>SAN DIEGO—Following seven straight years of long hours at the office and sacrificed weekends and holidays, all of account manager Sam Hemstead's hard work and single-minded devotion to Pinnacle Automotive Insurance has finally paid off for CEO Charles Pardahee, Pardahee said Friday.

>"There were definitely some nights I'd lie awake in bed and wonder, 'Is Sam absolutely killing himself day in and day out for nothing?'" Pardahee told reporters while driving to his weekend home in a recently purchased 2019 BMW luxury sedan. "But Sam just put his head down and never looked back, and this year his blood, sweat, and tears have proven profitable to the tune of a 15 percent larger bonus for myself."

>The stress-related physical and psychological tolls for Hemstead, 34, have been high, but the hypertension, weight-gain, and crippling migraine headaches he has suffered due to his rigorous work schedule have been worth the rewards he has reaped for his employer, Pardahee confirmed.

>"I'm sure there were times when Sam wondered if it was all really worth it, especially considering he had to pay for a lot of his medication and doctor's visits out of his own pocket," said Pardahee, who in 2016 forced all his account managers to become contract employees so he would no longer have to provide them with health care benefits. "But he never complained once, and now that Sam has helped Pinnacle earn record profits by not taking a single day off for more than five years, I can finally relax and take another long vacation to Turks and Caicos. After all, Sam earned it for me."

>According to the CEO, Hemstead's contributions to Pinnacle Insurance will pay even greater dividends when he is let go and replaced with a college graduate willing to work for half the salary, allowing Pardahee to give himself a substantial raise.

https://local.theonion.com/all-of-area-mans-hard-work-finally-pays-off-for-employe-1819573184

[Anonymous No.15169447]

>theonion.com

[Anonymous No.15169519]

>>15169447

It’s less satirical than cnn.com. You won’t read an article like this, even as a joke, might wake the wagies up to the prison they’re in.

EVERY sector of the economy is like this now too, it’s a fucking joke. As long as the automated future let’s high IQ individuals live like the 50s again IE Fallout pre nukes I’m all for it.

But that’s not what we’ll get, unfortunately. We’re off the carousel of progress onto the slip and slide to technocratic hell.

[Anonymous No.15169725]

if Sam's so fucking great why doesn't he ask for a fucking raise or find work elsewhere instead of day in day out developing his shadow personality like a literal fucking cuckold and repressing urges to kill his boss who would be entirely happy to give him a raise or a bonus if he only conjured up the fucking balls to ask instead of projecting his experiences through a haha satirical theboomion article as if his boss is somehow at fault for his inability to assert himself but of course he's at fault because all of Sam's problems are the results of others and so he's never learned to try to make things better