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/biz/ - Business & Finance

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1415118 No.1415118 [Reply] [Original]

>Walk into Goldman Sachs main office in NYC
>"JUMP MAN JUMP MAN JUMP MAN, THEM BOYS UP TO SOMETHING"

>> No.1415174

>>1415118
wat?

>> No.1415175

>>1415174
The music that was playing I think

>> No.1415181

Oh, thanks! OP, what were you doing at Goldman in the first place?

>> No.1415183

That's the sound of former frat boys listening to soft ass entertainers pretending to be international smugglers as they make money through a job they got through daddy's connections.

It's always been that way. Wait until you see how they are in private.

>> No.1415200

>>1415183
How can I become like them?

>> No.1415205

>>1415200
Go to a target school, get two summer internships in IBD, PWM, or PE. Have more than a 3.5 GPA. Asides from that, it's a crapshoot.

>> No.1415209

>>1415200

>wanting to be another leech exploiting the inner workings of the system for a cushy "job"

>> No.1415212

>>1415209
>>wanting to be another leech exploiting the inner workings of the system for a cushy "job"

I want to be rich, nothing else matters to me

>>1415205
Isn't that kind of difficult?

>> No.1415221

>>1415212
Of course. They're paying 6 figures to kid who just got out of college with the potential to make millions. It's competitive as fuck. Tbh you really want a 3.7 or above for Goldman, Blackstone, or Morgan Stanley

>> No.1415224

>>1415212
if you have to ask that, its not for you

>> No.1415235

>>1415221
But if they're paying them a lot, aren't they actually earning many times more for the firm? Seems kind of a scam

>> No.1415240

>>1415235
welcome... welcome to capitalism?

>> No.1415243

>>1415235
What are you talking about. This is how every major company in the world works. Top Law firms charge hundreds of dollars an hour for junior lawyers, but the same lawyers only get paid around 250K for 2100 billable hours of work a year.

>> No.1415244

>>1415212
>I want to be rich, nothing else matters to me

What's with people? They don't want to make a great album, write a best seller, invent a new product, win a great legal case, or be a great healer. They don't want to do anything worthy of making enough money to be rich, they just want to get into the system and manipulate it into spitting out enough money for them to be rich through its inner workings in an already top-heavy system.

Newsflash: at some point you become redundant in jobs like that, and you're the first to go when they need to kick people overboard.

>> No.1415248

>>1415243
Why can't they cut out the middle man and sell their service directly?

>> No.1415252

>>1415248
do you even know what junior IB analysts do

>> No.1415254

>>1415248
They don't have a reliable enough track record, which makes them risky on an individual basis. They also don't really have the capital to work on their own.

>> No.1415258

>>1415252
No

>> No.1415259
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1415259

>>1415248
Is this bait? Because a singular investment banker or lawyer could never have the support, funding, and reputation of a massive, prestigious firm.

>> No.1415261
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1415261

>>1415258

>> No.1415263

>>1415259
>>1415261
Explain

I have an iq of around 85

>> No.1415265

>>1415258
why don't you do some research then, fuckwit

its going to be pretty clear why they cant "offer their services directly" if you have half a brain

>> No.1415276

>>1415263
Investment bankers take a bunch of money from other people, and they use it to buy things that are or will be worth more money on behalf of their clients. So you need to be able to convince clients that's a good decision.

>> No.1415280

>>1415174
it's a /fit/ meme i thiink

>> No.1415289

>>1415265
>>1415276
Is there any job i can do where they will pay me money just to pretend i'm working?

Like some sort of management postion maybe?

>> No.1415294

>>1415289
man, if that ain't the dream, i don't know what is

>> No.1415298

>>1415263
I don't understand what you want explained. It's pretty obvious why people join companies. Investment Bankers perform advisory to clients buying things and they get a cut of the share if it's successful.

>> No.1415301

>>1415212
>Isn't that kind of difficult?

Yeah, you fucking idiot. That's why everyone on Earth isn't an investment banker.

>> No.1415309

>>1415289
yea what you gotta do is
1. Nair your asshole
2. put up a backpage ad
3. let men use your ass for money

all you have to do is lay there

you can also sell drugs but with an IQ of 85 you'll be taking it in the ass in prison soon enough but you wont get paid for it

>> No.1415320

>>1415309
I've been considering going gay for pay but i'd probably want to do the fucking instead of getting fucked.

Do you have any suggestions on starting up my gay escorting business from the bottom? I don't have any experience with gay sex but I have a desire to learn. Are there any internships (preferably paid) that will possibly take me on?

Should I try emailing some male escorts in my city I find on the internet to see if they'll allow me to shadow them to learn the ropes? Is this a viable idea or am i just being dumb herE?

Please let me know.

>> No.1415337

>>1415276
That's private equity

>> No.1415340
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1415340

>>1415320
Invest in a good pair of kneepads...

>> No.1415352

>>1415340
Do you have any professional experience in the field of male prostitution?

How can I really sell myself on searching out an internship?

>> No.1415398

i worked here, couple things:

1) people at GS largely aren't as amazing as you may believe. very ambitious and hard-working, yes....geniuses, not so much. most ppl are pretty bright but there are certainly some tards here and there. and you don't need to go to an ivy league school to work at goldman sachs...out of the major banks, GS tends to hire a lot of ppl from state universities and non-prestigious schools. a super-high GPA is not necessary either

2) very few people make 7-figure salaries. you need to amass many years of experience, in addition to working in one of the higher-paying divisions (ie. get to a senior level IB, research, trading, PWM) to ever make it to that point. regardless, you will be working your ass off and making many sacrifices. not for everyone and not fun unless you only live to work

3) goldman has several lines of businesses...i think something like 2/3rds of the ppl in the firm work in the tech division. the 'prestigious' IB people comprise a tiny fraction of the overall firm.

overall, working here is not as awesome as you think, though the culture of the bank is unmatched and other ppl are usually impressed if you tell them where you work.

>> No.1415777

>>1415183
I saw this thread when it had no responses and wanted to type out exactly this. Thank you

>> No.1415800

>>1415289
>Is there any job i can do where they will pay me money just to pretend i'm working?

Top fucking kek anon I laughed. This is the best bait thread I've seen in a while

>> No.1415882
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1415882

>Walking into my office
>oooooh ITS JUST ME MYSELF AND I

>> No.1415893

>>1415882
SOLO RIDE UNTIL I DIE

>> No.1415923

>>1415289

find any company with greater than 100 employees

>> No.1416170

>>1415200
You're like the type to watch Wolf of Wallstreet and wanting to be like that dude. I can't possibly describe how hard I'm cringing right now.

>> No.1416203

>Jews up to something
WHAT A SURPRISE

>> No.1416255

>>1415118
You'd be suprised what really goes on at Goldman Sachs. I was outside their office this past May with my Bosnian wife, she doesn't speak English very well so she was pointing at the top of the building and asking me about the architecture. This Goldman Sachs security guard starts yelling at her and asking her why she is pointing and me being the big guy that I am just decides to lose it on this security guard. The security guard got very red in the face after taking such a verbal assault from me, he left and quickly returned with backup. They brought me inside to his office upstairs and this is where things get really weird, the entire building is empty except for a few offices and long hallways. I saw Ted Cruz's wife running around frantically and asking why I was upstairs with them. At this point I knew something was going on, so when the guard returned I jumped him, knocked him out cold and took his service pistol and explored the rest of the Goldman Sachs building before returning to my wife outside. You all would be terrified to know what those walls hold.

>> No.1416257

>>1415276
No

They help companies IPO, raise capital, refinance debt, hedge costs and multitude of other things that you can't comprehend.

>> No.1416268

>>1416255

Kek approves, and so do I.

>> No.1417436

>>1416255
The meme production facility?

>> No.1417461

Sounds like Goldman Sachs knows their swagger

>> No.1417462

>no mass shooting

>> No.1417483

>>1415183
Richfag here. They literally are all actually closet homo. The shit they do to one another as "ITS JUST A PRANK BRO" is severe prison gay.

>> No.1417489

>>1415289
Programming my nigga.

"DUDE LMAO I WAS DEBUGGING ALL DAY"
>literally sat there shitposting

>> No.1417575

>>1415263
The closest thing to cutting out the middleman would be working for a small hedge fund (or being in the upper management of a large one).