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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/biz/ - Business & Finance

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13519814 No.13519814 [Reply] [Original]

The year is 2077.

My phone's default eGov DApp launches automatically as I emerge from slumber. "Good morning, Wojak!" appears on the loading screen and a menu eventually emerges:

>"REM Sleep Duration: OPTIMAL"
>"Vaccination Interval: 30 days (OPTIMAL)"

Satisfied with the recent increase in the quality of sleep since increasing my vaccination intervals, I proceed to access the product management menu:

>"--PRODUCT MANAGEMENT--"
>"Location Data: Y"
>"Financial Transactions: Y"
>"Browsing History: Y"
>"Bio-metric Data: Y"
>"Medical Records: Y"

"You have followed all official recommendations, your current official score is 998. A total compensation of 1.000 LINK will be deposited into your official Digital Identity public address for the month."

I leave my reasonable Microsoft-subsidised co-housing pod and wait for a self-driving Tesla to arrive, as scheduled in my eGov smartphone DApp. The Tesla drops my wife's kids off at school before driving me straight to the office. I work hard for my country and I value the opportunity they provide me in my career. even though I've made a lot of money from my GBS score, I still work because I enjoy myself and plan to donate most of my earnings to charities supporting Africa.

After finishing 16 reaction videos and closing nine tickets working an extra 3 hours of un-billed overtime in my Passion Pod, I hop in the scheduled Tesla. I check my phone. The wife saw my score went up by 20 points this month and got so excited she snapchatted me a naughty picture of her bra strap showing. I blush as the Tesla pulls onto the freeway. When I arrive, I see Tyrone, my wife's son's tutor leaving for the day. I wave him goodbye and and go inside. Wife is already in the shower, so I start washing the dishes and preparing dinner, taking care to reflect on my privilege as a man living in the dawn of 22nd century.

>> No.13519829

And that's when the bombs fell

>> No.13519915
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13519915

>>13519814
>The wife saw my score went up by 20 points this month and got so excited she snapchatted me a naughty picture of her bra strap showing.
Lost my shit

>> No.13520713

I wouldn't really call 23 years away from the 22nd century "the dawn".

>> No.13520990

>>13520713
The?

>> No.13521041

>>13519814
Thanks for putting the antivax stuff in the third line so I didn't have to waste time reading the rest you fucking dumb shit.

>> No.13521406
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13521406

>When I arrive, I see Tyrone, my wife's son's tutor leaving for the day

whiteling cucked by big black Tyrone

>> No.13521933
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13521933

>>13519814

>> No.13522436
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13522436

>2040
>browsing /biz/ from the Boreal Forest, the last remaining white reservation on earth using my state-mandated brain analyzer helmet that translates my neural activity to internet use
>my pre-birth Amazon Lifetime Happiness Contract dictates that I never view, read or think about anything that could pose a risk to any minority or beingperson on the quasi-rube tripleplex spectrum of gender that occupies 45% of my leased memory that I struggle to pay for because of reparations garnishment from my welfare; I am not allowed to work due to the dangers I pose to muslims because I am a Caucasian.
>an unchipped aussie shitposter in a desert somewhere who has bypassed the unchipped internet ban using a coathanger and a didgeridoo posts a picture with a caption that reads "god damn I love being white", an illegal image that warrants a 45-year minimum sentence to hard labor in an Amazon Fulfillment Wagie Cagie for breach of the Minority Protection Act
>it crosses my subconscious before I even notice it, I panic and cannot leave my chair because I have not spoken the Equality Pledge 5 times, thus my restraints remain
>within 30 seconds Safe-t Thought Patrol drones are sawing through my ceiling and extract me and my chair via giant claw
>my sentencing and trial is carried out mid-flight via a telepathic link to a thought-judge in Berkly California who reviews the last 90 days of my neural activity for other mind-crimes
>I am deposited into a hyper-max Safty Wagie Cagie inside the North American Amazon Fufillment Center Megaplex
>I die of old age having worked for 130 years, my life extended via Amazon Employee Health And Wellness Enhancement, my body rots in the chair unnoticed as I rack inactivity fines for failing to move the ordered pallets of double dildos
>My consciousness remains the entire time, kept alive through my neural helmet for another 50 years until the battery finally dies and I am transferred into the next passing drone forklift

>> No.13522561

>>13522436
Kek

>> No.13522573

>>13519814
Israel has no right to exist.

>> No.13522598

>>13519814
Top tier keep going we’re waiting

>> No.13522600
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13522600

>>13519814
>The year is 2077
>to charities supporting Africa
FUCKING NIGGER NEVER MADE IT!!

>> No.13522606
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13522606

>>13522436
fuck

>> No.13522658
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13522658

It's starting

>> No.13522682

>>13522436
Lost multiple times
>panicking because I forgot to say the equality pledge 5 times
Can we make this a copy pasta or movie. It’s too good.

>> No.13522999

>>13519814
I like you