/biz/ animal kingdom

[Anonymous No.13194890]

Let us take a moment to study and understand the complex wildlife of /biz/'s animal kingdom.

Our first specimen for the day is the boastful Bobo. A selfish, filthy, arrogant, faithless and destructive creature that is also incredibly cowardly. It has a notable penchant for taking dumps, but it doesn't do them in the woods like other species of bears, oh no, the Bobo is a crude creature who enjoys taking dumps on anything that may have any value in the hopes of reducing its worth and claiming it for its own. Even food and living things are not safe from Bobo's dumps. It may even go to grander extremes and force other weaker innocents to take dumps with it out of some sick sense of sadism. Nothing brings it greater joy than seeing its victims turn a nice shade of pink as they become frustrated and humiliated beyond reason. Truly, the selfish Bobo is the most sinister creature in the /biz/ animal kingdom.

[Anonymous No.13195000]

Next up is the proud yet rarely seen Mumu. A mighty and noble bovine well known for its fierce stampedes across the vast market plains. Countless spectators gather every day in the hopes of seeing these majestic beasts make a run through the valleys. It is commonly accepted by locals that the Mumu stampedes bring about prosperity and greenery to the land, which in effect brings much joy to the locals. But more amazing still are the legends surrounding an incredibly rare variant of Mumu known as the Golden Bull. This creature if often the subject of legend and folklore which states that its runs through the valley bring forth untold riches to all and can turn even the most unfortunate of peasants into kings overnight. Dedicated cryptozoologists have been searching for this legendary creature for years, and while accounts are scarce, those that have the majestic golden Mumu all agree that the beauty of its golden fur is without compare.

Truly, there is no creature of greater majesty than the noble Mumu.

[Anonymous No.13195035]

Quack

[Anonymous No.13195061]

I would like to know more about that crab fellow.

[Anonymous No.13195188]

Oh? What do we have here? Why if it isn't the most common creature in the /biz/ animal kingdom. The simple-minded crustacean of stagnancy known as the Snibs. Yes the Snibs, seen by the locals as either a nuisance, an eternal reminder of disappointment or as a lovable docile pest. It goes by many names because given to it by the locals based on their varied views of it, such as "Pennypincher", "PeePee", "Snipper" and even "That retarded little fucking crab that always ruins the excitement". The humble Snibs is remarkable for how divisive it is, despite its seemingly unremarkable nature. Its entire life is is spent eternally walking sideways aimlessly with no real goal in mind. Never straying too far from its sideways path, only occasionally careening slightly upward or slightly downward for no real reason other than to put itself into harm's way. These little buggers travel in large packs, usually to the point of blocking the roads and even the stampeding grounds of the Mumus and plaguing the dumping grounds of the Bobos. Naturally this is the main source of grief for the natives of /biz/, often hoping to see either the Mumus or Bobos come out full force but instead only find the simple little Snibs blocking the paths and being a rather uneventful yet harmless nuisance. Such is the nature of this humble yet stagnant little crab. Although legend has it that one day, the dark demong king known as ChernaBogdanoff will arise from his mountain top and transform one of these little crabs into the dreaded demon beast known as "Crab 17" that will usher in the "Era of Unemployment".

[Anonymous No.13195226]

what sort of turbo autism have i stumbled upon here

[Anonymous No.13195240]

I wholeheartedly endorse and commend this thread.

10/10

[Anonymous No.13195253]

>>13195226
Shhhhh I’m trying to listen over here

[Anonymous No.13195259]

Kek nice thread OP, I’d give a like but I’m phoneposting

[Anonymous No.13195260]

>>13194890
F

>>13195188
S

[Anonymous No.13195268]

>>13195035
What's all this then? Why its the Row Ducks! One of /biz/'s most organized creatures. These little flightless mallards are known for their lemming-like attributes, traveling in small flocks that are always in a single file line. Always neat and tidy and forever in a row, as though they were a chain linked together in spirit. Why its even said that they're so smart that they could row a man-made boat together. Truly they would be a shining beacon of unity in these troubled lands if not for the fact that they are completely aimless and retarded when separated, which makes them the constant victims of Bobo's cruelty...

[Anonymous No.13195291]

Hi

[Anonymous No.13195297]

>>13195000
Fucking checked and based Mumu. Bull run confirmed.

[Anonymous No.13195329]

Posting in an epic thread

[Anonymous No.13195388]

>>13195291
Well bless my soul. If it isn't the sweet little Chuchu! One of the meekest yet friendliest creatures in the /biz/ wilderness. These little multicolored rodents are quite sociable but can be rather cautious, often carefully analyzing their surroundings or those they wish to interact with before investing into a concrete decision, because of this they are said to represent the meek and small investor who always handles his wallet and coins with utmost care. Despite their kind and friendly nature, they are greatly despised by the Mods on Mount Janitorlympus who will unleash their furious might upon these poor creatures whenever they can, but luckily the humble Chuchu's high reproductive rates will ensure that they never go extinct, but alas, their desire to greet others always leads to a rather short lifespan.

[Anonymous No.13195429]

>>13194890
10/10 kekkings

[Anonymous No.13195620]

Now what's that I hear?
>BRAAAAAAAP
Why it sounds like... a fart? A rather large one at that... No wait, there's another sound... Why yes, it sounds like the proboscis of a large pachyderm.

My word. I've heard of these creatures but this is my first time seeing them. The newly discovered and undocumented "/biz/ Pachyderm". The first of its kind discovered in the region and which has yet to be given an official designation. These mysterious giants are known to be quite brash and do as they wish without much thought. Often investing into anything they wish without even considering whether its worth their time or worth the risk. Because of this they are regarded as the animal kingdom's "big investor" and the spirit animal of Chads everywhere. Unpredictable, reckless, impulsive, BIG and a strange fascination for farts... Hopefully these blue giants will be given a proper name soon.

[Anonymous No.13195645]

Most intriguing. It seems that these pachyderms have some sort of symbiotic relationship with the Chuchus. This requires more study.

[Anonymous No.13195810]

Next up on our wildlife documentary is the solitary Loanshark, said to be the most dangerous predator in the /biz/ animal kingdom and an occasional friend and enemy to Bobos. The locals have several nicknames for this vicious brute, such as Lenny, Lendy, or the Liquidation Shark.

The Loansharks appear to be docile creatures, but this is a ruse. They choose their prey with utmost care, but they do not eat them, no, instead treating them as though they were royalty only to let them go, expecting their victims to repay their "charity" two-fold, but is usually impossible, at which point through mysterious means, this almost supernatural shark returns to its victim, taking and liquidating everything they held dear before eventually taking the life of their victims. With this, the Loanshark will always be wealthy and satisfied. Truly, even the Bobo fears the dangerous nature of the Lendys...

[Anonymous No.13195825]

>>13195810
My goodness. It seems our specimen has caught himself a bear. Good gracious! He's not even trying to swindle him! He's going straight for the kill!

[Anonymous No.13195835]

Oh ladies and gentlemen, this is just too gruesome. Its best you look away! Truly the loanshark is more fearsome and unpredictable than we thought...

[Anonymous No.13195881]

Hmm? I say, what's that over there? Its absolutely massive! Why its the largest creature in the market ocean! A Bitcoin Whale, the institutional investment elephant of the sea! It is the biggest player of all! Not even the elephants can compete with its reckless investments! This wealthy creature definitely requires more study.

[Anonymous No.13196010]

keep em coming
this shit is solid

[Anonymous No.13196131]

Honk honk

[Anonymous No.13196231]

>>13195881
where is janny dog