/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.12829307]

This is Ann. Ann started her career at 16 when she blew the manager (a creepy pervert who forced her into it, she #MeToos to this day) at the local grocery store so she could immediately get a position as a cashier instead of having to start off in the storeroom stacking boxes "like some Chinese slave worker". Ann, who believed in "treating" herself for her hard work, did not save any of the money she earned, instead spending it on expensive clothing, fast food, movie tickets, smartphones, and nights out with "the girls" (as she never paid while on an actual date). Her parents took care of the bills anyway, so who cares?

It's okay though, because Ann was able to get financial aid from the government to attend the university of her dreams and study sociology, because "I'm, like, just so interested in how society works and how white men oppress women and are so racist and stuff, you know?" It only put her $100K in debt too. "You can't put a price on the college experience," thought Ann. Ann did no research on what degrees were in high demand before deciding on her major and sadly, "due to the patriarchy undervaluing the so-called 'soft' sciences" Ann repeated (as her women's studies professor had told her), her sociology degree did not open up as many doors for her as she'd hoped.

[Anonymous No.12829311]

Luckily, however, one of Ann's old beta orbiters became the CEO of a new tech startup and, after finally hooking up with him a few times (her little secret from her then boyfriends Tyrone and Jamal), she was able to snag a position as their chief diversity counselor. "Good thing that fat black bitch who tried to steal MY job was too full of fried chicken and gravy for any man to want to fuck her," she tipsily joked about the only other applicant (always forgetting to squelch her offensive quips when drunk), eliciting howling guffaws of approval from the pack of thonged, dyed-hair hyenas that surrounded her at the local bar in celebration of her new job. "Bartender, get us another round of appletinis!" Ann boomed. Cheers abounded.

Life was good, Ann's salary was high, and her mortgage for an $800K home in the Bay Area was approved. Unfortunately, it was eventually revealed that her company's "enterprise cloud blockchain solutions" were actually vaporware. It lost its VC funding and was forced to shut down.

Poor Ann had to leave her dream home, accept a lower paid HR assistant position at a boring non-tech company ("They make plastic water filters or something. I don't even know."), and move into a mere 3 bedroom apartment. "We're told to save," wrote Ann on a piece of paper that she posed with in an image posted to her Instagram, "but Oreos and Netflix are the only comforts poor people like us have. Don't we deserve nice things too? I AM the 99%!"

r a homeless man.

[Anonymous No.12829333]

>>12829311
Meanwhile...

This is Bob. Bob was bullied by the other kids at his school (like his first crush Ann) as a child for his slightly odd-looking face. This caused him to retreat into the more anonymous world of the Internet where nobody could know his appearance. The other kids mocked him for that too, and his parents didn't understand why he'd want to "waste" his time talking to people he "didn't even know", but he ignored them. It didn't entirely cure his loneliness, but it did expose him to ideas and opinions that he would not have otherwise explored. Sure, he went through an embarrassingly self-righteous atheist phase as a teenager, but ultimately he developed into a sharp free-thinker with nuanced opinions.

Bob found out about Bitcoin in 2012 from a Linux forum he was browsing. Already a firm believer in privacy, cryptography, decentralization, and technological freedom in general, the idea of Bitcoin immediately excited him. After carefully considering the economic viability of the concept, he concluded that Bitcoin's deflationary issuance curve and the possible applications of an enforceably scarce digital asset made it a worthwhile and likely quite valuable investment. He thus resolved to accrue as many of them as possible in order to save for his future. He cut down on his favorite hobby of gaming, reserving his GPU cycles for Bitcoin mining and his Steam sale money for buying Bitcoins instead. His IT job didn't make much and his one bedroom apartment wasn't cheap but he always found a way to set some money aside to expand his growing cryptoasset portfolio.

[Anonymous No.12829339]

>>12829333
His enthusiasm for Bitcoin was endless, and he wanted to share the positive potential of it with the world too, so he wrote guides, created infographics, and made YouTube videos about how to buy, use, and mine Bitcoins. Due to his efforts, thousands of people were able to get in on the craze early like him. Parents created college funds for their children. Young adults his age secured their financial futures. Impoverished folks in oppressive shitholes learned how to transfer money via their smartphones to avoid their corrupt governments confiscating it. He even endured the eye-rolling and snickering of his family members at Christmas time to make sure that they were all gifted a bit too. "Gee... thanks."

The 2013 crash crushed Bob. He considered recouping as much of his money as possible and exiting the Bitcoin world permanently, but ultimately decided against it on principle. He had taken a risk and was sticking to it. He still believed in Bitcoin.

Bob's bet on Bitcoin has paid off. He is now a multimillionaire, at least on paper. Other than a few donations to various organizations, his Bitcoins have stayed in the original addresses they were first put into. After all, he is still prudently considering exactly how to spend and grow his newfound wealth, and since he's now the manager of his company's IT department, his salary more than supports his modest lifestyle by itself, so he's in no rush to "cash out".

[Anonymous No.12829353]

>>12829339
While trying to chat with Ann on a whim after running into her at a grocery store, Bob mentioned Bitcoin to her in 2012. It made her finally look up from her phone. "That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard of!" she shrieked. She would know too, she thought, since she's a college-educated woman, unlike Bob who had skipped college because "government subsidies have distorted the higher education market and lowered the value of a college degree" (as if using fancy words made him smart like her). Nevertheless, he persisted, offering to show her how it worked and even set up a wallet for her. Bob's Bitcoin evangelism could certainly be a bit aggressive at times, but he meant well. He would gladly send 10 or 20 dollars worth to anybody who wanted to get started.

She responded that he was creeping her out and needed to buzz off before she called security. Of course she wasn't really going to waste such an effort on this harmless loser, but she just couldn't stand hearing his nasally little voice anymore. He probably just wanted to creepshot her yoga pants anyway. Briskly sauntering away, she giggled to herself: "How could a file on a computer be worth anything? I could just copy and paste as many 'BitCoins' as I want," she concluded, forgetting about the idea as soon as she had first heard of it. Plus, her company was already working "with blockchain", which its CEO had told her was the only important part of "BitCoin" anyway. "He has actual money too and not just fake Internet coins so he clearly knows more than Bob."

[Anonymous No.12829362]

Incel

[Anonymous No.12829364]

>>12829353
Ann took slight notice of the 2013 bubble, but she was too busy moving into her new home then to pay much attention to it. When Bitcoin was hacked and the government shut it down (as Ann interpreted events), popping the bubble, she texted Bob: "Told ya so." There was no response. She figured he had probably already killed himself or something. Oh well! She had to get out of her sweatpants and ready for the club anyway so she didn't have time to worry about it. In fact, she didn't have a single thought about Bob again until...

In 2017, Bob once again crosses Ann's mind. The network miraculously revived, one Bitcoin is now worth over 10 thousand dollars, and Bob is almost certainly loaded. She stares at her phone, thinking of how to best break the ice with him. "Hey Bob I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for some of the things I said to you in the past and how I treated you when we were kids and all. I know this is out of nowhere but I'm just kind of feeling guilty lately soo.... maybe we could meet up sometime and talk about it?? You could tell me more about those bitcoin thingies you we're so excited about back in the day haha" Again no response comes and she whips her iPhone X on to the bed in frustration. Retrieving it, she switches over to Safari to look Bob up on social media, only to find that he's dating a shy 18 year old Finnish girl he met online. "That pervert!" she gasps as she glances over the girl's milky skin and youthful face. "She is WAY too young for him! He should want an ACCOMPLISHED, MATURE woman like me, not some little girl! I bet the freak looks at child porn too!"

Her fingers drip with venom as she texts one of her remaining beta orbiters. "Hey," she begins, "you know how to draw funny cartoons right" She hits send.

[Anonymous No.12829370]

>>12829307
Me on the right

[Anonymous No.12829390]

10/10 would read again

[Anonymous No.12829440]

Nice

[Anonymous No.12829443]

The redditors, for example >>12829362, are fucking fuming at this shit, i love it

[Anonymous No.12829457]

very good read. can I have your instagram?

[Anonymous No.12829473]

based

[Anonymous No.12829477]

>>12829364
nice OP link your insta

[Anonymous No.12829489]

>>12829477

[Anonymous No.12829537]

I like this

[Anonymous No.12829540]

>>12829307
>Missing the point of the meme
Makes me sad at these commie faggots

But great cunny-positive post OP

[Anonymous No.12829575]

bested and redpliered

[Anonymous No.12829587]

>>12829575
Thanks for the pepe induced seizure

[Anonymous No.12829602]

When I am rich I will also have a shy Finnish girl.

[Anonymous No.12829620]

>>12829307
>>12829311
>>12829333
>>12829339
>>12829353
>>12829364

based and redpilled
Do you have a subreddit where I can follow the story? Hint: you're overdoing it newfag

[Anonymous No.12829641]

>>12829620
Kill yourself retard. It was great you're just a butthurt roastie

[Anonymous No.12829647]

>>12829307
based bib

[Anonymous No.12829651]

Holy shit balls that threw me for a loop

[Anonymous No.12829752]

>>12829307
>actually writing so much because you’re butthurt about a little joke
kek incels these days

[Anonymous No.12829754]

Kek, this is beautiful. Fuck REDDIT and fuck blown-out ROASTIES. Also fuck REQ for making me as poor as Ann. All bad things that start with R.

[Anonymous No.12829829]

>>12829754
>t. *tink* *tink* ahem

[Anonymous No.12829861]

>>12829829
FUCK NIGGERS

[Anonymous No.12829883]

[Anonymous No.12829903]

Bob could have been cracking mexican skulls at the new trump border wall, but decided to drink mountain dew and look at porn on his computer.

[Anonymous No.12829910]

[Anonymous No.12829961]

Quality post.

[Anonymous No.12829993]

>>12829307
>>12829311
>>12829333
>>12829339
>>12829353
>>12829364
very good stuff

[Anonymous No.12829999]

>>12829307
i have this pic saved on my phone lol it's so good

[Anonymous No.12830058]

>>12829999
Nice can you send it to me? [e-mail]

Thanks

[Anonymous No.12830745]

Amazing thread op. Gripping yarn please continue

[Anonymous No.12831216]

Both cringe and based and redpilled at the same time OP

[Anonymous No.12831297]

Good story OP

[Anonymous No.12831686]

[Anonymous No.12832133]

>>12829489
CHAINLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK
$1000 END OF FUCKING YEAR

[Anonymous No.12832194]

>>12829307
Saved btw. Great thread

[Anonymous No.12832533]

>>12832194
In b4 the inevitable reddit repost.

[Anonymous No.12832578]

>>12832194
What the fuck is wrong with your font rendering?

[Anonymous No.12832591]

don't dare come to OP for help when the world collapses

[Anonymous No.12832627]

>>12832194
I'm not there yet but Bob is true motivational force for us all. I'm hoping ETH goes x10 or NTS goes x100 for me to be able to retire nicely.

[Anonymous No.12832653]

cringe and cope tier

[Anonymous No.12832696]

>>12832653
s o y b o y and normiepilled

[Anonymous No.12832716]

>>12832578
What do you mean?