/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.12571849]

>Be me, graduate with an Accounting degree from a no name state school in the Ozarks
>Manage to score a Finance position at local Pharma company with major operations in my hometown
>Lateral into a wholly owned subsidiary that works in government contracts & cutting edge research shit that I can't go into too much detail about
>End up owning the P&L's associated with one of our smaller labs a few dozen miles away from town into the mountains
>In total my portfolio includes two research divisions, maintenance, security, utilities (rolled up under maintenance), and part time event staff since the property has an old converted house on it they use for galas & shit
>Maintenance, security, & events are great to work with, generally always hitting forecast or have a reasonable excuse when they miss
>The research divisions are a fucking nightmare to deal with
>The director of one is a neurotic asshole who was shagging and ultimately married one of his lab assistants
>Apparently nobody finds anything wrong with this blatant conflict of interest
>To top it off, this guy is notorious for diverting resources from the shit that actually makes us money into his retarded passion project, his team constantly misses deadlines & flat out doesn't communicate
>I'm not able to call him out because someone on the board has a massive fucking hard-on for the guy
>The other division isn't even run by fulltime staff -its managed by a fucking consultant whose fulltime job is with the city government
>This guy at least appears competent, but I'm pretty sure he's just grifting the company, he never passes inventory audits & its impossible to reconcile any of the records he gives you
>Also his fashion sense is super fucking edgy, he dresses like a teenager trying to look badass
>This guy is also impossible to fire for presumably the same reason as the other director
>Months go by, I've learned to deal with the bullshit & make sure to document everything and cover my ass

[Anonymous No.12571851]

>>12571849
>Be preparing for ME Close
>Maintenance posted a motherfucking $800,000 journal entry for herbicide
>Bitch, you aren’t fighting the Viet Cong
>Immediately call up maintenance manager & ask what the fuck is going on
>The fucking consultant answers the phone & stonewalls me
>Try again later in the day & the next morning with the same results
>Escalate to my manager
>After pulling teeth, manager agrees to send me & an internal audit guy for an onsite inspection, but only because Arthur Andersen is coming in the next month
>Arrive on site after driving through hours of winding backroads & literal dirt paths, the place is more remote than I thought it was, no wonder the staff does three weeks on two week off
>Security meets us at the entrance of the house
>Need to piss
>Ask where the bathroom is
>Apparently, I rubbed the guy the wrong way because the jackass takes me to what must have been the furthest away bathroom
>Finally get to piss after walking through the fucking maze of hallways
>Ask him to take us to Research Division #1
>Brings us to a water fountain in the courtyard and he starts fumbling around with his pockets
>And then he says, I shit you not, “Oh fuck, I forgot the medallion”
>Tells us it will just be a second, has us follow him to a different part of the courtyard and tries to get us to go into a pitch black cave with him
>I tell him I’m not interested in this shit & if they don’t want us to inspect Division #1 it’ll reflect badly in my report, but he should just take us to #2
>”Okay, well let’s go get the crank then”

[Anonymous No.12571866]

>>12571851
>wut
>We go to this path into the woods & the security guard tries to get me & the IA guy to fuck around with some weather veins
>Tell him I’m done & leave, Internal Audit decides to stick around since its kinda essential to his job
>Go into the office the next day, apparently the rest of the visit didn’t go well since Internal Audit guy quit & didn’t even bother to clean his desk up
>See writing on the wall, start job search and get a comfy job with competitor company
>Previous employer goes belly up a few years later amid a fuckton of scandals
>Currently working in the Emerging Markets division of pic related, have a few business trips to Africa scheduled, should be fun

[Anonymous No.12571907]

What coin are you shilling? I lost track.

[Anonymous No.12572054]

I get it op. You got more?

[Anonymous No.12572065]

>>12571849
This is a funny copypasta, but the RE reference is too niche. There's only like 2 people that get it per thread.

[Anonymous No.12572276]

>>12572054
I did come across this interesting job posting on LinkedIn

[Anonymous No.12572292]

Nigga u expect me to read all dat?

[Anonymous No.12572320]

Was this in 2001? Arthur Anderson hasn't done auditing in a long time

[Anonymous No.12572337]

>>12572320
The copypasta is describing the mansion from the original Resident Evil game which takes place in 1998. The AA bit is a nice touch.