/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.11948271]

Thanks for coming to this interview, Anon. So, tell us a little bit about yourself?

[Anonymous No.11948274]

[Anonymous No.11948283]

I expertize in crypto finance management. I was deep in the "Bitcoin game" so to speak back in 2011 and dabbled in the Ethereum fad briefly. My current portfolio consists mostly of Chainlink, but I don't mind once in a while swingtrading and buying the more obscure chinese altcoins on the market. My motto is: pump 'em, dump 'em, and stack 'em.

[Anonymous No.11948297]

>>11948283
So you admit openly to engaging in securities fraud? Thanks for coming out today, we'll be in touch.

[Anonymous No.11948310]

>>11948271
I'm a go-getter and believe I will bring great value to your company.

[Anonymous No.11948312]

>>11948271
I-I-I.....ehhh...*sweating profusely*...*cough*....*hawks*...I-I-I......

[Anonymous No.11948329]

>>11948271
Well...i like watching KPop videos because I am into asian qt...*looking at the azn girl*..
Hey cutie, I wanna eat your pussy and give you the best rimjob of your life, are you down?

[Anonymous No.11948333]

actually it's illegal to ask where I live or originate from, my hobbies, my marital status, so I will decline to answer this question. I will also notify my lawyer of this occurrence.

[Anonymous No.11948337]

I'm uhhhhhh

[Anonymous No.11948373]

>>11948271

Thank you for your time! Go Eagles! (lmao). I have 10 years in customer service, 8 years in being a peed on IT puppet, served in the internet meme wars of 2005 and 2006, and I'm a loc'd out gangsta, set trippin' banger and my homies is down, so don't arouse my anger
Fool, death ain't nothin' but a heart beat away. I'm livin' life do or die, what can I say? I'm 23 now, but will I live to see 24?
The way things is goin' I don't know.

Im quite negotiable on salary, and am able to work nights and weekends.

[Anonymous No.11948374]

>>11948271

well, after I got a Ph.D in CS and another in Philosophy, I switched to agriculture because I'm an early adopter of Bitcoin and I would break even if it gobbles back to $0.97

[Anonymous No.11948381]

*farts*

[Anonymous No.11948387]

How the fuck did I get here? Did you assholes drug me or something? There's no job that I would be applying for that the people interviewing me would all be wearing suits so what the shit is going on

[Anonymous No.11948416]

>>11948373
>and I'm a loc'd out gangsta, set trippin' banger and my homies is down, so don't arouse my anger
Fool, death ain't nothin' but a heart beat away. I'm livin' life do or die, what can I say? I'm 23 now, but will I live to see 24?
The way things is goin' I don't know.

Lmaoooooo
Actually laughed out loud. Good one.

[Anonymous No.11948432]

>>11948271
do you unironically sit in this end table seat for the interview?

[Anonymous No.11948447]

>>11948271
>female boss

Yea I'd just start laughing and walk away from that sinking ship

[Anonymous No.11948462]

>>11948447
*tips fedora*

[Anonymous No.11948474]

>>11948271
Sup guys, I'm only here because I wanted to see the recruitment process normies have to go through. Boy, oh boy, am I glad I'm a crypto millionäre

[Anonymous No.11948478]

>>11948271
damn the asian one is cute, would definetely fuck her tight little pussy

[Anonymous No.11948492]

>>11948271
*fards and shids my pants*

What'd you say?

[Anonymous No.11948624]

Hi guys, I'm a drug dealer, murderer, sex offender, author, professional actor but I like being honest with employers, cuz why shit on your bread and butter am I right Gs?
(Crickets)
Ok so I'm gonna slam some coffee and heroin and come back to be the best first day salesman you fine people have ever seen...soundgood?great! Let's hogtie this bitch

[Anonymous No.11948637]

>>11948271
Hi guys! I'm a murderer, sex offender, author, professional actor but I like being honest with employers, cuz why shit on your bread and butter am I right Gs?
(Crickets)
Ok so I'm gonna slam some coffee and heroin and come back to be the best first day salesman you fine people have ever seen...soundgood?great! Let's hogtie this bitch

[Anonymous No.11948682]

>>11948271

"run the numbers past....."
"wood for the........ trees"
"low hanging fruit and circle back?"
"what?... I mean fuck, wait, sorry who?"

[Anonymous No.11949057]

I fap to lolis everyday

[Anonymous No.11949068]

Thanks y-you too

[Anonymous No.11949084]

>>11948271
I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been up linked and downloaded, I’ve been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
I’m new wave, but I’m old school and my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive and from time to time I’m radioactive.

Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin the wave, dodgin the bullet and pushin the envelope. I’m on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs. I’ve got no need for coke and speed. I've got no urge to binge and purge. I’m in-the-moment, on-the-edge, over-the-top and under-the-radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps and run victory laps. I’m a totally ongoing big-foot, slam-dunk, rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging workaholic. A working rageaholic. Out of rehab and in denial!

I’ve got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can’t shut me up. You can’t dumb me down because I’m tireless and I’m wireless, I’m an alpha male on beta-blockers.

[Anonymous No.11949272]

>>11948329
More like “hello darling mightn’t get a whiff of those beautiful feet?”

[Anonymous No.11949435]

>>11949084
I love you anon

[Anonymous No.11949499]

>>11948373
Anon....

[Anonymous No.11949535]

>>11949084
Congratulations Anon, you're just what we are looking for. You're hired!

[Anonymous No.11949544]

>>11949084
Hell yeah

[Anonymous No.11949547]

>>11948271
well basically... im kind of a big deal

[Anonymous No.11950256]

>>11948381

*SNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFF*
You're hired.

[Anonymous No.11950280]

>>11948271
I AM A BLACK NIGGERMAN AND I HAVE HAD IT WITH ALL THE RACISM IN THIS ROOM ALL YOU WHTIE PIPO BETTER STOP IT RIGHT NOW OR YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IM GOING TO DO

[Anonymous No.11950493]

"Looking good, interviewers"

Then walk away

[Anonymous No.11950560]

I wonder how effective these people actually really are at what they do. Like seriously, its weird to think they would be so perfect in appearance but not really look like they have ever had to roll their sleeves up to get shit done.

[Anonymous No.11950617]

>>11950280
kekked, I expected this too be too heavy handed but it was really quite tastefully done

[Anonymous No.11950636]

>>11950560
They're paper pushers and baby sitters that defer the real actual work to the managers assigned to them, yet they'd probably make 80-100k+. At least one of them started out as a diversity hire but sucked some dick.

Capitalism for you.

[Anonymous No.11950653]

>>11950636
That's not the case with small businesses but tends to be the norm for multinational firms.

[Anonymous No.11950667]

>>11948271
i'm better then all of you in every possible way
give me 1 million a week + i can facefuck the blonde after this so called "interview"

[Anonymous No.11950679]

>>11950280
to be fair, you really have to have a high IQ to understand a great post like this.

[Anonymous No.11950682]

>>11948312

[Anonymous No.11950722]

You hire me and I can cut us some sweet deals with the Arabs. Here's my budget proposal and timeline.

[Anonymous No.11950749]

>>11948271
*unzips dick*
The cake and the curly faggot in the front can stay, the rest of you Black Hole Sun loking motherfuckers get out of our way

[Anonymous No.11950786]

>>11948373
you wulldnt believe me if i told you i was listening to this song on repeat on the bus on my home from my call center job

[Anonymous No.11950871]

>>11950560

- Send emails.
- Conduct frivolous meetings.
- Put together half-assed, completely unecessary PowerPoints.
- Post exaggerated self-important bullshit on facebook or the company intranet.
- Take a 3 to 5 day vacation every 3 or 4 weeks cause its all SOOOOO HARD AND STRESSFUL.
- Get paid way too much for a position of over-inflated impprtance and develop a matching ego.

[Anonymous No.11951010]

>>11950636
that's literally the opposite of capitalism you retard. it's the result of government regulations and would be 10x worse under socialism or communism