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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/biz/ - Business & Finance

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11175913 No.11175913 [Reply] [Original]

I have my own office; it's pretty nice, two big windows, sixth floor, average view, etc. The problem is the door doesn't have a lock. This is normally not a problem because I'm relatively senior and so people know not to disturb me. However, this fucking intern with no sense of social awareness barged in the other day without knocking while I was mid fucking stroke.

What the FUCK do I do here? I'm sure this sniggering bitch will gossip about this to all her friends and brainlet coworkers like the 21 year old zoomer she is. Scared as fuck to go in on Monday, unironically turned my blackberry off so I wouldn't have to see my e-mail over the weekend and thinking of taking sick day(s)...

>> No.11175931

You fucking incel she wanted ur cock.

>> No.11175966

No you were caught cleaning something, it looked like that and the intern made an inappropriate joke. You told the intern to act more professionally in the workplace and they reacted badly. You then told the intern that you'd let it slide this time and though the matter was resolved. Or something else, just make sure to throw them under the bus. I like these larp scenarios.

>> No.11175967

>>11175913
Why are you jacking off at work

Why would you do it with no lock

Why wouldnt you jack off to the left of the door so if someone does come in you can pull a quick one.

Probably fucked mate. Worse than that, you are going to have live out this simulation. There are no checkpoints.

>> No.11175969

>>11175913
big if true

>> No.11175980

>>11175913
did she see the penis?

>> No.11175992

>>11175967
raise a grievance against her for sexual harassment

>> No.11176012

>>11175913
Work is for working, not jerking off you piece of shit. Hope you get fired and everybody laughs at you on monday

>> No.11176039

>>11175913
just tell her you have a medical condition and you are currently in the process of treatment. end of story. be apologetic.

>> No.11176044

>>11176012

>work is for working

you've obviously never spent a day in your life in an office. if you had, you'd know that work is 70-80% shooting the shit, aimlessly browsing the internet, fucking around in outlook, sitting in meetings, going to grab lunch with people, and only 20-30% about actual work.

tugging one out in the bathroom is a time honored tradition that millions of men around the world enjoy every day and fuck you for shaming this brave anon for stepping up the game.

>> No.11176061

>>11175913
You literally need to find a new job before you get reported by the #metoo movement

>> No.11176098

>>11175913
I always do it undercover with one hand in my pants pocket.

I do it all the time even at meettngs or while being in a conversation with a female coworker.

>> No.11176103

Buy xrp it will cure you #MayTheScwartzBeWithYou

>> No.11176107

>>11175913
Total LARP ... nobody has a blackberry

>> No.11176141

>>11176044
Get back to work you officefaggots, you cunts are just a drain on what ever company you work for. Mother fuck I don't have time to look at my phone, stop jerking off you lame cunts and do your fucking job

>> No.11176145

>>11175913
I always tell them something embarrasing to make shure they don't talk.

In this case I recommend telling everybody that your have a contagious disease that makes you fart all the time and that you can only prevent it by jerking off. THen tell them your ass doctor told you that.

>> No.11176151

>>11176107

this is copypasta from 2008 biz

>> No.11176152
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11176152

>>11175913
Lol just doxxed the OP enjoy getting fired. Shouldn't spank the monkey at the workplace.

>> No.11176173

>>11175913
In reality that would be instant firing offense.

>> No.11176180

>>11176044
>this

If you don't own a business or you work a sales job, there is absolutely 0 reason to be put on a full day's work every day. Anyone who busts there ass to put more money on someone else's pocket is a fucking brainlet. So slightly over what is expected and nothing more. That's the key to surviving a wagecuck life.

>> No.11176181

>>11176044

Kek no wonder I read about so many people “stuck in dead end jobs”, I am u ironically 100% productive during work except for lunch when I schmooze with my boss. But aside from that when I’m the office I put headphones in and I am not socialising with anyone but my superiors. I even work while I’m on the toilet.

>t. 2 promotions in one year

>> No.11176202

>>11176103
>falling for a literal jew scam coin
>no thanks!

Fuck off back to plebbit faggot!

>> No.11176247

>>11176181
Good goim

>> No.11176281

chainlink $1k eoy

>> No.11176331

>>11175913
Just pretend nothing happend!

Come back in the office act normal. If she mentioned anything just tell everyone it's a lie. They can't proof shit. Do you have a company computer ? Delete all browsing history (I hope you didn't checked porn on the network).

Key is act normal and professional. Your the one with more experience, she is just an intern.

Also fapping is completely normal, next time do it only during non working hours kek

>> No.11176336

>>11175913
I love these wagie larps. It’s like creepy pasta but for wagie anxieties. Kek.

>> No.11176372

>>11176044
>in Soviet Russia

>> No.11176397
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11176397

>>11175913
>I'm sure this sniggering bitch will gossip about this to all her friends and brainlet coworkers
Yep

>> No.11176474

>>11175913
literally caught with your pants down

>> No.11176501

>>11176181
thank you for increasing the value of my investments.

>> No.11176506

>>11175966
This... is somewhat decent advice. I mean she obviously knows that's a lie, but it's not like she has photographic evidence if this ever comes up in an HR meeting...

>>11175967
>>11176012
My job is high stress and carries long hours. I have a high libido. It's stupid, I know. I do stupid things sometimes. I'm sure you do as well.

>>11175980
Possibly but unlikely since it's behind a desk (but I was reclining somewhat). The motions and scramble to zip up made it obvious what I was doing though, I'm sure...

>>11176044
Yup, this.

>>11176107
>>11176151
I do. Firm-distributed phones are still blackberries for security purposes (alternative is installing a special app on a personally iPhone, except no way I'm infecting my personal shit with literal corporate spyware).

>> No.11176580

>>11175913

>>11175967
>>>11175913 (OP)
>Why wouldnt you jack off to the left of the door so if someone does come in you can pull a quick one.
Asking the real questions. Op was 12 once, should know how to stealth-fap, speed-fap, and secure-fap.

>> No.11176613
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11176613

>>11175913
So did she get a look at your cock? If it's a fairly good sized one I doubt it would be a big deal but if you're a peewee on the other hand it's ogre.

>> No.11176628

I've fapped tons of times at work. With the door open to my office most of the time. My desk isn't visible from the doorway though and my building is this rickety old POS so I can hear anyone coming from a mile away. Kek sucks though op. I would be mortified. But honestly if it were me just say you were inspecting your dick or balls unironically because you have an issue or some shit.

>> No.11176649

Post a pic of the interns feet.

>> No.11176696

>>11176649
This

>> No.11176820

>>11176506
I sure as hell don't jerk off at work you stupid prick

>> No.11177043

Say you have testicular cancer and were checking the lump, then come into work with a shaved head for 6 months, after that the chemo was successful

>> No.11177076

>>11176613
I'm average. Doubt she actually saw much anyway, I started scrambling the moment the door opened and there's a desk between me and the door.

>> No.11177139

>>11177076
what was her reaction anon?

>> No.11177168

>>11177139
What you'd expect - "hey anon, I uh uh uh hahaha sorry I'll come back later", quickly back out, close the door. I sat there for a minute, fucking freaked out, then literally dropped everything and left for the day.

>> No.11177198

>gained wait
>waistband getting a little tight right after lunch
>feet a little hot
>decide to sit at desk leaned back with shoes off and pants unbuttoned
>its still fucking 1 PM and some dude thinks its time to get back to work and starts talking to me about work shit
>scramble to put on shoes with pants undone
>this must look weird huh

fuck that guy man

>> No.11177220

terminate her

>> No.11177232

enoy the sexual harrasment #metoo lawsuit

>> No.11177259

>>11177220
I don't have the authority to do this; hiring/firing is handled by committee. This would also certainly make things worse since she'd have a real motive to fuck me over.

>>11177232
This country's really gone to shit because of this. This is exactly what I'm afraid of. She's cute but it had nothing to do with her at all. Just wrong place at the wrong time. But of course nobody gives a fuck about the truth anymore.

>> No.11177364

>>11177168
she probably just told her girlfriends over some drinks. don't make it awkward. Just act like nothing even happened. who cares. not every girl is going to say sexual assault. some just find it funny.

>> No.11177369

LMAO

>> No.11177390

>>11175966
Based

>> No.11177404

>>11175913
Own it

>> No.11177412

>>11177364
Thanks for this. Hope this is right. Honestly this thread's calmed me down some. I'm thinking of just pretending it never happened and, if this chick really is a massive bitch and gets HR involved, I'll just straight deny the masturbation part ever happened. Maybe something like "yeah I had my pants unbuttoned, I was feeling bloated, so what? My door was closed, she should have knocked."

>> No.11177418

MOVE TO THAILAND NOW!!!!!

>> No.11177702
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11177702

when I worked in a office I always had the problem of random violent boners.
imagine sitting in a open office environment and a roastie is shaking her qt brapper in front of you all day long and you sit there and listen to her retarded bullshitand you would love to haterape the shit out of her and these thoughts are clogging up your brain while you stare at some boring spreadsheet.

I also have a very large penis and no matter what pants I wear, it shows. concealing the massive boner is almost impossible, all I can do is sit there and wait til he gets tired which can take over an hour but I can't always sit at my desk and I need to walk around and give certain papers to certain departments and this boner is holding me hostage at my desk so I can't perform my job, in the beginning I didn't even know how obvious my boner was until I looked into a mirror, that was so embarrassing and many things started to make sense all of a sudden, like some comments that the roasties made.

>> No.11177723

>>11175913
You have to fucking own it man. No way out of this.

>> No.11177728

>>11177412
this, or just fixing my shirt. she would have been a bitch instantly. if she laughed she probably just thought it was cute or funny. big deal.

>> No.11177753

>>11176506
Tell them you were applying medicinal ointment for a fungal infection / jock itch.

>> No.11177839

>>11177702
Bang any of them?

>> No.11178013

>>11177839
no, those roasties meant trouble, one was a nutcase.

>> No.11178119

>>11177702
Invest in tight underwear. It will make it worse the first few times. After you get used to it it holds back the bone. And you can calm it down by flexing your legs, it draws blood away from your dick. Getting scared helps too (to draw it into your core) or being cold. And obviously, ruminating about braps isn't helping.

>> No.11178125

>>11178013
Guaranteed good sex, at least.

>> No.11178236

>>11175913

Own it.

You ever read Wolf of Wall Street? Those were the glory days of finance and business. They were fucking hookers and snorting coke in the office with no care whatsoever.

I would just go about your business and act normal. If anyone asks make a coy joke like "yeah just had an itch down there" or something. Like brush it off.

It really doesn't matter socially what happens. If there is an HR issue you'll be fired, that's just the way it is in our PC litigious bullshit society.

>> No.11178407

Why don't you just jack off in the work bathroom like a normal person

>> No.11178587

>>11177412

Just say you were tucking in your shirt.

>> No.11178634

>>11177702
Holy fuck I can relate to this. I worked as a lifegaurd during my summers in university and my coworker was a super hot Asian chick with a MASSIVE ass. Used to see her running around all the time with her bathing suit running completely up it.

I had to wear these really really small swim trunks as my uniform and I also have a pretty big cock and she used to get me hard like every day and it was impossible to hide. I couldn't even flip in up in the waste and because my shirt would be off all the time. I swear she used to do it on purpose...

>> No.11179168

Women have zero filter with each other and will gossip about anyone and anything so yes, she will. Best thing to do is to get her fired. Have to know specifics but saying she grabbed your cock or something might be best.

>> No.11179193

>>11175913
U realize this can be the moment u take charge of the office right? Do not back down. Be proud

>> No.11179343

>>11176044
This. I even bought a gaming graphics card for my pc at work. So i dont get bored. Lol

>> No.11179365

>>11176044
Based, redpilled, and EXTREMELY high IQ