TFW GET TO WORK AND HAVE TO POO, HAVE MUDBUTT REST OF DAY

[Anonymous No.10292257]

I went a whole week without mudbutt, AND OF COURSE FUCKING MONDAY COMES AND NOW HAVE MUDBUTT AT WORK.
>get to work and meeting is called
>marketing stacy whos best buddys with cuck boss is endlessly blathering about design branding from a youtube video she just saw
>stomach begins gurgling uncontrollably
>people start looking at me
>visibly sweating
>someone even asks me if im ok
>pale as fuck now
>meeting is finally over
>rush to bathroom and take explosive wet shit
>only one bathroom on our floor
>tfw destroyed the bathroom
>I wait until I don't hear anyone outside door to leave, want to make sure nobody knows its me
>open door and marketing stacy is waiting there
>ohfug.jpeg
>nod a hello and walk to desk
>she goes in stops and makes some sort of grunting noise
>goes to stairs to presumably use the down stairs bathroom which we're not supposed to use
>tfw she comes back up and goes into cuck bosses office
>tfw shes probably talking to boss about how I exploded bathroom and I have mudbutt while sitting at my workspace
HOW THE FUCK YOU DO YOU WAGIES DO IT, IVE BEEN DOING THIS SHIT FOR 6 MONTHS I CAN BARELY TAKE IT ANYMORE EFUCK REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[Anonymous No.10292295]

Do you not wipe your ass??

[Anonymous No.10292307]

>>10292295
it's /biz/

no one wipes their ass

[Anonymous No.10292313]

>>10292295
Yes but you can't fix mudbutt with just toilet paper brainlet.

[Anonymous No.10292326]

>>10292257
stop drinking water, eat less

[Anonymous No.10292332]

>>10292257
Fix your diet, then you will only shit smooth solid logs

[Anonymous No.10292349]

>>10292313
>not using a bidet in 2018

[Anonymous No.10292352]

>>10292257
What is mudbutt?

[Anonymous No.10292367]

>>10292352
Its when you have a poopy butthole even after you wipe. Wiping doesn't get your butthole completely clean.

[Anonymous No.10292373]

>>10292313
>doesn't know how to wipe their ass
what are you, a tree?

[Anonymous No.10292385]

>>10292257
Invest in flushable wipes

[Anonymous No.10292398]

>>10292373
DONT ACT LIKE YOU'VE NEVER HAD MUDBUTT FAGGOT

[Anonymous No.10292408]

How fat are you?

[Anonymous No.10292420]

>>10292367
how fat are you lmfao this has never happend to me

[Anonymous No.10292434]

>>10292408
>>10292420
IM NOT FAT, DONT PROJECT YOUR FATNESS ON ME

[Anonymous No.10292440]

Protip: take some toilet paper, hang it down the toilet and press flush. The paper is gonna get nice and wet so u can remove all feces.

Alternately carry baby wipes with you.

[Anonymous No.10292452]

>>10292367
Is this an American thing? Every other country - notably including India - has mastered potty training

[Anonymous No.10292476]

>>10292295
OP is a pajeet

[Anonymous No.10292524]

>>10292257
Use water you disgusting kafir. Or at least get some wet wipes...hell just use wet toilet paper if you have to.

No way anyone who uses water can ever go back to using the petrified corpse of a tree to smear shit all over their asshole and pretend to be clean.

[Anonymous No.10292527]

>>10292440
Why tf would you save a picture like that, what if you die and your family sees it?

[Anonymous No.10292528]

I just wipe my ass until it's clean. Usually I just shit smoothly without having a shitty ass.

[Anonymous No.10292560]

[Anonymous No.10292587]

>>10292528
Wiping over and over again is a good way to burn your asshole.

[Anonymous No.10292884]

Start taking psyllium husk.

[Anonymous No.10293140]

>>10292440
HAHA i love biz

[Anonymous No.10293177]

>>10292257
>talking about "mudbutt" as if it's a common setback you deal with often
ffs how did you even get hired?

[Anonymous No.10293255]

now imagine the same thing with but with hemorrhoids. inevitably when you go to shit, and wipe your ass, you start bleeding. I spend fucking 1.5 hours on the toilet at work once because I would keep bleeding.

[Anonymous No.10293279]

>>10292452
India mastering potty training?. Lol.

[Anonymous No.10293296]

>>10292326
>stop drinking water

[Anonymous No.10293415]

>>10292440

[Anonymous No.10293548]

>>10292257
You absolute fucking pajeet learn to use a bathroom you uncivilized heathen.

[Anonymous No.10293836]

>>10292257


>Doesn't have a comfy office with wet wipes in the bathrooms

Absolute state of some wagecuks

[Anonymous No.10294012]

>>10292257
Stop eating gluten OP. I had a lifetime of mudbutt until I figured it out for myself a few years ago. It’s gluten

[Anonymous No.10294105]

>never shit in public

[Anonymous No.10294151]

>>10292560
but does it squirt monster?

[Anonymous No.10295047]

>>10294151
>tfw about to drink a monster

[Anonymous No.10295323]

god damn muricans are fucking gross

[Anonymous No.10295365]

>>10292257
>He doesn’t know about the three sea shells

LMFAO, you fucking sewer rat!

[Anonymous No.10295429]

>>10292257
I have to deal with you fat disgusting burgers everyday at work.

Americans are so fucking disgusting. Literally half my office is in the morbid obesity range. They all live on a diet of Doritos, soda and microwave food. Their shits take 15-20 minutes. THIS IS NOT FUCKING NORMAL. Shitting should be a 60 second process. EAT SOME FUCKING PLANTS YOU HEART DISEASE BATHING MORONS

[Anonymous No.10295473]

>>10292440
>>10292524
>using wet toilet paper
That makes the problem worse because bits of toilet paper come off on your ass

[Anonymous No.10295528]

>be me
>chronic mudbutt
>spend 1/4 my day in the sharter
>have 3 bosses in 2 locations so never question where I am
>last Friday
>11:24am, third coffee is a caramel frappe double shot - grande
>11:33am the gut gurgle begins, the ageless beat of the human intestines, thrashing under the pressure of three day old takeaway I didnt put in the fridge
>the time is nigh
>leave my desk, walk the path I know too well.
>favourite sharting room is taken (best Wi-Fi)
>stomach refuses to let me wait, it's war cry grows louder and louder until it drowns out the other sounds of the sharting ground
>I empty a few lines of tp down the boghole to soften the splashback, and then mount my stead
>the release is slow at first, hesitant, nervous. Unsure if it's time to reveal its true form .
>then it begins to flow, like the rivers of a melting icecap. slow at first, but quickly gaining momentum
>then the war cry reaches maxium. growls become roars and the sHart truly begins
>torrents of brown,black and red liquid of varying constancy pour, splutter, fire and dribble out of the anus
>the battle rages between the gut and the butt for what feels like an eternity, my only relief is the sweet sound of candy crush on my neighbours phone, yes, another lollipop kind sir
>then, as soon as it had begun, it ended.
>violence is replaced with peace, sound with silence, balance is restored.

to be cont...

[Anonymous No.10295540]

>>10295528
Final part

>I wipe a few times and end up having to clean the entire outside of the butcheeks and front of the scrot, the battle touched far lands indeed
>a pityful flush from the toilet has no impact other than flooding the plans of war.
>this is when I realise the stupid modern wall flush is stuck in the wall, plastic trapped at an angle in my haste
> a slow trickle of water continues to flow and I quickly leave
>no one around ,wash once the hands
>as I'm leaving towards the safety of the office someone enters the hall of sharters.
>panic, anxiety, fear, my sweat returns
>relief, it is only the cleaner. He knows me too well but today he's in for something truly unique. As the drip drip of the overflowing bowl sneaks out of my shartingshack.
>he winches and I smile, for he cannot speak English.

Back to my desk and it was almost half 12 so I went to lunch. Love my job

[Anonymous No.10295587]

>>10292257
You fuckin sicko just bring individually wrapped wet wipes with you in case this happens, it's not very complicated

[Anonymous No.10295611]

>>10295528
>>10295540

[Anonymous No.10295626]

>>10295528
>>10295540
>the battle touched far lands indeed

[Anonymous No.10295651]

>>10295528
>>10295540
Holy fuck Huston we have a problem
The orbit of the earth is littered with sides

[Anonymous No.10295656]

>>10295540
Absolutely wonderful ending

[Anonymous No.10295727]

On a serious note, having to shit in your master's office is one of the worst parts about wagecucking. To avoid this, I usually get up two, or even three hours before I leave to wagecuck. Not only does this give me time to empty my bowels for the day, but also gives optimum time for learning.

[Anonymous No.10295857]

>>10295656
>>10295727
Both of got palindromes back to back, what does it mean?

[Anonymous No.10295945]

>>10295857
Paliwhat? Typed of dubs?

[Anonymous No.10296045]

>>10295945
A palindrome is a word, number, or other sequence of characters which reads the same backward as forward, such as madam or racecar.

[Anonymous No.10296106]

>>10295857
>>10296045

what fucking palindrome

[Anonymous No.10296121]

>>10296106

[Anonymous No.10296155]

>>10295528
>>10295540

[Anonymous No.10296185]

>>10295945
>>10296106

[Anonymous No.10296216]

>>10292367
>>10292257
>mudbutt
>poopy butthole
Cannot stop laughing

[Anonymous No.10296252]

>>10292398
>wipe with dry and wet tp interchangeably
there you go fucking autist

[Anonymous No.10296315]

>>10296252
how do you get the wet TP when your sitting on the toilet you fuck whit. and dont give me that stand up and go to the sink, no one here wants to spread shit all over their ass cheeks

[Anonymous No.10296371]

>>10296315
They dip into the toilet water, fuck that.

[Anonymous No.10296402]

This one time I was taking a dump and some dude in the cubicle next to me ripped the fattest fart.
I pissed myself laughing, couldn’t control myself. Anyone else had this happen before?

[Anonymous No.10296405]

It's 2018 guys, if you're not using baby wipes or a fucking bidet by now you're fucking up.

[Anonymous No.10296440]

>>10292367
Sometimes even if you wipe completely, there's still some particulates left deep in the bowls that spatter out on some wet sharts

[Anonymous No.10296442]

>>10292349
>implying any place of business within the continental United States has a bidet installed in the communal commode
I dread having to shit at work for exactly this reason, since I do have a bidet at home.

[Anonymous No.10296467]

>>10296442
Same my nikkuh but baby wipes not a bidet, although I've thought about buying one of those bidet toilet seats off Amazon.

I usually start work at night or 10-11am but on the odd days I start earlier like 8 or 9am I dread it cause I know even if I make and drink coffee as soon as I wake up I'm not gonna have the desire to defecate till I get to work and I'm gonna have to use that 1 ply sand paper bullshit and either have a red asshole or swamp ass all day.

[Anonymous No.10296469]

>taking a shit at work
>wait till everyone leaves
>don't hear anyone coming
>get up pants up open stall door
>BOOM
>5+ of your coworkers bust in the door
>HOLY SHIT *SOMEONE* DESTROYED THIS BATHROOM
every fucking time.

[Anonymous No.10296480]

Please add me to the screencap. This is golden.
Best thread on /biz/

[Anonymous No.10296575]

>>10296315
spit on it

[Anonymous No.10296588]

>>10292257
This is why America is predestined for failure. You stupid fat fucks can’t even install ass blasters (water hose) for your toilets. Even fucking THAILAND uses these for cleaning their buttholes. I haven’t had mud butt for several years. You burgers are embaressments.

[Anonymous No.10296648]

>wiping for what seems like hours
>legs are numb, back is sour, sweating profusely
>finally get that last popcorn shell out, almost done
>wiping so long your asshole feels like dry paper
>one more wipe for good measure
>its spotted with blood
>spend another 10 minutes blotting the blood
>toilet paper runs out
>have to go the rest of the day with blood butt

[Anonymous No.10296671]

>>10296402
You know you breathed some of his fart in, you still think its funny?

[Anonymous No.10296696]

>>10292257
Quit eating dairy

[Anonymous No.10296706]

>>10296469
Years ago I had a job at bestbuy. The fucking computer salesmen were all neckbeards. They would play a game who could stay in the stall the longest after one of them destroyed it.
>tfw I used to have to eat lunch with these plebs and listen to them talk about magic cards

[Anonymous No.10296736]

>>10296588
I talked about those ass cleaning toilets one time amongst coworkers, they looked at me like I was insane.

[Anonymous No.10296756]

>be me
>take a shit
>wipe my ass like a grown man
>no shit left on my ass

[Anonymous No.10296791]

>>10293296
you'll get chunky shits
the drawback is that they'll probably be painful

[Anonymous No.10296804]

>>10296756
>tfw take poo at work
>think ass is clean
>boss tells everyone to stop working because unscheduled ass inspections are going to take place
>fug.jpeg
>almost positive my ass is clean
>everyone lines up and drops pants
>boss tells everyone to bend over and spread
>first 5 people have clean asses
>boss gets to me
>"hmmm, yes we have one here"
>"sorry anon, looks like you have a nugget on the rim here. That will be 3 days garnishment, you can leave early, we don't tolerate that kind of filth here"
>the stacy next to me bent over gives me a look of disgust
>tfw take walk of shame out of building because failed surprise ass inspection

[Anonymous No.10296821]

>>10295528
>and red liquid
Not only is this post cancer, you might actually have cancer. Get that checked out kek.

[Anonymous No.10296865]

>>10296821
Probably just hemorrhoids anon.

[Anonymous No.10296884]

>>10296865
Depends on if it's dark red blood or bright red blood. The former would mean to press F, the latter is more likely hemorrhoids.

[Anonymous No.10296895]

>>10292257
Is OP a Pajeet?

I've never had issues with this shit.

[Anonymous No.10296921]

>>10296895
OP is cheap, cheap food tends to destroy one's health and one's bowels. Very sad indeed.

[Anonymous No.10296929]

>>10296804
>tfw you see stacy in the parking lot because she failed surprise ass inspection too

[Anonymous No.10296952]

>>10296929
>tfw ass inspection day ruined my ass eating fantasy

[Anonymous No.10296961]

>>10296952
Women shit too, anon.

[Anonymous No.10296986]

>>10292367
>explains it so matter-of-fact

[Anonymous No.10296987]

>>10296961
SHUT UP

[Anonymous No.10296997]

>>10295429
Exactly! And I thought I am weird when I can be done with shitting in 1 min.

[Anonymous No.10297019]

>>10292257
Its literally your diet.

[Anonymous No.10297038]

>>10296929
>tfw she comes up to you in parking lot
>anon want to get a drink
>bond over failing ass inspections
>check each others assholes whenever we poo at work

[Anonymous No.10297138]

>>10295528
>>10295540
lol

[Anonymous No.10298313]

>>10297019
Its certain foods I think, overall i eat pretty healthy.

[Anonymous No.10298915]

>>10292367
>>10292257
Does your diet include a lot of chocolate? Because that can cause "mud butt".

[Anonymous No.10298954]

>>10295429
>Shitting should be a 60 second process.

lol fuckin faggot. if you ain't making big poops you ain't making poops

[Anonymous No.10299029]

I work in a hospital. I use bath towels to wipe my ass. I wet one end in sink and use dry end for a nice finish.

[Anonymous No.10299104]

>>10298915
It does actually, fuck, there goes chocolate. Thanks anon, you've been a true help to my bunghole.

[Anonymous No.10299178]

>go to amusement park with some girls
>have to use the potty, but play it cool
>go on first ride
>seat so low it's like I'm squating
>the thrashing dislodges my bowls and I feel mud down 'there'
>ohnoyoudont.jpeg
>suck mud back in with my well disciplined hole of my ass
I walked to a bathroom after the third ride, didn't want to look like a potty monster going after the very first one.
mudbutt doesn't feel good OP.

[Anonymous No.10299237]

I was born in a third world country and I've always cleaned my ass with soap and water. Fucking ameritards

[Anonymous No.10299315]

>>10292257
>yfw your alone in the office
>feeling the borito hitting the engine
>shift ass to fart
>suddenly the plensent expirience of evacuating gas is replaced by liquid avalanche
>clench my ass like im in a prison shower and move like a duck to the nearest restroom
>proceed to spend next 20 min cleaning my boxers and ass of liquified sewage
>whole toilet is a dank shithole now and almost no toilet paper is left
>proceed to hang my boxers over toilet seat to dry and work the remaining 7 hours without them
>after work put them back on and return home
>nobody at my work will ever know that i literly sharted myself
>handed in my resignation the next week
>had ptsd every time i was about to fart

[Anonymous No.10299521]

>>10299315
Died

[Anonymous No.10299542]

>>10299315
btw was almost 8 full years at that company...

[Anonymous No.10299659]

>>10299542
8 years of sharts

[Anonymous No.10299671]

>>10299659
no 1 shart ended 7+ years

[Anonymous No.10299703]

>>10299671
>
7 years 1 shart, you got a 71, tf does it mean?

[Anonymous No.10299718]

>>10292257
Business & Finance, you most special of special person.

[Anonymous No.10299720]

I have been bringing baby wipes in a little toiletries bag with me to work for years now, the paperthey give us is like cobwebs

[Anonymous No.10299761]

>>10299720
>buying your own toilet wipes
>paying to shit at work

you people really are brainlets. Just abuse the toilet and complain to HR until they get better paper. it's not that hard, fucking giving wagecucks a bad name

[Anonymous No.10299769]

>>10299104
Hahaha, and then you claim you're not fat. Normal people don't include chocolate in their diet.

[Anonymous No.10299808]

>>10292367
Carry wet ones in your purse plus those squirty gatorade bottles with soapy water.

[Anonymous No.10299827]

>>10299808
>purse

[Anonymous No.10299832]

>>10299808
This is a good idea but be careful, I used to use an old refillable monster can and ended up getting burning energy drink all over the edges of my sphincter

[Anonymous No.10299860]

>>10299827
Yes, purse. Just make sure you it under your fat folds.

[Anonymous No.10299873]

>>10299860
I could just slide it under my skirt

[Anonymous No.10299916]

>>10299873
Yeah, but then it will hit your tranny balls or chaft your inverted penis.

[Anonymous No.10300077]

You absolutely cannot be fully clean with regular paper because it dries up shit and sticks it on your ass as shit microdust/Dry paste. Showering is the best option followed by

>toilet paper for mass mess
>clean with wet wipe
>wipe moisture off with a final toilet paper

[Anonymous No.10300098]

>>10296736
Because Americans have an unhealthy fear of touching their butthole. Like it’s a remnant of Puritan insanity.

[Anonymous No.10300114]

>>10300077
No one's going to shower every time they shit unless they're some OCD freak.

[Anonymous No.10300127]

>>10300114
I time my shits for after work at home. And I am not an animal I can hold it in and not put myself in nightmare tier work scenarios

[Anonymous No.10300274]

>>10300114
I do if I’m at home. Gotta keep it clean anon.

[Anonymous No.10300373]

>>10293415
This chick def got fucked by a family member.