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/biz/ - Business & Finance

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9587676 No.9587676 [Reply] [Original]

>eats my stuff from the fridge
>places my meal prep boxes on the top shelf, so that I can't reach them
>fakes a slapping motion to see if I flinch (never do)

How can I stop this?

>> No.9587694
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9587694

>>9587676
Omg John! I didn't know you went on 4chan too! Wait till everyone at work hears about this

>> No.9587702

Tell him "hey, don't eat my stuff man"

>> No.9587706

>>9587676
report it to HR and watch him get JUSTed

also, this isnt really /biz/ related, take it to r9k or some shit

>> No.9587714
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9587714

>>9587676

First, complain to HR or management about the fake slapping. Sounds gay, buy you need it on record.

Next time he is faking slap motion motion in ever so slightly so that he hits you. Flop like a basketball player and draw the foul by actually falling into something/hard enough to get hurt.

Sue the entire company for now having created a unsafe environment after you informed them about it. Get in cahoots with a local liability lawyer or chiropractor so you will have an expert testimony.

>> No.9587728
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9587728

>> No.9587730

>>9587676
Fill your food with laxative (or if put in some poison if you're extremely evil).

>> No.9587759

>>9587676
rape him

>> No.9587787

>>9587676
ask him if he enjoys the hormone therapy you use in your meals

>> No.9588053

pasta

>> No.9588110
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9588110

>>9587730
This OP, laxatives or rat poison

>> No.9588625

>>9588110
LSD

>> No.9588660

>>9587676
Slit his throat

>> No.9588662

>>9587676

Can you beat this guy in a fight?

>> No.9588727

Display anger at him and make a fuss. If he's up to childish pranks, he'll be receptive to being truly angry at.
You can also do shit of similar nature. Prepare to suffer from the consequences of an asymmetric results due to social status differences, as he'll try to implement the first point, and he will be most likely listened to.

>> No.9588756

>>9587714
This is how you make it

>> No.9588803

>>9587676
It's a test, to figure out who is who's bitch
Guess who is winning so far?
Pro tip, it ain't you
You got three options
1. Cry to hr like a bitch and be known a faggot that got fun guy Dave fired for some soft workplace banter.
2. Step up your game and prank him back harder and show your dominance.
3. Suck it up and accept Dave owns you and offer to do his work for him, you are a manlet anyway so he's clearly superior.

>> No.9588821
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9588821

>>9587676
before work everyday stick your finger up your arse and wipe it all around his cutlery and coffee cup, it wont be long before he needs time off sick

>> No.9588825

>>9587676
Prank him by fucking his wife

>> No.9588878

>>9587714
I lol'd but this is actually decent advice. I worked at a personal injury firm for years and people got paid for way less. Don't actually commit fraud but really even if he doesn't hit you and you flinch it's assault if you had a reasonable belief that he might hit you. If you actually were injured in your response of jumping backward, the company would be liable for damages.

Again, don't commit fraud, but IF you hurt your head/neck/back your workers comp claim would be bigger.

>> No.9589695

>>9587730
kek
this
put so much laxative hes ass starts to bleed

>> No.9589789

>>9589695
>bleed
>laxatives
Doable but it's WAY easier to get an anus to bleed by adding stool hardeners. Have you ever seen a rave druggie try to shit after 4 days of muh rave muh stimulants? Their shits are hard as a rock. That shit (no pun intended) will rek the lining of ther colon. They'll also spend 2 hours trying to actually pass the stool.
t. med student

>> No.9589829

>>9589789
kek i wish i was a beta and had a coworker like op just to do this and watch that fucker

>> No.9589926

>>9587730
my brother was working at some shit 9-5 place while he was travelling in Australia. Planned to work for 6 months then travel for 6 months rinse repeat until bored. this european guy who worked there kept stealing his lunch. so my brother had the idea to spike his next lunch with those "hottest chilli sauce in the world" and general nasty shit that's not meant to be eaten - from the diy shop (glue, oils etc)

european dude was sick as fuck and went home after he ate my bros lunch.

supervisor found out and fired my brother because apparently the european guy used to work long hrs and never complain that he wasn't paid for his extra hrs lol

>> No.9590132

>>9588803
This

>> No.9590141

>>9587676
i think he might be attracted to you

>> No.9590142

>>9587676
cum in your lasagna at home and bring it to work for 2 weeks. After he eats it for two weeks leave a note over your lunchbox that even your gf is not swallowing whereas he did

>> No.9590838

>>9587676
Sleep with his mother

>> No.9590973

>>9587676
>>places my meal prep boxes on the top shelf, so that I can't reach them

Manlet detected.

>> No.9591139

what would you actually do if you were in a situation like this?
id also go for the honeypot and put like a g of mdma in my food. if he eats that much he might die. before he dies he is going to make the biggest fool of himself.
officer, i really cant fathom why anybody would put drugs in my food
someone was trying to kill me