/biz/ - Business & Finance

Fast forward to this month
>Managed to pick up this pretty cute girl using my technique. 8/10 when she tries. "Professional" Violinist(Lmao)
>She tells me that she is pregnant
>She tells me that her family is really happy that she found a great guy like me.
>She tells me her father wants to meet me
>She thinks I'm in love with her
>She doesn't know that I'm a racist, misogynist , who works at Target
>She doesn't know that I lost all my savings by getting financial advice from a guy called Assblaster

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>>9347093
>trusting her to use bc
>not using a condom

This must be bait.

>>9347093
>having sex
holy fuck you guys seriously this beta?

>>9347093
Hope you used a fake name / burner phone.... You rekt now daddy... At least get a dna test...

>>9347116
Condoms really ruin the experience. Plus my pullout game is pretty strong.

You lied and you had premarital sex. You did this to yourself you filthy larping faggot who has never seen a vegazoo.

>>9347093
mfw thinking of OPs son at some point finding out the true story of his conception

>>9347116
To double check with everyone, always use a condom no matter what?
I never had a gf so I imagine if I ever do manage to get one theyll be trying to take advantage of me as I do have money from a business + crypto gains. Ive heard from women before that eventually they do just want a kid and go off bc. I asked one if she thought her friends did that because they wanted to marry the guy they were seeing and they all said that wasnt the case and it was more they were just ready to have a kid and made the decision themselves and if the guy worked out thats great, if not oh well, they were ready to become a mom anyways. They didnt seem to care what the guy thought about it. That kinda spooks me as I imagine they could then bilk you for child support.

>>9347082
>>9347093
tell her the truth, op. she'll probably have an abortion to save herself from your backwoods retard seed.
also, being able to make a living as a musician is pretty rad. kudos to her. why are you kekking like a faggot over that when you grind zero-skill labour at fucking target, which is basically walmart for people too embarrassed to shop at walmart? are you some kind of elevated being or something, stocking shelves? wew.
anyway, karma's a bitch. grats.

>>9347221
the problem with pulling out is i don't

>>9347093
LMFAO BTFO

>>9347221
Great b8 mate well have fun being attached to a thot for the rest of your life because your pullout game was so good. Since it’s a game you must have just gotten a game over

>>9347082
So you're just a sociopath who wants some helpful advice?

Get fucked lol

>>9347257
Condoms ruins the fucking experience. There's no feeling better than a woman's liquid while your still in her.

>>9347257
Always use condoms for one night lays
Once u get a gf that u can trust then you have the privilege of going raw

>>9347285
T. 25 y.o boomer with a kid

>>9347260
I don't want her to get an abortion. Won't I go to hell if she does?

>>9347093
>She doesn't know that I lost all my savings by getting financial advice from a guy called Assblaster

>>9347307
you're already going to hell, sweetie. :^) might as well gravy it up a bit with a few abortions

>>9347313
>Implying link is not $1000EOY

>>9347093
> getting financial advice from a guy called Assblaster
Sometimes I imagine telling friends or family what I've been doing with my money recently, and I feel like shooting myself in the fucking face.
The next time I see my accountant I'll have to tell them why there are so many coinbase transactions and I honestly don't know how I'm going to face it.

>>9347322
I don't want to be a fucking baby killer.

>>9347082
definitely larp
But you deserve it faggot
Have fun having her milk all your $100 dollars a week while she fucks chads

>Claims to have had sex with an actual bio woman.

Nice LARP anon.

>>9347326
My bank statement is rows and rows of COINBASE.COM/BTC

>>9347338
relax, you're just hiring someone else to do the killing.
besides, if jesus didn't want babies aborted he wouldn't have made them abortable.

>>9347082
> I fucked up pretty badly
> My method (Feel free to try it out

You fucked up or you trapped a beautiful professional violinist with a kid? K

>>9347093
Sixty keks, OP
I both hate and love that I have a sekrit lyfe as a racist etc etc

>>9347307
No, you seem like a properly God fearing man so as to be able to legitimately repent at some point
Besides, if she does it I'm not sure on the details but it might be on her or the doctor anyway lol

>>9347260
Do what this guy says

>>9347453
I don't want to spend an eternity of hell with gays, niggers, and liberals

>>9347093
gee living as a fucktard degenerate has finally caught up with you.

GL faggot

damn bizraelis you fucked up big time, dnm link

>>9347093
I choose to believe this is real.
Good shit OP. Just look at what you've done.

>>9347485
I don't think you will
You can indeed repent for one thing, and for another you believe in God and Jesus much more than all those nigs, libs, and gays

>>9347521
I should have stuck with EOS. i CAN'T BELIEVE I LISTENED TO YOU FAGGOTS.

>>9347485
>fornication

>>9347565
My family is Christian and extremely Conservative. They would disown me if they heard that a woman I was with got an abortion.

>>9347093
>>She tells me that she is pregnant
lol it isn't yours anyway

>>9347673
Your family is extremely Christ/con and you have not been worried about pulling all this shit already?

Anyway, don't let them find out then

>>9347257

Get a vasectomy. Cost me $40 with insurance. It's painless and you can workout the very next day if you want.

But don't tell women you got a vasectomy for fucks sake -- unless they are child free. Then it's a plus.

>>9347082
>not asking the butch straight up if she likes expensive cars
>show her your (rented) lambo
>ask her if she wants a ride
>drive her around at max speed to get her pussyjuices flowing
>take her back to your (rented) multimillion dollar chateau
>proceed to impregnate her
>throw her clothes in her face and tell her gtfo and pretend to call the cops

>>9347866
I actually want kids in the future. Just not with her.

>>9347673

Your family isn't worth shit and doesn't really love you. Keep the memories, toss the baggage.

>>9347933

People like you shouldn't have kids. You already live in a fantasy land.

>>9347969
Oh nm. Thought you were the OP. Kids are stupid though.

>>9347273
I don't either

Roll the dice, faggots

SOMEONE SHILL ME A FUCKING SCHEME TO HELP ME GET OUT OF THIS WHERE EVERYONE WINS. I'M STILL POOR BECAUSE YOU FAGGOTS SHILLED LINK NONSTOP AND MADE ME LOSE MY MONEY!!!!!

>>9348110
u only lose if u sell
duh

>>9348110
You were the one that fell for the shilling

>>9348368
As this Anon says, just don't sell, and wait.
Non-total-shitcoins in crypto almost always go up in the longrun and go past old highs

>>9348110
Best I have for you, I don't think that can help you as much as you want or need but good luck.
>>/biz/thread/S9339764

>>9347093
fucking kek'd well done haha

run

imagine getting knocked up by this guy instead of a shrimp farmer

>>9347082
>>9347093
bitch just hold that LINK and you will be a millionaire. 1000 EOY

if you spent those last 6 months conning lanky neets on telegram instead of stacies, you'd be an actual millionaire

>>9347093
Plot twist, op is a nigger and girl is white. White race cucked again.

>>9347384
Coinbase Cheapside. Why the fuck they call it that I will never know

>>9347673
But they'd be okay with you lying for sex?

You're fucked

>>9348645

They're christian. They only love him if he submits. Get on all fours anon. Time to submit to daddy.

>>9348110
fucking tell her you were lying and she will get the fucking abortion herself you fucking pussy

>>9347093

pls b true

>>9347285
Preach, fucking girls without condoms feels great, but most women aren't worth it to trust.

>>9348712
Dizkusting peper, please never post again

>>9347093
You pumped it, now you dump it. What's so hard to understand? Just block her like the rest of the dumb roasties. Who gives a fuck about your bastard son? If anything you should keep spreading your seed to as many dumb whores as possible.

>>9347093
It's not yours don't stress

>>9347093
You’re an idiot

Fucking man up and take care of the kid. Don’t be a fucking degenerate piece of shit like you’ve already been.
You’ll disgrace the white race if you fuck this up.

>>9347866

Word of warning- these can go VERY WRONG!!!! Make sure you have a top notch surgeon or you are in for a world of hurt!!!!!

>>9347485
Stop worrying about if you are going to hell because if it does exists Satan already has your name plaque in his gimp room the moment you started doing this shit.

Op you should be glad you just outwomaned a woman, so just say to her face once baby is born that you lied about your wealth and wanted your genetic lineage to inherit superior genetics with your 9/10 chick.

You literally won in life.

Good thread
But seriously, u broke it, ( her )
U buy it (her)
Better get her something nice for mother’s day this weekend!

>>9347082
well you know the solution motherfucker, TAKE A LOAN GO ALL IN IN CHAINLINK, and wait until eoy, $1000.
>nothing to lose, you are fucked anyway

>>9347239
kek

>>9347485
>liar
>fornicator
>a- at least I'm not black! Only niggers and fags go to hell right guys??

>>9348955
>>9348826
She's eventually going to find out I'm not actually rich. The only reason she though I was rich was because my rich bro would let me borrow his car. If she finds out I'm not actually rich she's most likely going to get an abortion. And I'm going to have that shit is going to haunt me plus I get to suffer in hell after I die.
>>9349059
Honestly thinking of doing this I have good enough credit to get a good loan.

>>9349112
Everyone lies and almost everyone has fornicated. Tell me one person who has never fornicated in their lives.

>>9349186
*life.

>>9347093
Tell her you're sterile and that you're offended

>>9347410
kek

>>9347285
nods

>>9349146
hey faggot i was just shitposting your level of delusion is sick af, i hope this thread gets screencaped for the next biz humor thread. i topkeked at >>9347313. WTF now i will tell you something serious, instead of getting a loan work into a fake scenario about you losing most of your money, idk some robbery, bad investements, whatever then tell the roastie
that now you are an average man and she should decide if she wants to be with you or not, the for your own good fix your delusional life, work your ass off if its needed and it will but seriously if you get out of this mess (wich i doubt) you must sort your shit

>>9347116
Remember this well incels because there's a reason why they push people to use condoms so much and your virgin asses will never realise. It's because sex with a condom is HORRIBLE. If you have any fuck game at all you pull out. Contrary to what youve been told women can only get pregnant a finite amount of days in a month and the window is very small

>>9347673

God will punish you in hell for eternity for having premarital intercourse.

However, I'm sure your family are only fake christians. Can't wait until I'm an angel and I don't allow you into heaven.

Either way, you're clearly mentally ill for making up such a pathetic story on 4chan, then projecting your fake racism (you probably have black friends) to make yourself feel edgy, when in reality you're nothing more than a fag enabler.

>>9347673

All conservatives are going to burn in hell. They hate themselves, thus god won't let them into heaven.

>>9348110

I love how stupid you are that you thought taking financial advice from a bunch of autist on 4chan would make you rich.

Please kill yourself you satanic piece of shit.

>>9347307
You have entered hell as soon as you started lying.
Clean up your room and fight the dragon of Chaos, religious retard.

>>9349304
This. You fuckers don't realize but sex with a condom shouldn't even be considered sex. Part of the pleasure you get if from the feeling of the flap (I'm not an anatomy teacher) moving across your dick. Also tfw she cums on you (which kinda for some reason at first feels like she's pissing on your thing). Condoms just fucking ruin those sensations even if you don't pull out the odds of her getting pregnant are pretty low.

>>9349463
>>9349404
>>9349386
>>9349355
FUCK YOU GUYS. I tithe 10 percent of my income to church despite being a poor fuck.

>>9347093
HAHAHA my sides. That last part got me.

>>9349541
you took the larp too far with this joke
anyone who responds in earnest after this has 70 IQ

>>9349541
they're just FUDing repentance
seriously just fix your shit, stop being a degenerate, and ask 4gibness and stay on the righteous path and G 0 D will take you in, br0

>>9348110
OP even if it doesn't work out for you i think you're very amusing. P.s. dont get an abortion and tell your baby mama you lost all your private keys, then just try to provide for the baby until you make it. Thats it

Everyone lies and everyone fornicate. We learned in church that even masturbating count as fornication. So either way we all fucking sin. But killing a baby is a mortal in that God never forgives.

>>9347338
WELL YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED THIS BABY'S LIFE

nice larp

>>9349631
>believing in god
not gonna make it
also isnt sex b4 marriage against religion ur going to hellerino regardless amigo

>>9349631
https://chastityproject.com/qa/can-god-forgive-you-if-youve-had-premarital-sex/

>>9349631
You're already going to hell for being this much of a fucking moron

>>9349810
typical religion fag self brainwashing
>everyone sins and god forgives all so its okay for me to sin
moral superiority niggas have to lie to themselves just to get through life OMEGALUL

>>9347221

Should have had a vasectomy

Mine was only $50 retard

>>9347221
Condoms do NOT ruin the experience. you sound like a retarded teenager. Getting a broad prego ruins the experience.
Also
>fucking a rando without protection
And youre a massive liar. Alot going for you in life, eh op?

>>9350041
Or you should learn to be responsible. Unless youre incapable then the vasectomy was ironically responsible. Glad people like you cant reproduce. God damn generation of self center shits.

op this is what ur going to do
when she comes over ur going to put on an act
make sure u were crying a shit ton before so ur eyes are red
when she comes in ur going to tell her baby i fucked up i lost all my money trading on a stupid stock i fucked i lost it, ur going to start crying at this point and hug her waist while ur on ur knees

then ur going to tell her ur still going to find a way to support ur child, ull get a job at target if u have to go, at this point shell try to tell u everything is alright and make u feel better and that money is everything

after ur doen crying start smiling but with nose cum and tears still and say we can do this

dont panic at what she says

once shes gone within a week she will bring the idea of an abortion up and shit

try to be against it but to hard but mad about it and stuff then after a week of fighitng tell her ok its her body her choice

there now ur free shell get an abortion and fuck off after

>>9347093
I’ve also read and seen Catch Me If You Can.

>>9347285
If the bitch is tight enough and wet enough, honestly the experience is damn close, with or without.

>>9347921
>>not asking the butch
>butch
New Zealander?

>>9350082

Fuck you.

I don't worry about condoms. I don't worry about whether she's lying about birth control. It was easily the best decision of my life, and I got it when I was 21.

Sex feels fucking 1000x better without condoms, but you can sit here and lie like a fucking faggot all you want.

>>9350041
>your value
>none seen
AHAHAHHAHAHA

>>9347082
>>9347093
10/10

>>9347093
JUST
U
S
T

>>9350167

Oh right, How could I forgot the best part?

None of the awkward 'stop, look for, and put on a damn condom' or cumming and immediately having to pull out and pull off the condom.

I can fuck when and where ever. Just slide my dick in and do creampie after creampie. It's heavenly.

I'm a 10/10 Chad multi millionaire with genius level IQ and I impregnate a new woman every month and have over 2 dozen confirmed births to my credit. Go ahead and hit me with your best shot you greasy haired awkward virgin walk poorfag brainlet. There is only one coin in the world that can make you more like me, and that's Chainlink.

Just wait till the next bear market and then tell her you lost almost everything because you didnt pull out in time. She will be pissed off but it will be too late to abort by then. In reality you did pull out before the bear and thats how you have enough money now to lie about having lost more. With most of your salary and coins now in child support, at least you might be making the same money thanks to the coins then if you had no child support and no coins and just the job. So life could be normalish. And if lucky and well placed with coins you may even somwhow pull ahead again.

Or just tell her the truth and hope for the best.

>>9350369
but then again maybe you cant hide your coins cause lawers and child support and stuff so maybe she sees then that you lied. probably.

>>9347082
>My smile is my best feature
You on the far right, I bet

>>9347082
>>9347093
Well played, OP

10/10 Would read again.

>>9347221


obviously it fucking isnt kek

sell the baby's brain to berkshire hathaway

>>9347410
Lawl

>>9350069
Condoms absolutely ruin the experience. Unless you're a retarded teenager. You don't actually feel the inside of the vagina with a condom on. The only good thing about it is you'll last longer because it doesn't feel as good.
>Getting her preggo ruins it
Good, never procreate.

>>9350261
Except now youre a walking dildo. Literally incapable of fathering a child, how does that feel? You turned yourself into a little boy. Actually even a little boy could father a child LOL

>>9347093

>>9347093
>She doesn't know that I'm a racist, misogynist , who works at Target
>She doesn't know that I lost all my savings by getting financial advice from a guy called Assblaster

Fucking kek, I hope this is true. That's too funny.

>>9347082
>that I'm a kind person who has amassed a fortune thanks to some obscure tech that no one believed in
It better be bitbean

>>9347307
Just raise the child man, maybe he takes after you and the world will become a better place once again

>>9347384
>>9347485


LOL u are literally me op. so i know u kinda think this situation is cool because you get to post on /biz and get a thread that finally gets more than 1 reply. I would say is it worth it? at least u got a fuck out of it tho, now u have gotten 8/10 u should be pleased with that atleast.

Honestly tho. you have seriously fucked up

>>9347307
Hell isn't a real thing, anon. Just suck up your pride and tell the truth. Unless you REALLY like her, an abortion is the best option at this point.

>>9350069
You must be fucking terrible at sex if there's no difference for you.

>>9347325
Where's those posts by the ledditor that points out that link doesn't actually solve the oracle problem, the one thing that it's supposed to offer?

>>9350590
I don't give a shit about replies, most of you guys just mad fun of me, to be fair my friends made fun of me as well. I was just looking for at least one decent piece of advice. The best plan I could come up with is to keep lying until it's to late for her to get an abortion. Then I'll just tell her that I lost most of my money but that I will be able to recover it since I know what I'm doing. Or maybe we'll get a bull run and she'll never find out. Unless this thread blows up somehow else and she deduces that I'm the dumb fuck who posted this.

>>9350752
Lmao, you think Jebus is gonna forgive you for lying to an innocent girl? YOU GOIN TO HELL BOI

>>9347082
>block her number and move on
You've already done it before, why not just do it again?
Just because you got her pregnant, does that make everything different?

Oh and btw there should be no argument about it: sex is better without a condom". You don't feel the texture of a woman's vagina with a condom on. You also don't feel the same warmth and those sensations that make sex feel so good aren't the same. Jerking off with Vaseline feels better than sex with a condom. I've only used shit tier condoms like trojans so maybe I'm wrong.

>>9350866

You type like and have the intelligence of a black. Are you?

>>9350866
>trojans
>>9350876
>black
it's confirmed

>>9350447
based

>>9350429
The guy on the far right looks like a younger s o y version of Javier Bardem

>>9350876
>>9350889
How is Trojan a nigger brand? Genuinely curious. I would honestly just get the cheapest ones at CVS

>>9347093
that last part had me on the floor lmao

>>9347093
What are you complaining about you dumb fuck

Now you have an excuse to stop working at target and go do something with your life, and all because you memed this girl into believing you're amazing

You're free bro, quit your shitty job and go do something cool. Then tell her it's what you want to do

Feeling kind of optimistic now. Found a group where the guy leaks out whale movements.Going all in when he makes the ext call. I've got nothing to lose anyways

He also called ZIL before the pump so I'm hoping he delivers again.

>>9349186
that doesn't excuse you, that just means you'll have more company in hell (ie more crabs trying to scramble over you and out of the bucket)

>>9351121
>>9351137
This is God's wake up call to you
Its time to start making something of your life.
This coin stuff will not get you anywhere.
It is not sustainable and is pretty much an elaborate Ponzi scheme, speculation and gambling.
Its time to be a responsible adult.

You have a child on the way, cease with you immature ways. Use your income more wisely to invest in skills and resources that can give you a more stable income.
Invest in education
Invest time in gaining a new skill.
You're an adult now.
Be responsible.

Take all of these burdens to the Lord.
Confess and repent of all your sins.
Even make things right with the woman and confess and tell her the truth.
But pledge that you want to take her hand in marriage and that you will be faithful to her and be an honorable husband and father to your child.

All the best anon
There is no problem too difficult for Jesus. He will help you out, I promise you.
He will pull through you for you in such a mighty and miraculous way you will believe that this was the original plan for your life.
Trust Him, lean on Him, He will take your hand and pull you through this.
Have a good day man

>>9347093
Congrats, daddy. Wait until the baby is born to tell her the truth about Assblaster.

>>9349541
>I tithe 10 percent of my income
I do believe that many Christian sects are cool with not paying tithing when in great financial burden/need. I think Mormonism was cool with that, at least. Also,

>Not praying to your God for assistance or a sign.

Better get to confessin' and poppin' that baby, Feely Fornicator.

>>9347093
Top kek, good pasta

>>9347093
Fake af but still very funny
Good read

>>9352108
>I do believe that many Christian sects are cool with not paying tithing when in great financial burden/need. I think Mormonism was cool with that, at least.

This is the worst advice ever. Not returning a faithful tithe makes you forfeit God's protection and Satan will have more access into your life to destroy your possessions, security and health.

Return a faithful tithe and God will abundantly bless you. I guarantee it. God will bless you so much

Mal 3:8 Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.
Mal 3:9 Ye are cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation.
Mal 3:10 Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.
Mal 3:11 And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field, saith the LORD of hosts.
Mal 3:12 And all nations shall call you blessed: for ye shall be a delightsome land, saith the LORD of hosts.

>>9347082

I'm gonna call fake and gay but please nobody ever ghost a girl. It's really bad social etiquette and really mean.