/biz/ - Business & Finance

there there, bro

there there

>>8829405
What did you do? Why do you think you screwed up?

>>8829405
Atleast you not nail interviewing, build up expectations for friends, family and company then get of fired in under one week because you insanely incompetent

At least you went. My moron son refuses to go to interviews because they "stress him out".

>>8829458
Have you tried hitting him harder?

>>8829440
it was all going good until i opened my dumb mouth. i think i might have inadvertently insulted the guy.

It happens, I failed lots of interviews as well until landing a job. Without failing them it's almost impossible to learn the various subtle queues and stock responses and what the employer is looking for.

What were you applying for? How did you fail it?

>>8829476
some wageslave job at a store. i mentioned something about him that was similar to me and i think he kinda got offended by it. interview ended abruptly and awkwardly.

>>8829467
>it was all going good until i opened my dumb mouth. i think i might have inadvertently insulted the guy.
what did you say?
did you call him a normie scum? and that he should kys himself?

>>8829531
i mentioned something about his teeth and how i had a similar problem once.

Tell us about yourself

>well, i almost made it man. I had like $80k in btc In January. Unfortunately, some shit happened and I lost most of it. That's why I'm here.

>>8829549
it aws nothing fren

>>8829405
it's okay, anon

might not be as bad as you think

>>8829549
kek. Unless he brought it up first, that was pretty autistic anon

>>8829549
Hahahaha what is wrong with you

>>8829591

>>8829549
lmao

>>8829637
give a rundown

>>8829405
It's ok fren, last interview i did i was sweating so much my CV was all wet after like 2 mins and the guy was visibly disgusted, at each silence it was super awkward bcuz you could hear the drops falling from my forehead on the table *plic* *ploc* *ploc*

>>8829549
Thanks for the laugh

>>8829735
beta blockers and/or phenibut. you're welcome

>>8829549
Yeah that's not the best way to handle it. Well listen anon, there are always plenty of retail jobs and they are usually not that hard to get into. Go look up some common interview questions and research the company. Those are literally the most important things you need to prepare.

The confidence and the ability to present yourself will come with time and experience (through other failed interviews) but as long as you show the employer that you want the job, he will look more favourably at you.

>>8829549
You fucking sperg

>>8829731
>interview starts
>he asks me about job history
>theres some gaps but he seems ok with it
>talk about pay
>we can't pay you that
>okay.jpg
>ask questions about job
>does this sound ok with you?
>y-yea
>hey i notice your teeth stick out slightly...
>wut
>i only say that because mine did to before a surgury i had
>he looks pissed
>well.. we will let you know something by next week ok?
>-oh -o-ok

>>8829771
>beta blockers
but how do i move if i'm blocked?

>>8829796
its to lower your heart rate. you wont have as nervous reactions when taking it, its used as blood pressure, heart medication and for anxiety

>>8829822
ty anon. But i don't want to be too efficient-good looking during the interviews, i hate wagecucking. I just present at the interviews to keep the right to have neetbucks.

I'm more stressed about the fact i could be hired than the fact he would reject me. Am i a lost cause?

Hey anon, any chance you live in UK by any chance actually? I just fired an employee today, so I'm looking to replace her. Job is customer support, but you do need quick wit and ability to think as well as do

>>8829405
Are you the bro from last night asking if he should get drunk before his interview?

I remember my first interview, like 9 years ago, when I had no idea what I was getting into.
I could barely find answers for the retarded questions they asked.
We've all been there.

>>8829900
No i live in burgerland.

>>8829452
my nigga

>>8829900
no offense to OP but how has offering someone a job on 4chan ever worked out well

>>8829906
I was about to say 'use the internet' then i realised 9 years ago I was 22 and getting my first job. Holy shit.

>>8829452
lol that's the story of my life! based incompetent femanon

>>8829787
lmao

>>8829942
I didn't say I'm offering it immediately. OP would still have to send me a CV and if I'm satisfied, I'd invite him for an interview. Not a guarantee for anything

>>8829912
Aw sorry man. It will get better eventually, you'll learn to deal with common interview processes and such

>>8829952

>>8829787
>hey i notice your teeth stick out slightly...
holy shit

>talking about pay in the first interview
anon for fuck's sake m8 do yourself a favor and read up a bit about this kind of shit

>>8830002
You should talk about pay in the first interview, you should even mention it before even being interviewed and DYOR about how much the company pays. Always ask for more than you intend to be paid, because you'll always get less than what you asked for. If you don't mention pay then you'll get paid the minimum possible.

These are very basic things to know before doing an interview. I've been working in HR for 13 years

>>8829405
Yo OP, let me share you two stories to make you feel better. Funny and a sad one. Karma

1#
>18yo, fresh out of high school
>interview for retail job, to have money for meeting gf
>meeting in a bigger room, with like 4 interviews going in the same time
>lady around 40yo is getting interviewed next to me
>they ask her, why do you want to work here?
>i like to put things on shelves and i feel good in dairy department
>me+mine interviewer look at each other, and almost died laughing

2#
>around 21 I think
>interview for a writing job about tech etc.
>nervous af, this is sewious
>interview held by 19 yo fkin pussy ass hipster dude
>in a room with 4 writers, who are just doing their own shit
>okay anon, do you not mind being a lower worker to a person younger than you, because you will answer to me?
>through my teeth "not at all", want to kil this dude in my mind
>i did put 3rd language in intermediate level, just for fucks of it, i know only basics
>he asks me questions about this language
>redface.jpg
>"ye sure we can talk"
>okay so tell me about your plans for next 5 years
>30-45 s break to think about one sentence
>I say " I want to be a millionaire"
>he asks "that's it? explain how do you get there?
>"I want to be a millionaire, that's it
>2 writers start laughing full volume
>Interview ends, no call ofc
>My face is burning just thinking about it. It haunted me for months

>>8829405

>Tfw can't find any good jobs
>Can't hold a job due to laziness and tism

>>8829405

Everything is gonna be okay.

>>8829405
Sucks man, I had an interview today and totally killed it. Just be confident bro!

>>8829549

autism strikes again

>>8829787
goddamn op has assburgers

>>8830209
This is a retail job anon. Cart pushers don't negotiate wage cause you make minimum.

>>8830522
Oh right, forgot about that lol, op really is autistic then

>>8829787
Dude

>>8829549

>>8830253
did it happen?

>>8829787
Fucking hilarious
You could just make a comedy show about your life, i would pay to see this shit.

just kidding, ill probably end up paying for your welfare you sperg

>>8829549
NICE

>>8829900
Where is this role? I have extensive customer support experience and just returned to the UK.

>>8829787
Please tell us about other interviews you’ve been in.

You probably don’t realise that you’re sitting on a goldmine of hilarious life stories if you’re this autistic

>>8829549

>>8829458
Fuck off boomer. Your kind isn't welcome here. You took all the graces America had from a booming post-war economy and used it to build mini-malls, minivans, and did nothing while corrupt politicians and mega corporations took over this country. Kill yourself you fucking cunt.

Want to see a real asshole who needs to be fired? You won't believe what this guy is doing. I'm a ex client that made him a blog. This guy is America's most hated scum.

http://jermieengland.blogspot.com/2018/04/consumers-beware-of-many-faces-of.html?m=1

>be me
>phone interview with tech company
>resume looks good etc etc
>now tell me 5 weaknesses and 5 strengths you have
>whysomany.jpg
>have 1 of each planned already but dunno wtf to do for the rest
>get a bit more than half done
>ask her what number we're on
>you still have X strength's and Y weaknesses
>"oh okay i'll do another weakness then"
>try to be funny because so many awkward silences while thinking of each thing
>"i'm bad at keeping track of lists of things"
>no response
>try to laugh a bit but it wasnt very loud
>they didnt pick up on humor
>awkward silence
>ok well it's fine if we stop there, that was enough
>"o-okay"
>never get call back
kill me

>>8831395
You don't want to work for a company that asks those kinds of questions. It's okay to ask about strengths/weaknesses, but not to list out 5 of each. And I'm not surprised the HR robot didn't pick up on your humor, it's not part of their programming.

>>8829549
you mucked it up

>>8829870
Sum1 kill this useless sperg

>>8829458
Dam your son sounds like a pussy I just got back from one.

>>8830253
That's a great second story. You should be proud

>>8831395
Just say you spend 80 percent of the time on the 20 percent that matter and give 1 weakness and strength. If they want more just say it's not worth your time

>>8829405
>looking for a job

>>8831195
yeah it did, both of them

>>8831395
you dodged the bullet there, why would you work for those robots. actually a good joke you made. keep your shoulders up anon

>>8831561
it's funny now, but it was tormenting when it happened. that hipster dude was only in that position because of his parents or some shit

Ok let me share some job stories that are actually top notch.

1#
>in my teens
>helper of cable guy electrician/lineman(montage of cable,internet,phone)
>we are entering a flat, it smells like a 100 cats take a piss in one spot
>absolutely unbereable,we are going to throw up
>lady + husband deep into 50's
>around 5 cats running all through the house
>it's august, summer, hot as fuck
>catpiss everywhere
>lineman doing the montage, im looking around
>there's a couch with 50(im not fkin kidding) newspaper layers, which are fkin dripping catpiss from the bottom of it and are yellow
>tv was near balcony, im holding the cable and having my head out of it, breathing air from outside
>lady asks if i want water
>it's already 30 min of catpiss inhalation in this hot place, we didn't drink nothing, im sweating balls
>we say no
>she took ice cold lemon bottled water from fridge, puts it on the table next to us with one glass
>pours herself a glass and drink it
>i regret my decision, but right now, im thinking about throwing that bitch and pisscouch of 7 story balcony
>lineman finishes the job, we stay outside for like 30 mins just breathing air and not saying a word to each other, we were late for next montage
>totally ignored the fact that we just visited piss castle, how the could live like that, i will never know

2#
>salesman for the same company i did montage practice
>basically throw fliers around blocks,then when somebody called interested, we will meet in their spot to sign a deal
>i knock on the door of the client in this old block
>around 30ish neckbeard, probably pedo and a raper opens up
>im shitting my pants, i was about 19 at the time
1/2

>>8829405
>be me
>many years ago
>land IB internship interview at (((2)))
>interviewing 35 for 1 spot
>didn't know anything about IB
>interview for 3 positions
>1: IB front office
>2: Hong Kong quant
>3: MTL QA
>do HK quant interview, didn't give a shit, HK gook sounded annoying as fuck, asking me basic bullshit C++ questions
>MTL QA was a joke, way overqualified plus would rather jerk off into a SJW living homeless
>(((2)))
>didn't know, again, how big this was
>have huge midterm night before, don't sleep
>do bunch of coke
>smoke at least 60 dunhills
>interview 1100
>"time for sleep zzzz fuck this interview"
>bzzt
>"yo goyim, i offer $500 for you to skip the interview, cool? cash"
>wtf
>suit up
>alpha as fuck at the time, 6'2 215 lbs jacked young 20s
>race around trying to find parking
>go to interview
>one white female and one asian nerd female, both severely cock deprived
>"anon, what is an option"
>ughhhh like an option....
>"anon what is a hash table"
>ughhhhh
>"anon what is 1+1"
>ughhhh
>"listen, I just had a midterm in the most FU'd course in this program, I haven't slept, I know all of this, I just can't think straight, haven't slept, etc"
>.....
>"Listen, fuck it. This is in Manhattan? Like Sex and the City Manhattan? Like Manhattan?"
>both interviewing girls orgasm
>"Samantha 'Meat-Packing District' Jones?"
>uncontrollable laughter
>"Listen, tell me about Manhattan. My old roommmates at X University forced me to watch Sex and the City and I always was curious..."

And they just went wild from there. Allotted time was 30 mins, the next guy at the door they told to fuck off while we talked SATC.

I ended up leaving thinking I had no chance. When I got the job rankings, (((2))) was offer, HK was ranked, QA was not ranked (didn't want me). I called the co-op department in a rage that they were wrong about (((2))), they got the paper and confirmed. One of the girls called me shortly after begging me to take the offer.

>>8829549
what the fuck anon

>>8831395
To be fair to you, that's a bullshit interview question. It basically comes down to if you looked the answer up before hand and remembered to write it down.

>>8831850
2/2
>around his flat, there's posters of semi-naked girls, kinda what you see around car mechanic
>he sits in front of his pc,he points to the chair next to him
>he sits sideways to me, looking into PC, not looking on me
>he wants best internet, best tv
>"and yeah anon, do you guys have erotic channel 1, hustler, etc, etc" he just named like 10 different porno channels
>this was my like 3rd meeting on the job, i didn't know shit, people order this stuff through phone later
>"i dont know mr.pedo"
>"its very important i need to know"
>i took my phone, call my office, and ask about every fkin one of this erotic channels
>my manager asks me what's going on and do i need help, where am i
>i say "it's my 1st meeting of the day, im talking with very informative client"
>because my meetings and addresses were reported
>justincase.jpg
>he ordered EVERY erotic channel there is
>im giving him the papers to sign
>i didn't looked at the screen for a second of the conversation, i was looking at the doors if someone is not coming from the kitchen
>quick glance of the monitor, utorrent with like 50 fkin porn videos in que on hold
>back at him, he signs
>"thank you young anon , and goodbye" as he points to the door, and shake my hand with his greasy fkin hand
>he probably was a 4chan /b/ retard too, i'm betting 100 link on it

good thread