/biz/ - Business & Finance

> requires 6 months experience

Often they write all sorts of shit that isn't a hard requirement. Try applying and see if they accept.

> lying on a resume

They'll ask for a reference from them, and then into the trash it goes.

>>696965
I've been applying everywhere and no dice. It's only going to get worse as my unemployment gap grows.

Also are they really that serious about checking references for low level jobs? What if I just put down a friend's phone number and had him cover for me.

>be me
>working shit job as bag boy
> quit
> make kickass fake resume
> go from minimum wage to $40k

>>696969
nice ;)

>>697018
If you're serious, could you go into a little more detail?

>>697021
>>697021
sure. I'm 22 and I used to work at this shit grocery store. one day I get sick of it and i decide when its time for me to go on break im not coming back. i do so and LOL for hours while my phone blows up. i quickly realize that rents not going to pay its self and i only have a few grand in reserves. sell weed. my friend helps me make a resume using a company that doesnt even exist as experience.apply for jobs that im slightly underqualified for. get a few interviews but no dice. finally a company calls me and i get hired to install servers in warehouses. i had to bullshit my way in but now im one of the best employees at my office and no one is any wiser.

>>697043
How long did you claim to work at the fake company and what did you claim to do there?

>>696951
yes. lie your ass off. you will not get caught. best kept secret in America. I doubt that even 10% of applicants hired used a compltely honest resume.

>>696965
nope. maybe crim background check or transcrips but eben then thats only with big companies (over 100 employees)

>>696969
walk in. introduce yourself. charm the boss/owner. repeat till you are hired somewhere.

>>697043

this anon knows whats up. fake it until you make it is the backbone of success.

>>696951
You can run a background check on yourself once a year for free.

Just send in this form:
http://www.theworknumber.com/employees/DataReport/report_request.pdf

Make sure your resume doesn't contradict anything in the report.

>>697168
What would be a good, believable story to make up?

Nothing on my resume is 100% true, but none of it is 100% false either. I can truthfully answer questions about anything on that resume, although if an employer really wanted to do a serious background check they would find out that I am stretching the truth big time,

>While going to school I live in one of my father's investment properties. In lieu of paying rent I do a bit of work around the house and post ads online for new tenants when a room becomes vacant.
Experienced residential property manager.

>Worked a warehouse job and occasionally had to show new hires the ropes
Shop supervisor

You get the idea.

I've got a couple of fake references, but also get along well enough with my old bosses that if they get a call for a reference they will go along with whatever bullshit I put on my resume

>>697169
Seriously that's the key man. I never would be in the position I'm in if I didn't hone my bullshittery to the max. Now I can take my REAL experience and use it to make more REAL money all because I took that initial risk (although there isn't much risk at all aside from lost time and possibly looking like an autist) of lying my ass off. The only caveat with this is you have to at least be semi knowledgeable about the job for which you are applying. I didn't have any professional IT experience but I'm knowledgeable enough to make it sound like I do... Well I really do now lol

>>697043
How did you learn setting servers up? Just pirating some pdf and reading up on them or did you think you could come by with average LAN networking knowledge?

I bullshitted my way into a good job myself. Faked almost 100% of my resume, but I did sit down and learn all the shit I needed to know for good 2 months erry day all day. Even after being accepted I usually spent all day studying when not working, until stuff became routine.

>>697662
I did just as you said, I had enough networking knowledge to get my foot in the door, but then I studied my ass off until I got comfortable

>>697265
>Experience residential property manager
haha this made me laugh

>>697265
You sound like me

>worked a summer at a golf course
Head Turf Technician/Maintenance

>>697628
>although there isn't much risk at all aside from lost time and possibly looking like an autist
I don't know why, but this made me laugh too heartily.
Maybe I imagined you sitting at an interview getting caught. Or something.

>>697902

holy shit, this is my worst fear

really, what can they do if they catch you? just say "no we aint hirin your lyin ass"
then you go to next company, and hope they dont check, repeat until you get job

>>697223

depends on the job. research the job so you know a little about it, then make up 1 - 2 years of fake experience.

>>697936

this.

people are afraid of lying when there are 0 consequences of lying on a job app.

>>698149
Exactly. When I was applying with my fake ass resume I went to an interview or two where I'm pretty sure they knew what was up. The worst thing that happened was they were very polite and simply never called me back.

Just say you did data entry at your school cafeteria for food orders and shit.

You are 22. No company will give a shit about you until 25 at a minimum.

>>698176
Legit, lots of good ideas here.

What does a background check typically reveal?

>>699456
criminal record, whove you fucked(if anyone) where you lived, warrants, ect.

I've actually lied on my resume a few times. No one looks any of that shit up. I just got a job in managerial marketing with a consultation company that works with fortune 500 companies.

>>698176
i really need to do this for online apps that want you to list like 5 previous jobs. only have one one job relevant to field

>>699463
Nothing related to references?

>>696951

During college, I wanted a part-time job but didn't want to do retail. Wanted a restaurant host job but they all required experience.

Made up some fake restaurant in my hometown. They never checked. I didn't know OpenTable so I just lied and said we used a different reservation software. They trained me.

$13/Hr is better than shit min wage.

>work at large company
>they use a system that prescreens your apps
>never call references
>apply to at least 10 jobs and never get a call back
>get mad as hell
>Apply to another job, make resume specifically for it and stretch the fuck out of the truth
>get a call back the next day

Yeah man, go for it. Especially at our age its literally impossible to get a job with the level of experience we have. The company I worked for didnt even check my references

ALWAYS fake a resume.

Seriously, it does wonders.

Have your friends or families hire you or fake your employment and add a coupe of fancy titles and years to your work experience.

Don't fake ALL your work experience just some, so that you can fake it till you make it.

would lying on a resume work for Accounting? I have a degree and shit and even took a internship, but it wasn't "2 years experience" so I need to do SOMETHING to get past that bullshit.

>>699738
Why wouldn't it. More importantly if you have family or friends with their own businesses, ask them to officially hire you even if you never actually work and then use them as a reference.

I have two resumes, one for IT work, one for teaching work. My IT resume is completely honest, mentions call center work, all of my years of actual experience, my time as a manager.

My teaching resume mentions that stuff but plays up the training side of things, my title goes from "CSR Manager" to "Training Manager" and a bunch of small things that really play up how long I spent in corporate training. None of it is an outright lie, I was the manager in charge of training new staff. I just twist words so they think that was my primary role as opposed to yelling at dickheads in faults or sales who fucked up.

Now I have a year of experience as an english/science teacher, I'm set to attempt my CELTA in three months and I already have a job interview lined up after that's completed for a school that usually requires a degree in teaching, five years experience and a celta thanks to having a friend who has a friend who has a friend in this absurdly corrupt little country.

Guys, can you help me out? I'm trying to apply as a teacher and I don't know how to convincingly lie on my resume for schools

>>699696
yeah, but what if they check it out, or find out somehow?

>>699846
Then they don't hire you. So what? You wouldn't even have gotten an interview if you hadn't lied. There's no downsides to it.

Just don't post your fake resume on a searchable site like Workopolis in case the IRS takes a closer look at your tax return.

>>699841
I don't understand why any man would go into a career that involves working with minors. There will always be a target on your back, people will always be suspicious of your motives, and all it takes is one false accusation, misunderstanding, or god forbid one wrong glance at 16 year old Jenny with the d-cups and your career is over, you wont be able to get hired as a tutor for minimum wage.

>>699874
>16 year old Jenny with the d-cups
this is the whole purpose

>>699841
i agree with
>>699874
if i was a teacher, id be wanting to fuck those perfect bodies, i mean they are just perfect for breeding from 15-19.

>>696951

There are plenty of places where the employment rate is much higher. You're 22 and have nothing to lose... move to one of those places.

And don't lie on your resume. Search for an entry level job and give them a resume that proves you know how to spell and use correct grammar. Realize that most barriers to success are self imposed.

>>699456

anything above a misdemeanor.

>>699884
Some dickwad gave me shit about parking tickets when they ran a background check on me so it reveals small stuff too.

>>699738

It works for everything except 2 situations:

1) an extremely technical position where you can't fake the specific knowledge for it

2) a very small field where everyone knows eachother

everything else is very easy to fake your way into it, depending on how good of an actor you are.

>>699874
Because I want to help people the best way I can. For me, the best way I can is spreading knowledge. If it makes any difference, my degree is in k-8 education
>inb4 pedo

>>699891
pedo

I'm 22 and I refuse to lie on my resume despite 4/5ths of everyone doing it. I want an honest interview, honest job, honest pay.

I'm in software and my grades are mediocre, and I have employment gaps that aren't school-related.

How ded am I?

>>699891
oh, well then you shouldnt have those thoughts, but id hate to teach those little shitheads, i mean they may starting pissing on each other at that age

>>699895

>>699895
>not lying
oh shit, when you are dead broke you will cave in

>>699893
>>699896
Does anyone have some actual advice for me? It's real easy to call up a school and say "Did anon ever work for you?"

>>699929
my advice is keep your dick in your pants

>>699932
Holy shit you guys are useless.
I'm not gonna fuck my students.
The fact that I even have to say that is just sad.

>>699941
you know what they say about free advice...

>>699941
We don't think you're going to fuck your students, the point is that everyone else thinks you will. It's a risky profession for a man to go into, even a small misunderstanding can destroy your career.

It's also one career where you really cant get away with lying about your background, a man looking for a job with little kids means that they are going to find out EVERYTHING about you before hiring you.

>>699896
Trust me, you'll change your mind when you go a year or more without even getting an interview.

>>699972
agreed

>>699955
This, actually. Even female teachers get shit, by the way. At my high school, there was a teacher who had porn on tape somewhere. It wasn't even at school but someone found him with it and he was fired. There was also a female teacher who like hooked up with someone who used to be a student at the school. Like he had graduated a couple years beforehand and was never even a student in her class, he just went to the school. But people found out and she was immediately fired and the administration even refused to write her a decent letter of recommendation. Fuck that. Too much pressure, not enough pay. Not worth the summers/winters off.

If you want like actual advice, what exactly are you planning on lying about? Schools do pretty heavy background checks and are definitely check as much as they can. Especially if you're a male because, like everyone said, you're going to be an immediate target. Even if people don't come out and say it, the FIRST thing they'll suspect is that you're a pedo no matter what. If you have to lie, very lightly stretch the truth and make it something no one cares about. Because schools will find out.

>>699985
I think every teacher under 30 is required to have a porno tape somewhere hanging around

I lied on my resume... I said that I was a man named the Imperfect Satan, and that I was on a quest for the perfect numbers.
Wait a minute.... That's true.

>>699985
I was looking to feign some experience, but I doubt I would be able to do that. All I'm gonna have when I graduate is my student teaching experience.

>>700021
That might be enough right out of college. I mean, they'll understand that someone with a fresh degree isn't going to have tons of experience. And as long as you actually have done student teaching that's more than most people do.

I wouldn't recommend just bullshitting experience for a lot of reasons. Teachers tend to be a tight-knit community so if you go in for an interview at, say, East Elementary and say you have experience working at West Elementary, someone will probably be like "oh so you worked with Mrs. X! I love her, I'll have to ask her about you!" or something. Schools keep a ton of records on hand so they'll easily be able to prove that you haven't worked in a school before. Even across state lines, it's just an email away from finding out you're full of shit.

>>700078
It isn't just about "tight knit," in most cases you have to go through a fuckin teachers union. I just don't see any way to lie your way into a teaching job

My recommendation is to offer to teach in some remote area or nog neighborhood or somewhere else no teacher with seniority is willing to go. I guess it's different in different places, but that's the only way to get the union to let you in around here.It isn't even necessarily about experience or qualifications, it's about seniority. If an experienced teacher moves to a different province and tries to get a teaching job they go straight to the bottom of the pecking order.

>>699880
>>699841
What the fuck is wrong with you two.

You'll find that teenagers are about as attractive as a turgid pile of shit after the first week you actually start teaching. They're vain, vapid little morons with rare exception and often more trouble than they're worth.

I like teaching adult students (minimum 19+) then it gets a bit better, they know they're here to study and not chase boys or play video games.

>>699955
>>699985
It really depends where you're teaching. If you're in the western world, sure then those are all real problems but if you're teaching in Asia then you have the reverse where half the parents are trying to set you up with their daughters.

>>696969

get a volunteer job, for the experience. Employers will look favorably towards you.

>>699891
I also work with K-8 at a private school.
In my experience you won't have to worry about having a target on your back like the other guy said.

Unfortunately though, you also won't be shaping the minds of girls who are on the cusp of turning 18 and legally allowed to make bad decisions.

>>699895
You should look for a start-up to join. Where are you located?

You won't make much, if any, money at first so have another job or live with your parents.

If it takes off you could become Zuckerberg rich though.
If it doesn't, it'll be a great addition to your resume.

During the employment gap did you do anything at all to make money? Even if you just mowed a few lawns you could say something like "Left the workforce to grow a successful lawn care business" or something like that. Same with computer repair. It's not like they're going to check to see if it's a licensed business or anything, and if they do just tell them that it became insolvent whenever you returned to work.

And another thing, even if you did something relevant to the job you're applying for one time, list it anyway. Years ago, our project lead was out sick and having the most seniority, I was asked to fill in for him. Guess what's on my resume now? There's nothing wrong with this. You don't have to tell them how often you performed those duties, just that you did perform them.

There's a big difference between lying and stretching the truth to your advantage.

If you need anymore advice I'll stick around for a little bit. I'm "working from home" today.

>>700315
I'm hoping that I can shape the minds of little girls who won't want to make those bad decisions.

>>700001
kekity kek so close

>>700424
Dude you are a pussy, GTFO. Why are we talking to a teacher anyway? This board is for businessmen, not glorified babysitters on the taxpayer teat.

>>699885
>>699884
I knew I guy who missed out on a jet mechanic job at boeing because he had a misdemeanor. Said it was his dream job and it ruined his life.

>>700509
Well I did come here for you know, resume help. Why are you so mad anyways lol