/biz/ - Business & Finance

not a job interview but I once blew air from my mouth at someone to get their attention at a concert

>>58332107
I once ended a perfect interview where they were absolutely thrilled on wanting me in their company with a "No, I am good. Thanks for meeting me" after they asked me if I have any questions. I FORGOT TO ASK QUESTIONS!

I didn't get hired

>>58332107
Did you get hired?

>>58332107
That would work if you are good looking

>>58332107
i was too autistic to realize the interview was over so i just kept sitting there making small talk but to be fair that boomer hag never said any combination of words that could be interpreted as interview over

>>58332107
I was talking to a tech guy and said I liked anime

>>58332195
If you were good looking they wouldn’t have cared

>>58332114
based, i once did a loud click with my tongue to get the waiter

Someone gave me their resume and it said they were a grocery.
Another one was clearly for a smoothie shop in town and the guy didn’t bother changing it.
The one thing I liked about working retail was reading the resumes.

>>58332289
>resumes to work in retail
wtf

>>58332195
Why ask questions if you don't have any

>>58332107
I talked about bitcoin and he doesn't seems invested in the conversation like me
Am I really that fucking loser irl?

At least I got into BTCFi early through satoshisync, am I right guys?

>>58332299
Yes, people make resumes for minimum wage and slightly above minimum wage jobs. I worked as a restaurant manager for a few years and people would hand me resumes that were 3 pages long. Can't imagine why they were "stuck" in this jobs

>>58332306
To show you're interested. Otherwise they think you're not interested.

I’m a department director in an autist-freindly field and I once interviewed a sperg who insisted on presenting a PowerPoint about sharks. I did not hire him.

>>58332195
It's horseshit that this is basically a requirement, sorry you couldn't say the same but in my interview last year I made sure to write a couple questions down ahead of time and ended up getting the job likely thanks to that detail.

Corpos like to pretend it's meant to be a "conversation" and that they don't hold all the cards but they fucking do. I'm just glad I made it past the AI resume shredders, I'm nervous as shit so the longer we stay here the greater my chance of saying something off-script is, and I can only assume your work culture is decent enough to be functional so frankly knowing that you like to have meetings in the morning rather than after lunch isn't going to deter me

>>58332326
lol elaborate on this

>>58332107
i laughed and farted at the same time

>>58332323
Oh it's one of those stupid rules of the game things.

>>58332107

I fucked the HR lady in my car.

>>58332299
I’m in Canada, the unemployment in some areas is absolutely insane. We also have a flood of “foreign students”, as in a full 1 in 40 people in the country is one.

>>58332323
>>58332363

There's a better angle of manipulation here. If you ask the right questions, with the right tone, you can make it seem like you're the one appraising their value and that you're a high value candidate that can afford to scrutinize multiple potential employers as you know you will have multiple offers on the table.

Rather than looking desperate and like you'll take anything.

>>58332107
Walked out right after the interview without shaking hands, then part way down the hall I realised what I did, turned around and managed to catch them as they were going back to almost force them to shake hands with me
God what a fucking mess everything about that day and interview was

>>58332299
i work 1-2 day a week in a bakery and sometimes i go into the owners office to check emails for orders and can see her email get spammed by indeed offers. she gets like 50+ resumes a day and i dont even think she is hiring anybody. she also has a stack of like 400 paper resumes that she just never even bothers to read sitting on her desk. i look through them sometimes because they are funny to read.

>>58332107
I had got really drunk the night before an interview and my hangovers make me really anxious to the point where I sometimes almost lose consciousness. I was just absolutely dripping sweat all over the place the entire interview and didn't even remember what was said. The interviewer ended up saying I was hired and seemed really polite. I was worried about being anxious again on my first day so I took some benzos the morning of and I stumbled around the office with tunnel vision before falling asleep at my desk around noon. A few weeks later I was informed there was an employee fridge in the break room where there was bottled water for everyone. I had seen on Joe Rogan that it's good to drink at least a gallon of water everyday so I started drinking like 15-20 bottles a day from the employee fridge and everyone started calling me Aqua Man. A couple weeks later there was a note on the fridge from upper management limiting us to 3 bottles of water per day. This upset me greatly because it was obviously targeting me. I started coming in with pajama pants and slippers on, and mixing a lot of bourbon in with my morning coffee. They fired me eventually and I got to collect unemployment for almost a year while working construction part time under the table like a Mexican.

>>58332107
I usually get asked a question I have no idea how to answer and spill spaghetti through endless stuttering

>>58332542
I wish I had a coworker like you anon, sounds chill and kinda funny

>>58332195
>>58332328
>>58332306
ngmi

>>58332333
Since he had no field experience he brought a sample of his coursework to demonstrate his ability and it was a fucking ppt about varieties of sharks. The company doesn’t have anything to do with marine life or with intense fucking 15-minute presentations about fish. We tried to cut him off but he did the thing where he wouldn’t even until he was totally out of breath and he’d take that huge nerd snort inhale and launch into it again. He looked furious the whole time it was amazing. Later he got in to a public-facing department as a volunteer and his dad came in and said his son was quitting because he thought the volunteer position would be talking with children about Sonic the Hedgehog.

>>58332107
I knew I wasn't getting the job because I was an hour late but I still pretended like I thought I would. I asked for a tour, asked a bunch of pointless questions, and generally wasted everyone's time. It was fun.

>>58332718
Kek sounds like chris-chan

>>58332326
Sounds based. What kind of sharks?

>>58332107
I applied for a job as a chef and thought I could bullshit my way through the interview. But I didn't bother to memorize a recipe so when they asked me for my favorite thing to make and how to make it I just stood up and walked out.

>>58332107
Had an interview at Starbucks when I was younger. Manager asked me what my favorite item on the menu was but I had never gotten anything from Starbucks. I just panicked and the only thing that popped into my head was that they had pup cups for dogs so I said "uhh I like the pup cups." Didn't mention I had a dog or anything, and he just went "... Ok" and the interview ended pretty shortly after. No call back kek.

>>58332107
Early on in my career I had an interview that went badly. I was super nervous and sounded like a stuttering retard when I would answer a question. My face felt like it was on fire and was super red, I was also sweating profusely. The interviewers looked really uncomfortable. I didn't get the job, and when I walked out of that interview I honestly felt like killing myself

>>58332107
I started tearing up because I had been looking for jobs for so long and then got an interview for something I was actually excited about. Told the interviewer something that was from the heart about how excited about the opportunity I was. Definitely came off like an unhinged head case. I was in a weird place, so really just didn't think to check my baggage and was completely transparent and honest. Did not get that job.

Said "nice to meet you" to the manager I met yesterday.

>>58332107
I'd completed the first part of the interview with the manager, and was being introduced to the team I'd work with if I got the job. They were each describing their roles, and after one guy's introduction l just blurted out "oh well, that's trivial". Record scratch moment (didn't get job).

>>58332542
you are the kind of man everyone should aspire to be

>>58332306
In a professional interview, you should know enough about the place you're applying to know what they've been doing, and what they should be working on right now, and then you should be able to combine those two into some kind of question about either where they actually are right now, or the next likely project/direction of the company.

Asking them to send a full copy of the offer by your email is a good way to get into the salary discussion without committing to, "How much you gonna pay me to whore for your asses?"
You should have at least one question about long-term benefits which you know (reasonably expect) they offer. If you're unsure, you can always just ask the interviewer if they're the responsible party for negotiation of salary and benefits. Make sure you're getting a full contract to read before you hire, etc. etc.

In a blue collar interview, questions about pay period, and periodic wage increase promotion reviews, as well as any training, would be standard as well.

>>58333509
>"oh well, that's trivial".
I can't count the number of times I said something like this to some guy who raised my hairs and I was just not on game to let it pass. Dunno if I managed that at an interview.

>>58333488
Make sure to one day tell him he makes a lasting impression.

>>58333704
Thanks, I'll remember that.

>>58332107
The interviewer gave me the “sell me this pen” question and I said “I don’t know, buy the fucking pen?” as my answer.

>>58332107
I told him that in my free time I only play videogames and masturbate
they didn't call me back and I had to go back to my cave, I better just keep contemplating jizzlord until I get rich somehow

>>58332542
extremely based

>my first interview a few months ago
>its over zoom, insanely nervous
>wear a nice shirt with no pants
>put heating pad on desk to place hands on to relax
>enter the group call, instantly minimize zoom window
>monitor is just a word-for-word script with exact responses to any potential questions that i googled, some windows of cute anime girls, and a single smug pepe right under my webcam
>look at the funny smug pepe while im talking so i smile and make eye contact
>got the job
>microwaved pizza rolls to celebrate

>>58332107
>respond with 'the cheddar is all mine'
>softly kiss

>>58332107
I never did any autistic things but during one interview I got asked a retarded question "if you had any job in the world what would you be doing right now" and thought it'd be funny to say porn star, but I instead said something probably more retarded and obviously a lie that "I want to be working for you and climbing my way up the company hierarchy". I got the job but it was a shit labor job I ended up quitting

>>58332107
telling them that I made a shit ton of money buying cryptocurrencies, including MAGA TRUMP

>>58335214
based

>>58332107
the interview was for entry level IT support at a pharmaceutical company. they were a windows shop. i said i didn't like windows as it wasn't as secure as linux. i didn't get the job. i was wrong for saying that and wrong for thinking linux was more secure.

>>58332107
In an interview they asked me what my friends would say about me, and I insisted I had no friends so they wouldn't say anything about me.

>walk into office
>" i need to take a sh- is there a restroom i can use?"
>qt giggles
>she's actually one of the people interviewing me
>i get the job

>>58332306
His last question to the recruiter isn't "So, did I get the job?"
People actually wait around for a call?
NGMI

>>58335233
kek

>>58332718
Based turbo autist.

I had a period where because all interviews were virtual and I had piss poor social anxiety where I just drank several ciders/glasses of wine 10-15 minutes before my interview.

Unironically the first time I've ever gotten a second round interview, but I almost called the HR lady a nigger as a freudian slip.

>Verification not required.

>>58332107
walked up to the cleaning lady and grabbed her hand to shake it and she recoiled in fear

I couldn't keep a straight face during an interview because the HR lady was overweight and there was a voice in my head that kept saying "slam-pig. slam-pig. slam-pig". She asked me why I was grinning and all I could think to say was "sorry I just thought of something funny". Took me a while to regain my composure but by that point she was visibly irritated with me and I could tell she cut the interview short.

Didn't get the job and I still cringe at the memory of it.

>>58332542
nice Larp but I liked Office Space better

>>58335214
>mf applied to a smug pepe instead of to the interviewers
I wonder if you made some weird contract with the egregore due to this

>>58337976
oof
>>58338310
they would say "we will let you know when we've decided" even if the answer is already decided

Did a shit ton of fent for a life insurance zoom interview. Felt super confident. Then found out it's with 60 other contenders and was going to take 4 hrs and it wore off hard before my turn so my voice began shaking and I almost threw up sweating like crazy when called near the end.