/biz/ - Business & Finance

>let's double click on that
>we'll circle back tomorrow
>cameras on during meetings!

I like talking with my coworkers on Zoom

>>54943933
another day of trying to explain 30 minutes of work into 8 hours of work

>>54943933
yeah they tried to get me to do that and i said suck my dick, nigger, i'm a software engineer. then the CEO gave me a $500k bonus and the hottest HR roastie flew out to my apartment to personally suck my cock to completion. but then i quit that job before she even finished sucking my dick because i found 10 other wfh fully remote jobs that pay 30% more, which i work simultaneously to make mid 7 figures a year. my workload is only about 18-20 minutes every other week but i don't do any of it, because i don't have to. btw im self taught and dropped out of school in the 3rd grade to have gay sex with my dad, degreefags btfo.

>log onto meeting this morning
>other sales guy logs on camera on
>GIANT bong rig on his desk
>immediately shuts camera off
>30 seconds later turns camera back on
>rig gone

kek

>>54943933
week #2 finished being jobless. feels good man

>>54943933
What's the deal with those stand up comedians? Would the jokes be funnier if he was sitting down? Why do they call it stand up? If I stand up a date do they laugh harder?

>weekly sync

>Iteration Retrospective

Today's has been comedy. Our lead, who is crazy and likes to refactor literally everything we touch, is blaming another minor thing for half of stories not reaching acceptance, and patting himself on the back for pushing back against it at the beginning of the iteration. Not acknowledging the fact that he hijacked the work of himself and 3 other team members for 3 days of refactoring in the middle of everything.

The PO and Scrum Master are none the wiser since this guy can talk your ear off about any part of anything technically. He wastes days of business time like every single iteration. I try to avoid getting roped into his stuff at all costs since he'll inevitably try to force me to throw in some kind of major refactoring in the middle of my work.

>>54944128
Gonna be honest anon, I have absolutely no idea what half of those words mean. I googled "scrum master" thinking this was an elaborate shitpost but its apparently real. I'm sorry for your circumstance.

Wfh but 4 hours worth of meetings a day. I should just quit.

>>54943933
>>54943991
how much do you get paid?
i went from making 110k having to do maybe 3 hrs of work a day ti making 230k and having to do 8-9 hrs. i donf think its worth it. i need a new remote swe role

>>54943933
>burndown chart
>finish what we started

>>54945046

In more layman terms, we have a team lead who knows the most and abuses it by time wasting with his little passion side shows every single 2 week iteration (our planning time block of work). So those two manager guys will set up stuff for us to do with focused scopes, attempting to fit just enough in productivity wise each 2 week period, if we don't finish all of it they have a retro analysis.

Basically this dude wastes like 3 days of work time every 10 day period on his own little bs and they don't ever seem to catch on. This past time he even had the gall to claim it was something else that had delayed us and that he had warned against it at the beginning. I would laugh if I wasn't occasionally a hostage myself.

>>54945046
I read "scrum master" in smeagols voice any time someone posts it. Still think it's a made up word

>>54945473

Whoever came up with AGILE was weird

>>54945488
the guys who came up with agile have walked back several key elements of agile in the years since. Big example is that story points are bad according to their creator.

>>54945539

I kind of like story points.

>PO doesn't know anything about the technical dealings of a story
>it'll take like 1 day
>"yeah that's 5 points for sure"
>do 3 hours of work then nothing for 4 days
>get it done
>WOW WELL DONE ANON!

>>54945574
yeah that's kinda the reason why they are bad
i do the same so i'm with you

I hate PMs so much. They're glorified admins. They are facilitators and have no business managing developers.

>>54945539
oh god I fucking hate it and all the other stuff surrounding scrum.
It's clear that our estimations are absolute bullshit because there are constantly things coming up that weren't expected.
And then you sit there and talk about whether an issue should be 10 or 11 points.
Who the fuck even cares about that.

>let's circle back around this first thing monday morning. Enjoy your weekend!

>last person in standup decides to ask a question to a single person on the team
>the back and forth goes on for several minutes, everyone is held hostage to the exchange
>stand up leader doesn't stop them or ask them to take it offline
>6 people with 6+ fig salaries stuck on a call for 20 minutes that has nothing to do with them
The absolute state of enterprise.
And that's just standup.

>>54943933
>Good morning everyone
>How was your weekend?
>Let's get started on Standup
>Anon1?
>"Yesterday I wrote the code and am testing it today"
>Can you turn your camera on anon?


This is why I quit my job

>>54946431
>9am-9:30 standup
>10:30am
>Still talking
>I have to take a fucking shit

>>54943933
No-one does it properly. Stand up should go like this
>Who doesn't have enough to do, and needs work?
>Take names and discuss individually after the stand up
>Who has a problem meeting target?
>If none, resume work
>Else identify it it's a 30 second problem or less, if longer take it up with them after the meeting
>End

>>54943933
>>54943968
>>54944097
>>54944128
>>54945046
>>54945413
>>54945488
>>54945539
>>54946344
>>54946431
>>54946445
>Scrum
>Scrum Master
>Standup
>Circle back
>Drill down
>Wave tops
>Deep dive
>Agile
>Multitask
Lolololololololol. Keep em coming. Corpo speed is hilarious. There is a reason we are no longer competitive with China.