/biz/ - Business & Finance

just tell them you got by by shorting the market, sounds pretty lit desu

>>53550412
Tell them you were lynching niggers

>>53550412
I, personally, don't bother myself with telling the truth in my resumes

>>53550441
Told a cute nurse that last month and she instantly stopped trying to get to know me better. It was like watching her pussy literally shrivel up and dry.
>>53550458
Based but still need something to go off. most places will call in my area as it is not the largest

>>53550524
yo know there is a difference between a fucking nurse and your employer?

>>53550412
JUST SAY YOU WERE TAKING CARE OF A FAMILY MEMBER. SORRY FOR CAPS MY KEYBOARDS BROKEN. GOOD LUCK

>>53550566
either way, you will get fucked at the end, not in a good way.

I had a gap in employment of nearly a year and I just said I was caring for my Dad who has since died.

>>53550566
Not if I'm trying to bang HR or other qt's while I'm there, also >>53550598
>>53550589
>>53550613
Good point, I was thinking I could probably guilt them out of asking details if need be, but how would I translate that to my resume

>>53550524
>nurse

>>53550689
Nurses and single mothers are ussually far to busy to give a fuck about you and will treat you as a living breathing dildo. feels empty, but it's a nice way to get it in when you can

>>53550589
WHY DID THIS MAKE ME LOL?

>>53550412
Literally tell them "I made an absurd amount of money through DYOR on shitcoins and now im back to work. I can teach you how to do it lators".

That'll hook'em in

>>53550654
For the relevant period I just put "Carer". It's a job even if unpaid.

>>53551120
Thank you much

I've been unemployed for so long that not even the best lie I could come up with could save me. It's over.

>>53550412
9 *MONTHS*? Impossible. You are out of the labor force now.

>>53550412
>shorting markets the past 9 months but am looking to get back to work.
hahahahahahahahahahahaha get fucked bobo

>>53550412
You're a spineless pussy faggot, I hate you, and I do not wish you success in life. Normalfaggot piece of shit.

I'm at 5 years and I have a degree in CS from a global top 20 uni. The truth is that I had to take care of someone in my family but I don't think HR cunts would understand.

>>53550412
I just got my first full time job, they asked for fucking proof of my old jobs (I lied), they were defunct companies but the background check company wanted proof because they couldn't contact them.

So I got an old bank statement, and went in with photoshop and painstakingly copied and pasted each word letter by letter and digit by digit from others on the same page to show them a deposit from said companies. it worked. It actually came out really good I was proud of myself.

Just do that, it took a long time to get it perfect but now I know I can do it again. It's all a game, just deceive to get ahead like everyone else.

>>53551474
>Gets violated for over a year
>Hemorrhages money
>Laughs at bobo who's been doing great since the end of 2021
kek, ok. I'll get fucked for sure
>>53551399
na, you'll just have to be employed below qualification for a year or two till you regain employment history. best of luck.
>>53551586
Someones got some salt in their pussy.
>>53551619
Give it a shot, worst that happens?, you're shut down and nothing changes. Won't find out otherwise.
>>53551419
Cool, guess I'll never work again
>>53551690
>So I got an old bank statement, and went in with photoshop and painstakingly copied and pasted each word letter by letter and digit by digit
I'm honestly impressed.

>>53550412
>9 months

Bro, I'm trying to find a job with not having worked in over 5 years

>>53550654
why are you trying to over complicate this? just say you had enough to live on and decided to take some time off, what is the problem its 9 months not 9 years.

>>53550412
Taking care of someone who was sick.
Travelling.
Focusing on your art.
Taking time to find your purpose.
Taking odd jobs to reconnect with what it means to be human.

That's the cool thing with storytelling, you can just make stuff up. Repeat it enough times to yourself and it will become true.

>>53550412
"My last job was stressful, and I had spare funds. After parting with the company I wanted some time to refocus myself."

>>53551727
>Give it a shot, worst that happens?, you're shut down and nothing changes. Won't find out otherwise.
Yeah, you're right. I couldn't do anything interesting during that time because the person I took care of is a diagnosed schizo (not the meme 4chan kind). But I'm good at learning new things really fast so I could probably still salvage my career. Thanks, anon. I've read a lot of stories on 4chan of anons who've made it after major life fuck ups and I know some of them are larps but I'll choose to be optimistic and hopeful and believe them instead.

>>53551762
I've seen people say 2 things about this, they either think it's a career-ending thing, or they think it won't matter at all and if you get rejected you can just apply to more companies or network some more. I also talked to an anon a few months ago and he told me he regretted having lost so many years thinking he'd never get a job, then he said "fuck it" and applied and actually got a job in IT and then quickly got promoted.

>>53551760
Same here.
>>53551797
So there's nothing more to it apart from coming up with a good excuse and telling a story? It won't come back to bite you in the ass? I have a weird feeling that not working for a few months or years is something that will make normal people will shit on you eternally, no matter how good you'll get at your job.

>>53550412
>muh covid concerns
normie bait and topical current event
>caring for family member (because of covid sensitivity?)
easiest lie
>self employed
Good choice if you have a couple good friends that can lie and you're smart enough to forge a paper trail if needed
>wanted to travel while young
Good shot if you can pull off normie behavior. Works better if HR is full of stacys. If you don't have any recent travel experience use travels from childhood
>Worked to release a project anonymously
Shows you can focus and work independently. "I wrote a fiction book" is probably the best project to claim here
>schooling/training
Find some ay lmao online course or certification. Do it, list it, drastically milk the amount of time if took you for working on yourself professionally. Consider getting a couple
>I was trying professional investing/gambling but want a stable source of income now
Can make you stand apart as memorable, especially gambling. Should not employ this strategy if you aren't at least somewhat versed in investing/gambling. Many can interpret this as "was not successful at" so you need to proactively mention your desire for a more stable income and your continued participation in investing or gambling. Boomers will hate professional gambler but office stacys will love it
>hospitalization or disease/illness
Hard to work when you got hit by a car and broke 100 bones (its OK the dick still works)
>training for marathon/climb Everest/some physical accomplishment
Lie works if you are fit, works better if you do that activity. Overweight gamer mode is "took time off to work on my health" if you have lost weight and gone down sizes anytime in last 5 years and can produce a before/after photo to sell it
>built a home for (relation)
Once again memorable and works easy if you have a photo of you doing anything construction/home improvement related in the last 5 years. Make your relation whoever is interviewing you i.e. your parents if its a Boomer

>>53550524
>nurse
someone post the pic of the nurse carrying some chad's huge log of shit. you know the one

>>53550412
breh what kind of job are you trying to get? if you're trying to get a basic job they aren't going to give a fuck ill go months and months without working then randomly look for work and get hired within weeks its really not a big deal

>>53550412
im unemployed for 5 years

>>53550589
>JUST SAY YOU WERE TAKING CARE OF A FAMILY MEMBER

This is the correct answer. They never ask for any more info. And even if they did, it's a situ where it's far more easier to lie than having to make up companies out of thin air or phone friends or whatever the fuck. No HR peep is going to ask details of your mom's cancer, anon.

>>53550412
I've been unemployed for 10+ years your fine nigger

>>53551951
i guess it depends how fast your industry moves. but even a year or so shouldn't matter. surely admiration is in order!

>5 year gap
At this point I've given up on putting a c.v together

>>53552186
>>53552126
I think these things are getting more and more common. I had many friends that were unemployed for years before they got their next (or first) job.

>>53552163
Thanks for the encouragement anon. I'll try to deal with this and apply.

Here's what I'm working with so far. My anxiety and concern is caused by the fact I was unemployed after the military, which started "idk if this will be a great work place for a vet" turned to "your lack of employment for x amount of time concerns me". Only reason I got a job was my then manager loved military(security job) and wasn't shocked to see my employment gap due to that.

>>53550412
Lie

>>53552412
.

>>53551865
>if we accidentally give this guy too much and he gets stressed he'll just leave
Red flag, bruh.

>>53550412
Just tell them you went on a 9 month vacation backpacking around the world or something

>>53552458
Wtf kind of resume is that? How old are you? I have never in my life seen one like that. It looks like a powerpoint slide. I'm not shitting on the content, it's just a very strange way to format a resume. I've always just used a plain word document or pdf that's very clear and has bullet points, and it gets me interviews

>>53552661
Your a boomer bro lmao.

>>53552458
My mom works in HR and she says it looks fine.

>>53552712
I'm 28. Is this what zoomer resumes look like?

>>53550412
I was pregnant.

Did you just assume my gender?

>>53552458
Here's my resume, for reference.

>>53552824
The only answer I should go with.
>>53552824
yep, Definitively the only answer I should go with.
>>53552821
I'm just a couple years older than you. This kind of look appeals to HR.

>>53552843
>Induction March 2013 - Honorable Discharge November 2014
Bro how

I have a 4 year employment gap. When I start looking for jobs I’m just going to lie
I doubt there’s any other choice
>get friebd to pretend to be reference
>put work experience down as now-closed company
I’ll read some guides. It will probably work out eventually

>ex cons who have done extended stints in prison have an easier time getting a job than neets

>Put down fake job
>Pay local escort to pretend to be your job reference.

>>53553027
this could work anon. just saying

>>53552821
28 makes you a zoomer sorry. If you haven’t seen a resume like this then I take it you’re not around developers, designers and the like. They all look like this. But this one is not a great example.

>>53553027
Holy shit. That's a good idea.

>>53553084
Since when the fuck is 94 gen z?

>>53552868
I was institutionalized.

>>53552821
You're not wrong it looks like shit.

>>53550412
Just tell them you’ve got a mental disability. Checks out because you said you’ve been shorting the market so you’re clearly retarded

>>53553320
t. mumu

>>53552914
Always have
>>53553084
>But this one is not a great example.
Thanks for the vote of confidence anon
>>53553229
sorry to hear bro, won't ask you to dive into deeper detail. thanks for your service
>>53553320
Perma-bulls and perma-bears are fucking retards. Get help

>>53553027
also kek