/biz/ - Business & Finance

>just normie things
/thread

>>52853162
carry your sister, that's what I do. You do have a sister right?

>>52853162
Pay the cheapest truck stop hooked you can find to go. Power move.

>>52853162
Just be mysterious like me. No one knows my relationship status and if I'm a voicel or not.

>>52853162
Don't worry anon, I'll be your gf

>>52853162
just hire an escort

>>52853162
just get a girlfriend loser its not that hard even if you are ugly

>>52853162
>"yeah my GF died a couple months ago, got hit by a drunk driver. I'm just not ready yet..."

>>52853876
>Oh my god I never even heard about the funeral, I'm so sorry anon! What was her name?

Fuck that. If my gf goes I can’t get wasted, snort a bunch of coke, and talk shit all night with my friends

>>52853876
>>52854726
You wouldn’t know her. She goes to a different school.

>>52854726
Her name? Albert Einstein

>>52853162
Prostitute.

Female if you want to party. Male if you don't want them to ask questions.

>>52853162
>>52853468
>>52853677
>>52853673
Hire the finest piece of ass - make sure to coordinate stories and make everyone feel lesser than you.

>>52853162
Hire a hooker

>>52853162
Hook up with someone at the office

>>52853162
>shit im sorry, she went back to bumfuck nowhere alabama to visit family

>>52853451
>tfw no sistergfwife
It hurts bros

>>52855733
I’m worried this is going to happen to me this year. to make matters worse, she’s a Jew

>>52853162
>I don't have a gf, I don't like being tied down.

>>52853162
Oh shit actually I can't do that because I don't have a girlfriend. So it will just be me attending, look forward to it.

>>52853162
Spend it exercising and bettering yourself instead of going to parties.

>>52853162
This is why I work freelance/contracts
I couldn't take office parties and "what'd you do over the weekend" talk, I'm too much of an incel for that.

>>52853162
Hire a hooker to pretend to be your gf.
When they ask for her again, tell them things didn't work out. Or keep hiring her to keep pretending.

>>52854726
Ligma Balzin

>>52853162
Unironically hire an escort. I did this before for a company party and it was best decision ever. You have to remember escorts work with people all the time so they are extremely charming and attractive. They will also hide your autism well. The key thing is that you need to get prime the best of the best. It cost me $2000 for an entire night without sex last time but it was a good investment since she got me into several convos with the some of the C-suite and even a promotion that easily paid back my $2000. If you are big spender you can even go for the sex but was too $$$ for me.

tldr; get an escort

>>52857072
It'd be a nice break from my roastie of a girlfriend. But wouldn't you have to bring that same escort back to any other company party?

>>52857072
Where'd you find her

>>52857072
I feel like they could sniff it out if she's too good looking. Where can I get a frumpy yet charming escort?

>>52857098
Just say you broke up because she wouldn't convert to your particular branch of Christianity...

>>52857126
Your family will think you are a homo, say she cheated on you

>>52853162
>long-distance relationship

>>52853162
pb solved

>>52853162
tech company ? go with a same sex friend. yes i m gay ! promotion secured ! or a trans escort like the US energy guy or pic related

>>52853162
if you are a women....bring your dog. pic related