/biz/ - Business & Finance

>>51192388
No one looks at or follows up on resumes unless it’s a VERY high or prestigious position.

>>51192388
>project manager
Kek they will find out or you will be fired for incomplete

>>51192388
you have to be really confident and look the part.
if you already look successful and speak like a confident man people will trust you and respect you.

>>51192388
>imagine preferring to commute over working at your home office.

>>51192388
Any serious position will have an assessment where they'll ask you tons of questions on how you handled shit in specific situations in your previous jobs, they'll find out. Also, being a project manager means you'll be the scapegoat for everything that goes wrong. You indeed don't need to know shit about what your team is working on, but you have to somehow plan it all in, push people to actually do shit and make sure deadlines are met. This is not the type of job for an autistic basement dwelling neet like OP.
>t. Worked as a BA and interim PM on several software projects over the lasr six years.

>>51192401
this is true

>>51192412
this guy is a fucking faggot and a retard - basically he has no idea what hes talking about

>>51192462
this is true, look the part. But obviously you cant know it all from day one. Be responsible and you'll do well, honestly.

>>51192388
good luck OP. Cheering for you. Remember to have the accurate fake certificates and degrees to back up your faking with.

I literally had noone asking me for anything when I got my job, which is a pretty high end job

>>51192388
Let me give you the best advice I can possibly give you.
Being a leader, or manager, does not mean you know how to do everything. It means you know how to delegate.
Like the military, many people are incompetent in fields they work in, but by understanding the Chain of Command, they can talk to people and delegate correctly to get any task done.
Therefore, to get through the interview, you need to show an understanding of the Chain of Command and delegating work/motivating employees.
Confidence is key, and it will be very helpful if you are witty. Any technical question does not always require a technical question.
For example
>Anon, we are having issues with our installation at X location. What would you do to make sure this installation is finished smoothly?
>Okay, is their an outlined plan for the execution of X install?
If the answer is no
>Okay, I would first start with outlining a plan with specific deadlines to ensure the completion of project X
If the answer is yes
>Okay, then is it currently off-plan?
If the answer is no
>Great, then their is a plan and it is being executed accordingly. My job would be ensuring all the required materials are available and the plan is followed.
If the answer is no
>Okay, my first course of action would be to get on plan. Find whatever issue took us off plan and act accordingly.

You don't need any technical skills to boss people around. Just be confident and assertive. If you're a midwit, keep it simple stupid.
if you're a genius or a retard, it should be easy.

>>51192529
>Remember to have the accurate fake certificates and degrees to back up your faking with.
Its legal to lie about an education but it’s illegal to get fake and forged documents and try to pass them off as real plus im hoping I wont have to do that.

>>51192513
I may be autistic but more so in the sense that I acquire as much information as possible before making what I see as the best decision which lends me confidence in those decisions which i think will help here. Im okay with being a corporate punching bag as long as they pay me 20k more than the 30k or so im making rn

>>51192702
I have some buddies who will be fake references and work in the corporate world and are also good liars I dont think it will be hard to be confident as I am not putting anything on the line and if anything it will teach me to lie better for the next interview. Thanks for the tips

>>51192919
anybody paying $50k for a project manager position deserves to get scammed. godspeed anon.

>>51192412
No he won't faggot. And if he gets fired, so fucking what? He can apply for the same position somewhere else and then won't be lying because he actually DID take on the role previously

i'm a geologist and work under one (remotely) with a middle manager in-between, i pretty much had the position pegged within a month or two of working. you basically are not autistic and just are available to take calls and put out fires, i've been applying to project and product manager positions across all fields

>>51192388
post your fake resume with personal details censored or no balls

I did this but i didnt lie about my degree, just experience/internships. They verified both(used burner phone apps to impersonate my fake references)

>>51193861
btw if youre trying to become a PM in any Gxp regulated field they are going to have to verify, for audit compliance

>>51193896
How do you know if a job is gxp regulated?

I'm a PM and my job Is too ez, it's boring af

how do you larp your way through interviews? i dont know shit about agile, pm methodologies or any of that

>>51194584
I kmagine you do some research on that shit and wing it, you might not get the first interview but im sure you get better at saying what people want to hear and eventually meme yourself into a job. Atleast thats my plan i havent actually done an interview yet

>>51192388
don't make it completely fake, you stupid faggot.

>>51194786
Well my name is real

>>51195050
kek

>>51193643
Oven temperature IQ take right there

>>51192388
isnt this what Epstein did ?

>>51193643
This is how I became a bartender srs. I kept having bars and restaurants dangle that carrot promising to train me… never came! If I pushed to hard they would punish me some way. I could have become one much sooner if I would have nutted up sooner.

One nightclub worked me one and only one shift lol! It sucked but now I actually had an idea what it was like. I went home and practiced my pour count with water and studied more recipes from YouTube. Applied and got a job at a country club that was my first ever bar gig. Now I just extend the job dates to make it look like I’ve been doing it longer than I have. When I move all the “waiter and barback” titles will be changed to bartender I can assure you that.

>>51193861
Fucking based lmao

you should at least get a PMP. There are guys on fiver that can get you approved to take the exam...you can even hire one to pass it for you.

>>51195691
Redpill me on this what is a PMP?

>>51195691
Red pill us all on this pmp

PMP from PMI its like a recognized certification. You need 3 to 5 years of experience to take it, but Indians on Fiverr can apply for you and get you approved to take it. Just pay them 50 bucks. After you are approved you can either study and take it (its about 500 bucks to take the exam, but you can find coupons) or you can pay more and hire a pajeet somewhere to take it for you. The exam isnt hard, you just have to study for a few weeks with Udemy courses.

As a software engineer I've worked at 4 different companies, only the most recent actually verified my transcript and ran a background check to verify employment, but it was also the most legit/established company I've worked for while the others were more start ups.

I suppose you could try to just make up a resume and then if they want to check later you have to back out before your authorize anything, like say your mom got sick and you have to move to take care of her or your got cancer or something.

>>51195755
>>51195808
PMP is the best project management certification you can get, it pretty much proves that your not a retard.
It does require some studying, but there are plenty of resources online

>>51196106
It requires studying and a pretty decent amount of hours before you can even take this test unless someone you know is an instructor

Thanks dumbass. Now everyone i have to hire , I will do deep due diligence after now. Fuck you faggot

>>51195755
>>51195808
LMAO these fags can't even do some basic googling and they think they will be able to pass interviews and get a high paying job without doing shit.
do some basic efforts, dumbasses.

>>51196365
>LMAO these fags can't even do some basic googling and they think they will be able to pass interviews and get a high paying job without doing shit.
Yes
google was a mistake since then retards like you have a basic aversion to asking people questions

>>51192388
if you're going to lie on your resume, why choose PM? don't listen to anyone here saying it's easy. it's pretty stressful, and i was just talking with someone who quit being a software PM since it was affecting his health due to stress (don't listen to the naysayer replies). Obviously it depends on the company you work for. If you're set on PM positions, avoid construction (highest stress imo) at least since they would never hire you anyway. They'd ask a construction related question, and there's little you can learn about construction on the internet.
>>51195755
>>51195808
>>51195940
currently studying for PMP. never heard of the fiverr thing, but if they decide to audit you, you're probably screwed. you definitely need to know the PM methodology, and they're really pushing for agile knowledge in the current literature. it's the gold standard for project management. i'm going to get it and try to leverage it for other roles like BA or scrum daddy.
OP if you're a type A personality, then i think you'll do well as a PM, but why not just apply for scrum master roles or something if you're lying anyways.

>>51196424
these Indians can bypass an audit if you get one. everyone is online since Covid..nothing is really verified. I trusted a Pajeet and took my test last week. It isnt hard at all, but it will get you interviews and eventually jobs.

Also, no one is trying to get a construction PM job lol. We want cushy online ones where you dont really do anything. Ideally, people should look into getting their scrum master certifications as well. Im going to get that next month. If you have both, you can snag something.

>>51196424
Ive just heard PM recommended a lot when i asked what would be easy to lie about and do with no foreknowledge if there is a better option im all for it my idea is to apply to WFH positions and if i get multiple places wanting me to work there ill just work for all of them at the same time until i get fired i plan on actually doing the work at one job so i dont get fired from atleast one

>>51196723
>>51196723

Try to take the PM exam, its a good intro to the basics of what you will be doing. I suggest scrum master as they really literally do nothing. You can search old posts on that and they are often diversity hires because they do nothing.

If you have both certifications, you should be able to score. Learn MS Project....and try to learn on the job.

>>51196577
>cushy online ones where you dont really do anything
what kind of roles are you going for, and what industry? im aiming for cushy online ones as well.
>>51196723
i would suggest putting a PM role as one of you earlier jobs, and then scrum master as your most recent couple jobs. scrum master seems like less breadth of knowledge and responsibility. all you gotta know is aGiLe and the basic idea. Interations/sprints, daily standups, sprint velocity, removing impediments, etc.

>>51192388
Unless you're trying to be a doctor, a lawyer, a scientist, or a CPA, then you can literally bullshit your way through any job kek

>>51192401
Not true. I got a $44k a year job once and they called my job references.

>>51196842
>>51196974
So where exactly do i find these mystical indians to clear me for a PMP cert? I think you mentioned fiverr but im not familiar with that site. Your responses have been extremely helpful and I appreciate it

>>51192401
This is mostly true, but some places actually will check. Target, for example, checks that you have an actual degree before hiring managers.

I believe if it’s a big company with a very corporate environment, they might check, but with smaller companies, they’re unlikely to check.

>>51192388
>project manager
they're going to fire you first. it only exists because tech companies dont know what to do with the money they make.

>>51192388
What is to stop us from posing as companies and just vouching for each other via biz?

>>51192388
Anon the PM role is fucked. Know a lot of people with burn outs and a running joke is that you can recognize a PM by already having grey hair at 30s and wearing a cheap suit.

You basically are responsible of delivering a project with a deadline that isn't doable with unknown specs and constant drama. Also you don't have any mandate about the people you are working with.

You want a chill role with low work pressure and no skill and decent pay. Become a scrummaster. You are just playing nanny while delegating any actual work.

>>51200356
From what I can tell from whats being said a scrum master is a better idea so ill change the resume a bit, see if its possible to get that PMP certification and do a bit of studying and see how it goes

>>51200085
that's what i've said before
>get a designated NEET to play HR and actually form a company
>Make company website with google voice #
>throw him $10-20 for the trouble when he gets a call on our behalf

>>51194408
How many hours would you say you actually work?

>>51200356
>Know a lot of people with burn outs and a running joke is that you can recognize a PM by already having grey hair at 30s and wearing a cheap suit
that's why you shouldnt listen to /biz/ retards.
>Know a lot of people with burn outs
what industry were they in?

>>51195418
you deserve a reply king

>>51200903
I own a company. What's the play and who needs a job reference?

>>51201373
what kind of company? a lot of anons probably want some tech company to put on their resume for experience.
>What's the play
i'd say make a discord for anyone needing you to be a reference

>>51201966
Flooring/Real Estate/Cattle

>>51196577
is there a good chance to get a scrum master role with pmp and csm? i dont have any experience in software industry.

>>51192401
lol no, our HR department checks everything. They even followed up on my low level IT certs. If you lie you will get caught :)

almost everyone does this. you just need to make sure it's believable.

>>51193643
Amazing point damn

>>51192388
I know a guy who put that he was 190cm tall on his resume but then when he showed up to the interview they found out he was only about 165cm and basically called security to have him removed from the premises