/biz/ - Business & Finance

>>51095219
wrong board but try going to a sauna or doing a lot of cardio too

>>51095219
Just tell them "I've always been a bit of a pothead" and laugh it off.

you need to get some fake piss
https://quick-fix.com/
get rush shipping. i've used this for 2 DTs now, no issues. just don't be a pussy.

>>51095219
lol just don't take the test? like where's the problem??

>>51095236
this is good. depending on how stringent the test is, you could try attaching a catheter with someone else's piss to your thigh. make sure it's warm.

>>51095219
THC is stored in fat, keep working out and cut calories so you burn off body fat. I don't think drinking a lot helps for now but if you drink a shitload before the test you can probably get it so deluted it's capable of testing right

>>51095219
Just tell them that your medical status/information is private and that they can fuck right off.

>>51095219
>doing drugs
You deserve to never make it.

>>51095324

>>51095219
>doing marijuana when employed in a random testing environment
Retard. Cocaine/meth/ecstasy on a Friday is good as you can drink/sweat it out by Monday morning no problem. No way you get rid of thc that fast do what this anon said
>>51095273

>>51095376
problem?

>>51095414
they won't hire you. or if it's a job you already have, they'll fire you. it's perfectly legal to do so.

>>51095427
Nah, they'll say, "I think this guy is upper management material. How does 150,000 United States dollars per annum sound?"

>>51095219
This one is easy op. The night before the test start to drink lot's of water and take some creatine supplement. On the test day drink shit load of water so your pissing becomes almost ridicculous, also take creatine supplement and drink some yellow colored energy drink that has lot's of vitamin-b in it. Now your piss is diluted to almost pure water, but the energy drink and b-vitamins will color your piss yellow. The creatine part is important as they also check creatine levels from your piss and won't accept piss that is too diluted. I've used it sometimes to pass tests.

Good luck op

>>51095369
I have PTSD you fuck. Ive been raging like a mad man because of no weed

>>51095563
Oh and to add. When youstart to piss in to the test tube don't piss in to it straight away. Try to take your piss from somewhere around the middle of your pissing session as it will be the most diluted

>>51095563
Yes this is exactly what I was looking for. Creatine and vitamins B12 is what I used last time I think but couldn't remember.

I'm going to get some dollar store tests to see if I'm passing or not.

>>51095219
fake peepee like >>51095273
or dilute your piss using Certo+vitamin E or some other custom concoction you can find by googling it.
you cant use just water, those piss tests also test for certain piss chemicals to prevent people doing this, but you can dilute with a drink that includes the vitamins needed to "trick" the test.

on the other hand though if sat/sun were the only times you smoked weed and you're not a regular smoker, you'll probably just be fine on your own in a week

>>51095607
Sounds like youre the type of unstable guy they try to filter out with these types of tests, why not just give them a call and tell them you are a madman unless you constantly take drugs?

>>51095563
>The creatine
that's right, I got tested while taking creatine for the gym and they benchmarked it against my high levels so the thc came out pretty low kek

>>51095273
I can vouch for quickfix. I used it to pass a pre-employment test back in 2020. It was for a REMOTE job of all things, but I didn't want to spend a month detoxing while avoiding a job. Heated it up in the bottle as instructed, kept it in my boxers, and used it at the 3rd party lab site. Passed the piss test at 92 F. I was praised by my managers for being one of their best new hires, even though I smoked during workhours almost every day. I miss it. Only thing is, I'm sure those fuckers over at QF have increased prices on their standard-issue fake piss. It's gotta be a racket over there, since weed has been getting legalized from state-to-state.
Recently I've gone cold turkey and stayed off weed for over a month in anticipation for a new job. The other option was getting a medicinal license but that's hundreds of bucks vs. $40 fake piss vs. staying off weed for around a month.

>>51095619
Thank you

>>51095654
I mean, I'm literally medicated. They need people to slave for them, they shouldn't be so picky.

>>51095219
My nigga dont drink water drink milk. THC dont stick to h20 but its stick to greasy stuff like milk. Thc is hydrophobic. Been heavy smoker and passed a test within two weeks

>>51095563
You got any easy advice how to remove all kikes?

>>51095219
Just buy powdered urine. Literally add water and microwave. Better than fake piss, will never fail a test

>>51096317
Ok I don't know if that makes sense because it works that way in cooking, but the THC metabolites are already in my fat. Don't I need to break the fat down so the metabolites re-enter my blood,and then piss them out?

>>51095563
I found it's CREATININE not creatine, but this put me on the right path anyway.

>>51095273
I’ve used that before too but I think the labs have updated their equipment because quick fix has had a lot of recent fail reviews

>>51096478
So you need high creatine or creatinine in your urine?

lol fuckin loser. worried about WEED BRO, most jobs don't give a flying fuck about thc, some don't even bother following through w the test, just get urea dipshit. make sure to get a glove warmer and keep that shit tucked in somewhere warm.

>>51095273
/thread
I’m 100% using quick fix

>>51096562
Why would I get diesel exhaust fluid? That won't do anything.
>>51096540
I read they test for creatinine levels, not creatine

>>51095219
THC is absorbed/held by fat cells.
OP, keep working out hard, eat waaaayyyy below your TDEE (maybe even fast a few days in there), then stop working our entirely and eat way more than your TDEE the day/two days before your test.
burning as much fat as quickly as possible will release a lot of the THC into your blood. eating a lot the day before will make your body store fat, releasing less THC to get found by the test.

>>51096478
>>51096540
>>51096627
Yes, kind of, but creatine supplement works as creatinine is the byproduct of creatine as your body brakes it down

>>51095273
Can vouch for this.
> t. work remotely in software and smoke everyday all day

>>51095219
Bring clean piss in a condom and bring a pair of scissors in with you. Keep taped to inner thigh for while before you go. Before you fill cup stick tongue on thermo tape location inside rim of cup. Then you can profit.

>>51095219
Take the test, and when they ask about the THC just tell them you went to a party and unknowingly ate a brownie

>>51095219
Alright kid you have two options
>take cranberry pills for one week
>piss bright red for 5 days
>so bright it stains the toilet bowl
>afterwards you will pass any THC test
or
>start jogging
>drink green tea for a week

Choose wisely

>>51096767
just use a 5 hour energy bottle. perfect amount of piss for a drug test cup

>>51095219
>>51096767
This is the best solution. I bought a travel-sized bottle of hand sanitizer and cleaned it out instead of using a condom though. Have passed 3+ pre-employment screenings doing this. Obviously you need friends who don't smoke pot for it to work, though.

Bro google fetish urine.. chemically the same as a humans urine.. I use it to pass all drug tests. Get it from your local head shop.

>>51095219

This is all you need. Most head shops carry it. It works

>>51096717
Oh right on, thanks

>>51096649
This plan is basically what I have been doing but I have to starve myself a lot more

2 options:

-Synthetic urine. I've used it many times. I was busted once, but I just bribed the guy and got the job. Only got busted because I made the mistake of bringing my gun into the facility, which meant I took extra time getting my pants and belt re-oriented. He knocked on the door which told me I was fucked, and when I came out he dropped a solution into my sample and it turned clear. He offered an option to pay my way out w/ whatever cash I had on hand I gave him what I had, which was about the cost of lunch for 2 at a nicer restaurant in my area. Worth it, but still kinda fucked.
-Real urine. This makes the chance of getting caught almost 0. Just gotta find someone who can provide the urine. I usually give my friends an empty plastic drinking water bottle, then transfer w/ gloves to the container mentioned below.

either way, there's a style of boxer-brief underwear that has a flap partially sewn shut on the front, making a pocket. Shop around for what works for your anatomy as brands vary, and smuggle it in. Many options for container - Softer cylinder shaped things can even pass an "over the pants" visual or pat down search as they're assumed to be beefy cocks. I've used that option twice when I knew a pat down was likely, but every other time I just used a plastic container that came w/ the synthetic urine kit (buy locally if possible. Quick Fix is the brand available here). I use this kit even when I use real urine because of the shape, and it comes with a hand warmer and temp gauge. You can DIY those items if you can't or don't want to get the kit. I've never done this. Temp is checked though, so you have to factor that into your planning. In SOME cases, you can skip the warmer. I _have_ done this. Figure out what works for you, and research temp ranges. When I went without (aka the raw doggings), I knew I was going to be able to pre-heat, used some math and temp measurements via experiments around the house to determine how long I had, and risked it.

>>51096901
just go to an elementary school and offer the kids a tenjamin for clean piss

>>51095219
I was in the same situation in pharmacy school. I totally forgot that we had to do a drug test before 4th year rotations and I was in the middle of smoking dabs when my classmate reminded me. There was no way I was gonna pass a drug test that was happening in 3 days. I redeemed myself by getting a kit with fake urine, a belt, hose, and warmer. It only cost like $25.
>picrelated

literally quit smoking for one week + go jogging + drink green tea = You will piss normal.

>>51095219
What worked for me was forcing fluids. Like drink two gallons night before and one gallon morning of. They have methods to detect this, but they’re not perfect. You’ll need enough vitamin c to pee yellow, and you’ll need creatine so that the specific gravity of the sample doesn’t get flagged for attempted sample dilution. If the proctor asks why your owe us so yellow say you drank a monster energy drink. This post is Satire and meant for entertainment purposes.

>>51095219
Give yourself several lemonlime and garlic enemas. The nutrients pull out the weed particles from your system. Works every time.