/biz/ - Business & Finance

>>50762337
The time I took a shit in the urinal and made the jannie clean it up

walked upstairs

>"I went out of my way to help this lost customer find the latest Dragon Dildo so he can shove it up his faggot ass. I knew that this would increase my current work load but understood that customer satisfaction is the number one priority that keeps a business running smoothly."
Then you spin this bullshit into something like,
>"For me? Constantly keeping busy is a quality I enjoy when working. It allows me to stay on top of things while all learning the ropes in a short amount of time."
Any dumb HR roastie would take this bullshit

>>50762337
Every. FUCKING. Day. From start to finish I am full throttle. I don’t know the definition of “normal” because I just get it done. People get PISSED at how effective I am.

>>50762533

eliminated for making the team look bad

I bought the office food once

>>50762337
>he doesn't practice lying for several days leading up the interview, complete with multiple sketches planned out in his head that are complete fabrications of reality (while being believable)

>>50762337
Just lie, dude. I've been lying on my resume for years

>>50762337
lol

>>50762568
yeah at the very least have three scenarios you could spin to apply to literally any question.

>>50762337
Man I fucking despise people who ask dumb shit cunt questions like this. Fuck interviews.

>>50762533
yikes. ive marked you down for aggressive toxic masculinity

>>50762488
I thank God every day for not having to work

Above and beyond? Fucksstah trek shissthat? Look nig- Norwegian, you hire me for a job you don't own jackshit beyond that you hear me? I dress the way I want, talk the way I want to and won't comb, chew gum or move the ways you motherfuckers want me too. You trading currency for a job and nothing for my fucking so. Take it or go royally fuck yourselves. Capisco gringo?
>say the above word per word, pussy

another one they asked me was
>Name a time you and a manager/supervisor had an argument and how did (you) go about it?

>Tell us about yourself
No thanks.

I honestly hate this question, like tell you about what? My personal life? My work life? What time I took a shit this morning?

>>50762752
>boss wanted to change requirements, I explained where I was coming from, he explained where he was coming from, he asserted his requirements, I confirmed details and questions, I accepted and got to work

>>50762796
or in logical general form:
answer there question but only barely technically kindof answering it. My answer there wasn't really an argument, but they don't really want an argument. They want something that makes you sound good but human.

>>50762337
Think of a time you helped out a friend or relative and then spin it around as if it happened on a job.

>>50762752
I told her to go suck my dick and she correct me "Come suck my dick." Then I gave her a black lives don't matter eye and she didn t metoo me coz I'd throw her out a moving train. So, did I get this gig nig- mean, Norwegian, man, mam
>my mam
>BOOM
You nevah no.

I was recently asked in an interview "what accomplishment are you most proud of?" I went on explaining that repairing my relationship with my Dad was my biggest accomplishment. You didn't fuck up as hard as me anon. I did not get the job and the lads that interviewed me for sure called me a faggot and rightfully so..I was not in the right frame of mind to be doing a job interview.

>>50763461
fucked interviewers. That's definitely something to be proud of anon, good work, proud of you.

>>50763461
Pride is a capital sin.
>sue for religious prejudices

>>50762337
When investing in QOM. That's what i would tell them. You see, i do my job in two hours and then fake im doing the full eight, then i use that time to browse and invest in the next unicorns. That's how i made 7 figs in a 5 figs job, im using it as a front. If that's not commitment i don't know what is

>>50762394
Holy based

>>50763506
Thank you fren anon

>>50762337
You just have to lie lol. Just tell them you taught Jamal at your last job to type. Boom hired

>>50762337

>Not memorizing basic interview questions

I hope you're under 18

>>50762533
This will get you fired for racism.

i despise job interviews and postings so fucking much

>when’s the last time your company rewarded someone for going above and beyond?

Interview them harder. They should convince YOU why you should work for them.

>>50765001
lol
lmao

>i show up to work, isnt that enough?

interviewer asked me what I'd done that I was most proud of
I answered that I fed my child with food I'd grown and raised on my own land
didn't get the job

>>50765316
I showed up to a Mcdonald's interview in a suit and a haircut.
i didn't get the job

>>50765001
kek

>>50762337
>you: I prolapsed my lovers anus much too hard and now he needs surgery.

>>50765358
how's everyone gonna smoke pot in the kitchen with a suitwearer amongst them?!?

>>50762337

Next time just make shit up

>>50762337
Why is biz so full of abject failures? I could name 5 such occasions from the top of my head.

>>50765358
I now feel like applying for mcdonalds in a suit, then when they inevitably hire me, as I am the single most based human on the entire planet, I will refuse to wear mcdonalds attire and insist on continuing wearing the suit

>>50762337
please answer using the STAR method.

>>50762337
I’ve worked some pretty high stress jobs, which included being exposed to some of the worst situations you can imagine. I have enjoyed watching hr’s faces recounting these situations, when they require examples for interviews.

>>50763461
I dont know if its that bad of an answer. Would probably work on some people so it depends who you get interviewed by. HR Roasties would be immediately blacklisting you though.

>>50762337
>>what is a time you went above and beyond at work?
I didnt take a SINGLE poop at work for an entire week

>>50762394
Made me lol
>ty anon

>>50762533
Gary Vaynerchuck would have fired you.

>>50762337
>That one time when I took waaaay too much drugs in a short period of time
Oops I mean I worked overtime when asked sir