/biz/ - Business & Finance

>>49847495
Hey I think i'm your boss, will have a talk with you soon.

what kind of job? I lied all the time to get low level positions

>>49847495
I lie at every job I've been to.
Just Google "resume generator" and type in the most bullshit things that you have a sliver of experience at.
It'll automatically generate a resume for you for about $5
Once you show up to a job site just bullshit your way through EVERYTHING.
eventually they'll catch on that you lied, but by that time you'll already know most of the shit at the job.

>>49847495
Don't play with me anon my heart can't take it.

I've literally lied on every job i've ever had, lol

>>49847556
This only works if you're applying for retard jobs though. Why would you want to do that?

>>49847825
Never been caught out? Don't they bother to check your references?

fuck this crypto shit bump

>>49847495
Everyones a liar unless theyre poor. Think about it, cant even get a job at mcdonalds without past experience. So where do you get experience when no one will hire you without experience. By lying. The boomers do so well because theyre all scamming and lying all the time, normies do better then you because theyre effortlessly and automaticallt lying about everything. Entire system is built on scams and lies. Money and sex will be your reward if you become a lying scammer too. Honesty is for the poor and socially awkward. There can be no sex or money until you embrace at least some small evils. Women wont want you unless you try to scam them same with employers. But its easy to scam a scammer because theyll scam themselves into believing you.

>>49850098
My new employer seems really chill and is going through the professional motions of checking my reference (done, sorted). My big fear is being caught out in my lie before I start my first day of work. Once I've been there for a week doing the job then I'm in and, if caught out, I can at least explain that I told white lies to get the job and that, like you say, I lied because I really wanted the job but didn't quite have enough experience.

I'd turn it around on them and ask if they ever stretched the truth during an interview. But yeah I get the sweats and an ache in my chest and stomach whenever my employer brings up references and that sort of thing. I've got a lot riding on the job.

>>49847495
once you already got the job now the key is honesty, if they catch you just admit to lying and give them a sob story why (lie).

>>49850245
Can you go any deeper on this? I think this is the play too.

What are you even talking about? They're just glad all the work of sorting through resumes and checking out people's backgrounds is finally over and they can get back to work. Why would they ever even look at your resume again, let alone go digging around in it for lies?

>>49849138
Just set up some burner phones and have people like Elon and Todd Howard for references. That's how I got in at Blizzard.

>>49847495
>Success stories?
every indian or chinaman ever hired
Horror stories?
every indian or chinaman ever hired

>>49850204
Dude nobody wants to start investigating lies because then maybe their own lies get investigated. Your boss is a liar, everyone at work is a liar. Its all a scam. CONFIDENCE is all that matters.

Genetic devil's curliest hair

>>49850462
>CONFIDENCE is all that matters.
If you have that your lie will be a truth 99% of the time , also be motivated that s the 1% left

Just keep lying, pussy! Don't stop till you make management.

>>49847495
unironically: always lie. Over-sell and bend the truth about existing skills or experiences you've had. The truth is that EVERYONE learns on the job, and very few people are going into jobs possessing all the requisite skills ahead of time. Just look/sound confident and expect that you'll learn what you need to as you go. The market and wages are so stacked against you that this is literally the only way to get ahead. I did it for years living in NYC and over the course of 8 years I went from being an art school BFA (painting) student with zero experience to working as a junior architect doing actual design work at a few different firms in the city. You can do it

bump

>>49851036
Bro, you are not Tadao Ando. Being a self taught architect doesnt work in 2022 anymore. 4/10 larp

>>49847505
>im ur boss
>uwu

>>49847495
I lied until I got experience. Now I don't have to lie anymore :)

>>49851036
This. Went from graphic design drop out to VP of experience.

To be fair I always kept working on my portfolio. And once I started as a junior I just played the corporate game to move up. Suck everyone's cock until it's your cock they are sucking.

Force meetings with your manager weekly. Get them to open up to you, open up to them. Slowly reach out to their manager. Find other managers in other departments and ask them about their workload like you give a shit. At the very least you want everyone above you to know your name.

>>49847495
everyone I know has lied to get a job, and so far no one has gotten in trouble
I'm a freelancer so I never had one of these "job interview" thingies. they sound horrible.

>>49847495
Most people do this. Stop playing by boomer rules retard.

>>49847495
Depends on what you lied about OP. Doubt they'd actually bother checking it anyway

I was honest about my past salary.
After I started I discovered all my coworkers lied about theirs because the hr team were idiots.

I am paid 30% less.

You did the right thing. Don’t worry. I need to worry because I need to get a new job now.

>>49847505
uwu

>>49847495
>hide the fact I'm a repeat college dropout
>hide the fact I was mostly NEET for a decade
>hide my autism and pretend to have non-gaming hobbies
>hide the fact I live with my parents at the age of 30
>hide my hotheadedness and pretend to be calm and accepting
>fuckers don't care, they hire me
Fake it till you make it faggot. This obviously won't work for most of you because you will spill your spaghetti as soon as someone starts asking questions about your past.

Did you say you knew how to do The Superhero Shuffle?

>>49849138
Dude, if you have a resume that doesn't say "I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing but I'll learn as I go" then you're a fucking liar. And since nobody puts that on their resume, then everyone is a liar. It's all a dog and pony show to see who can lie the best.

Realistically would an employer go to levels beyond this to find out my experience is legit?

>they asked for one reference, which was with a past employer
>gave it to them
>the guy covered for me (I had worked with him but not as much as I said I did in the interview)

I also said I did freelance work but that was just fake portfolio stuff. Nothing huge, just small things.

Do you think they'll dig deeper or is that enough for an average/smaller company to stop being the fucking resume police?

I find it kinda funny and cute how no one in the thread except this guy >>49851036
has said what position they lied for or even what industry, least of all OP.
furthermore no one has actually said what they lied about

When people say lie on their resume they mean they applied for a job at mcdonalds but on their resume they said they worked the cash register when they were working at their burger king when they actually never made it past bathroom cleaner (or whatever i never worked at fast food place).
Well my point is really the definition of lie to some people is really different from others.
People be like I lie on my resume all the time and then the lie is that they stopped working in November when they actually stopped in October
fucking meaningless shit, either that or the position they are lying for is some absolute bottom level shit where no duh no one is checking that you worked at this fucking call center before.

>>49851036
>8 years of working to land a jr position

>>49847495
Bump for interest

>>49855189
nigga said it with pride, like it’s an accomplishment

what to do if caught?

>>49847495
blow?

>>49847495
join the club, apparently everyone's dishonest

>>49851036
How deep can my lies go? I have 3 years of experience in QA. Could I just make up a couple extra jobs to fill out the years since I worked that job and then get a PM job in QA?

I lie all the time. Fuck boomers

>>49848950
you're only supposed to lie for really retarded entry level requirements. you have to make it past the HR filter.

>>49851036
This guy is dropping truth bombs left and right, OP, but especially
> Over-sell and bend the truth about existing skills or experiences you've had.
I’m an “experienced” (overpaid) SWE and every. single. one of us have at least one trendy bullshit skill that are on our resumes because we took a few O’Reilly classes in it or something
Don’t straight up make up shit, you should at least be able to talk about whatever you put on your resume, but don’t bother beating yourself up over whether you’re truly “experienced” in something or not, that’s something roasties put on job applications and no one actually gives a shit, everyone trains on the job

>>49857822
/thread

>>49852212
Can you describe the corporate game more. I got my first corporate job and though I’m likable I have no clout in the office and dunno how politics works

I work for a 4 year old firm with about ~50 people working in the office. A co-worker in logistics left so our boss had to find a replacement fast. A female that was personable, knew how to hold a conversation, made everyone in the interview constantly laugh and impressed the boss got hired. Boss was desperate. She didn't know a lick of logistics. She bullshit her way in and for a week straight she would walk around the office and hang around the kitchen eating the office's snacks. Rumor has it, she left on her own accord because she couldn't take it anymore.

>>49849138
Bro just act cool. There's always new systems, work flows to learn about at any new job. Nobody knows what they're doing for the first few months anyway. Any time you're not sure about something you take notes and learn about it in your off time. You got this

>>49847505
HEY (: RANDOM i know but I'm ur boss UWU :3

>>49847495

Only time will tell. My dad worked in the post office and somebody got caught lying on their resume. They were fired literally in front of everybody.

I been out of work for 3 years only two interviews.

>>49862393
why have you been out of work for so long? How can you afford it?

t. Out of work for 6 months.

>>49862714

I live with my parents. Life is complicated. You could work your whole life meet nobody to marry but have family members mad you waste money. I was overworked and never got a vacation in 3 years. I was the grunt janitor and my bosses took two weeks off many times. You will be surprised how you hate the sight of seeing the same faces everyday.

>>49862914
ah ok, ya no offence but ya your life sounds pretty bad. I worked from home during the pandemic and got very distracted and lazy after a while, plus all my friends got promoted ahead of me despite doing wayyy less work (They're just good at sucking up)

>>49862714

I'm basically just sending Indeed resume to anything close by. I got two interviews out of 50 send outs. I have a family friend who works with the railroad and is trying to get me a train conductors job.

>>49847495
fake it till you make it

>>49862938


Pandemic fucked up a lot of things. I worked in a mentally ill rehab center with drug alcohol dependence. I saw many things that i didn't want to see. I quit before the pandemic hit months before. I knew patients there and just left. That freaks me out alittle.

>>49847495
>be me
>have job interview
>don't want them to find out that I am basement-dwelling neet with no social contacts
>panic in interview and make up that I have a wife and 3 kids
>I get the job
>I end up working for this company for 6 years
>I lie to my boss every day about my wife and 3 children, who I have since created entire personalities and lives for
>mfw I am forming genuine feelings for the imaginary family I created

>>49863262
Fucking Kek

>>49847495
Ok so my first job out of college that was in my major. I had the inside track because I knew the sister of the hiring manager. I was in competition with one other guy. They chose the other guy because he was way more experience than me (I had none). They later came back and hired me because they had more work. The later fired the first guy because it was clear all his experience was total lies and he was too dumb to do the job.

>>49863262
A real human bean

>>49863262
well this is an original larp I'm give you that

>>49850098
I tested out of my grade school. Literally was so gifted I started commuting 50 minutes to an elite private school. Fast-forward from there... I work hard, have accomplishments and never lie in my professional life. Grow up.

>>49863262
congrats dude, you became this guy

>>49847495
I actually got a marketing job in a company that does tv aired commercials on the post midnight channels, literally been learning how to do a job most people need to have a degree first to get in
Worst part? I've been using most of the money on memecoins, shib is shitty but VINU is looking really big rn
will keep updated

>>49863262
based, i feel kinda sorry for you

>>49863262
based. keep it up, anon.

>>49863262
Based. This thread has convinced me to lie more regarding job applications

>>49863262
at least you have an imaginary family. i dont even have that

>>49847495
based on all your posts itt OP I can tell you're fucked regardless you seem weak.

>>49863262
how do you lie to the tax dept on the company then. dont they need some proof you have family?

>>49862393
>49862655
what did they lie about?

>>49863262
LMAO nice one

>>49847495
why don't you just give your boss a hot tip as payment?: its chainlink

>>49847495
I pretended to be an abo
Made heaps of money doing nothing

The kick is that most people don't even consider it lying. They genuinely overinflate their own ego to the point of believing their own bullshit. Its been a thing for years, half of those famous TV doctors you see aren't real medical doctors or people with 'proper' PHD's, they bought diplomas online from degree mills for $200. Its just been on their resume for so long they forget they aren't real and internalise their new fake identity.

>>49849138
you severely overestimate the intelligence, work ethic and overall i give a fuck levels of HR
just look at how much they fuck up simple straightforward shit as payroll and then it is to be expected that they will be top tier criminal investigators autistically chasing down a lead
lol, they get paid the exact same if they fail or succeed, even measuring if HR succeeds is impossible they can always come back with we hired the best the labour market has on offer and for bonus points have you ever heard of HR getting fired for hiring or endorsing a faked resume

you just have to lie within the realm of reason and about things you can actually bullshit your way through an interview for
>>49854209
if you want clear examples the three most common lies are exaggeration of skills within your knowledge domain
pretty straightforward, google some shit before the interview don't fuck up technical questions and you can put 3 years experience with 'technique' down, everybody does this
covering up a gap in employment, HR hates this above all else so you have the choice of lie or get filtered so you lie. If its your first job since the gap mass spam applications even below your standard and hope to find some retard that hires you, then after 6 months go for a new company where you flat out lie about your gap and say you worked at industry leader, but you quite to go to a higher pay position in a start up, then say the start up was shit because of lack of structure and you desire to come back home to big corp. HR will eat the shit out of that and in almost all cases will only ever bother to check with your last employer

and the third lie is leadership experience; moving up from worker drone to management is another chicken and egg situation where you need experience but cant get hired to get experience, so unless insider if you want to advance in the world you need to cheat. Just say you got promoted and fake out a reference with a burner phone and bro, HR is dumb enough

>>49866930
post limit
so hr is dumb enough that they don't by themselves look up real contacts in your old corp, especially if you are still working there when applying for a new job they generally don't go send emails to you current boss

as always talk with confidence and you can get far, now this tips work for someone with real skill and a degree that gets filtered by modern day corporate environment. i don't know how to go about it if you have to fake everything even basic qualification
also this holds up for mid tier positions, if you ever get high enough that they hire a competent back ground checker they will find the truth
but this is /biz/ you linkies should retire you long before 45 when you realistically can get to higher tier interviews
also if possible apply to industry desperately looking for talent, more will fly, trying to shoe in in an oversaturated market is climbing uphill in any case

>>49863262
Holy shit, I love this board.