/biz/ - Business & Finance

>be me, anon.
>walk into a strip bar
>sit down, light a smoke
>this is playing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VCuCm6XKeA
>get my drink
>look up
>see a a fat guy at the dancing pole
>wha
>look closer
>it's Zerg
>he's pouring a tub of lard into his mouth and it overflows down his chest
>he throws the tub aside and starts lip syncing the song perfectly
>grabs the pole
>spins around it
>his tie clinging to his greasy chest
>people throwing their money at him
>confused
>look closer
>their heads are chainlink logos
>Zerg grabs the pole and forcefully spins around it with his legs in a split
>he lets out a jet of diarrhea and covers them all
>some makes it my way
>disgusting
>I bolt up and dash for the exit
>Zerg is already at the door, still mouthing the lyrics, wagging his finger at me
>I try to slip past him
>4 diarrhea-covered linkheads grab me
>Zerg is still lip syncing
>I kick and scream in panic
>They plant me on the floor
>I see Zerg is positioning himself above me
>fuck no
>he spreads his cheeks
>linklets force open my mouth
>he squats down
>I scream for my life
>the his brown jet is already forcing its way down my throat
>gargle
>My eyes roll back into my skull
>I feel my limbs go numb
>The song fades out
>wake up
>paper with an eth address stuck to my forehead
>check it
>500k link
>what
>check bank account
>empty
>panic
>turn over piece of paper
>'Key for the baby'
>what baby
>look down
>I'm 3 months pregnant