/biz/ - Business & Finance

>>411596
anonymous donate them to yourself

>>411599
Would that not raise incredible suspicion?

I was thinking of waiting until my grandad dies and making out that he had it stashed under his bed...

If I give advice on how to launder money, wouldn't that make me an accomplice?

You can't. I mean the best way for a ''small'' sum like that would be laundering it through a business, but you probably don't have one.

Just use it for basic expenses like food, clothing, electronics, etc. but don't go buying $600 wines and $4000 mac pros and risk getting the attention of the tax man.

It'll be slow, but you could eventually use it all up whilst saving most of your income (you can't save ALL of it, or it'll look strange) if you're not completely retarded.

>>411601
or drive it all the way to switzerland

>>411601

You'd have to pay taxes

Just pay with shit in cash

>>411633
He has to be careful though. No spending 50k on cars like walter white and paying in cash.

But yeah, mostly cash.

>>411630
Not really. I can't exactly link to you as I have no idea who you are.

>>411601
The government always tried to get their hands on inheritance, even when a will is in place and all with specific instructions.

Your best bet is to carefully spend the cash on things that maintain value. I mean I don't want to say "gold", but yeah.. probably something like gold. You can't go around buying something that's monitored like vehicles.

>>411640
Actually, that's a question I'd like to ask others. I'm sure gold is probably taxed in inheritance, but what is immune to taxation if gifted or bequeathed to you from a deceased family member?

Shove it all in Bitcoin, bro

So assuming out of 150,000 I would be happy to arrive at 120,000 I'd tax is a necessity. I just need this money in the bank and clean.

>>411664
Buy or create a business and then cook the books. It'll take a while to legit all the money and some will be lost in operating costs but eventually you'll have your money in the bank. A good example is how Walter laundered his money in breaking bad, because that is legitimately an example of how criminals launder their money.

I've researched money laundering extensively as part of my degree, ask me anything and if I help maybe donate some to me (still a poor student).

>>411678
Okay but that's difficult in a sense because my earnings are not illegitimate in the sense that in robbing or dealing drugs to aquire them and more along the lines of not fully declaring earnings.
I currently have a business but if I were to do everything legitimately I would still be years away from acquiring these savings.

Also I'm not sure if you're based in the UK or not so this may not apply. but I've never met a student in the UK that was poor for any reason other than their own negligence.

How WOULD you launder hypothetical money, my fellow anonymous internet people?

>>411682
This dude has a point about UK students. I'm going into second year and I'm still swimming in my free (somewhat temporary) government money from last year. Still looking for a way to make more money than just a bank account's interest.

depends on your country!
Buy btc sell btc and say you holdet it over an year: working at germany.
Or buy some ImobiliaaaaaSS

>>411682
I take it you need the money now then. An idea would be to buy up bitcoins and then sell them a second or so later. Then just bs to the government that you had the btc on an old hard drive. As far as I know btc or untaxable right now.

Also, yes I am from the uk. Am I poor because of my own negligence? No. My parents earn over £60k a year put together and that puts me in the lowest bracket of free money. That means that my loan doesn't even cover my accommodation costs whilst I am at uni. So I'm only a poor student because unfortunately; I need to eat as well. If it's anyone's negligence it would be my parents and their own debt problems which mean they can't give me anything to help pay for university. I'd rather they earnt less than £25k a year tbh because then I'd be around 5k better off per year (my uni gives generous bursaries to most students).

Start a website that accepts bitcoin, covert cash into btc, sell fake art for absurd amounts of money, pay yourself with a merchant processor (tumble coins before doing so), recieve currency in associated bank account. Rinse, repeat?

>>411640

You do realize that buying lots of gold with cash is literally the most suspicious thing you can do to arouse the suspicious of HMRC? Goldbugs pls go.

>>411696
I also take it you applied after the hike in costs? could you not have completed your student finance application without taking into account your parents wage? I have to say that this part of student finance is annoying because there is plenty of kids with rich parents who won't fund them a single pence.

>>411699
This seems highly traceable? what happens if Bit Coin loses significant value?

>>411699
>covert cash into btc
How? He will need to use local bitcoins. He won't be able to do it via exchange.

>>411706
he said spend carefully. of course you don't buy a lot of gold at once from a one place.
>>411696
depending on your uni, the best option would be to find a part time job. work and save like crazy throughout summer. go for a semester abroad via exchange program with a scholarship.
>>411601
> waiting until my grandad dies
ok, do you know your grandad? it's possible your grandad saved everythingwithout doing anything illegal. however, the tax man won't care as they will look at his earnings on paper and say: there's no way your papa could earn so much based on his income in the past. and there you are.

>>411730

if bitcoin loses value, you will lose money. Also, I'm not sure how easy it is to liquidate that amount BTC. And there's the threat someone could steal it from you.

>>411730

on wikipedia there is a list of money laundering techniques. basically, do expensive services for people.

>>411725
I did, yeah. I'm going into my second year this November. There were unfortunately certain rules regarding reporting my parents income and I ended up having to tell student finance. I wanted to apply as an independent student because my parents said they wouldn't give me jack shit but for that you need to have not been in contact with your parents for a year prior to applying for your loan.

It really pisses me off that despite the fact that they are in some debt of their own (minor and will be paid off by the end if the year), they drive their respective sports cars and wear a Rolex each while I'm starving at uni and living off of less than £15 a week. I seriously resent them so much; they know I'm struggling too but neither of them seem to give a fuck and go 'lol that's student life' despite the fact I know people that go clubbing 4 nights a week because their loan lets them.

>>411737
I was working a full time job at a nightclub and them going to university the next morning. Before I came home for the summer I went to the docs and was diagnosed with all sorts of shit going wrong with me. Now I'm back here I've sold all my old shit (so all I own now is my laptop and my clothes) and applied for twenty jobs in the last week. Unfortunately my parents decided to move to the middle of bumfuck nowhere so there aren't many jobs going around. The ones I applied to are 30 mins away driving and I can't afford a car.

I'm fucked gentlemen, and the people I have to blame are good old mum and dad. Even charities I write to begging for grants tell me to fuck off and essentially check my privilege; even though it's my parents who are the rich ones and not me.

Any other ideas on how to go back to uni solvent? (I need another 1.1k).

>>411596
Its easy. First you buy some dogecoins. Next flip those and while doing so, short PRAN.

>>411596
Deposit it in a brokerage account. There are brokers who will take large cash deposits no questions asked. Do some research. I think Scottrade does it (they're American though).

>>411596

>Fly to monte carlo
>put £148 000 into chips (at swanky places they won't bat an eye at £150 000 cash), throw away receipt
>come back, put £2000 in chips, keep receipt
>play enough so that it is an uneven number
>cash out, keep receipt
>claim money as a gambling win

There's no crime in being lucky.

>>411772
dose taxes doe

>>411772
>cameras and info storage - it's possible to see how much you win lose at every table;
>there is a tax on winnings

Op, were you ever in such a situation, you'd want to t use a mix of approaches.

>>411748

>Any other ideas on how to go back to uni solvent?
steal from your parents? pawn things and get paid.
> was diagnosed with all sorts of shit
unless it's terminal/physical, stop being a little bitch.

>my parents decided to move
unless you're your parents' property, just move for the summer to London or Liverpool or wherever. Stay at a friend's place until you get a job
.
>they know I'm struggling
have you ever told them. I mean have you explained your situation to them rationally?

worst case - drop out for a year work and save like crazy for the next 2 years.

>>411777
i could be wrong, but I beleive monte carlo has no taxes on winnings from non residents, as residents are not allowed to gamble there. Maybe someone could check that

>>411777

dose dubs+trips doe

Don't try to commit another crime in your quest to launder your money. Either launder money made illegally and pay full tax, or try and evade taxes on money earned legally. Remember that in the end Al Capone wasn't sent to jail for murder or racketeering, but for minor tax fraud- don't fuck things up now because you want £150k when you could successful get away with keeping £100k.

>>411777
>>411792

nigga got a full house ragging on gambling. Oh the irony

>>411596
fuckign easy.
rent a car, take some friends just pay them like 1 thousand £ so they can keep 15000£ each in their bag . Make a trip to liechtenstein open a bank account deposit
<???
<profit
anyway even if the police stops you just tell them you are going to monte saint trope.

>>411797
Monte Carlo or Saint trope*

>>411799
And once it's in said bank?

>all I want to do is pay off my bloody mortgage

>>411897
why not just keep it in ur safe and just deposit the monthly payment amount with the cash and pay it off over time?

>>411924
so what's the most I could deposit at a time without arousing suspicion?

say you came up on bitcoins

>>411972
You switching IP there OP?
Also the £ means British Pounds so assumingly you are needing tips that apply within England. The answer to your question "how much could I deposit" is easy. You can deposit that which would seem reasonable in your circumstances. Take a shitty weekend job as a barmaid, they get "tips". BAM. Now you can move small amounts of money and you have an income that you are already paying tax on.

If you are trying to dump 150k in 1 fell swoop, just forget about it. It won't work. Bankers are trained to spot large deposits and while it breaks no law to do so, they will try to sign you up for something and call you in the office. You would sweat so much spagetti you would give the game away.

>>411972

Same (notational) limit as in the US- 10k pounds deposited at one time will trigger a report. If the bank sees regular deposits in size, they'll report you too. They'll also ask questions if they see you trying to slice or split or irregularly deposit the cash in some fashion.

It's super easy for you to deposit 5k a couple of times a year without suspicions, though, if you really need to get the cash into the system.

Visa pay safe cards? Buy them with cash, then either use them alone or transfer to your main bank account.

>>411687
I would make a website selling some sort of digital good such as some shitty E-Book (that I would find on pirate bay) and allow purchases using Bitcoin. I would take the money and convert it to bitcoin (in increments; not all at once). I would get on tor to use a bitcoin washing machine and run the coins through there, then I would use anonymous proxies (probably still on tor) to buy my shitty digital good from myself. You'd probably have to buy some fiverr adverting to get actually people visiting your site. I see your money is not in paypal, try finding a site that allows you to convert cash to paypal (probably doesnt exist)
.

>>411596
>giving ALL your money to any bank

>>411596
1. buy bitcoins from people
2. sell the bitcoins online for cash
3. if government asks where you got the bitcoins, say you mined them years ago
4. ??????
5. PROFIT!!!!

put in small amounts at a time. say, 100 bucks a week or month maybe

>>412498
Posting from my phone so it's from my network to my wifi.

Yeah I live in England. I want to get most of my money in the bank, it looks like I'm going to have to play the slow game and just drip feed it into the bank. I've been making 65,000 each year and as far as HMRC knows I'm only making 17,000. my money will be worth shit all by the time I've put it all in the bank at 17,000 a year.

Captcha: Not Welloffe

>>412956
That would take me 125 years to get my money in the bank if I deposit 100 a month...

>>411596
get a job as a waiter/waitress. every week, put money into the bank and say it was 'tips'. maybe you're a good server, and you make a couple hundred a week in tips. takes a long time, but would seem pretty legit.

>>412960
i told you op
make a trip to switzerland , go to some small- medium banks and talk to their manager just say i need to deposit 100k £( make up a fake story ... my aunt gave them to me as a gift) tell them you dont wont to declare anything... they might give you a positive answer if not go to liechtenstein:
In the end you might end up paying like 20-30% of all the total amount you want to launder .

>>412963
You can deposit under £8000 without raising any red flags. You can do it every couple of months but it is then possible if hmrc scrutinises your account you'll get fucked over.

You said you own a business... You could use that or create a shell company abroad. Do you know any unemployed people? You could just 'hire' them for your business, pay them the 10k they get tax free and then have them transfer it to your account. Obviously you'd have to cut them in a little (only do it if they are planning to be unemployed for a while, cuz then they'd be taxed out the ass if they get another job within the year). A good idea would be to utilise students. A trick here would be to be as scary as fucking possible and threaten to kill them if they don't transfer the money over to you.

Another method of doing it would be creating a shell company abroad and then 'earning' money through them 'consulting' with other shell companies you own. Most countries that you can open a shell company under also protect the names of the owners of said companies.

You're going to pay tax on it unless you're extremely sneaky. Something like buying buttcoins, transferring it across jurisdictions to the lowest level of taxation, and then withdrawing it into a bank account is what I'd do.

>>412976
And this is gonna leave no trail that could incriminate? I'm not bothered about losing 20-30%. I don't even mind if I pay tax on it in the UK as long as I can legitimise my money.

>>413010
thats what i am telling you , the bankers there if* they are interested in this mess will take care of everything..... or another option is talking to your lawyer he will find a way !

>>411596
Just run a used car business as a private company. You don't need a showroom or anything. Buy second hand cars with cash and legitimately sell them. Either rrecieve money straight in your bank account or get cash and now you can legitimately put it in the bank. As a company in the UK I don't think you pay any tax on earnings unless you break 60 or 70k a year or something.

It wouldn't even take that long, buy cars worth around 15 to 20k a time. Yes you will have to do some actual work, but it's a legit way to making the money legit.

>>413104
surely you have to wait some time before reselling the car? how long would it take?

also you might need to show your initial capital. Earning 17k and buying a 20k car? oh you took a loan from a friend - can he justify the money?

and I don't see how this works out, unless the buyers on paper write much more than they actually pay.

>>413104
Nigga how dumb are you?

1) I'm pretty sure the taxman would ask him where he got the money (15-10k doesn't just appear out of nowhere very often) to buy the cars.

2) If he already has a business then it's going to add to his earnings, right? I could be wrong if there are some "corporate" laws that allow otherwise.

>>411683
On a laundromat

>>413121
>>413122
Jesus christ...perhaps I should've made it clear since you guys seem to be as dumb as shit. start out using about 5k and "work your way up" slowly to 15 to 20k a pop. As a trader you can buy and sell more than one car at a time, you don't need a showroom, you can just park them anywhere where it's free as long as you're not advertising them for sale on the road it's legit.

I know a bunch of people that do this. Although they buy fixer upper cat D and C cars and flip them. The money is legit. You will end up paying some tax when you get to higher figures but as OP said he don't mind paying some it's all good.

>>413121
>and I don't see how this works out, unless the buyers on paper write much more than they actually pay.
Also, he's not trying to "earn more" money, he's just trying to get what he has legitimately into the bank. So buying and selling at 1:1 shouldn't be an issue or hard at all. I guess any profit you do make flipping is a bonus. But that's not the aim here.

>>411596
very slowly deposit it a little bit at a time

>>413130
>>413137
Also I've just realised an issue with this unless you're willing to take it slower, this could take a while.... since you need to make "some profit" to justify buying the next car at a higher price.

But there's an easy solution: falsify receipts. I'm not talking crazy shit here like buying a car for 5k and saying you sold it for 10k. But something like say you bought it for 5k and sold it for 6-7k. Make 2k a pop, obviously scales higher with higher priced cars, sell 4-5 a month, should get into bank bretty quickly, probably still take a few years though.... oh and best to take cash from sales...

>>413144
all of this is of course hypothetical. If you ever get into this kind of situation, just speak to a lawyer who specializes in finance/ do some of your own research. Maybe there is some sort of amnesty program for people who come forward for tax evasion. Of course if your income source is not criminal.

>>413151
Another potential problem, if you buy a car then sell it same price, someone might well notice. If you make a profit, someone might not buy.

>>412960

I work in retail banking. It's usually around the £10k mark that AML (Anti money laundering) systems flag a deposit

>>411748
>not applying before the 3 fold fee increase
>2014
>no knowing how to blackmail your parents

Your parents can be controlled, you just have to do it right.

You can threaten them with:

marrying a black woman
having a child with a black woman
becoming (or pretending to) be addicted to drugs
presenting them with a plausible but heavily embarrassing business plan, like a plan to go to the daily mail saying you're parents forced you to suck black cock for food whilst you studied and were homeless and was gang raped multiple times by black cocks.

its alot easier if you're female, threaten them with becoming a whore, or telling their social circle that your parents are child molestors, putting cp on their computers... etc

Their jobs and lives depend on their social status, you have the power as their child to destroy that. They brought you into the world, they are obligated to pay for you and give you whatever you want.

In a private conversation tell them to give you money or you will report them for child molestation, sexual abuse etc.

if they aren't paying for you, what do you need them for?

Also OP, I think I may not be the only one curious here to find out but what line of work exactly did you do to accumlate such excess???

>>413410
I do all sorts of groundwork but mainly I install block paved driveways and patios. my partner and I each take anything between 50,000 and 85,000 a year and pay one or two labourers about £90 a day as and when they're needed (mainly dole receivers looking for a quick buck).

>>413420
To add as well. It took me about a year and a half to learn the ins and outs of the trade under another company before I bought a van and started working for myself.

Launder it.

>>413423
>>413420
so you're money was gained through hard work and saving. the only problem is taxes. find an accountant and a lawyer to solve this issue.

>>413420
>>413423
Ahh I had a feeling it was something along those lines. Thanks for letting us know.

>>411596
Buy goods for them, then sell the goods to other people through pay-pal.

>>412960
>>412960
In order to increase the drip feed rate, open multiple bank accounts with various banks (including building societies) as then you can deposit like £10k a month into each bank account and with 4 banks, you could deposit all the cash in 4 months.

>>411683
Buy things off craigslist and resell on ebay. Sure it would take a couple years, but think of the feedback ratings

I don't understand why he can't just do Bitcoin, isn't that pretty much perfect for this? He would have no problem finding sellers, and it (might) end up even gaining him cash.

>>415218
>actually gambling with 150000

>>415231

lol this, bitcoin could crash any day

>>415218
the problem is not buying - it's the selling. for this to work, BTC has to go up quite a bit so you can sell it off rapidly without losing much.
>>415164
yep because multiple accounts with small amounts aren't in any way suspicious. One bank rings the bell on 10k a month, you get inspected on all your accounts.
>>411596
OP, I was reading up and London came up as one of the best places among tax havens and bank secrecy. And you're from UK.

>>411772
If you are going to "fly" anywhere with 150k, you may as well go to a tax haven rather than a casino. The biggest risk in the scenario you are suggesting is taking aboard 150k in cash on a plane without being questioned at the airport.

0/10 for logic

How about buying things with cash, then sell them off on eBay - maybe at a loss to speed up the process? Can you still be hit this way?

>>411687
I know this is very old but HOW? Teach me your ways

My rent alone (and believe me it's the cheapest fucking dump I could find) is higher than my maintenance loan (my parents were above the threshold for extra money) and my parents don't give me jack shit therefore no money ever.

>depositing it in a bank
Dude it's £250 to set up an offshore company.

>>411596
buy gold, and put it in a bank safe(safety deposit box)

give the money to someone yo trust and have them deposit them in there accoount as a "gift" then have them give it back to you