/biz/ - Business & Finance

>>29677064
>What is the likelihood that I get fired for just showing up and not doing any work at all?
Pretty high. You need to create the illusion that you're working hard.
>If I do this and get paid, can they go after me for fraud or something?
No.

Also anyone know things I can do to avoid work while at work?

>>29677346
Reek like shit and no one will want to approach you.

>>29677282
Nice
I wonder how they would even know though
Perhaps maybe my lack of scanning any boxes, but on the other hand sometimes we help out other people and don't really scan boxes at all (though if you did this for an hour or more I think they'd think something might be up)

>>29677564
Kek

>>29677346
Find out ways to get other people to do the work and then take credit for it in an indirect way

>>29677564
Lmao this is a good idea
Although I'll admit it's kinda hard to smell anything in a big warehouse like that, I think I'd only have the managers yelling at me from a distance

>>29677346
Volunteer to do something no one else wants to do, but take your time doing it. E.g. offer to take out the trash, but take all day to do it.

>>29677064
When my job went into work-from-home mode during the scamdemic, this is exactly what I did. I would attend the daily morning meeting and then proceed to sleep all day. I did this for months until I felt guilty and resigned.

>>29677064
anon i had that job once ad you will get fired. Those factory jobs are not perma so that means you work as a temp.
>work 2-3 years.
>take 1 year vacation
>work 2 years
this is what i did and unless you waste your money every week you get paid you should have enough for 1 year rent, and then some for savings.

>analist for some SAP system
>work from home since march 2020
>barely get any work done, answer few mails and look busy in JIRA
>netflix entire day, play some vidya, workout and take a nap here and there
>i literally put the above activities in my calendar on private and marked as "busy"
>meeting now and then I get pulled in, I've no idea what they are about anymore, just say shit like "good idea, I'll have to align with you on that later" and "depends on the input of the stake holders, let me get back to you"
>did maybe actually one week total of actual work spread over the year, writing some requirements and changing some labels in a table
>performance discussion with my manager next week and have to get feedback from my colleagues
>they are all very positive and have nothing but good words
>on track for a 8.4% raise
>mfw

I'm NEVER going back to the office EVER again. Work from home is the future. I don't even know what my job is anymore or what my responsibilities are except "look busy". The shit I was doing in the office, was just complete bullshit to be honest. Meetings all the time and answering a shitload of emails after the meetings. NEVER going back.

>>29677064
you will be fired for stealing time. Warehouse manager fag here. you will be out the door before you know it. my entire job is firing people that do that. we know more then you think

Used to do janitorial work at a grocery store. The work took maybe 3 hours a day but every 20 minutes or so id go to the bathroom and sit for like 30 minutes. Never got caught in the three years I was there.

>>29677712
ah yes.
the woman approach
classic!

>>29677064
I did this, Anon. Long story short: about 2 hours.

>>29677064
when i worked at amazon, i would take the pup truck, get a cage full of pillows, go to the top of the ailes and lie down. You get a few warnings before you're fired. I was there 3 months and left with 1 warning left.

>>29677949
kek, based if you didn't resign

>>29679182
I feared that they were on to me so I had to do it.

Wagies. Fucking kek

Love being NEET

I got fired last Friday and it's not good staying and browsing 4chan all day expecting cryptos to moon is hell

>>29678538

my company is slowly collapsing and being completely retarded every step of the way, including telling people who are laid off different things at different times, possibly even opening themselves up to legal action.
Since I'm one of the people who will be laid off eventually, I've been doing the same thing. Clocking in, but doing fuck all.

I took a 3 hour nap on the clock the other week. My motivation is at a pretty low point but otherwise this is far superior to office bullshit.

>>29678538
You should take this as a sign of the times. You only still have a job because the gov dumped trillions of dollars into businesses and services. As youve found out first hand, that money has been completely squandered and provided no gains or further reinvestment in stable growth. Its going to be a hot summer.

Get a job as a security guard. Worked for 3 years at a hotel. Just jerk off and cook pizzas in the kitchen.
Was a night shift so i made friends with the front desk guy and we chilled heavy. I took patrols and went to a closet and napped. $11.5 an hour and i even did my school work lol

>>29678595
>warehouse manager
>then
IQ checks out

>>29677638
you have this saved on your phone?

>>29677064
I am a unionized factory worker and I go out of my way to not do work.

If your work is anything like mine the only requirement for keeping your job is to show up on time and clock in.

>>29679613

Same.

My only issue is getting severe cabin fever at this rate.

Strategy for warehouse laziness is to get a job that's away from the lines but where you have free access to anywhere e.g. old storage room AND you communicate with different teams so you can show your face once or twice a day with them, so if the boss is looking for you, everyone they ask will say "Yeah he's around somewhere, saw him not long ago." Never miss catch up meetings either and really embellish what you're doing.

Source: Worked in a warehouse, did 2 hours analytics in the morning, spent some time wandering around the warehouse looking for examples of stuff to recycle and then reporting back with bits of cardboard and metal. 75% of my day was spent chilling on these big foam sheets in a forgotten store room. I'd just lie there vaping and messing about on my phone. Got bored after six months of it though - but felt like half a year's paid holiday desu.

>>29677346
If it’s a really big place just walk around looking determined with something in your hand. I did this when I worked at a big dealership, just walked circles around the lot holding a lisence plate and everyone assumes your doing something

>>29681920

Yes absolutely - always carry a bunch of papers or notepad. People leave you alone then.

>>29677974
I know, it's part of my problem almost
I'm frugal to the point where I'd only really need to work like 14 weeks out of the year to pay all my expenses
Thus if I get overall more lazy, I fall back on just doing the bare minimum to pay bills and watching bitcoin go 2 moon, which means I call off for a week of "truck problems" every couple weeks and then have to work up the discipline to go back to work

The shame is that obviously when it's over I always realize I could've made way more money just working through it
But the urge to snoooooze is too strong

>>29681920
>just walked circles around the lot holding a lisence plate and everyone assumes your doing something
Lol

>>29679687
This.
So many people are blissfully unaware of what is coming. They think that because they live in the West that nothing bad can ever happen to them. That everything will remain stable enough for them to get paid and have their shitty little life.
The next few years are going to be fucking insane.

>>29677949
I do this, wake up at 06:30 send an email so it looks like I've been in since dawn, then go back to bed like the filthy snooze-pig that I am.

Wake up around 11, log back in and tell everyone on the internal chat how busy I am.

Rinse and repeat.

>>29679947
Lol that sounds alright

>>29679687
Dont care, work for the government lol.

>>29678871
If you're the only doing something no else wants to do/can do you can get away with fucking anything as long as you eventually do the work.

>>29677064
do you think 8h pass faster doing nothing in the toilet? just do your job or leave

>>29683437
Also a very good trick - MAKE YOURSELF INDESPENSIBLE.

I work hard day and night super early super late all the fucking time remodeling my own properties doing most everything myself to keep stimulated and I got a good laugh out of this

>few years ago
>come back from vacation
>dont have a new project assigned to me, so I basically have no manager
>show up to the office for 1-2 hours, or whenever my parking meter runs out. then go home
>dont show up at all most days
>do my time sheets every friday and get paid as usual
did this for about 3 months, never got caught

>>29677346
you work in a factory loading boxes
build a box fort, not taking the piss
wheres the place where you go the least to fetch stuff? there'll be a part of the factory with shit product that never shifts, doss about there, move shit about so you can literally hide in there
do a routine walk around the place, i mean really walk around the place
when your boss is like "hey anon why the fuck arent you over there where you should be doing whatever the fuck" just say all cool "oh yeah just gotta grab something from over there"
this funnily enough works best when its busiest, so when everyone is slaving hard and really busting their balls to get shit done, thats when you just sneak off, because theyre too busy to notice
i used to do this to such lengths i worked in a restaurant and would go to the bar over the road when it got super busy for a few drinks, walk around the block and return, no one ever noticed - in a factory its harder to leave obvs, so just walk about inside, finding the camera blind spots is a must, you want to know where to appear, and where not to be seen
good luck anon, tis a noble quest

>>29679468
Covid UI turned me into a NEET almost going into...a year now. Holy shit. I've been missing out. I'll have to get a job real soon though so I'm sad a thing like this is likely to never happen again

>>29681865
God damn i cant wait for a real pandemic

>>29680157
phone posters get the rope

>>29684072
Sounds like a lot of work to be lazy. Seems like itd just be easier to be productive and not feel like a piece of shit hiding in corners fearful of being caught. Fucking loser.

>>29677638
BRRAPPP

>>29677064
Have a buddy clock in for you at the job. That's what I did at my old job. Literally free money

during my old job I convinced all the workers to not work for an hour and chill in the back break room where there was no cameras. We made it look like we were gonna clean the entire factory.

Imma say it, I'm mad jelly of all the work from home people here. I'm an engineer wagie and have had to come in person to work during the entire pandemic even when the operators I manage caught covid and were out. All this for a measly 70k that is more like 50k after taxes.
My bonus was 4k on paper and only 2.8k after taxes. I'm expected to come in on weekends during trial runs and basically work a free hour every day since lunch is never free for me. I was in college for 7 years getting this advanced degree and am basically expected to run an entire plant because of my certifications.
My only hope is using this experience to become the official plant head and just do boring meetings all day while I shitpost.

>>29684603
no dumb ass
being lazy is easy, because its not doing something some anus told you to do, if you cant put even that effort into being lazy then you truly are an NPC wagie
i mean... how is building a box fort more effort than factory work? have you worked in a factory? pretty soul crushing
how is taking a walk around the block more effort than maintaining a facade of care whilst under massive amounts of stress? you are a pea brain for sure

>>29682981
Anon, you can set it up so the email gets sent at a specific time of your choosing so you don't need to get up at all

>>29677712
The easy way to take credit is to always say "we". We finished the report. We're making good progress and should meet the schedule. We've already completed that deliverable.

If you're black it won't be a problem. watch whitey work

>>29684971
I work from home and I actually work more hours than when I went to the office (since I had to catch the last train) and all that for only 14k per year. I hope they make workplace vaccination mandatory so that I'm release from my contract and can spend my day scalping shitcoins.

>>29684603
also
>fearful of being caught
well then, yes, you are obviously a faggot, so go and do gay things :)
if you get caught, you just pretend that you didnt get caught, it really isnt that hard
i got caught stealing out of a till once, and i just flat out denied it, said it was a tip and acted really offended
you forget that work fucking sucks for everyone, so just bug your boss to shit if youre in trouble, honestly theyll soon drop it if youre a sad offended retard who didnt know wtf they were doing and is really really really sorry etc

>>29685175
you want relevant, for the day, content in the email. it's a gravy train already, don't get greedy.

>>29677064
I used to work grocery night shift. I would come in, do all my shit in about 4 hours and then go home (lived 5 min away) and play vidya for another 4. Come back and clock out. There were no nighttime managers.

>>29682839
What's gonna happen then hotshot?

>>29677346
I play Hearthstone and browse 4channel.org/biz/

>>29685920
Niggers are gonna fuck and impregnate my wife while I watch. That's what.

>>29677949
I feel guilty at times as well. Not resigning though, kek

>>29681920
Based. If you look confident, are walking with a look of determination and something in your hands 99% chance on one bothers you.

>>29684072
>no one ever noticed
They noticed.

>>29677064
That pic fucking hit me
Im a construction engineer in home office, im in my early 20 and i still am in that phase where you are always tired.
Im barely able to get up and clock in in the morning, and then i go straight to bed again.
I wake up at 1 or so and then i have to do all the work i missed till 8.
Im kinda scared that my company will find out, also because when i wake up i cant talk or think, and often people call me on the phone while i sleep and i have to get up. I then talk like a retard, go back to sleep, wake up and dont even know that someone called me.

>>29677638
is her calf rotting?

>>29679026
let's hear the long story anon

>>29677064
I've never worked at a place that you have to clock in

>>29685920
Boomers lose 90% of their retirement, housing market collapses due to over leveraged Boomers counting on dividend income to pay their lifestyle. The usd hyperinflates, a ton of manufacturing companies go belly up, the economy grinds to halt and things like food, water and power become luxuries. Hard assets like PMs ammo, guns, water purification, diesel generators, and fuel become very valuable.

>>29681920
at my last job i literally spent a whole day cutting up boxes while listening to music and podcasts. and got back pats for it. it is monotonous tho. oh and pushing a broom around. except when the anal guy that doesn't like you shoos you away.

>>29677064
What happens if you join the morning meeting Zoom call then go back to bed

>>29677949

Literally me, I feel like a guilty piece of shit but honestly I can get the bare minimum needed for the week done in like an hour. The rest is just giving the illusion of productivity.

>>29686041


>>29686439
Bullshit, more likely the powers that be keep the show going and people continue to become more docile consoomers who question nothing on TV or social media and become good little corporate slaves as megacorps get bigger and bigger.

>>29684243
I've been on NEETbux for almost 10 years while also doing webdev and, more recently, investing on the side. I have no liabilities and 5 figures in savings/investments.

I'd rope before becoming a full-time wagie. Maybe part-time I would consider. Trying my best to avoid employment for a few more years so I can grow my investments more.

Just make up some illness and get disability or unemployment. Live below your means for a while. Grow your folio. I just couldn't ever stand the opportunity cost of waging it.

>>29686743
if they ask you something and you don't respond you're fucked

>>29686439
Imagine making macroeconomic forecasts based on some welder’s /pol/ post

>>29677064
>Work in a deli
>Go out back to do the fried foods
>Fry up a bunch of onion rings
>Put them out and then go stand in a corner and eat a fistful of the leftovers
>Do this for every single batch of food I make
>Then I just walk around the store and pretend I'm doing temps and pretend to fix up the shelves to make the products look more presentable
>Do nothing but call my boss a thirsty faggot that acts like a coked out slug
>Proceed to get recommended for a new position with better hours and a pay raise
You can get away with absolutely anything but sexual harassment as long as people like you.

>>29677064

Ive been working from home since march. In may i sold the work to some pajeet on a math forum for $5 an hour.

He remotely logs in for me and does my work...i make $20.

All you gotta do is sort invoices by priority so its not hard or particularly demanding.

>>29678871
>every 20 minutes for 30 minutes
you took breaks during your breaks?

>>29678538
I despise you and yet you have my respect

>>29687415

Wasn't this literally the basis for an Onion skit?

The Onion really is just future news.

>tfw small ecommerce office slave and I get pestered for work constantly

I just want to learn crypto fuck your amazon account nigga

>>29687415
kek. Based Chad outsourcing

Does any have the “nuhh” version of this?

>>29686327
>her

>>29687760
society has been caught in a downward spiral for decades now so yes.

>>29686439
stop, I can only get so erect

>>29687450
the jew fears the time-folding wagie

>>29677064
Don't you have a manager checking in on you? I worked at a factory and he'd swing by every so often. But most of the day I was napping

>>29686703
>tfw known at work as the Anal Guy

>>29677064
Former wagecuck here (suspended for physically assaulting a coworker, but its not looking good haha) and I can confirm that vast majority does the bare minimum and gets away with it. About 5% do most of the work (1% doing it and not being really annoying about it) while the bottom 10% literally dont do shit. Now the key is to be the 11th percentile if you really wanna costmaxx your employers without getting fired. Fun fact, in most cases its actually illegal to fire someone for being bad at their job, who knew
>>29677282
There was a senior wagecuck that had been with the company since i was in high school. Prior to that he worked for a different company (same industry) and got in major trouble for falsifying how much overtime he worked. They came after the money in that scenario, and he lost his fiance
>>29677346
Smoke breaks, bathroom breaks, pretend to care about your managers. Ranked best to worst
>>29677564
True, there was some satanist dude who smelled like fucking onion powder, however we were told to just put up with it

>>29687760
how far the Onion fell! so unfunny

>>29677064
Just find a way to enjoy it. Hopefully you have fun coworkers. I work 3rd shift in a food mfg plant with a bunch of bros and we talk crypto.

>>29689837
Hey guys, hoping to see you at Marty's birthday party tomorrow, we hired out a whole Chunk-e-cheese, there will be an open bar and karaoke.

He's done such a good job in such a short time, wow employee of the month 12 months running, least we could do is show our gratitude, I see big things ahead for you Marty. On day you're gonna be partner if you keep this up.

>>29690102
Lucky, I used to work a good job that I had bros at but that was a kitchen and paid $13.5 as opposed to $16.5 at my current one

>>29689837
Already take a 15 minute shit break every 4 hours

>>29689490
Kinda, they walk up and down the line but oftentimes you can be standing there acting like you were just doing something and are now waiting for stuff to come down the belt lol

>>29686950
I hear this all the time, "just get neetbux" how do you make up an accurate disability though
Sounds like a huge hassle and probably bad cause can people find that out about you later?
I'm so for accelerating the collapse of the dollar lol

Sometimes I leave solved tickets open and close them later during the day/week to look busy lol.