/biz/ - Business & Finance

>>29010450
poo poo pee pee poo peepee

YEAH DAVE I MESSED UP REAL BAD. I HAVE ABOUT 7 JETSKIS I FINANCED AND I MAKE ABOUT 30,000 A YEAR AND I DON'T LIVE WITHIN 500 MILES OF A BODY OF WATER. HOW DID I GET SO UNDERWATER ON MY DEBT?

>>29010450
Hi Dave, I took a $30000 loan to buy bitcoin last march and have 500k now, what do you think I should do. I am unemployed, have a 35k car loan, and 90k student debt.

>>29010450
Hey Dave, I bought 25 BTC for 100$ each and now I have 1.2 million, can I cash out? What do I do?

>>29010590
SELL FUNNY MONEY YOU CAN'T EVEN CASH OUT I BET. PAY. THE. DEBT. ALL OF IT. DON'T EAT DON'T SLEEP JUST PAY IT BACK

Ah Dave they got me with this thing called McDonaldsCoin, it wasn't even associated with actual McDonalds

>>29010590
>>29010666
SELL
NOW
IF YOU EVEN CAN

Hey Dave, I bought 1,000,000 BTC when they were $0.20 each. I forgot the password and I was locked out of the wallet for years but I finally found the piece of paper with access to them. What should I do with all these BTC?

>>29010590
>Look anon, you have to get yourself out of this situation. The first thing you need to do is sell all of that Bitcoin. You got lucky, but that stuff is worthless. Convert it to real money and you have to get rid of that debt asap. Fortunately you'll be able to do that. After that, you'll want to put away a minimum of 12 months into an emergency savings account. Sure interest rates are negative, but what if something happens? You'll need fast access to cash. Once that's is all taken care of you'll want to go buy a house for cash. It's the single best investment you can make.

David,
Can I do a put and a call at the same time on the same stock? and can I short a stock even if I own the underlying stock?

t. poorfag

>>29010867
>put and a call
it's called a debit spread
>can i short a stock
you can always short a stock, given the broker is willing to loan you money

>>29010806
CASH IT, KID. NOW.

>>29010828
>Sure interest rates are negative
Fucking lost it

Better than I deserve

I jerk off at least 2 times a day.
Not because I want to... don't get me wrong I want to, but I do it because I need to.

>>29010947
>how should I cash it Dave
>don't worry kid, I'll buy those worthless funny money coins off you for $1 each...

>>29010828
>>29010964

Actually not a bad idea desu in terms of real estate. That will reliably appreciate and desu 6 months is plenty. Crypto is a means to an end and that end is to be a real estate slumlord.

>>29011058
YGMI

When are /biz/realis going to call in with absurd but still grounded stories?

>>29011356
*In strong Indian accent*

"Hello Dave, good sir, how do you do?"
"Better than I deserve, who am I speaking to?"
"My name is Ranjeesh I am immigrant from India sir."
"Hello Ranjeesh, what are you calling about today."
"Well sir, I took out big very loan, I did needful and took out loan of three hundred thousand dollars and invested into one of the crypto currencies. It is called RUBIC, I was looking for needful moon mission but coin price went down by half since buying. Problem is if I sell I will not be able to pay loan back and bank will take my curry restaurant and house. So good sir, how should I make money to pay for loan while I wait for the RUBIC to do the needful moon mission?"

Hey Dave I took out a $30,000 personal loan to buy an erc20 token named after a food and now my whole investment is worth $23.47. What should I do?

>>29011550
Accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior.
t. Dave Ramsey

>he thinks he can cash out internet funny money
>he doesn't eat rice and beans every day
>he doesn't have 6 months' gross income (minimum) in an emergency fund
>he doesn't pay off debt using the snowball method
>he doesn't think slow and steady wins the race
Who here is Ramseypilled, and who here is ngmi?

HEY DAVE, wow first time caller here I'm a little nervous heh! Well, I've been following your advice and really paying down my debts and budgeting and even following your cooking advice!

However I have one little problem that, maybe I could ask you...ah well so really the problem is, I've been eating beans for dinner every night and
>bends over
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP
What should I do?

just applied for a $20k loan to trade crypto

>>29011639
Imagine actually taking anything anyone who goes bald says seriously. He could have afforded to take finasteride and get hair transplants, but he's mentally ill.

>>29010587
he would legit start fuming through his mouth

>>29011666
GET RID OF YOUR CAR NOW

Hey Dave. First time caller, long time listener. I make $29k a year & took out a $50k loan to buy GME at the height of the frenzy. I bought at $400. How do I start repaying this?

>>29011639
makes me legitimately angry.
how many lives is this motherfucker ruining?
fucking bastard.

>>29011639
>six months gross income as an emergency fund
What kind of retard would do that? All you really need is six months of expenses. If you're not a complete brainlet, your expenses should be less than half your gross income.

>>29012009
He's not ruining any lives. Anyone with a brain smooth enough to listen to this guy honestly needs the advice. They're retards, without Dave Cucksey they'd be homeless prostitute drug addicts.
>>29011930
Dave here, trust in the plan. I have a connection to Q, he tells me GME will hit $10k this month...

Hey Dave, I can’t believe I’m on the line with you, ahem, well I’ll cut right to it - I shorted BTC because you said this bubble is bound to pop soon and well, ha, get this, they’re loading my house up into a truck right now! I have nothing, they want my phone too so please fucking answer me!!! What on gods earth do I do now?

>>29010450
>Hi Dave, gay actor michael douglas here.

>>29012054
According to Dave even if you make $300k a year and have $1k monthly expenses you should have a $150k emergency fund because "reasons".

Sell it dude

>>29012077
guys like dave predate on young white men.
fuck dave.

>>29012178
>guys like dave predate on young white men.
No that's me, I predate on young white men and fuck their asses.

DAVE, I ate ALL my beans and rice.
Lost 40K, where'd I go wrong????

>>29012225
Sell everything, starting with your mouth. If your mouth doesn't make enough money use your asshole. If you have a girlfriend or wife start an OnlyFans.
Yours truly Rajeesh Ramsey

>>29010587
What is your income?

*Deep voice*
Hey Dave, I'm just going to get to the point, I'm a young woman in a man's body. Feminine presenting. I wanted to get my bottom surgery done so I could live my truth. The problem is, the surgery and hormones are going to come out to about 60k, and I just DO NOT have that kind of money, but I NEED this I'm just gonna freakin' die! Should I take out a loan for this? The government is going to forgive a lot of student loan debt soon here anyway right?

>>29012479
*burps*
Son you needfully needful to needfully do the needful.

>>29011207
It's going to appreciate whether or not you have a loan at 2.5%. if you can't understand this yngmi

Dave i have a problem, i spent all my money paying for my wifes sons car and he doesnt even respect me.

>>29012641
Well I'm going to have to ask you, is your son black? This is important. I want you to ask yourself what JESUS would do. Amen.

>>29010450
Hey Dave. I'd like to buy a house in Malibu this year. I'm 28 years old and I've never had a job. Also my girlfriend breeds salamanders for work. Our budget is $8.6million.

Oh how did we do it? heh, well-- I put all my stimulus money into dogecoin. Yeah-- I kn-- I know Dave. Yes, it's called dogecoin.

I'd like to know if I should pay cash or finance it. Also I'm trans btw if that matters.

>>29011226
I think about money when I do it.

>>29012894
sorry you're not diverse enough

>>29011736
Probably values his dick working more than some weird shit that grows on your head

>>29010450
Hi dave i'm cashing out $1,000 worth of ethereum a week that I'm conjuring from thin air with my gaming computer. I want to buy more gpus but they're sold out everywhere, should I drive for uber and get a part time job at Amazon instead?

>>29012077

>>29011531
>*In strong Indian accent*

>"Hello Dave, good s-
>"d-dave? hello?"

>>29012099
No refunds

>>29011639
Ramsey doesnt recommend six months gross income retard

>>29014061
>29011531
KeK!