/biz/ - Business & Finance

you implied that she had unprotected sexual intercourse with chad

>>22612876
>Talking to your coworkers
Yikes fucking normie

>>22612876
if it's "at will employment" (most jobs in US) you can be fired for anything except provable discrimination for age, sexual discrimination, race, religion, and some other protected classes.

>>22612876
In what context

>>22612876
what a mess, does the HR department really have to deal with school shit like this

>>22613087
Yes constantly at most workplaces

>>22613013
She was asking if anyone had a pen so then I said that. I was just joking around.

>>22612876
1. yes she has hpv
2. you really shouldn't bring up anything at work that isn't acceptable cooler talk, especially to a woman. Weather and sports is fine. Politics and sex is not.
3. what happens depends on how replaceable you are. If you have been there too long and are making too much money, you might also be shown the door if your job requires little to no training. You will likely be reprimanded or asked to go to sensitivity training though, not fired.

>>22613156
her "hey can i borrow a pen" you "do you have any stds?" explain the joke to me please anon

>>22613248
kek

>>22613248
How do you not get it. She said “does anyone have X ( a pen)” so I said “do YOU have Y (an STD”)”

>>22613156
HR is bullshit but seriously wtf was your thought process? I’d fire you just for throwing creepy vibes if I were boss desu. Don’t really blame her

>>22613156
idiot

>>22613300
You deserve to be fired for not knowing what jokes are

>>22613300
uhhh?

>>22613300
“Hey does anyone have X (a pen)”
“Do you have Y (a big black dildo in your desk drawer for those fat pussy lips, sugar tits)?”
Seriously that’s your logic, anon

>>22612876
Wagie problems kek.

>>22613300
jesus christ op you deserve what you have coming

>>22613300
Sounds like a totally normal, non-autistic joke. Imagine not getting it.

Yes they can.
You think it's the NSA? CIA? and other intelligence agencies? Well yes..but there is more, much more. This might sound crazy to you anon but these "nano" trackers are inside you right now. They are in the air you breath, the water you drink, every surface you touch, in every room you ever walked in. It permeates the whole globe. It picks up all your thoughts and even your feelings. It knows whether you were joking or not. So next time you get called to HR know that they know. And if they know then they know..and you know where this is going.

>>22613300
subscriber loss imminent

>>22613300
You got dubs, kid, but you ain’t got jokes.

>>22613300
I don’t believe you actually said that

>>22613300
Now this, THIS is funny shit
unfortunately not PlanetOP type-funny, but still

>>22613156
Lmfao based

>>22613300
Lmfao you obviously don't give a fuck about burning it all down.

>>22612876
>>22613156

Just blame your behavior on Covid stress. and that's a dumb joke, if you're really desperate for the job tell them about your autism.

i took my classmate out for lunch and paid for her meal because she had no money and i texted her that she owed me a lap dance but she never replied. am i going to be branded a rapist or something anytime soon?

>>22613856
If you're attractive, it was a chad move. If not, it was rapey af and all her friends now make jokes at your expense.

>>22612966
This

>>22613300
What the fuck kek

You're fucked.

I got written up for asking a female coworker if she wanted to go on break with me

>>22612876
fake but kek

>>22613300
Claim you're autistic and get her fired for discrimination

>>22613300
It's okay OP, one time a female coworker stated that she was so happy one day and for some reason I replied, "Why? You're still a virgin." I still don't know why I said that.

>>22612876
If you give her an STD you can tell HR you were right all along.

You’re done, sorry. Unless you have an indispensable skill, then you get just a warning, otherwise expect that on Monday your access code is not working and you get escorted to pack your things and bye.

>>22614315
A mixture of autism and being wrong. Well done.

>>22613156
wtf

>>22614315
Probably Tourette's.

>>22614173
Thats cause you wanted to put your p.p. in her vagene

>>22612876
Tell HR she forcefully rubbed up on your junk and you were concerned for your health

>>22613156

>>22613300
What country does this actually count as a joke?

Did any of the following happen?
>have a reputation for saying this type of stuff
>anyone else hear you
>she recorded you saying it

If none of the above happened, just say she's lying and it never happened. It will be your word against hers.

>>22612994
I still think it's strange political party association isn't a protected class, honestly.

>>22613300
Lmao did you actually fucking do this?

>>22612876
assuming this is not a larp, you are 100% getting fired. good job, anon. you autistic fuck.

>>22613300
Would'd laughed with you based anon, hope you make it. America is a weird country. Only place that has reached this heigh of clown world yet. Gl.

My Romanian coworker spends his lunch break outside smoking cigarettes in a squatting position, so as I was walking past I jokingly rolled a peice of bread towards him as if I was feeding a pigeon, he reported me for racism and they had to conduct an investigation and interview my colleagues, I almost lost my job

>>22615059
Romanians are real bitches, one romanian bitch in old job reported a colleague for sexual harrasment, luckily in the end it was her who lost the job. But they are seriously fucked, never mess with Romanians.

>>22614904
the goy opinion box is irrelevant.

>>22615279
I've worked with a few, they definitely seem to be a few decades behind. Another Romanian I worked with said he would physically beat his son if he was gay and kick him out the house

>>22613526
kek

>>22615341
Based.

>>22614904
It is in Canada but in practice you can get fired for saying anything even mildly controversial and the courts are never going to do anything about it.

>>22613765

I am a VP level manager. I 've unironically had a dumbass employee blame his cringefest attitude to autism.

He first blamed me for supposedly messing up with his immigration situation (complete lie).
Then he did damage control by saying he has autism. Yes he said "I am autistic", and claimed that some times he understands events differently than other people.

The he managed to break production services, which hadn't happened in years. Then he reported me to the CEO and COO and tried getting me fired, because I somehow am responsible that he logged in and took down production services at 8pm on a Friday. Yes he should never have such permissions to do such damage, and.. well he actually didn't. He convinced a buddy of his (another idiot whom I fired) to merge and deploy his cancerous code at 8pm on a Friday.

I fired the little shit for purposefully damaging company property, and still gave him 3 months to go find another employer (so that he doesn't lose his immigration benefits). Yes 3 months paid, out of the goodness of my heart so that he doesn't have to go back to his shithole country.
Which he was grateful for, but thanked somebody else that had nothing to do with it, and not you know... me, who made that happen.

Fucking autists man. Never hire an autist. Never hire a fucking autist. I don't care about discrimination laws, autistic shits will set fire to everything you 've worked hard for.

-------
OP. Stop being a fucking loser. Here's a life hack. It takes effort to say and do the wrong thing. Spend less effort, and you will be a better person.

>>22615490
>Not getting him deported
You should kill yourself

>>22615490
>not realizing OP is a shitpost
>"Fucking autists man"
Top kek.

>>22615490
Should have got the bastard sent back to his home.

lmfao this fucking thread

>>22613459
This

>>22612876
My wife is a HR manager fren, she said it will most likely be a slap on the wrists nothing serious. It won't even be worth investigating.

Don't talk to women in the workplace if it's not work related OP... This isn't the 00's

>>22615059
>>22615279
Romanians are CUNTS>>22615279

>>22615490
Youre the dumb fuck for believing hes autistic. Thats just pajeet, you retard

>>22614255
Based check

>>22613493
*unzips*
Go on...

>>22613300
Oh wait, I get it
it's like:
>Why did the priest run across the street?
>It was Tuesday

I once rode out an administrative "bout to get fired" meeting with the boss & manager because I had been reported for melting plastic forks in the deep fryer.

Just channel Donald Trump. This is your reality vs. their reality.

Their reality:
>Suzie creamcheese says you asked if she had an STD.

Your reality:
>You asked if she had an STD because you strongly suspect you could be allergic to HPV which has high prevalence and you thought you noticed a boil of some kind of her lip a few weeks ago and said nothing but then she wanted to a pen which you, in that split second, had to decide if you wanted to ask for it back, in which case, if she did have an std, and its the case that people frequently put pens in their mouths quite unconsciously, that you would give her a pen you didn't want back, which you would have to search for, since the only pen you had was one you wanted to get back, so you would have to look for a pen which you could give her that you didn't want back. A typical train of thought a person, like yourself, who is a mild germophobe, would innocently ask, and being innocent, might offend, but certainly did not mean to. Etc.

>>22617244
checked and solid plan